Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lil_lina1475 on 2024-01-23 21:20:33+00:00.

(f28)(m28) so after me and my fiancee had sex I noticed his phone screen was unlocked and there was a sexual picture of a random female on his phone.. I noticed a few times during sex he was on his phone and whenever I would look at him he would immediately try to hide it... When I confronted him about the picture today he said he had no idea how it got there... It just shatters my heart that he's looking at sexual pictures of random females while having sex with me... It makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive anymore but when I ask him and for him to be honest he tells me I'm beautiful... He also has more sexual photos of random females than he does of me and our son...

TL;DR: my fiancee looks at sexual photos of random females while having sex with me but denies it.. Advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fickle_Statement_907 on 2024-01-23 17:27:58+00:00.

I (M23) have been together with my girlfriend (F22) for about 4 years.

Recently we went out on a date. While we were waiting for the food I told her about the last night when I went out with the boys. Everything seemed good, the vibe was good, but then I told her that I didn't use her favourite parfume as the sweather I wore still had the scent from the last parfume (Stronger with you) as I also wore it when I went out a few days before. She then told me "haha I knew it that you didn't wash yourself". I was shocked, she said it was just a joke.

The vibe became not so good as we both sat in silence. I asked her how was her day, she murmured something, then we went back to akward silence. It seemed like she was ready to cry (and even shed some tears) and asked why I was mad. I said I was not mad, I was just a bit sad as I just did not expect such a comment. She said that I will blame her for ruining the night, I assured her I would say nothing like that. After that I could see on her phone that she was looking for an Uber and sent me the money for the date. (I intented to pay all of it and she knew)

I told the waiter that we will take the food home and after we went outside she asked what do I want her to do. I asked what does she want to do as I did not say anything like she ruined the night or raised my voice or anything and that it was her idea to look for an Uber and go home. Eventually we went at my home and got over it but the truth is I was very full of negative emotions after that failed dinner, I just did not let any of my emotions go out as I felt it would just prolong that shitty situation, but after that she told me that I was not communicative enough.

Is this normal? If yes, how should I have reacted to the whole situation? It feels like she will get mad because I get mad if I would be mad at her.

tl;dr - we go out on a date, she jokes how I don't wash, I feel bad but don't really express myself after, is this how relationship work?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DullSeaworthiness868 on 2024-01-23 16:41:35+00:00.

The title is basically the jist of it. He’s 20, I am 22(F). Some backstory…I have actively been avoiding the dating scene, and haven’t seriously considered a boyfriend until recently. I told myself I didn’t want to date unless I really get along well with a guy. This guy is so, sooo sweet. I’m just so hung up over the age gap. He’s not even legal drinking age yet(not that it matters, I don’t drink). He’s also younger than my sister by a few months. My friend expressed concern about it because she thinks “I am 22 going on 28”, mentally. This is because I do not drink, party, smoke, and am actively focused on my career. But physically, I look really young, I still get carded to buy lottery tickets. I am also shorter than the guy. Basically…he looks older than me. So when I figured out his age I was crushed, and I have been trying to block my feelings ever since.

I don’t know, I just feel like a weirdo for even CONSIDERING dating a guy born 2 years and 1 month after me. Is it that big of a deal?

TLDR; Is it weird to date a guy 2 years younger than me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/only_here_for_manga on 2024-01-23 16:38:39+00:00.

Tl;dr

My bestie Gabby (21F) is engaged to her fiancé Aaron (21M). Aaron is extremely egotistical, thinks he’s the smartest person in any room. He believes he’s capable of anything and everything. He can be extremely condescending and often treats people like they’re dumb. He is weaponized incompetence in a nutshell. He’s not allowed to do the dishes because “he puts them away dirty”, among many other things. Lastly, he’s kind of a loser. He plays video games 6 hours a day every day, and works 25 hours a week at a grocery store, and that’s it. He’s apparently joining the military in April but is not training or working out in any way, and has outright stated he doesn’t have to because “it’s air force so it’ll be easy”. Man’s could barely complete a 5 mile hike and had to lay down for an hour afterwards. Should I say something to my friend?

Long version: Hi. I’ve been sitting on this since Christmas, have talked about it to death with my friends, family, and therapist, and I am still feeling unsure what to do. This is kind of a last ditch effort for me. This might be a bit long.

For context: I (21F) have been friends with my bestie, Gabby (21F), since middle school. I love her to death. She started dating her now fiancé Aaron (21M) sophomore year of high school. I knew Aaron in high school and never liked him. They got engaged Christmas day 2023 (I know). He proposed by hiding the ring underneath his gaming chair.

So one of my problems with Aaron is that he is the single most egotistical person I have ever met. Like, it’s bad. He carries himself like he’s the smartest person in any room at any given time. He will make claims, condescend you if you try to say he’s wrong, and if he is wrong, he either doubles down or says something to the effect of “that’s not what i meant”. For example, we (Gabby, Aaron, and my bf) all went camping in October. While hiking, Aaron was complaining about mosquitos basically the whole time. The trail went across a road, and when we got to the other side of the road, Aaron said “finally, there’s no mosquito’s over here”. We were all like “there are though?” and he then goes on to inform us that actually mosquitos only live on the other side of the road because there’s a bog, but they don’t live on this side of the road because it’s a swamp. Only the birds live on this side of the road, and they travel across the road to eat mosquitos. Yes. This is a real thing he said. He and my bf argued about it until we finished the trail (so like. 2 miles?) and then Aaron pouted the rest of the night.

Another issue I have with him is he is completely useless. Weaponized incompetence in a nutshell. One time after a small dinner, me, Gabby, and my bf were cleaning up. Gabby asks Aaron “can you help clean?” and he says “Yeah just let me know what you want me to do” to which she says “Um. Clean?” He then proceeds to throw his hands in the air, say “I don’t know what you want me to do”, and then he goes and sits on the couch while the rest of us clean. This isn’t the first time he’s done something similar. Another time, his cat threw up at his feet while he was gaming. He looks at Gabby and says in an irritated tone “Um Gabby can you help me out here???” And she does. She cleans it for him. Gabby also told me she doesn’t let him do the dishes because “he puts them away dirty”. So. Yeah.

And finally, my last issue with him is he is kind of a loser. They live in the finished basement of Gabby’s grandma. He spends, in his own words, 6 hours a day every day playing video games. Other than that, he works about 25 hours a week at a grocery store. No school or anything. He’s apparently joining the military in April, boot camp date set, but he isn’t training or preparing in any way. He believes he will be able to just show up as he is now and breeze through boot camp. The man drinks 4 sodas a day (he claims) and eats like shit. Doesn’t work out or really even move around. The 5ish mile hike we did while camping was a struggle for him. He’s gonna have a bad time.

My struggle right now is if I should say something to my friend about how I’m feeling. I don’t really think she quite realizes the situation (she has problems with dissociating and people pleasing. also autistic). There is also a chance she does, and she’s just decided she’s happy, somehow. I don’t know. But to me, her marrying this guy would be the biggest mistake of her life. She deserves leagues above him. This feels urgent because she said they may get married before he goes to boot camp so she can get benefits. I’m not convinced he’ll even be able to graduate boot camp.

Anyways. If anyone has any advice I’d greatly appreciate it. This is causing me a lot of stress and taking up a lot of headspace. Thanks in advance.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/olympia07 on 2024-01-23 09:35:20+00:00.

My bf and I have quite an age gap. I am almost in my 30s and he is already nearing his 40s. We have been together for almost a year.

I grew up in a family that barely celebrates occasions. Birthdays are just celebrated by simple dinners and New Year’s/Christmas days are spent just eating lunch with a few relatives (although my parents would buy us gifts all the time). I used to envy those who spent the holidays either traveling or playing games on family reunions. Because of this, I promised myself that I would be a fun mom to my future family. Sadly, my current boyfriend hates celebrating.

I spent weeks planning a surprise for his birthday but he didn’t do anything for me on mine. He just went with me on a staycation which I planned on my own. No gifts, no anything. Valentines is coming up and I have been expressing my love for flowers as a hint and I think he got it so he immediately told me that he doesn’t really like giving flowers.

He would surprise me on random days with cakes, pastries, a random iPhone (bcos my phone broke and have been using his spare phone since). But just not on special days. Should I just be contented with this? I honestly just feel sad about the situation. I just don’t get excited on occasions like I used to because I know I can expect nothing from him.

Please help. This has been bothering me for weeks.

Tl;dr: My bf doesn’t like celebrating birthdays/holidays but compromises by giving me gifts on random days. Should I just be contented or leave???

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwawry0415 on 2024-01-23 09:18:39+00:00.

I (29ftm) reconnected with my 5th grade crush (29m) on grindr last year. (My partner, 29m, is aware of this). we hadn't seen each other in nearly twenty years because he moved away after we graduated from elementary school. neither of us realized who we were until we chatted about our backgrounds and I found out his name. after confirming that we had the same fifth grade teacher, I "outed" myself as the girl he knew in 5th grade and we were both surprised and amused, so we exchanged numbers and texted for a couple months on and off until we eventually stopped. six months later, he texted me out of the blue and when I asked what prompted him after so long, he said he saw me on grindr again and had thought about our conversations. I asked him to meet me in person as friends to take any expectations or pressure off, mainly because we didn't "know" each other and I don't think it's fair for anyone to be compared to their past self, let alone versions of themselves from nearly two decades ago, and genuinely wanted to be his friend. He agreed, so we met over coffee.

I could have sat there all night and listened to him if he didn't have to drive home. He's handsome, tall (last time I saw him I was the tallest kid in our class, so I towered over him---now he towers over everyone else), and just as smart, kind, and curious about the world as he was when we were kids. My home life wasn't great (abusive dad and father figures) and I was bullied by girls in elementary and middle school, so even in my happiest moments I always felt burdened by having to fight for myself, or by having to ignore bullies, which tends to be what I primarily remember from my childhood. But as an adult with self-autonomy and a past I've mostly healed from, in his presence I genuinely felt the safety and joy that a kid with a stable, loving home and social life might experience. We agreed to meet again soon, and I thanked him for going out of his way to catch up with me.

Before meeting up, I didn't think anything about him being my 5th grade crush beyond "haha, how funny, I'm gonna tell my friends [bf included] about this" and use it as standup or comedy material (I write and am currently studying animation). Now I'm sitting here, unable to stop thinking about him, and feeling a tightness in my stomach, chest, and throat knowing I can never "go there" with him, even as a friends with benefits, because I know I'd go head over heels for him. He's my type and what I'd consider an absolute "catch". I don't even know if he's attracted to trans men, let alone me in any way, and I have a rule for myself where I don't approach cis gay men because I don't want to make them uncomfortable or risk rejection for not being cisgender. I want to be his friend because I enjoy his company and think he would be a positive influence on my life, but I don't know if it would even be possible for me if I'm feeling like this. I also don't want to creep him out by telling him how I'm feeling, and made sure to not flirt or mention I ever had a crush on him at all, because I just wanted to be friends and thought bringing any of that up would be weird.

We're both in long-term relationships with men. My partner, who has cancer, and I are completely devoted to each other, and I can't stand the thought of ever leaving him, especially as his caretaker. I want to see it through to the bitter end. But we're unable to physically connect the way we used to since he's started chemo again, as fluids carry chemo that can transfer to your partner, and despite my loyalty, I am extremely lonely, touch-starved, and understimulated from having to tend to his every need, which is usually the case whether he's on chemo or not. I can't have the same in-depth, passionate discussions because we're so focused on his survival and health that. I've had to take him to the ER seven times since November and every time we've had to face mortality. We're both exhausted, and I don't know how ready I am to deal with what looks like an inevitable early death. By the looks of it I have a feeling it's going to turn into a terminal illness.

Being strong for my partner 24/7 is taking a toll on me, and I'm starting to wonder if I'm strong enough to survive the grieving period alone. Visiting with a childhood friend brought me back to a version of myself I didn't think could have still existed. Part of me regrets ever meeting up with him because it has challenged my views of what I've long considered to be a blissful relationship. I feel incredibly guilty for feeling this way.

Idk where to go from here. Should I cut ties with my former (I guess now current) crush, or should I just swallow it and keep my distance to see if the feelings wear off and I can build a friendship? How do I approach the issues I'm facing with my partner without making him feel unlovable or inadequate for having an illness? If you're a caregiver to a spouse, have you ever had feelings for someone else come up and if so, how did you handle it?

TL;DR meeting up with my 5th grade crush ended up throwing a wrench into how I'm feeling about my current relationship and my role in it, and I don't know how to go forward with newfound knowledge about myself.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway358111 on 2024-01-23 07:52:25+00:00.

Me and my girlfriend's relationship has been short but very rocky in general. She knows I don't trust her because I've pointed out her lying before and told her I didn't. Now she has been feeling really guilty lately and talked with me and told me that in the past she had compared me to one of her exes putting them in a positive light. I was upset at her and asked if there's anything else like that I should know about because in the past she's gotten mad at me for commenting on a past relationship when she is the one who brought it up, and this has happened multiple times. she said "Why would you ask me that?" in an offended voice then i said i asked her because she hid this from me so why wouldnt she have other stuff to say (when she compared me to him she went silent and i was asking what was wrong and she wasnt saying anything about it, this was a couple weeks ago)

after some silence she brought up that she told her last boyfriend (different person) that she only wanted to take a break from their relationship, and that was about 2 weeks before i started talking to her. a couple weeks ago we had an argument where i said something along the lines of "well why wouldnt you want to just go back to him now, whats different this time" and she didnt tell me that she told him she wanted to just take a break and get back together in the future, she just said that she really doesnt want to be with him and would never go back but didnt give a reason why its different this time (they had broken up and gotten back together 4 times). i pointed out that she tried sounding offended about me asking if there was anything else and she said she was saying it as a "wow you read my mind" type of way, but later she had the same offended tone and didnt try defending it when i pointed it out

we argued about that and then maybe 5-10 minutes of silence passed by again and she told me that she cried when she threw away pictures of her last ex. she also said she was initially going to ask me then ask her mom if she should throw them away. i was angry because there shouldnt be any reason to cry over it and it shouldve been something that she had done by herself when we agreed to be in a serious relationship and especially when we asked each other to delete all old pictures of eachothers exes and she scrolled through my pictures to find like 2 from months ago, but she waited a month to do it and changed her story from the pictures being in an old baggy she found and didnt know she had to her at first thinking about keeping the pictures for a photo album in the future or for if she "needed them" in the future. about 2 weeks ago i also found out that she still had 50+ photos on her phone of him that she hadnt deleted yet. some explicit pictures were also deleted less than a month before that. i dropped her off at home after she said she thought of keeping the pictures for a photo album and i havent texted her since

she also has basically never trusted me about going back to my past relationships despite me never doing anything to show i wanted to go back to them and me showing her all the messages she asked for and deleting/blocking their numbers. i also never went back to someone like she did 4 times. when i first told her i didnt trust her i also brought it up that it felt like projecting that she always thought i wanted to go back to my past relationships, or look at/be with other women, and this is before i knew she went back to her ex 4 times before that she was talking to just weeks before me that she told she wanted to be with in the future. when i said it felt like projection she just dismissed it and said not everything is projection, but thats the only time i had ever said something she did or said felt like it

now shes been texting me sorry and that she loves me saying she wants to fix things. i like her but is it just time to break up? can this relationship be saved at all?

TLDR: my gf claims to not have any emotional attachment to her ex despite contemplating keeping physical pictures of them and crying when she threw them away. she never told me about this for 2 months and she kept other things hidden from me too. should i break up with her now?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful_Chip5555 on 2024-01-22 23:56:22+00:00.

Me F [19] and my bf of a year [23] love watching anime. At the start of our relationship i didn't have a problem with him watching harem/eechi anime even i watched harem/ecchi anime. But now the past few months ive been feeling insecure and when he watches harem and eechi animes with those perfect male-glaze women with perfectly shaped big boobs and pretty faces i just feel like comparing myself to them and feel like he would chose them anytime before me.

I know its toxic and wrong to be insecure especially cause of a fictional character, but i feel like crying every time i hear he watches an anime like high school of DxD or prison life shimoneta etc it just makes me feel sick to my stomach. I dont know how to tell him this cause i know he likes this type of anime and i dont want him to be sad when i tell him im insecure. And i feel sad cause he always takes hours to reply.

He says he just watches the anime for the plot and doesn't pay attention to the female characters even though how can u not pay attention to them when half the screen time is just their boobs like in the anime high school of the dead. I just dont want him to stop watching something he loves but it makes me feel sad when he watches it. What should i do? And i know im being toxic i just want to hear someone else's opinion. Thanks. Should i talk to him about it?

TL;DR boyfriend watches ecchi and i can't help comparing myself to the female characters

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MelbaSmith87 on 2024-01-23 16:45:04+00:00.

I would like some opinions on this manner. My husband (38 M) and I (36 F) have been married for 7 years and have two children, a 4 year-old daughter and a 2 year-old son. Meanwhile, I really have no complaints over my marriage, this thing still lingers in my mind from time to time. I want to forget it but can't. I never got the romantic proposal I've always dreamt about since childhood. Sometimes I can't help it but think I've forced it on him, that I made him feel he had no choice.Prior to getting married, we were living together for nearly 8 years. I was 20 when I met him and he was 22. I was getting tired of waiting too long, his failed promises and excuses to continue extending the timeframe. I walked away one day and the next month, he came knocking on my door apologizing for everything, promising he would be the man I always wanted and proposed. I was still depressed that it took a break-up to get it but I still said yes. I was both happy but hurt at the same time. I think we should've gone for counseling but we never did. I forgave him too fast and we sped up with the wedding.

TLDR:

My huband (38 M) has changed for the better over the years and really did kept to his words. But that small feeling that it took a break-up for him to marry me (36 F), that it wasn't a romantic proposal (the one where the man surprises her) and he likely wouldn't have proposed if I didn't break up still bothers me till this day. Or should I just let it go and forget about it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Successful_Chip5555 on 2024-01-23 16:30:34+00:00.

Original Title: Me [19F] with my bf [23M] of a year, he looks at other women online and seems sorry about it but when i caught him he lies about it and says he doesn't know why he does it

tl;dr: uses autism as an excuse to look at other women online

My bf made an alt acc on twitter and has been liking and following/reposting OF girls/IG models/naked women on twitter. I found about his alt account when i walked on him talking with his friends with Twitter tab open. I saw his user and it wasn't the one i know. It was an alt account. When he saw me walk in the room he alt-tapped.

I searched his account and i saw who he follows and what he reposts and likes. I talked to him about it and he really was sorry by his words (he doesn't want me to look at guys so i expect him not to look at girls) Of course i forgave him cause that's something small.(at the start he lied and said it wasnt his account but after a while he said he lied which i knew)

After a while i saw him going through girls pages on tiktok (some girl who's content was basically her ass) of course he said he was likes the way they dance and their "'clothes" we had an argument and then he said that i was right and he lied. We got through that and i forgave him again.

He said he doesn't know why he looks at them and that he doesn't even find them attractive etc. then he even blamed his autism. He said he does not know why he looks at them he just "does" he was really sorry or at least he apologised.

TL;DR: uses autism as an excuse to look at other women online

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Important-Bag-6722 on 2024-01-23 16:00:55+00:00.

In senior year, we planned to go on a trip to a amusement park. I asked how we were going to travel. My BFF said that she "had it handled". I thought she was going to have her mom take us. She didn't because she got in a argument with her mom. So she called uber.

After she left for college, she asked me to pay $100 for the trip. I didn't feel comfortable b/c the lack of coherency when planning.

I was frustrated with being pressured to pay for the uber. I texted "already paid. I sent it to your mailbox before you left. Here is the text message proving it:" I then sent a screenshot of fake messages between me and Gina. It ends with Gina saying, "Thanks for putting it in my mailbox!"

The moment I sent it, I felt horrible. Honestly, this was one of the most shameful things I have ever done, to a friend that always treated me well.

For a week or two, I would text "Hey" to no avail.

I told myself I should apologize. But I didn't feel comfortable apologizing when I wasn't a changed person. I decided I would reconnect when I matured.

3 years later, she still hasn't texted me. With my current friends, I have never allowed them to cover or gift me. When I walk home during winter time from work(30 min), I decline them driving me b/c I don't want the feeling of owing someone.

I want to reach out to my long lost BFF of 10 years, but I am no longer interested in rekindling our relationship. I broke a breach of trust by lying, and she would never trust me again. Our friendship will never be the same. So, I just want to give her her 2x her money back and leave. I reached out to her and a few of her friends recently to no avail. I don't know if she changed her number.

I think I'm just going to leave her be. Any thoughts on this?

Tl;dr. I did something horrible to my friend. Is the right thing to do is ignore this instance?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/tangerinegirlmeow on 2024-01-23 15:39:33+00:00.

I (29F) have the USPS preview emails where it shows a scanned previewed image of the pieces of mail we are supposed to get that day. I checked my email this morning and I see there is a piece of mail coming from a former friend of my fiancées (30M) from a prison address (I googled it) he had told me about this woman before, as he used to know her when he lived in the state where the prison is, but other than telling me she was bad news with tons of kids, I know nothing else

Where it gets suspect IMO is that he would sometimes receive random phone calls with the area code and location mark of the state where this girl lives. Up until recently - a week ago he got a call from a random phone number.

The other day we were laying in bed on our phones and I saw he had a “JPay” app on his phone. I didn’t bring it up bc I trust him but now this letter is setting off alarm bells. He hasn’t been acting weird or off but i feel like he’s hiding something.

If he wanted to be friends and contact this person or be a support while she’s in prison he could just let me know. I wouldn’t love it but he’s a grown man and can do what he wants, it would just make me feel better if he was open and honest about it.

but the fact that’s it’s been sneaky makes me think there’s something else going on.

How should I bring this up? I should get the mail before he gets home from work today but if he doesn’t I have the email of the scanned piece. Part of me wants to see if he brings it up himself or if he tries to hide this but I don’t wanna play games or make this worse

Advice?

TL:DR My (29F) fiancée (30M) has received a letter from a woman he knows who is in prison - I see I before he did. What should I do?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/senorderpenstein on 2024-01-23 15:35:43+00:00.

Alright, so my wife's (31 female) sisters new boyfriend just sent out a message to her whole family that he is planning a surprise party for her and wants everyone to attend. He already has a date set and told everyone to clear their schedules. However, the date is the night of a concert. I've (39 year old male) already bought tickets for my wife and I to see my favorite band (who she also loves), and my close friend is likely going to be attending with us traveling from across the country and we will be meeting his significant other for the first time (kind of a big deal as he's never had one that he's shared, and is an almost 40 year old male now, he's one of the only close friends from HS and college that I still regularly keep in contact with)

She's telling me that it shouldn't be a big deal for her to go to her sister's party and I can find someone else for the ticket, making me feel completely pushed aside. She's confused that I feel that way. Just looking for feedback from people who are outside of the situation so I can get an idea if my feelings are valid or if I should just back off.

TL:DR, under what circumstances is it okay to cancel plans already made with your significant other?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CroissantLizard on 2024-01-23 14:24:26+00:00.

I (24F) have graduated last year, on a gap year and planning to do my postgraduates next year. I only have a driving license back home. I wanted to get one here but for multiple reasons, right now I can’t get a car.

My boyfriend (24M) didn’t go to Uni and has been working full time since 18, so he managed to get a car last year. At first he used to take me places and even offer to do it. Ever since we moved in together, he’s been refusing even taking me to do the weekly grocery shopping. I do the shopping for 3 people household and it’s heavy. Whenever we go somewhere he refuses to drive and tell me to book an Uber (I always pay for the Uber eventhough it’s for both of us). Sometimes it’s understandable due to parking but sometimes that’s not even the issue.

Now I financially help him a lot, the groceries are mostly paid by me. I lent him money whenever he needed and frankly never asked for it back. I do most of the house chores even his laundry. I always paid for parking when he took me places. To me personally driving is such low effort??

Today I got super ill and asked if he could grab me some food and warm drink after work and that I’d pay him back. He said yes at first but then said he was tired and I should get delivery. For him it would’ve been a drive thru, but a delivery not only costs more, but I have to go downstairs to collect it, and meet the driver looking like an absolute mess. Obviously it’s a favour and I can’t be upset, but i can’t help but feel really hurt that he wouldn’t help me with the one thing he can do that I can’t do, especially with everything I do for him.

Tl;dr: my boyfriend has a car and I don’t. I contribute a lot to the relationship financially and house labour, but he rarely ever drives me anywhere even if it’s for both our benefit.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/rafflekicks on 2024-01-23 08:22:29+00:00.

Unfortunately I feel like I am putting more effort in than she is. She comes from a 4 year relationship with someone who never took her on dates, sold drugs, and had no interest in school or education. I was the first guy to ever take her on an actual date.

A little about me, I’m 6’6, fairly and humbly handsome, actively in the gym, educated (finance degree), a gentlemen, and treat her like a princess.

The start of our relationship consisted of her being unavailable to hangout. Only able to hangout once a week on her time and I never denied her, she would deny me over me asking “let me swing by your apartment and bring you food and flowers real quick”.

I mean I can’t make this up, I have to end what could’ve been such a good relationship over this. It seems like she is NOW reversing and doing much more for me but I can’t stand to stay in this knowing beforehand she put little to no effort while I was all in. I know I deserve better. This is an anonymous app so I’ll even sit here and say my ex treated me better, even though we ended because we were toxic.

I just don’t get it, now she wants to put in all this energy once I’m ready to clock out and keep it pushin’. Just sucks, any and all advice is appreciated …

TLDR: gf put no effort in the beginning, now she is, but my mind is set on leaving already. Is there any other way to handle this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ano_limok on 2024-01-23 14:06:56+00:00.

Hello People,

I’m in a situation and unsure if I handled it correctly. I’ve been with my girlfriend (27f) for about 8 months. She loves her job, even though it doesn’t pay well.

I can go to her place, she cooks for me, and I do my laundry there. It’s a 30-minute drive from my work. Alternatively, I can cook, sleep, and do laundry at my work apartment. On weekends, I stay at my mom’s house. My girlfriend she never asks for money, but I always offer to cover gas, food, and other expenses, dining out, movies, doing day trip or fun stuff. ( i pay them aswell) but when i sleep at her house. I use the water/toilet bed etc, but i dont live there.

Currently, I’m in training, so I don’t have my own place. I stay at my mom’s on weekends to save money. I believe she’s the one I’ll marry. Recently, she faced financial struggles due to a salary adjustment with tax and car issues. She asked for help, and I offered 430 euros for the car repair, suggesting she could pay me back later.

I sent her the money, and the next day, she mentioned selling her extra phone for a profit. I jokingly suggested she could pay me back faster with that money. She seemed surprised and got upset when I confirmed I wanted the money back in installments.

I’m uncertain if I’m wrong for not giving her the money as a gift. I live at my mom’s to save for the future, and I’m worried she might think I can easily spare the money. Am I being unreasonable?

TD;LR Loaned money to girlfriend she thought it was a gift. But i never said that. Bcs she thinks we are a team and we are. But 430 u can buy alot for.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Biglifebump on 2024-01-23 13:34:42+00:00.

This may be awfully long and confusing.

Im 26 female and I have neurofibromatosis type 1.

Its a rare progressive (Worse with age) genetic disorder that causes mostly non-cancerous tumors to grow anywhere in my body. Ive known since I was 4. I would suggest googling the condition to understand the physical aspect of it.

I have a mostly 'mild case' in terms of the disease, but for the average person, the things I have sound terrifying. Im happy to elaborate on my exact symptoms if people care to know.

Growing up , the condition never really affected me, often I forgot I had it. I went to university despite the condition being associated wth learning difficulties. Looking at me with clothes on, you wouldnt know i have it and I have no pain or 'major' problems with my tumors, at least not yet. Im one of the lucky ones. I do have some issues though, and every pain or ache I get scares me.

Generally speaking, the scariest complications of NF1 are increased risk of brain cancer, breast cancer, stroke and a type of sarcoma cancer called MPNST- and there are other things that can go wrong too. Alot of people are in constant pain and have other strange things that are not well understood - in general its a condition thats not really understood. Obviously, because its genetic too - anyone with it has a 50/50 chance of passing it onto any children if they dont take the IVF or CVS (Pre-natal testing than abortion) route, too. Some people with NF1 have major complications and others do not, although from my experience this condition causes suffering to all who live with it. Life expectancy is described as 8 -15 years less than the average in some papers, in other its described as 'normal'.

Im a spontaneous mutation, which means the genetic mutation happened at my conception, so no one else in my family has it or passed it on to me. My parents ignored the problems it caused I had growing up, and looking back, I was left to dealt with them alone - they buried their heads in the sand and tbh i think im subconsciously ashamed to have this condition. Ive battled depression and anxiety for over 10 years and I was physically and verbally bullied in school because of my small frame and lack of coordination etc. I feel so alone because i never met anyone in my life thats female and young with this condition.

Under 2 years ago, I entered into my first relationship with the sweetest guy and this what my post is about today. Im struggling to deal with my own thoughts and anxieties around my condition and my future with him, as much as i love him. I told him about my condition one month in and he still accepted me. I dont understand it, and often it feels surreal and that nothing good can come of this, because Im so utterly used to disappointment and being burned.

Im afraid of hurting him, Im afraid of making him miserable with how much I feel down and my health as it progresses downwards, and secretly of course Im afraid of him leaving me even if i do everything right and he has never even shown signs of this. I have so much pain inside of me from everything Ive experienced but I just keep going and trying to put on a brave face and live life normally. I go to work and pretend im okay but im depressed about my future because NF1 is progressive and so rare and there are not treatment options (at all).I dont want to be a burden, but Im already constantly feeling down about my condition when I think of being disfigured by the tumors, being in constant pain or getting cancer and hurting hm.

I just want to be normal and have a family and enjoy the simple things in life. I want to grow old and have normal skin.

We've been dating for over a year and i recently moved in with him, things are good - but when he talks about getting married i just cant even feel happiness sometimes because Im just so terrified. I have been completely honest with every aspect of my condition - yet he still talks of the future alot and that he will always be there for me. He talks about having children and growing old and its almost like he forgets sometimes and this scares me that he doesnt understand or doesnt want to understand.

Im trying to be the best girlfriend I can be, where practical. I want to spend every waking moment caring for him and loving him and not sweating the small stuff. He is very fit, attractive, sensitive, kind all good things in between - he tells me he loves my body and my personality and says sweet things but i still cant get my emotions under control.

Does anyone have advice managing a relationship with a chronic condition like this? I feel like im on a path of self destruction but Its just I find it so so so difficult and lonely.

My partner works nightshift too, so when im home alone and tired from work I get extremely sad even though i would never tell him this, because I understand he needs to work those hours. I see a psychologist, but tbh she makes me feel worse some times. I often feel stuck trying to my explain myself because firstly no one has even heard of this condition most of the time. I spend half my time explaining my conditions complications before i get anywhere.

TL;DR; how do I manage my chronic incurable genetic condition in a relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Brilliant-Beat1742 on 2024-01-23 13:32:10+00:00.

I [M32] am recently (like three weeks ago recently) married to my wife (funnily enough) [F32] after being together 8 years. We love each other, have great sex (for me at least and I'm pretty sure her) semi frequently, and generally support each other to get what we each want out of life pretty well. So I'm very lucky and everything's pretty great. But I've been feeling very sad and existential the past few days. I am worried that I've seen a glimpse of a life too full and beautiful to ignore, but that I cannot live it without ruining the life I've got, still want and value.

When I was growing up, I remember being so bitter at a sex education textbook in school. It was talking about how masturbation is normal, almost everyone does it growing up etc. But then it said "boys often stop upon reaching socio-sexual age" and the fallacy of the book’s point aside, what upset me was the term "socio-sexual". I was bitter at my own sexlessness. I was so horny but I felt completely isolated from any kind of social sexuality.

I’ve only ever been with 2 people sexually. I lost my virginity at 20 to my previous partner. I stayed in a relationship which in hindsight was no good for who I am for 5years.

I grew up believing sex was a distraction and I never talked about it with family or loved ones. Never really with friends either except for the odd tentative probing question. I have a quite domineering dad and l've had a bit of a hard time being assertive at all or even confident growing up. So sex was a painful absence until going to uni away from home. For two weeks I excitedly felt confident, independent and attractive. I started my first relationship and then I gradually lost those good feelings of sexual and social liberation and exploration. She was a strong and somewhat domineering personality. We fell in love and I eventually felt trapped by my own unassertiveness and cowardice. Eventually it took a serious depressive episode I had for me to break it off.

My current relationship has felt worlds better. More sexual in general and I feel less scared to communicate things I'd be afraid to before, like how I genuinely feel about things. Early on we talked about each other's sexualities. Limits and things like that. She does not like the idea of me with other people because she gets jealous. I'm the opposite, I want to see her explore anything that takes her fancy even if I get jealous, though I'm not a particularly jealous person.

I usually masturbate about once a day on average and my wife's happy with that, we both get shy around showing each other the porn we each watch but we do occasionally. We still have things we want to try with each other too.

I don't want an open relationship. I don't want to cheat on my wife behind her back and against her wishes. But I yearn too much for a social kind of sexuality. Flirting and playing around with anonymous sexting on Reddit made me feel that possibility again.

We only just got married. I've only started sexy online flirty chats since we were apart on route to our wedding. So for a couple of weeks and I couldn't masturbate. I got so horny just started sharing thoughts as an outlet in random chats on reddit and horny IG meme accounts. But it started sexual conversations, actual sexting.

I want to be able to share this kind of stuff with my wife. That I'm having these experiences without it hurting her. I'm scared to talk to her about this. I don't want to hurt her unnecessarily. I'm still coming down from wedding stress and moving house. Am I just overthinking a trifling temptation, amplified by my past regrets? Or is this only going to get worse unless act on it now and confront it with my wife? or is it something I can avoid if I cut the temptation from my life and refocus on my life?

Thanks so much if you've slogged through all this whinge. Grateful for anything anyone's got to say

TL;DR: I started using horny reddit and IG and it awakened a desire for social sexuality in me, but I’m afraid to talk to my wife about it?

Also posted to r/Advice

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BeautifulCry36 on 2024-01-23 13:11:49+00:00.

We've been together for a year and a half, and he has been bringing up getting engaged since our first anniversary. He has told me he would've asked me by now but I won't "show him what I want". I have no issue with not being engaged yet. I do have an issue with him putting the process on me, and I have communicated to him several times the size, cut, rough ct range, metal preference & stone preference (moissanite), and general vibes I would like from it. I've sent example pictures and even links to sections of websites with rings that are close enough or do match my preferences. He has all of the information necessary and I've told him I want him to make the final choice.

Just before our first anniversary we had our first big fight over him consistently being inconsiderate of me and my time and interests. He would talk down to me if he was having a bad day and rarely made me a priority, even when I was in an actual emergency and he said he would be there. My last straw was my home flooding and him saying he would be there. I confirmed "Yes, please, get here ASAP." and he just called me later and asked me how it was going. He said he would come by the end of the week when he could get away from work AND THEN CANCELED AGAIN with no apology because his mom reminded him his dad had an event planned for that weekend.

I told him it was unacceptable to dip out on me twice with not even an apology. He told me he didn't realize he had missed my message the first time confirming that I needed his help (like he didn't already say he was coming prior?) and finally I told him going forward I would either be an actual priority to him or I would not be in his life. What's the point in committing myself to someone who will let me face every hardship alone?

He has done better since, but this ring keeps reminding me that he's bad at putting effort in and it's becoming a turn off. I've communicated to him that I would like for him to be more involved and that me picking something and sending it to him to buy is not romantic to me and I want him to at least initiate us looking so it feels like something we're choosing together. The two times he took me physically shopping he just walked off to look at something more interesting or he let's the person working try to steamroll me. "You don't want that. Why do you want that? You'll like this more once you see it."

I finally got so frustrated with it that I stopped sending him anything and haven't talked about it. His recent "You won't show me what you want" comment has set me off and I can't even begin to tackle why it's so disheartening. Is there something I'm missing? I feel I've given him all the resources he needs, walked him through what to look for when buying online, etc. He just wants me to choose one and tell him but he won't even say that to me, he just phrases it like it's my fault that he can't because he lacks info. Is this not a bad sign? I feel like he just talks around me, places all of the blame on me, and goes on with his life.

*tl;dr bf that already struggles to prioritize me is complaining that I won't tell him what I want in an engagement ring. I've sent him all of the important info, example pictures, and direct links to people I wouldn't mind him buying from. He just wants me to pick my own and call it a day without actually saying it, and I have told him that's not okay with me. Is there anything else I can say to get my point across, or is he just being like this on purpose? Please don't comment if all you have to say is "too early", that's fine, we still need to discuss it. *

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DearPoseidon on 2024-01-23 13:09:40+00:00.

tl;dr - Friends made plans for a going away party for another friend, but I wasn’t invited until last minute because I live out of state. Do I accept the invite?

I moved out of state after college (flight needed), but 2 of my roommates stayed and another is in a close-by state. We’ve known one of my roommates was moving far away for a while, but there was never an exact date discussed. Recently, I had asked when we would be meeting up next and was told that my one roommates move was happening next week and this weekend they were all getting together for a going away weekend - 3 days from now. This was clearly planned in advance, but both the move timeline and planned weekend was discussed without me knowing. They extended the invite, but it was clear I was an afterthought due to me being out of state. Do I still go? I get me being so far away makes it harder to keep me in the loop, but I feel like for something this important I should’ve been included and not assumed I wouldn’t make the trip. I know they’d want me to be there as well but I don’t like the idea of being an oversight. Not to mention, I’d have to take off of work and the flight would be around $450.

I’m stuck because it is likely the last time I’d be able to see this friend for a while, but at the same time I’m hurt that if I never brought up getting together, I would’ve never been invited nor known they were even leaving this soon.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Vulcapulae on 2024-01-23 13:02:02+00:00.

TL;DR: Girl that I value promised she'd prepare something up for my birthday but didn't, and didn't even wish me happy birthday

There is this girl that I met 1.5 years ago at university and we immediately clicked. She stopped uni to work but we still remained in touch. We wouldn't message or see each other often; let's say we'd send messages a few times every month and we'd meet up once every 2-3 months or so, but that was perfectly fine for both of us.

The last time we saw each other was mid December. She turned 30 in November but couldn't meet up due to conflicting schedules so we met there instead and I gave her her birthday present. She was quite surprised and happy, and she said she'd prepare something for my birthday (which was two days ago).

We really had a special relationship and we would regularly say how much we value each other.

When my birthday came, I had expectations and I know this was a mistake. She didn't even send me a message to wish me happy birthday -- and I highly doubt she forgot about it because last year she wished it to me without me even reminding her about it. This may read as futile but I'm quite saddened she didn't even take time to send me a message, all the more since she originally said she'd plan something for my birthday. I also started developing feelings for her over the last few months and I wanted to use this opportunity to ask her on a date; and not seeing her prevented me from doing so.

I don't really know what to do anymore, because I really value her. Should I send her a message or should I still wait for her to come back to me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Voxl_ on 2024-01-23 12:48:55+00:00.

TL;DR: Girlfriend and I had a talk about needs in our relationship shortly before christmas. Seven visits later she said it wasn’t enough yet. This saturday she said she wanted to break up, we didn’t see each other between our second talk and this saturday. After talking on saturday she said she needs to think about it again but backpeddled on a week of good communication the day after. We’ll meet on friday where she’ll state her decision. I don’t know what to make of this and could really use some help.

We’ve been together three years now and never really talked about our needs. Since we started being together at a young age and it was for both our first relationship I’d say we were to immature and too inexperienced to know how to.

A bit before christmas we then had a talk about what we were needing more of and what bothered us up until that point. She was crying because she thought we might break up because of it and I reassured her that I’m not someone who runs away from problems before ever trying to fix them. She said she was lacking communication and I said I wanted to share more hobbies together and do more than just sit on our asses and watch movies.

Since then we saw each other 8 times until last sunday when she asked me if I felt like something changed. I said I noticed her effort and she said she noticed mine, but it was still not enough for both of us. I am a very private person and I deal with stuff in head more than I talk to others and that’s something I’d like to change, which is also what I told her.

I thought a lot about what she wants and I tried my best to text her more about things that were on my mind, but she took some time to respond and never really seemed interested in talking. I came up with stuff we could learn together and really wanted to talk more to bring us closer. Honestly sparked a lot of hope for me in our relationship.

She usually came by every wendnesday so we saw each other more than only on weekends, last wednesday she stayed at home though. We then saw each other last saturday again when she told me she’d like to break up. I then told her about the things I realized in the past week and we talked for 1,5 hours which was a really nice talk.

Main things we talked about was the communication she was lacking, since I realized that it really wasn’t enough and I promised her I’d like to try my best if she would want to continue. One thing I mentioned as well is how much we smoked weed and how I felt it made us really lethargic and that I’d like to stop because I felt it was a big roadblock in our plans to change, which she understood and said she never thought about. She also mentioned how she never had plans to marry her highschool sweetheart, which I understand although I’m not sure what to make of since we never talked about marriage or anything in the direction of a never ending relationship. It was probably her way of saying that she wanted to break up eventually anyway. I did ask her if she still loved me and she said she doesn’t know but that she still really likes me (pretty bad sign I know haha). I do still love her though and I told her that.

In the end she said she needs to think about it and that we’d meet again on friday. We settled on the idea that we’d talk a lot this week so I could show her that I was committed to changing. I wrote her on sunday the day after at which point she said she’d actually rather not communicate this week so she’d have time to think. I asked her if we could have a quick phone call so I could some things off my mind which she agreed to. I told her that I was truly sorry for neglecting her feelings and that I really wanted to try again. She listened but didn’t talk much.

Now my issue is that I think that I never actually had any chance of changing since 4 weeks is not enough for me to become a different person. And the only time we saw each other since the second talk was when she told me she’d like to break up and the break in communication this week hinders any chance for me to show her that I’m sincere. I also think back to our first talk and how scared she was of breaking up just a month ago and feel like she made her past fear a reality for me, which seems like she doesn’t really care about my feelings.

I respect her boundaries and I completely understand that she’d rather not talk this week so she could think, but still I feel a little blindsided since I there was never a time between our talk a week ago and our talk this friday for us to try and fix our problems. And as stated above the four weeks we had since our first talk feel like a way too short of a time to change and contemplate the change.

If we were to continue I know both of need to change and that it won’t work if only one person is committed which is something I’ll tell her if she chooses to continue. I just can’t shake the feeling that it’s a little weak of her to end it so fast without even working on our problems. If we separate anyways I know I’ll survive, but I’d at least like to try since at this point neither of us know how things would turn out if we put in the effort to save it.

I’m not asking for your interpretation of what happens on friday or a perfect solution. I’m just looking for other perspectives besides mine, since a lot in here is my interpretation and I made some accusations too. Talked to a few friends as well.

I know this post was long, but I felt like the more I say the better a picture I paint. Thanks for any answers!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Wrong-Command-1870 on 2024-01-23 12:45:01+00:00.

I'm so stupid. I (20M) have this friend (19F) in which I only got really close to a few months ago, when I called her to play a video game with me. We started playing it almost everyday, for hours, just the two of us.

Eventually I called my other friend to play with us and he got along with her well, and it was fun! We got to play almost everyday together.

But then that was when I realized I felt something stronger for my female friend, and I feel extremely jealous of her now. This is a first for me, I've never felt like this for someone before.

I'm not sure how I feel about her exactly. I find her really pretty, I like that she laughs at my jokes and I enjoy talking to her a lot. But I don't see myself dating her, maybe because I think she's too much for me? My self esteem isn't that high. I don't even know If I want to date her.

Anyway, my friend and her now get along much better now, as they have long conversations without me saying a word. I used to have to start conversations because they'd get awkward, not knowing what to talk about. She used to text me inviting me to play, but now she texts our group chat to check if anyone wants to, and this makes me feel like so replaceable. I wanted to be special to her. A closer friend, closer than the others.

I think I'm just a really shitty person, I feel awful for feeling jealous of someone I don't even know how I feel about. A romantic crush, platonic crush? I have no idea.

I think about her all day and it's making me MAD. So mad, I actually get angry at her sometimes, like 'oh, here she comes, she's gonna steal my friends from me, they won't pay attention to me anymore, they have her now'.

My weird ass decided to just be QUIET the WHOLE conversation once, to see if she or he will say my name or ask me something to bring me back to the conversation. They didn't, and that made me so angry and sad. I feel so childish and stupid for this, but I can't help it! I know it's idiotic and immature, but I don't know how to deal with this.

I could just be normal and talk to them normally, but I have no idea what makes me act like this. I don't want to act like this.

She doesn't have to endure my bullshit, neither does he, so I keep it all to myself, I have nobody to talk to about this, I feel like I'm drowning on this bottle of emotions.

I feel like I should get over whatever I feel for this girl. I dont want it to ruin our friendship, and I KNOW I wouldn't be a good partner for her anyway.

God, I need therapy.

TL;DR - I don't know what I feel for this girl.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bagelboi3000 on 2024-01-23 12:23:26+00:00.

My girlfriend (26F) and I (25M) have been going out ~6 years. We have lived together for 2.5 years of that. I’ve had a tough Christmas with periods of mild depression which he prompted lots of reflection about how much time I would like/need by myself day to day. I’ve come to the conclusion that our relationship has the potential to be much more balanced if we were to go back to living apart, but in relatively close proximity so we could see each other easily during the week. I feel I would be able to engage much more in our time spent together if I had more autonomy over when we choose to be together, rather than it just being the default. My only worry is, where would I go from there? Do we just live apart indefinitely? I do see a future with her but I feel at the moment this is what is best for our relationship. So is there anyone else live separately from their partner out of choice? Is it viable in a healthy long-term relationship?

Tl;dr: I plan on living separately from my long term partner. Is this viable for a healthy relationship?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Conscious-Benefit-51 on 2024-01-23 11:41:48+00:00.

my (19f) girlfriend (26f) cheated on me and im conflicted. i know this sounds bad and admittedly it probably is as bad as it sounds but im just looking for some guidance, and validation i suppose😭

for bit of context, we have been together for the past 5 months and she has been visiting for the past month or so, she lives about 3 hours away from me. i am her first exclusive partner, everything before has been poly for her. a little after we got together i found out that ex girlfriend, now best friend and her had been sexting the day before we got together, even though they broke up 7 months prior. They also still called each other pet names. While we werent technically together at the time they were sexting we had been talking for weeks prior, we had been on dates and had made it very clear that we both wanted to get together, it was just a matter of labels at that point. Because of that this really didnt sit right with me and i confronted her about it, she said she didnt realise how soon her and i would get together and it was just a bit of fun, but she was sorry and would talk to her ex about the pet names. She also gave me permission to go through all of her messages

a bit after, 3 or so weeks ago, i did just that and found out that she started sexting her ex again a month after i first confronted her about it, while she was staying at my house. i thought we were done then and there but she just kinda broke into tears, apologising over and over, telling me how much i meant to her and how stupid she was to throw what we had away, over the next few days she reflected on what she did and realised how fucked up it was. shes been cheated on in the past and knows how badly it can fuck you up, but she said she didnt see what she did as cheating until reflecting on it and trying to rationalise why i was so upset. she said to her it was just for fun, the words didnt mean anything and it was just.. sexting. nothing deeper behind it. they did chat about it after i told her to, with my gf telling her ex not to initiate anything anymore (the ex initiated every time it happened) but the chat was incredibly brief, it was brushed over before they went back to chatting like normal friends

i really dont know what to think. on one hand i do want to believe her, both that she wont do it again and that i dont want to think that shes a person capable of hurting others that badly consciously. that being said i dont want to be played for a fool, strung along because im younger and more gullible.

behind that though, the whole thing makes me just miserable. some of her friends pin the blame on me for all this, saying that i shouldnt have went through her messages and that what i did was an unforgivable breach of trust. consciously, i know this is bullshit. subconsciously though? since it happened i just keep thinking of different ways it could be my fault, im less experienced, less attractive, i didnt put my foot down the first time i confronted her or checked that they had talked about it properly. every time i think back to what she said i feel a pit in my stomach, and every time i see them texting i feel ill

i really do like her, ive only talked about the bad here but she has done a lot for me, and i do want to work through all of this, but is it even possible at this point? im sorry if this post has been hard to read, im not a native speaker, but if anyone has any advice for me it would mean the world <3

tl;dr - my girlfriend cheated on me by sexting her ex, she didnt realise it was cheating but is extremely regretful, i don’t know if i can forgive her