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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/only_here_for_manga on 2024-01-23 16:38:39+00:00.
Tl;dr
My bestie Gabby (21F) is engaged to her fiancé Aaron (21M). Aaron is extremely egotistical, thinks he’s the smartest person in any room. He believes he’s capable of anything and everything. He can be extremely condescending and often treats people like they’re dumb. He is weaponized incompetence in a nutshell. He’s not allowed to do the dishes because “he puts them away dirty”, among many other things. Lastly, he’s kind of a loser. He plays video games 6 hours a day every day, and works 25 hours a week at a grocery store, and that’s it. He’s apparently joining the military in April but is not training or working out in any way, and has outright stated he doesn’t have to because “it’s air force so it’ll be easy”. Man’s could barely complete a 5 mile hike and had to lay down for an hour afterwards. Should I say something to my friend?
Long version: Hi. I’ve been sitting on this since Christmas, have talked about it to death with my friends, family, and therapist, and I am still feeling unsure what to do. This is kind of a last ditch effort for me. This might be a bit long.
For context: I (21F) have been friends with my bestie, Gabby (21F), since middle school. I love her to death. She started dating her now fiancé Aaron (21M) sophomore year of high school. I knew Aaron in high school and never liked him. They got engaged Christmas day 2023 (I know). He proposed by hiding the ring underneath his gaming chair.
So one of my problems with Aaron is that he is the single most egotistical person I have ever met. Like, it’s bad. He carries himself like he’s the smartest person in any room at any given time. He will make claims, condescend you if you try to say he’s wrong, and if he is wrong, he either doubles down or says something to the effect of “that’s not what i meant”. For example, we (Gabby, Aaron, and my bf) all went camping in October. While hiking, Aaron was complaining about mosquitos basically the whole time. The trail went across a road, and when we got to the other side of the road, Aaron said “finally, there’s no mosquito’s over here”. We were all like “there are though?” and he then goes on to inform us that actually mosquitos only live on the other side of the road because there’s a bog, but they don’t live on this side of the road because it’s a swamp. Only the birds live on this side of the road, and they travel across the road to eat mosquitos. Yes. This is a real thing he said. He and my bf argued about it until we finished the trail (so like. 2 miles?) and then Aaron pouted the rest of the night.
Another issue I have with him is he is completely useless. Weaponized incompetence in a nutshell. One time after a small dinner, me, Gabby, and my bf were cleaning up. Gabby asks Aaron “can you help clean?” and he says “Yeah just let me know what you want me to do” to which she says “Um. Clean?” He then proceeds to throw his hands in the air, say “I don’t know what you want me to do”, and then he goes and sits on the couch while the rest of us clean. This isn’t the first time he’s done something similar. Another time, his cat threw up at his feet while he was gaming. He looks at Gabby and says in an irritated tone “Um Gabby can you help me out here???” And she does. She cleans it for him. Gabby also told me she doesn’t let him do the dishes because “he puts them away dirty”. So. Yeah.
And finally, my last issue with him is he is kind of a loser. They live in the finished basement of Gabby’s grandma. He spends, in his own words, 6 hours a day every day playing video games. Other than that, he works about 25 hours a week at a grocery store. No school or anything. He’s apparently joining the military in April, boot camp date set, but he isn’t training or preparing in any way. He believes he will be able to just show up as he is now and breeze through boot camp. The man drinks 4 sodas a day (he claims) and eats like shit. Doesn’t work out or really even move around. The 5ish mile hike we did while camping was a struggle for him. He’s gonna have a bad time.
My struggle right now is if I should say something to my friend about how I’m feeling. I don’t really think she quite realizes the situation (she has problems with dissociating and people pleasing. also autistic). There is also a chance she does, and she’s just decided she’s happy, somehow. I don’t know. But to me, her marrying this guy would be the biggest mistake of her life. She deserves leagues above him. This feels urgent because she said they may get married before he goes to boot camp so she can get benefits. I’m not convinced he’ll even be able to graduate boot camp.
Anyways. If anyone has any advice I’d greatly appreciate it. This is causing me a lot of stress and taking up a lot of headspace. Thanks in advance.