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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Wrong-Command-1870 on 2024-01-23 12:45:01+00:00.
I'm so stupid. I (20M) have this friend (19F) in which I only got really close to a few months ago, when I called her to play a video game with me. We started playing it almost everyday, for hours, just the two of us.
Eventually I called my other friend to play with us and he got along with her well, and it was fun! We got to play almost everyday together.
But then that was when I realized I felt something stronger for my female friend, and I feel extremely jealous of her now. This is a first for me, I've never felt like this for someone before.
I'm not sure how I feel about her exactly. I find her really pretty, I like that she laughs at my jokes and I enjoy talking to her a lot. But I don't see myself dating her, maybe because I think she's too much for me? My self esteem isn't that high. I don't even know If I want to date her.
Anyway, my friend and her now get along much better now, as they have long conversations without me saying a word. I used to have to start conversations because they'd get awkward, not knowing what to talk about. She used to text me inviting me to play, but now she texts our group chat to check if anyone wants to, and this makes me feel like so replaceable. I wanted to be special to her. A closer friend, closer than the others.
I think I'm just a really shitty person, I feel awful for feeling jealous of someone I don't even know how I feel about. A romantic crush, platonic crush? I have no idea.
I think about her all day and it's making me MAD. So mad, I actually get angry at her sometimes, like 'oh, here she comes, she's gonna steal my friends from me, they won't pay attention to me anymore, they have her now'.
My weird ass decided to just be QUIET the WHOLE conversation once, to see if she or he will say my name or ask me something to bring me back to the conversation. They didn't, and that made me so angry and sad. I feel so childish and stupid for this, but I can't help it! I know it's idiotic and immature, but I don't know how to deal with this.
I could just be normal and talk to them normally, but I have no idea what makes me act like this. I don't want to act like this.
She doesn't have to endure my bullshit, neither does he, so I keep it all to myself, I have nobody to talk to about this, I feel like I'm drowning on this bottle of emotions.
I feel like I should get over whatever I feel for this girl. I dont want it to ruin our friendship, and I KNOW I wouldn't be a good partner for her anyway.
God, I need therapy.
TL;DR - I don't know what I feel for this girl.