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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/BeautifulCry36 on 2024-01-23 13:11:49+00:00.
We've been together for a year and a half, and he has been bringing up getting engaged since our first anniversary. He has told me he would've asked me by now but I won't "show him what I want". I have no issue with not being engaged yet. I do have an issue with him putting the process on me, and I have communicated to him several times the size, cut, rough ct range, metal preference & stone preference (moissanite), and general vibes I would like from it. I've sent example pictures and even links to sections of websites with rings that are close enough or do match my preferences. He has all of the information necessary and I've told him I want him to make the final choice.
Just before our first anniversary we had our first big fight over him consistently being inconsiderate of me and my time and interests. He would talk down to me if he was having a bad day and rarely made me a priority, even when I was in an actual emergency and he said he would be there. My last straw was my home flooding and him saying he would be there. I confirmed "Yes, please, get here ASAP." and he just called me later and asked me how it was going. He said he would come by the end of the week when he could get away from work AND THEN CANCELED AGAIN with no apology because his mom reminded him his dad had an event planned for that weekend.
I told him it was unacceptable to dip out on me twice with not even an apology. He told me he didn't realize he had missed my message the first time confirming that I needed his help (like he didn't already say he was coming prior?) and finally I told him going forward I would either be an actual priority to him or I would not be in his life. What's the point in committing myself to someone who will let me face every hardship alone?
He has done better since, but this ring keeps reminding me that he's bad at putting effort in and it's becoming a turn off. I've communicated to him that I would like for him to be more involved and that me picking something and sending it to him to buy is not romantic to me and I want him to at least initiate us looking so it feels like something we're choosing together. The two times he took me physically shopping he just walked off to look at something more interesting or he let's the person working try to steamroll me. "You don't want that. Why do you want that? You'll like this more once you see it."
I finally got so frustrated with it that I stopped sending him anything and haven't talked about it. His recent "You won't show me what you want" comment has set me off and I can't even begin to tackle why it's so disheartening. Is there something I'm missing? I feel I've given him all the resources he needs, walked him through what to look for when buying online, etc. He just wants me to choose one and tell him but he won't even say that to me, he just phrases it like it's my fault that he can't because he lacks info. Is this not a bad sign? I feel like he just talks around me, places all of the blame on me, and goes on with his life.
*tl;dr bf that already struggles to prioritize me is complaining that I won't tell him what I want in an engagement ring. I've sent him all of the important info, example pictures, and direct links to people I wouldn't mind him buying from. He just wants me to pick my own and call it a day without actually saying it, and I have told him that's not okay with me. Is there anything else I can say to get my point across, or is he just being like this on purpose? Please don't comment if all you have to say is "too early", that's fine, we still need to discuss it. *