Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/grapesodamilk on 2024-01-19 06:59:33+00:00.

My bf and I have had a month break since he decided to break up with me. We had been dating for 3 years, living together. It was a messy and off breakup because very shortly after he regretted the decision and wanted to get back together. I said it was too soon so we had a month break.

Now that it’s been a month I’m still not confident that things have changed although he says he been working on himself. There were just so many issues that I’m doubtful that he’s really changed.

Some of things we argued about frequently were communication, having different lifestyles (he didn’t like that I slept in a separate bed bc I’m a light sleeper, or went to a different gym to him), him wanting to start a business with me when I wasn’t ready, him thinking I’m not empathetic enough or a good listener. He also has a child from a previous ex and he wanted me to be more involved.

After breaking up he suddenly took back everything he said and did a complete 180 on his views on all the things we argued about like saying that he liked how I was around his kid, didn’t mind if we didn’t start a business together or didn’t care if I went to a different gym and slept separately etc basically the opposite of everything he said before. Is this a red flag or does he genuinely mean this?

He really sounded sincere. But how do I trust him that we won’t fall back into our old ways? Do I give him a chance and get back together or no

TLDR:

My ex wants to get back together after a month break, saying he’s changed his views and I’m not sure if I should trust him

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Upbeat-Number-2001 on 2024-01-19 06:39:13+00:00.

Hi everyone, so my partner and I are having some pretty big struggles right now and I'm really unsure how to feel.

My gf is poly and I am not. When we first met I had no idea what that meant. In my mind it was if something is lacking from me and someone else can provide that okay sure.

Oh boy was I wrong, I've been learning more and more about polyamory and to each their own. I've come to the realization it is NOT for me.

So with all that being said she is "non practicing" so we are treating this as a monogamous relationship. She is a STAHM and I work from home. We are both pretty anti social people and don't go out often. Through our talks and discussions the topic of having 1 on 1 time with male friends and making male friends came up. She said not sexual, and I believe that is the true but everyone is liable to a fault in judgment.

I am not comfortable with the idea of my partner building and refining emotional relationships with other men. And her response is I'm unwilling to budge and that's not fair.We had this talk last Friday, my stomach has been in knots since and I've eaten maybe 2 meals.

I am willing to walk away and given her the opportunity to leave. But we've been together for 3 years and I do love this woman and her children with all my heart. I just can't help but feel so viscerally at the thought of my partner with other men.

I'm looking for some advice and possibly hope. Thank you all in advance.

TLDR my gf wants to make new male friends and spend 1 on 1 time with them. I am not comfortable and have expressed this.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MomentIllustrious184 on 2024-01-19 06:02:34+00:00.

I don’t know how to bring this up to him in a way that would be helpful. I’ve mentioned it before and he got upset. He said he felt insulted because it sounded like I was accusing him of being an alcoholic, and that I should trust him more to know when enough is enough.

Now let me preface with saying I do NOT think he is an alcoholic. I just have a family history of alcoholics and his behavior just gives me a bunch of warning signals that he might develop an alcohol problem in the years to come. It scares me and worries me, and I want to make sure it never gets to that.

He will have a drink or two with dinner a couple nights a week, but also binges a few times a month. He will have 8-10 drinks in one night, and said that he “needs that much to feel it.” He later told me that’s how he always has been but I’m worried he has built up a slight tolerance, he used to drink maybe 6 or 7 at parties and such. After googling it, he would be considered a “moderate drinker” but he also is a binge drinker which increases risk of alcohol abuse more than just having two drinks a night.

He works a job that is social and encourages drink related activities after hours, and the majority of his coworkers are alcoholics. His best friend is a severe alcoholic. Since being at this job his drinking increased significantly. He never gets blackout drunk, and “knows his limit” I just see him reaching it more often.

I just worry that in 5 years he will have a problem and should be more mindful about drinking now. I’m not trying to be controlling but I can’t stand to think about future consequences and I know how easy it is to slip into alcoholism. I trust him as much as I can but I don’t like these patterns I see, I’m worried. I know he drinks probably less than the average American man but 1/3 of Americans are alcoholics. I’m sure some of my concern is from my history with alcoholic family, but regardless it’s something I’m not comfortable with just dropping.

How can I bring this up without making him feel attacked? How should I bring it up? Is this something to be concerned about? I’ll be bringing it up to him regardless but I want to know how you all feel about it. Any other advice for me?

TLDR: how should I tell my boyfriend that his drinking habits make me worried about a future alcohol problem without it being taken personally?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Lunabiie on 2024-01-19 05:26:23+00:00.

My partner(34F) and I(29F) have been together for 9 years now. We have A LOT of things we don't agree with, but we do try our best to understand eachother. I've made some friends in the past 3 years online that came to visit me in September, and just a few days ago, one of them came to visit me again. I do notice that I do act slightly differently with my friends than I do with my partner. I'm not as affectionate with my partner as I am with him when we are alone, and it's not because I intentionally ignore him or anything, I simply just don't even realize that I'm doing it because I'm trying so hard to make sure my friends are having a good time while they are in my state visiting, or I'm just trying to have a good time with my friends. My partner mentioned this in September as he noticed it and wasn't pleased, and he also mentioned it today, but I honestly don't even realize that I'm doing it. If he asks for a kiss or a hug I will of course oblige, but I don't reach out for affection because I'm SO focused on keeping my friends happy. Not sure what to do or how I can become more aware of not being affectionate to my partner, as I don't want this to continue being an issue. I just want to have a good time with friends I see like, once every year or 2 years, but I guess what I'm doing is what single people do? I don't know, but I don't want this to continue to be an issue. Please give me any advise you can. Thank you!

tldr: How can I stop acting differently with my friends than with my partner?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lila_haus_423 on 2024-01-19 05:01:21+00:00.

Hey Reddit!

Ok so I am asking for advice on a situation I’m in with my best friend at the moment. I’m 29 and she’s 31. We’ve been best friends for 7 years now. Completely platonic female friendship.

I work full-time and earn decent money, enough to make me comfortable to afford my rent, bills and have play money left over.

My friend is in a different situation. She works part-time and earns $25 less per hour than I do. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not judging this at all, it’s just a factual piece of information.

My friend struggles with anxiety and depression which makes it hard for her to work full-time. She struggles to afford to see a counsellor, which she has said numerous times would be very helpful to her if this were different.

Lately, I’ve noticed she’s withdrawn and isn’t as chatty as usual. She’s posted some stuff on social media with references to her mental health. Every time she does this I check in to make sure she’s ok and try to organise times to see her, in addition to trying to see her regularly anyway.

She’s told me that money is a barrier to her being able to go out and enjoy herself, and I have of course suggested doing low-cost or free activities to alleviate this stress on her. I think she avoids making plans to go out lately due to her financial situation, which I believe is making her mental health worse.

She’s mentioned to me how much she wants to do things (going for meals out, concerts, stuff like that) but because of her low income she is not able to.

My question is, would I be coming across condescending or judgmental if I offer to pay for things for her, or even give her money? It’s not my intention at all. The way I see it is, if I can afford to, then it would make me so happy to help the people I love. I would consider it a beautiful thing to be able to contribute something towards her being able to get the therapy she’s said she wants for so long now as well.

What is the best way to go about this?

TLDR; would it be condescending to offer to pay for things or give money to a friend on a lower income?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fit-Education-9473 on 2024-01-19 04:20:38+00:00.

I feel terrible...

Me(20m) and my gf(20f) have been together since 15.I feel in love with her in highschool and we are together for 5 years now.During this period we had our ups and downs but things worked out well and we stayed together. Last 2 years there has been a drastic change. Past 2 years she has gained a lot of weight, which for me is a big problem in our relationship. I've talked to her about this and she always gets mad.I don't like her being overweight, it doesn't fit her body and I've told her this.One year she managed to lose a good amount of weight and it was the time she was most attractive to me.

She is my first gf and I'm her first bf.We get along and I love her.We always talked about marriage and all that stuff, but it seems to me like it won't happen if we go this way.

First big problem was after we started having sex.I have a high six drive and it is a problem because she is the very opposite.She never initiates sex and always likes when I pleasure her, but when I want something she gets mad and says I just think about sex.Later on she gained weight and lost confidence in herself(which I talked about with her but again,she gets mad)and in resulted that our sex life went down the hill.We have sex about 2,3 times in a month depending how much we see each other.

Another problem is us not being able to see each other a lot.Early on we went out almost every day, but when she started university and I began to work we aren't seeing each other that much.I get it that she is learning but she says she got no time for us to see each other and always want me to come to her house, but never the opposite.

Now the thing that bothers me the most. I'm an athlete and I find myself attractive, and I get a lot of looks from other girls.I like talking to girls and when I see that they're attracted to me it makes me feel wonderful.Before I met her I was always out there chasing girls.

I feel stuck because she has no plan to change anything in this relationship.I love her but I don't want to ruin her life by breaking up with her...

TL;DR: Don't find gf attractive after her weight gain, feel stuck in a long relationship.Want to explore more

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Delicious-Gate-8192 on 2024-01-19 04:17:19+00:00.

We've been together for almost 4 years (3 years long distance) | moved to his country and is studying. It's been 6 months. Note that throughout our relationship he usually breaks up with me and then gets back with me after it was a whole routine I told him how much it affected me and I could say that he changed. Sadly we got a little issue one night we were fighting about him lying about what he did with a girl when we were off (the girl told me he was lying, he told me she was lying) . and I stormed out of the apartment (I can be really dramatic sometimes) and a neighbor called the police reporting abuse even tho it's not true it kind of traumatized him so at first he was done with me but afterwards we made up. Now the problem is I don't know what it is but l've been very moody and angry these days. I think it's due to the fact that I'm stressed out, I live alone, I miss my family so I snapped at him quite a few times but I'll be honest he was calm and patient each time. When I get mad he usually tells me « that's not what I meant » or « it was a joke ».

We were talking while I was in class (I'm sick | have a flu) everything was fine until he made comments about how it's almost been a year and we have to have s*x, he usually jokes about that but I feel like being sick and everything I snapped and told him how I felt saying that if it bothers him that I'm not ready he can date a girl who's willing to do it. He woke up saw the message and was shocked he said that he was joking and that he can't believe that I would make him look like a weirdo. He told me he won't talk to me for the rest of the day. He had his meeting w his lawyer (about the whole situation mentioned above) he went n after told me that he thought about it and he can't continue the relationship because he takes too much, he said he's tired of my jealousy, anger crisis and overall what happened today my reaction was the last straw.

I tried to make him understand that I'm just under pressure and stressed about a lot, he said he made up his mind. Him breaking up with me knowing I was sick doesn’t sit right with me either . I'm so confused because just the day before everything was fine. I honestly don't know what to do and I keep feeling guilty if u didn't send that message earlier this wouldn't have happened. I also don't know if he's being deadass this time or if he's just having one of his I'm done w this I'm breaking up crisis and that he will come back ? Should I just move on and never look back? Am I rlly the problem because of my anger issues ? A lot of my friends tell me that I minimize the fact that he breaks up with me and comes back way too much (he’s usually does that) we had a srs talk about this and he stopped but he’s back at it again. I don’t know what to do I’ve been having health issues because of all the stress.

I also don’t understand why when he used to act up and make my life so hard during the long distance I was understanding, same thing here when he acted up because he was stressed , but when it’s me he can’t do it?

TL:DR- I've been in a 4-year relationship, initially long distance, but recently moved to his country for studies. There's a history of him breaking up and getting back together, though he seemed to have changed. A recent argument about him lying about an encounter led to a false abuse report, causing initial strain but eventual reconciliation. Lately, stress and homesickness have made me moody, leading to arguments from my part. with him remaining patient. Today, a joke about intimacy during my sickness triggered a strong reaction from me, prompting him to break up, citing your jealousy, anger, and today's incident as the breaking point. I'm confused, feeling guilty, and unsure about what to do.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Left_Abbreviations92 on 2024-01-19 03:57:47+00:00.

Buckle up you guys, this is gonna be a long one. so, during summer my boyfriend was very close with this one friend group. there were 8 of them. 5 guys including him, as well as 2 girls. the all used to play video games together and would sometimes even go out. these two girls had a thing for him, regardless of the fact that he had a girlfriend. one of the girls (lets call her g1) even went as far as making a spottify playlist for him and there were sex songs in there and everything. the other girl (g2) gifted him a really expensive perfume for no reason at all. i talked to him about these two girls and about how it lowkey bothered me. he just told me that they were just friends and they’ve been friends even before we got into a relationship. i tried to be understanding because id never ask him to drop his friends for me. so i let it slide and put my faith in him. fast forward a few weeks after that and we have an argument, the next morning i wake up and i see that he was with that friend group for the night and one of the girls (g2) had taken him home. keep in mind that he did this in the middle of our argument and he never texted me saying he was going out. i talked him about his actions and how it made me feel. at the time, HE broke up with me.

Fast forward a week later. during that week, i was sure that it really was over as he had asked me to remove him on everything. but eventually he reached out to me confessing his feeling and love for me. with some deep thought,, i realized i didn’t want to end the relationship and give it all up then and there. so we got back together.

a couple days after we got back together, he looks through my phone and opens a conversation i had with my friend at the time we were broken up. in the text message, i had told my friend that a previous ex (not him) had come into the store and i hadn’t seen him in a while. i never talked to him, i just texted my friend and sent the emoji “😮”. farther down that text, i had written a text saying hot girl summer. my boyfriend then talks to me about it and asks me if i had found my ex attractive and that was why i reacted with that emoji. i proceeded to tell him that wasn’t the case at all and i was just surprised to see him. he tells me “anyone would think what i thought.” he then brings up the hot girl summer message and i try explaining it to him that i didn’t mean it in a context where i was gonna get with many guys (the usual meaning). i told him that i simply meant it as though i was gonna go out with my friends everyday go to the gym and just live life. i tried explaining it to him and he told me that anyone who saw that text would see it in a context where im hoeing around. i explained to him that iam not like that. (i literally focus so hard on my studies and i only go out to go to the gym or work usually. i don’t have any guy friends whatsoever and i avoid contact with all guys unless i really need to as we have had a conversation about that before and those were his standards so i followed them.)

next up, there was this one guy who i knew from friends of friends who had followed me on social media. i followed him back as we had many mutual friends and i didn’t see any intention with his actions. however, he then proceeded to like all of my photos and react. i told my boyfriend about this and i blocked him on every social media platform i had.

(a bit more context, my mom does not like our relationship and my mom and i have a bad relationship as well.) fast forward to now, when i was just trying to bring up something about another girl (different from the two). this girl was on his private story. he had previously told me before that he thinks she is weird because she tries to act too close with him. but as soon as i heard that he had put her into his private story i was confused. to me, why is he so weirded out by the girl acting close with her if he’s adding her onto his private story? and while im trying to talk to him about this, he brings out the situation with me following the guy back.

he tells me that there was no reason i should’ve followed this guy back. he proceeds to call me a “pick me”, said i match people’s energy all the time for no reason and says that i was seeking validation from other people. he says that me knowing that this guy “wanted” me made me happy. he told me that after the instance with the “hot girl summer text” and me following the guy back, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let himself get too attached to me anymore. he told me that he loved me less and less and was tired of overthinking everyday. he would tell me things like “you never truly know a person” or “i don’t know what goes on through your head.” his lack of trust was evident, and when i tried bringing up the different instances he’s had with girls, he proceeded to tell me that the reason as to why i never stopped trusting him or was never overthinking about those girls was because of the image he had built of himself for me. he said that he made it so i was sure he wasn’t the type of guy to cheat. and he told me that was where i lacked. he said that i knew his mom and her values and it was always made known to me that i can trust him. he told me that was why he had been pushing to get closer with my mom, to try and find something that’ll prove that iam loyal towards him. i honestly feel so lost and so at fault, but do you genuinely think it was me. i don’t know if i should reach out and try to fix it again or if i should just leave it. part of me feels wrong but i also grew up with him.

TL;DR i don’t know if he’s manipulative or i’m just crazy

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/GardenOk3110 on 2024-01-19 03:46:23+00:00.

I've know my friend for over 11 years and I believe that for the last 5 or 6 years I have gradually fallen in love with her. The only trouble is that the last time I told her I caught feelings about 4 years ago she made it clear that she wasn't interested. Since then I've never brought it up since then or been overly weird/pushy with her and taken the hint even though deep down I know I love her.

The reason I've been thinking of telling her how i feel is more to benefit how I feel about the whole situation and NOT with the expectations of getting in to a relationship with her. All of our mutual friends have known how I feel about her and let me talk to them about how it makes me feel for better or for worse at times. We have just sort of kept it a secret to avoid drama or any problems.

Anywho now she is at Uni and has a boyfriend and is clearly happy with what her life is whilst I am not. So what should I do ? I really don't think telling her is the best idea right now as that could become a problem in her current relationship and I don't want to make things even more complicated. I need an outside opinion on what to do

TLDR I have loved my friend for years and now she is in a relationship I don't know if I should tell her how I feel even tho it is affecting me

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Interesting_Lab_2487 on 2024-01-19 03:46:14+00:00.

In 8 years she has only initiated intimacy 1 time on our first date ,I love her with all my heart n would do anything to see her happy.. my issue is that my libido is much higher then hers n when she turns me down which is about 90% of the time n then also never initiates or communicates cuz she’s engrossed in videos n video games the second she comes home iI’ve been pleading with her for the majority of our relationship to once in a blue moon just come up n give me a kiss or show me in some way that u want to be with me.. 7 years of asking n then not asking n back n forth n not once has it happened I’d be happy if she would just Exhibit a tiny fraction of the amount of love i have n show for her

I’m not cocky but I also never had self esteem issues or these feelings of not being enough until her n her complete disregard of my needs n wants in a relationship n now we move across county I’ve sold all my belongings n left my sick (80yr old parents across the country to be with this girl i alone packed and then unpacked all out furniture n belongings all the while havin double hernia hydro seal n when I plead with her to be intimate as it’s the only time I feel she’s ever really present with me n a nice biproduct of that is we both get to feel good n the pressure in my nuts eases for a few days but her response is to find different excuses on y she won’t be intimate one day it’s because I interrupted her game the next day maybe I made a joke she didn’t think was funny enough or I was snoring last nite or i slurped my pasta or soup n the lost never seems to end so naturally I get upset n we argue n mid argyuement she’ll say u kno I was actually going to suggest we could fool around today but because of (insert random excuse here) now we’re def not doing anything for god knows how long am I wrong or crazy to get hurt by this? do I continue to allow myself esteem to slowly evaporate because her clear inability to love me as much as I love her?do I have enough love for us both to get over this hump or should I call it quits cuz she’s too obsessed with me providing her with financial security and should I once again pack all my things n move back cross country

tl;dr my girlfriend doesn’t give me the physical intimacy I’ve been asking for our entire relationship unless I initiate. And even then she turns me down a lot with excuses, one being that I don’t give her enough security . It makes me feel unloved. Should I stay or move back cross country?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Disastrous-Orange366 on 2024-01-19 03:41:39+00:00.

My friend (f16) confided in me(f16) in a matter that is making it a verg tough time for her. She never told me as a secret or anything but it is quite obvious I shouldn’t have told anyone.

I made the mistake of telling my two brothers and now I feel an extreme amount of guilt. She confided in me, and now I feel as though I have broken her trust completely. My brothers were also not happy with me because I told them this, they said I broke her trust and shouldn’t tell them stuff like that. They said that they wouldn’t tell anyone, and told me to never do it again.

I feel super guilty and feel so bad, she is a great friend and I feel super bad. Should I tell her what I did or should I just keep it a secret?

tl;dr my friend confided in me and I told my brothers

Thanks in advance.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Gustwalker1996 on 2024-01-19 07:56:06+00:00.

TL;DR when my bf is sick or upset with work he withdrawals from me physically and mentally. I can't tell him how that makes me feel because them I'm called selfish, but I hate that he can play this card and leaving me feeling like this.

Together for a little more than a year. Living together for 4 months.

So my bf has been sick on and off for the past couple of months. Broken toe, fever, stomach-ache, covid, cold, you name it. Right now he played sports outside in -3 and has a cough and light fever with some stomach pains again.

Every time he gets sick or work doesn't go well he withdrawals from me I've noticed. Normally we have sex 4 times a week ish and cuddly every day on the couch watching a show in the evening or in bed, but none of that at all. He is on his phone the whole time and ignores me, doesn't ask stuff like how did you sleep and is very easily agitated. I haven't had 1 single kiss or hug yesterday. Only his cold feet against me in his sleep.

I can't tell him I miss physical/emotional contact or just to be seem because then I'm called selfish and misunderstanding him because he doesn't feel well. He will get more pissed off and withdrawals even more until he feels better.

I have a very bad chronic deaease that had got me bedridden of pain multiple times a week until my surgery last year. I still had sex with him and cuddled him because it was more worth to me than feeling in pain.

I'm starting to feel resentful to him he has the power to just withdrawal from me and think he is selfish for doing so. It hurts me and feels like a rejection and like im being played with. It also sucks I can't tell him how I feel about it.

What can I do about this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heartistorntopieces on 2024-01-19 07:54:31+00:00.

Already posted this in another sub but I so badly need help, I’m so torn.

This all started with a dream. I (19NB), have a best friend (22M) and we’ve been best friends for 3 years now (yes I know the age gap is a little concerning looking back on it but we met through work and we stayed in contact after both moving on)

I adore him and I always have, he’s the only male friend I’ve had that hasn’t made me uncomfortable. We meet at least twice a week to spend time together and it’s always fun and easy. The issue with this post is, I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for 4 years and while I adore him, this dream changed something within me.

On to the dream. (This was a lucid dream for more info) It happened 2 weeks ago, and it was one of the most peaceful dreams I’ve had in years. It started with my best friend and I going on a walk in our local city, then we entered this one store with a cafe that happens to sell lego. For some reason we decided to have a drink at the cafe so we sat next to each other and I remember that I was just sitting staring into space before I noticed my best friend playing with my hair and staring at me with this… look on his face. I tried to say “what are you looking at?” But all that came out was “what” before he kissed me. I woke up immediately after feeling so weird and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I think he knows something is up because I was oddly quiet and didn’t hug him when I saw him on Tuesday. Because I wanted to kiss him.

I feel awful, like I’ve betrayed him and my boyfriend. This sucks

Tl;dr: Had a dream that I kissed my best friend and now it’s all I think about and I feel like the worst person in the world because I already have a boyfriend

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Street-Dragonfly2933 on 2024-01-19 07:30:49+00:00.

I've been with my bf of 5 yrs. I hid one of my previous relationship from him because I was scared he would judge me. Recently we've gotten serious about each other so I told him about said previous relationship. I had already told him about it few months ago but now he's furious when we talked about it again. I understand his anger and I have apologised but he won't talk to me anymore. What can I do to make him understand that we can still move forward and that was all in the past??

tl;dr I hid my relationship from my bf because I thought he would judge me and now that I told him he is furious

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAescape1 on 2024-01-19 07:30:44+00:00.

It’s is really hard to admit, but I don’t think I love my girlfriend anymore. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had, the only person I’ve ever slept with and we’ve been dating for about one and a half years. Despite not technically living together she’s stayed the night every night for the past year, she wants to move in together and asks me questions like if I’d want to get married one day. When we first started dating I thought it was love at first sight. We’d get drunk and I’d tell her how much I loved her and that I wanted to marry her and I believed it, but around September of last year things started declining almost as if I was coming out of a fog.

I think a part of it is that I miss my friends and family. I spend 24/7 of my time with her, we even work together. Although it’s my fault I don’t spend much time with other people, because I’m to scared to bring her around my family, which is a whole mess that makes her feel worse, I know is my fault and I feel like crap because of it. But I still wish I could spend time with other people that aren’t her.

That aside, I can’t imagine myself marrying her anymore, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to break up with her. we are both very fragile depressed people and I don’t know how either of us would cope with it.

Maybe I never really loved her, or maybe I’m just a piece of s*** that doesn’t want to put the effort into loving someone. I don’t know I just feel trapped and I don’t want to hurt her anymore than I already have.

I don’t believe in god, but lately I’ve been praying that he would just put me down.

TLDR: I’m stupid and bad at relationships, should I break up with my gf if I’m depressed and no longer feel love for her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Anonymous_71949 on 2024-01-19 06:55:12+00:00.

husband and i have been together for over a year

this was awhile ago, husband (m23) didn’t go through with it. but his best friend (m23??) since childhood tried to talk him into it because “it would be funny” i already know the best friend doesn’t like me (f23) i don’t know why. i’ve met him once.

anyway. i’ve told my husband, more than once, the only thing i want from his best friend is an apology, that’s it otherwise i don’t want to talk to him and i don’t want to be around him.

Chances are we have to travel this weekend and he wants to go see his best friend whether i want to or not, according to my husband, best friend doesn’t have to apologize.

is this behaviour like okay??? because to me it’s not. i know my husband understands where i’m coming from. but he’s telling both of us two different things because he wants to keep both relationships and not lose either us.

advice??

td:lr husbands best friend tried to get husband to cheat on me, husband doesn’t believe best friend should apologize to me, i do. advice?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heftybacon on 2024-01-19 05:58:00+00:00.

I hope everyone is well. Sorry, this is going to be a long post.

I (F27) met FWB (M27) two years ago and we went into it as FWB because we were not looking to date. I got out of an abusive relationship three years ago and have been seeing a therapist to work on myself.

Last year he confessed his feelings and wanted to start dating. I told him I was interested and a few days later he got cold feet. His reasons: commitment issues, thoughts / responsibilities scared him, felt unworthy, conflicted as he felt he needed to be right before being with someone. It did hurt me. I look back and think I should have cut it off then.

I asked how we could move forward. He said it was selfish but he wanted to remain friends and he’d work on himself that one day he could be intimate with someone. We got drunk one night and ended up sleeping with each other and resumed the benefits.

I knew after what happened that there was never going to be hope of us getting together. I strictly saw it as FWB and we set that boundary. I communicated about how it made me feel hurt and he told me he felt horrible and made him realise to think before he acts.

Last month he asked if we remove the benefits, would I still be his friend. I made it clear from day one if I ever got a boyfriend that I would not continue the FWB including the friend aspect. He tried to not have the benefits in hopes I would still be his friend if I was partnered. My answer stayed the same.

This week he asked if I wanted to go on a picnic for Valentines Day as a friend date. I declined and we had a chat about boundaries. He had been sending mixed signals since after what happened. I should have called it out earlier. I asked if he ever had feelings or his headed was clouded by FWB. He said he thinks it’s the latter.

I told him he needed to figure what is going through his head because he has no idea at all on the things he says or does. I said we need to end this and he started to cry and asked to give it time as he does not want to lose me as a friend. He wants to give it a month so he can see a therapist and sort himself out and if I still feel the same after a month then he would understand.

I feel terrible for upsetting him. Is it worth giving it a month to view everything or cut my losses now?

TLDR: FWB asked to date and then retracted two days later. Fell back into FWB and I do not have hope of it going further. FWB blurs the lines. Asked me to go on a friend date for valentines day and I told him no - had a discussion and I wanted to end it but he asked for time.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Realistic_Memory_904 on 2024-01-19 03:52:52+00:00.

tl;dr: GF keeps telling other guys online that she loves them, even after having talked multiple times about it. The last time I made it clear that I will not tolerate it and end the relationship. She did it again and I feel bad about ending the relationship but also dont know what else to do.

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So basicly we have been together for around 2 years now and its the third time I 1000% caught her again talking to other guys how she loves them and would do inappropriate stuff with them, sometimes in detail. And that is only where I am certain, she is talking with a bunch of other guys, where I havent noticed too much bad yet.

Now I might be the asshole here for checking her phone, but I only did those specific chats after I saw her writing with the same guys over multiple months and seeing her tell them multiple times she loves them while we were watching movies/videos/etc...

The first time the guy believed they were in a relationship, because they wrote each other multiple times they are and there is nobody else. After I figured it out and talked to her multiple times after our relationship started, she told me how sad he was and she was afraid he would get depressed, etc...

My solution then was that she had to explain everything to him, that she is in a real relationship and why she lied to him. I believed she lied to him in fear of him doing self harm if she didnt, because I had friends who did similiar things in the past.

The second time she told me it started when things in our relationship went bad and we didnt see each other for a week and he was like a shoulder to cry on, that nothing bad happened, etc... Though she did send him private like half naked pics and he was constantly talking badly about me, trying to force end the relationship from outside.

My solution was maybe quite asshole, but honestly I felt it needed to be either him or me. I specifically told her talking to others about relationship problems will only make it worse, you solve it with me or you end it. I also specifically made it clear that this is the second time and I will not tolerate it anymore if she tells others how much she loves them.

Now the third time the guy is on to her. He even told her that she is teasing him, telling him she loves him, acting like things get further, but then still beeing with me and trying to not step over the line where it could be considered cheating. That everytime the relationship with me is going great he gets forgotten and once it gets a bit rough she comes back to him.

The thing is, I dont have a solution now, I specifically told her that I will not tolerate it last time. I told her it would be over on the spot then without discussion. But I honestly feel terrible. I dont want it to end, but I feel this will just continue happening for eternity if I dont. And I fear of talking to her about it, knowing that it wont change anything. Feeling I am pressured into ending the relationship then on the spot if I do talk to her or will never be taken seriously by her.

Am I thinking wrong? Is there something we can do? Should we just end it? I am only 99% sure she never cheated irl because those guys are usually found in online games from other countries. But at this point Its a coinflip for me whether she would if given the opportunity.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Daquii on 2024-01-19 03:25:12+00:00.

I (M26) have been with my fiancée (F26) for 5 months and we are getting married late this year. When discussing the idea of our song for the first dance, she told me she “already knows exactly what it should be”, Lips of an Angel by Hinder.

Now don’t get me wrong, I like some butt rock every now and then, but the entire premise of that song is a man calling his mistress and cheating on his woman. Some questionable wedding lyrics in the song, for those who don’t know it, are “you make it hard to be faithful”, or “my girls in the next room, sometimes I wish she was you”.

Is this a serious no-no? Is this a red flag of some sort? I didn’t even know what to tell her, I explained the lyrics and everything to her but she said “nobody even knows that, the song just sounds nice. It sounds like a love song”

!?!!?!

TLDR: My fiancée wants our wedding song to be a song about cheating on your spouse.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Leolover812 on 2024-01-19 02:04:15+00:00.

My (36F) husband (40M) of 8.5 years told me he believes he was born in the wrong gender. He believes he should have been born a female. He is considering transitioning MTF. To say I am shocked is an understatement. He has never indicated this in our entire relationship (13 years). I feel very overwhelmed. I love my husband but I am not attracted to women. I married a man. I didn’t marry a woman. We have a 20 month old son. I feel so conflicted and don’t know what to do or think. Everything about the life I thought I had is gone. He says he has felt this way since 12/13 years old. While I’m sad for him that he had to hide his true self all these years, I’m angry because if he thought that why did he just string me along like this? Only to say it hasn’t been his true self all this time. Now we have this life, this beautiful baby boy, good careers and family and friends we are close to and it’s not even true. It’s a lie. I am just crying thinking about how this will affect our relationship, our son, family and friends. I won’t lie I don’t know if I can continue the relationship. I want to support him but right now I’m just so shocked and blindsided. I don’t even know what I’m looking for here. I can’t tell anyone this and I’m feeling so alone. Has anyone else gone through this?

TL:dr my husband told me he is transgender and I don’t know what that means for our life together

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Outrageous-Bad-4736 on 2024-01-19 03:08:54+00:00.

I've been seeing a man who I have developed deep feeling for over the past 6 months. He has a fairly intense job, has language classes he teaches on Saturday and an 18 y/o daughter. It seems like with all that he wouldn't necessarily pursue a relationship but he did with me. We have so much in common, so many shared interests and the conversation is amazing. The problem is that he always tries to make plans at the last minute which is hard for me because I typically plan out my week to have time for my friends, family, and the things I need to do for myself. It's become a struggle because whenever we do try to plan ahead something always comes up and that plan takes time away from something else I could have done. It's getting very hard and no matter how I feel I'm starting to want to just walk away. I don't want him to think I'm trying to manipulate him or something but I can't manage having a relationship like this. Any experience or advice would be much appreciated.

TL;DR Am I wrong to expect him to be able to make space and plan ahead with me?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Accurate-College9229 on 2024-01-19 03:05:49+00:00.

I am currently in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, and initially, everything was going exceptionally well last year. I was receiving a lot of love and attention; she used to call and text me frequently. However, after she began her job as a Pharmacist at the hospital, I anticipated she might leave her position at the private business, but she decided to continue working there and now has afternoon shifts as a part time job there. So she works two jobs. I dont want her to stop growing and I respect her for it, but I knew she would have less time for me.

I acknowledge that she is making an effort, but I've noticed a decline in her responses, and she rarely initiates calls anymore. I find myself reaching out more than she does, and this has been going on for the past four months. It's disheartening because I sense a growing emotional distance. I hesitate to bring it up as I know it affects her when I do.

I genuinely want our relationship to succeed, but I'm at a loss for what to do. I am planning to visit her for her birthday on February 2nd, but I feel a noticeable change on her end, which is causing me emotional distress. Reddit, I need guidance. I love her deeply, but I am uncertain about how to navigate this situation.

Tldr; I 22M Need advice on the way forward with my relationship with my gf 24F. How do I navigate this?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA_Ms440 on 2024-01-19 03:03:58+00:00.

We have been together for 8 years and I stopped to really think about it and I realize that other than (once in a blue moon) commenting on my smile, he never ever says anything about my looks. Unless it's something negative, which he usually frames in a joking manner.

Now I don't really comment on his looks either, however I also never say anything negative. If he asks me how he looks, I always respond positively. He does ask me these questions (ex: "how is my hair?", "does this shirt look ok?", "are these pants too tight?"). I have never made "put down" jokes about his appearance. I don't personally ask how I look because I just never have done that (I mean not even as a teenager).

Anyway, I realized that he always makes joking comments that are negative. To give you an idea:

"Are you really going to wear that coat? Yes? Ok. No, I think it's great. You should always wear it."

"You do love those comfortable shoes, don't you?"

"You never wanted to try something different with your hair? Ok. I think that's great! Yeah, stick to what you like."

"Oh...mom jeans again?"

"Leggings again. No, I'm not saying anything negative about them. I should start wearing them too. They look....comfortable."

"What is that smell? Oh, it's your PERFUME?? Ok" <-- this about my favourite perfume that I've been wearing, lightly, since I met him...now I no longer wear it.

I honestly TRY to look good for him. But it doesn't seem to matter...either he never notices or apparently I'm missing the mark. For example, he commented several times on a warm black winter coat I had (in a joking, albeit negative, manner). I got insecure about it and bought a different one that is still warm but more form fitting. He didn't notice. Then the next winter he started making comments about it too, so then I (stupidly) just wore my lighter weight form-fitting fall jacket all winter. He didn't comment on it, but at least he didn't make jokes about it.

I think I dress like an average woman. I see lots of women dressed exactly like me. I never dress like a slob, even at home. For the jeans, I tried to tell him they definitely are not "mom jeans" (which actually are coming back in style anyway), but he just insists they are. I have several different style of jeans, but he's jokingly commented on all of them.

I've gotten rid of SO MANY clothing items that he's commented on (and they are just regular normal clothes...nothing weird or out-there). I'm just starting to feel weary because it keeps happening. He normally says nothing (zilch, zero) about how I look but if he does, it's always something negative. This winter I finally bought a new coat. And it's cute (I confirmed this with my 2 younger cousins....one of which bought the same coat). I wore it...no comments. Ok great (because I was sick of freezing all winter). Now after wearing it for 2 months he finally made a comment ("wow, that's really the coat you want to be seen it, huh? No, I think it's fine!").

He's the type of person who notices other people all the time. He'll notice everything (if someone got a haircut, if they changed their nail polish, etc). I recently got 6 inches cut off my hair and he didn't even notice. He himself isn't an overly spiffy dresser either. His niece was over on the weekend and she gave him a hug and he told her she smells good. It was her shampoo. Well, I use the exact same brand and he's NEVER said I smell good.

I just feel either unseen or like he thinks I'm ugly. But maybe he just is this way because we are together? Or maybe he thinks joking in a negative way is "teasing"? I have no idea but it really hurts both my feelings and confidence. Should I sit him down and tell him to show me the exact clothes he wants to see me in?? (Up until now I've hesitated on doing that because I'm afraid even if I wear them he won't think I look good and that will crush me). SOS

tldr: partner makes jokingly negative comments about my clothes, but never says anything positive.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Trick_Document_4598 on 2024-01-19 02:55:33+00:00.

We've been together for about 7 months now and he's (30M) ALWAYS been too distracted by his friends and family to ever give me (23F) any attention in front of them, but lately it's been getting worse and it's like he just wants to be away from me. But when we're alone he's lovey dovey again and wants to speak to me. :( has anyone experienced this? I don't need advice I just really wanna feel understood, I know I should talk to him about it and I will, I probably just need to be more present but it's extremely difficult for me because I have extreme anxiety and am pregnant so I can't really treat it right now. 😩

TL;DR! my boyfriend ignores me in front of his friends. I was wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar and what did you do. Thank you, xoxo.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrypticW91f on 2024-01-19 02:47:23+00:00.

Ever since getting to know my fiancé better, I’ve been startled to find out how many times she’s lied to me. It starts off with white lies, but it got worse. I had noticed a messenger thread open on her phone when she was on it that looked Interesting. She had swiped it away quickly and later I looked on her messenger (we have each other’s passwords and had agreed to have an open phone relationship). I found she had video chatted an ex-boyfriend for over an hour, then another day for 20 mins. I carefully confronted her about it and she denied it. Then she finally opened up about phone s*x and cried and told me she was sorry and felt super wrong about it. I was very understanding and we talked about it. She blocked him and agreed to cut him out completely. But when I asked for his number (to look out for it if he called), she told me no and deleted it from her phone and told me she didn’t have it anymore. Later I found out it was blocked, but she still could access it. I feel upset to my stomach about all this as she gets very upset and angry if I say anything about him. Recently she changed her phone password (even though we had discussed having unlimited access to each others phones) and after a disagreement (we don’t really fight), I overheard her on the phone with her sister telling her she’s probably done with me and would go back to this toxic dude if he could grow up. (Even after telling me she is strictly lesbian). I’m not sure if she’s trying to please her sister (who is homophobic) or was being honest. But I don’t know if I should confront her about it or not. I feel something is very off as the only thing I’ve ever done is be open and loving to her. But I feel she’s hiding a lot and it’s hard bc I know she’s been through a lot of trauma, and love her and don’t want to lose her. But I’m struggling bc I don’t want to be lied to. She also gets upset because I don’t completely trust her, and said she doesn’t want me invading her privacy on her phone anymore, even though she still wants to continue the relationship and I’m giving my all. I’m lost and advice would be great. To be fair, I have seen a lot of improvement from her from her trauma and old ways to be more conducive to the relationship and family life (I have 2 kids). I’m just not sure if she’s just telling everyone what they want to hear.

Tl,Dr version: I caught my fiancé talking to a toxic and selfish ex, she gets upset and closes off if his name is mentioned, I have been more than forgiving and understanding, but I still feel she’s hiding something.