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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/heftybacon on 2024-01-19 05:58:00+00:00.
I hope everyone is well. Sorry, this is going to be a long post.
I (F27) met FWB (M27) two years ago and we went into it as FWB because we were not looking to date. I got out of an abusive relationship three years ago and have been seeing a therapist to work on myself.
Last year he confessed his feelings and wanted to start dating. I told him I was interested and a few days later he got cold feet. His reasons: commitment issues, thoughts / responsibilities scared him, felt unworthy, conflicted as he felt he needed to be right before being with someone. It did hurt me. I look back and think I should have cut it off then.
I asked how we could move forward. He said it was selfish but he wanted to remain friends and he’d work on himself that one day he could be intimate with someone. We got drunk one night and ended up sleeping with each other and resumed the benefits.
I knew after what happened that there was never going to be hope of us getting together. I strictly saw it as FWB and we set that boundary. I communicated about how it made me feel hurt and he told me he felt horrible and made him realise to think before he acts.
Last month he asked if we remove the benefits, would I still be his friend. I made it clear from day one if I ever got a boyfriend that I would not continue the FWB including the friend aspect. He tried to not have the benefits in hopes I would still be his friend if I was partnered. My answer stayed the same.
This week he asked if I wanted to go on a picnic for Valentines Day as a friend date. I declined and we had a chat about boundaries. He had been sending mixed signals since after what happened. I should have called it out earlier. I asked if he ever had feelings or his headed was clouded by FWB. He said he thinks it’s the latter.
I told him he needed to figure what is going through his head because he has no idea at all on the things he says or does. I said we need to end this and he started to cry and asked to give it time as he does not want to lose me as a friend. He wants to give it a month so he can see a therapist and sort himself out and if I still feel the same after a month then he would understand.
I feel terrible for upsetting him. Is it worth giving it a month to view everything or cut my losses now?
TLDR: FWB asked to date and then retracted two days later. Fell back into FWB and I do not have hope of it going further. FWB blurs the lines. Asked me to go on a friend date for valentines day and I told him no - had a discussion and I wanted to end it but he asked for time.