This is an automated archive.
The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CrypticW91f on 2024-01-19 02:47:23+00:00.
Ever since getting to know my fiancé better, I’ve been startled to find out how many times she’s lied to me. It starts off with white lies, but it got worse. I had noticed a messenger thread open on her phone when she was on it that looked Interesting. She had swiped it away quickly and later I looked on her messenger (we have each other’s passwords and had agreed to have an open phone relationship). I found she had video chatted an ex-boyfriend for over an hour, then another day for 20 mins. I carefully confronted her about it and she denied it. Then she finally opened up about phone s*x and cried and told me she was sorry and felt super wrong about it. I was very understanding and we talked about it. She blocked him and agreed to cut him out completely. But when I asked for his number (to look out for it if he called), she told me no and deleted it from her phone and told me she didn’t have it anymore. Later I found out it was blocked, but she still could access it. I feel upset to my stomach about all this as she gets very upset and angry if I say anything about him. Recently she changed her phone password (even though we had discussed having unlimited access to each others phones) and after a disagreement (we don’t really fight), I overheard her on the phone with her sister telling her she’s probably done with me and would go back to this toxic dude if he could grow up. (Even after telling me she is strictly lesbian). I’m not sure if she’s trying to please her sister (who is homophobic) or was being honest. But I don’t know if I should confront her about it or not. I feel something is very off as the only thing I’ve ever done is be open and loving to her. But I feel she’s hiding a lot and it’s hard bc I know she’s been through a lot of trauma, and love her and don’t want to lose her. But I’m struggling bc I don’t want to be lied to. She also gets upset because I don’t completely trust her, and said she doesn’t want me invading her privacy on her phone anymore, even though she still wants to continue the relationship and I’m giving my all. I’m lost and advice would be great. To be fair, I have seen a lot of improvement from her from her trauma and old ways to be more conducive to the relationship and family life (I have 2 kids). I’m just not sure if she’s just telling everyone what they want to hear.
Tl,Dr version: I caught my fiancé talking to a toxic and selfish ex, she gets upset and closes off if his name is mentioned, I have been more than forgiving and understanding, but I still feel she’s hiding something.