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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Realistic_Memory_904 on 2024-01-19 03:52:52+00:00.
tl;dr: GF keeps telling other guys online that she loves them, even after having talked multiple times about it. The last time I made it clear that I will not tolerate it and end the relationship. She did it again and I feel bad about ending the relationship but also dont know what else to do.
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So basicly we have been together for around 2 years now and its the third time I 1000% caught her again talking to other guys how she loves them and would do inappropriate stuff with them, sometimes in detail. And that is only where I am certain, she is talking with a bunch of other guys, where I havent noticed too much bad yet.
Now I might be the asshole here for checking her phone, but I only did those specific chats after I saw her writing with the same guys over multiple months and seeing her tell them multiple times she loves them while we were watching movies/videos/etc...
The first time the guy believed they were in a relationship, because they wrote each other multiple times they are and there is nobody else. After I figured it out and talked to her multiple times after our relationship started, she told me how sad he was and she was afraid he would get depressed, etc...
My solution then was that she had to explain everything to him, that she is in a real relationship and why she lied to him. I believed she lied to him in fear of him doing self harm if she didnt, because I had friends who did similiar things in the past.
The second time she told me it started when things in our relationship went bad and we didnt see each other for a week and he was like a shoulder to cry on, that nothing bad happened, etc... Though she did send him private like half naked pics and he was constantly talking badly about me, trying to force end the relationship from outside.
My solution was maybe quite asshole, but honestly I felt it needed to be either him or me. I specifically told her talking to others about relationship problems will only make it worse, you solve it with me or you end it. I also specifically made it clear that this is the second time and I will not tolerate it anymore if she tells others how much she loves them.
Now the third time the guy is on to her. He even told her that she is teasing him, telling him she loves him, acting like things get further, but then still beeing with me and trying to not step over the line where it could be considered cheating. That everytime the relationship with me is going great he gets forgotten and once it gets a bit rough she comes back to him.
The thing is, I dont have a solution now, I specifically told her that I will not tolerate it last time. I told her it would be over on the spot then without discussion. But I honestly feel terrible. I dont want it to end, but I feel this will just continue happening for eternity if I dont. And I fear of talking to her about it, knowing that it wont change anything. Feeling I am pressured into ending the relationship then on the spot if I do talk to her or will never be taken seriously by her.
Am I thinking wrong? Is there something we can do? Should we just end it? I am only 99% sure she never cheated irl because those guys are usually found in online games from other countries. But at this point Its a coinflip for me whether she would if given the opportunity.