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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Left_Abbreviations92 on 2024-01-19 03:57:47+00:00.
Buckle up you guys, this is gonna be a long one. so, during summer my boyfriend was very close with this one friend group. there were 8 of them. 5 guys including him, as well as 2 girls. the all used to play video games together and would sometimes even go out. these two girls had a thing for him, regardless of the fact that he had a girlfriend. one of the girls (lets call her g1) even went as far as making a spottify playlist for him and there were sex songs in there and everything. the other girl (g2) gifted him a really expensive perfume for no reason at all. i talked to him about these two girls and about how it lowkey bothered me. he just told me that they were just friends and they’ve been friends even before we got into a relationship. i tried to be understanding because id never ask him to drop his friends for me. so i let it slide and put my faith in him. fast forward a few weeks after that and we have an argument, the next morning i wake up and i see that he was with that friend group for the night and one of the girls (g2) had taken him home. keep in mind that he did this in the middle of our argument and he never texted me saying he was going out. i talked him about his actions and how it made me feel. at the time, HE broke up with me.
Fast forward a week later. during that week, i was sure that it really was over as he had asked me to remove him on everything. but eventually he reached out to me confessing his feeling and love for me. with some deep thought,, i realized i didn’t want to end the relationship and give it all up then and there. so we got back together.
a couple days after we got back together, he looks through my phone and opens a conversation i had with my friend at the time we were broken up. in the text message, i had told my friend that a previous ex (not him) had come into the store and i hadn’t seen him in a while. i never talked to him, i just texted my friend and sent the emoji “😮”. farther down that text, i had written a text saying hot girl summer. my boyfriend then talks to me about it and asks me if i had found my ex attractive and that was why i reacted with that emoji. i proceeded to tell him that wasn’t the case at all and i was just surprised to see him. he tells me “anyone would think what i thought.” he then brings up the hot girl summer message and i try explaining it to him that i didn’t mean it in a context where i was gonna get with many guys (the usual meaning). i told him that i simply meant it as though i was gonna go out with my friends everyday go to the gym and just live life. i tried explaining it to him and he told me that anyone who saw that text would see it in a context where im hoeing around. i explained to him that iam not like that. (i literally focus so hard on my studies and i only go out to go to the gym or work usually. i don’t have any guy friends whatsoever and i avoid contact with all guys unless i really need to as we have had a conversation about that before and those were his standards so i followed them.)
next up, there was this one guy who i knew from friends of friends who had followed me on social media. i followed him back as we had many mutual friends and i didn’t see any intention with his actions. however, he then proceeded to like all of my photos and react. i told my boyfriend about this and i blocked him on every social media platform i had.
(a bit more context, my mom does not like our relationship and my mom and i have a bad relationship as well.) fast forward to now, when i was just trying to bring up something about another girl (different from the two). this girl was on his private story. he had previously told me before that he thinks she is weird because she tries to act too close with him. but as soon as i heard that he had put her into his private story i was confused. to me, why is he so weirded out by the girl acting close with her if he’s adding her onto his private story? and while im trying to talk to him about this, he brings out the situation with me following the guy back.
he tells me that there was no reason i should’ve followed this guy back. he proceeds to call me a “pick me”, said i match people’s energy all the time for no reason and says that i was seeking validation from other people. he says that me knowing that this guy “wanted” me made me happy. he told me that after the instance with the “hot girl summer text” and me following the guy back, he made a promise to himself that he wouldn’t let himself get too attached to me anymore. he told me that he loved me less and less and was tired of overthinking everyday. he would tell me things like “you never truly know a person” or “i don’t know what goes on through your head.” his lack of trust was evident, and when i tried bringing up the different instances he’s had with girls, he proceeded to tell me that the reason as to why i never stopped trusting him or was never overthinking about those girls was because of the image he had built of himself for me. he said that he made it so i was sure he wasn’t the type of guy to cheat. and he told me that was where i lacked. he said that i knew his mom and her values and it was always made known to me that i can trust him. he told me that was why he had been pushing to get closer with my mom, to try and find something that’ll prove that iam loyal towards him. i honestly feel so lost and so at fault, but do you genuinely think it was me. i don’t know if i should reach out and try to fix it again or if i should just leave it. part of me feels wrong but i also grew up with him.
TL;DR i don’t know if he’s manipulative or i’m just crazy