Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/matmikus on 2024-01-21 06:56:42+00:00.

Sorry if this is very unstructured and over-detailed, this happened pretty recently and I've got many thoughts that I haven't been able to sort out yet.

Yesterday, my girlfriend of 3 years and I were supposed to see each other and from the start of the day, I got pretty weird vibes from her messages. When we met, she said she wanted to take a break for several reasons. This came as a shock to me, since except from the messages, I had absolutely no indication of it coming. One reason was that recently she's been studying a lot and she's been very stressed from school and work. The other is that there are some pretty big differences between us, such as her being a culture lover, often going to theatres, museums, ballet and such - I'm not a particular fan of any of those things, but at least every once in a while, I try to join her if something is happening that might interest me at least a little bit and she asks if I want to go. Me on the other hand, I just want to hang out with the people I love without regard for the location as long as it's not too loud or expensive and it's not something I straight up don't like (ballet, theatre). That leads to us commonly seeing each other at our houses or on walks in the city, which I realize might not be ideal for her, but in my defense, we only see each other 2 times per week at most and usually only for around 3 hours. I don't want to spend the little time (imo) we have doing something I don't enjoy. I would like to see her more frequently, but she doesn't have the time because she studies and works a lot (which she doesn't have to, she has close to zero expenses) and I believe that if we could see each other at least 3 times a week, I wouldn't have a problem "sacrificing" one day a week doing something she wants to do. We had talked about this problem several times but never really found a solution since it would either require me to change what I like doing in my free time or for her to find more time for our relationship.

She said that this hasn't bothered her that much before, but lately it's been bothering her more and wants to take a break to see if she is overthinking it and if it's something that she can live without, or if it's really something that would be a deal breaker in the long run. I find that to be pretty fair. What I find weird is that the day before, she texted me that her parents proposed for us all to get wine together on the night of this talk, and asked me if I was interested, I said yes and she said she would let her parents know. Does that mean that she wasn't going to want to take a break the day before she did it, and only took the time to think it over yesterday?

When I asked her if there was anyone else, or any other reasons involved, she said no and I believe her. She said she has no intentions of seeing anybody else and that she really just wants to be alone, but that if I were to explore, she would respect that. She also said that she really intends for it to be just a break and that she wants to continue the relationship after. I didn't have much to say, since I was in shock, and the reasons she gave kind of made sense. Apparently, she feels the weight of the problem is bigger when she is alone and has the time to ponder about it more, but then every time we see each other she realizes that I'm great (her words) and it would be stupid to end it over a problem that doesn't seem that important (until she starts thinking about it alone again and the cycle continues). She cried and said that it felt like she was being stupid and making a mistake, but that it had to be done.

I also have some stuff that I don't like about her, but every time there has been a hardship in my life, be it in our relationship or in other areas, I always came to the conclusion that her little imperfections didn't matter, hard times had always shown me that what ultimately mattered to me was that I had her and I made sure to tell her that yesterday. We aren't supposed to communicate at all for the next month. When we said goodbye, I expected to go home and cry a lot, since I still mostly think that it's over, but I haven't really been feeling that sad, mostly just confused. It feels humiliating to be on a break you didn't want and you just have to wait for the verdict, as if you were in court. As much as I respect her reasons for the break, I can't help but feel it is kind of selfish of her, as she could have told me before that she was considering this and perhaps we could've prevented it. Is it a bad sign that I don't feel that sad? Maybe I don't actually miss her that much? For full transparency, she is both my first girlfriend and sexual partner and since I'm 22, I have wondered for some time if I really want her to be my only until I die, and this both feels like the end of something good, but also like the start of other opportunities arising and me being able to have experiences, which I might regret not doing when I'm older.

Once again, I'm sorry if this post is a mess, English is my second language, I'm sleep deprived and my thoughts are racing, I still feel like left out so much. But thank you for reading this far.

I'll be glad to hear what other people think - is there any chance the relationship survives? Thanks a lot.

TL:DR: my girlfriend of 3 years suddenly wants to go on a break, I'm 99% certain there isn't any cheating or whatever involved, but the suddenness of it has got me feeling confused, and I'm not quite sure what to do now.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/gregv2 on 2024-01-21 06:44:56+00:00.

I’m a lot older than my GF and I feel bad that she’s wasting her best years with me.

First, we’re awesome together and we love each completely. We’re both divorced, she’s 40 and and I’m 64.

I’m not a typical 64. People think I’m way younger based on my physical appearance.

She is also a young 40 and incredibly attractive.

Our kids (both from earlier marriages) are adults and all are successful.

We’ve been together for 3 yrs and have a wonderful lifestyle. We’re basically living a blessed life with money, friends, family and the ability to be together without any incumbencies.

We’re both completely committed to each other. When I had cancer last year, she stuck by me with no hesitation. We support each other in all areas endeavors and look for ways to elevate one another.

Given our age gap, it’s likely I will start the “check out” process well before her and leave her as a widow although we’re not married.

I’ve expressed my concern that she’ll be left alone in her 50/60s and she doesn’t care because I make her happy.

I get it and understand, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m stealing her best years.

Should I accept this and continue with our relationship or do I walk away and let her find someone younger?

It would kill me to have to give up someone who is so wonderful and perfect for me but I care so much about her that I only want the best for her, with or without me.

TLDR; I lover but I feel like I’m wasting her best years with me. Should I stay or release her?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/plainjanev2 on 2024-01-21 06:27:18+00:00.

I need some advice on what to do and/or what do you think in my situation.

my partner and I have been together for 5 years now (we are of the same age) for the past 2 years, I’ve been bugging him to have a baby but he keeps on stalling that by saying we are not ready to have one yet because of having a low income and I am not healthy yet. my body clock is ticking, I'm past the high pregnancy age range.

1. I don't have a pre-existing condition, I'm just overweight.
2. Our combined income is enough to have a comfortable life. I pay for household expenses (rent, water/electric utilities, and groceries) he pays car-related expenses and food deliveries. WE Both give our parents, 10k each.

Sometimes, I want a princess/Queen treatment. I want him to want to give me flowers but nada. I want him to volunteer for household chores but nada. I want that under ni misis vibes but nada. Just recently, I was hurt because he teased me about my minor insecurity (that I know he likes about me) in front of our guy friends. One friend even said ‘I can’t even say that my GF’. He always wants to portray a dominant in our relationship.

I love him and I know he loves me. We are at the same wavelength on humor and intelligence, we can talk about anything under the sun. we can tell each other’s crushes, how the day went, what’s our opinion on viral topics on Soc media, or any hypothetical scenarios. We are happy.

TLDR: I want a baby this year and my partner doesn’t want to have one yet. We are living comfortably and happy

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Uno_LeCavalier on 2024-01-21 05:55:34+00:00.

I am 50 and my wife is 47. Happily married for 20 years. We are soulmates.

We have always been stoners. I like to say that I knew she was the one for me when she showed up on our dates with her own weed.

My wife and I have always been on the same page with drug and alcohol use. 12 years ago when it was clear that we drank too much, I quit and months later she followed my lead. We’ve been alcohol-free ever since and our lives improved immeasurably by our decisions to quit drinking. Cannabis was a pretty important tool in helping us give up booze.

We are both employed and doing well, have two well-adjusted teenage kids, and caretake for my mother-in-law who lives with us (she largely is able to pay for her own expenses). I make about $145k/year if my bonus is good and my wife makes about $30k/year. We definitely live comfortably, but the mortgage, college savings for two high school age kids, food for a family of five plus two dogs and two cats, the invariable unexpected expenses, and rising costs all around don’t leave us much room for extras. The one thing we spend on as a family is skiing - we all have season passes and ski almost every weekend during the season. In today’s dollars we are pretty upper middle class, but in the grand scheme of things we are rich by any realistic relative measure.

I stopped using cannabis 5 months ago after an adult lifetime of heavy daily use. I just needed to know what it was like to be truly clear-headed and to understand what exactly it was that I got out of smoking weed. As I turned 50, I also was starting to worry about the long term health effects and the financial sustainability of a daily habit. As it turns out I wasn’t getting much from it - it’s great for about 30 minutes after your first session of the day, but then you’re just chasing maintenance and making yourself tired. I haven’t missed using at all, my energy levels, decision making, and emotional stability have improved, and I’m saving a lot of money.

My wife continues to be a heavy daily user. She vapes from morning to evening to the tune of about $350/month (More than 10% of her income!). Now that I am removed from my own habit, I worry about her heavy use for the same reasons. She’s heavily self-medicating and spending the vast majority of her waking day stoned. I’m pretty sure it tends to make her more prone to easy irritation and likely saps her energy, but it’s such a constant that I don’t have any baseline of comparison. Moreover, as we look eventually towards retirement, that kind of habit simply isn’t practical from a fixed-income financial perspective.

I want to talk to her about all of this but I don’t want to come across as a recently sober holier-than-thou type. Having lived that life with her for 20 years, I get it. But we’re in this squarely middle-aged portion of our lives where we need to grow and evolve to keep ourselves as healthy as possible and maintain a sound financial footing.

I’m struggling to find a starting point for discussion. I’m an attorney, and no matter my intentions or the validity of my message, these kinds of situations invariably turn on the delivery of the message rather than the content. I am a truth-teller, and it turns out that people don’t generally appreciate it when you give it to them.

This community is great for fleshing out issues and finding all the nuances, and helping folks to see different perspectives. I’m hopeful y’all can help me figure this out, and I truly appreciate everyone who takes the time to respond.

TL;DR Long time married stoner couple. I quit cannabis 5 months ago for health and financial reasons, but my wife continues her heavy daily use. I am concerned for her and want to discuss it, but don't want to come across as a holier-than-thou newly sober guy. I would like some help finding a good approach to initiating discussion.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/lifedragon1012_E on 2024-01-21 05:51:06+00:00.

So I can only ever play games with my friends, which is almost the only time I play due to outside circumstances, after 9pm because they often don't want to or have something to do, but my gf only wants to call usually after 9pm, I've tried suggesting the I'll be open before then no matter what, that even if she called at 8:59pm I'll pick up and stay on, but she won't accept it, she's tried to say that we can swap and I get on with them before 9pm and after I'm all open, but as I've said, that can't work due to pretty much just life.

Gaming has been a big part of my life ever since I was probably just a toddler, so it's just integrated into me, it's also how I unwind from the day if anything happened or to just recharge since I'm kind of an introvert. But she's not a gamer in the slightest and is much more of a lover, and don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but she insists that I be available to call at anytime of the day, which I honestly just can't do. She's suggested that I sacrifice weekends to call, but weekends are really the only time I can get on with friends because on weekdays they're doing something or just don't want to get on. So I feel that weekends are too valuable to give up, please tell me if I'm wrong about that though.

I've tried to think of something that would work for both of us, but I just can't. Can anyone please help?

Edit: OK, I think we've found a compromise. I have game time from 8pm-11pm, before and after that I'm open to calls.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwRAsmthwrong2 on 2024-01-21 00:05:48+00:00.

We’ve been together for two and a half years.

I want to preface this by saying I still love him the same, but I just don't get physically turned on the same as I used to. His muscles used to be a lot more pronounced, he has gained about 20kg and is classified as obese. He's been wanting to go to the gym for a while, and I've been encouraging him by saying we should go together as it's something I've been wanting to do, but he hasn't out of laze (?) He hasn't given me a solid reason, he just keeps saying he hasn't made his membership yet, and will do soon, so I've just been going by myself.

I probably sound really shallow for saying this but I've found myself thinking of broad backs and big arms, not on any specific man (and I don't look at other men) but just imagining how good he would look with them, which is his gym goal. I feel awful about it but his current body doesn't attract me as much. I've been doing lots to keep myself in great shape and look good, and I still regularly get hit on by guys (who I ALWAYS turn down) so I know I still look good. I still love him exactly the same, and I won't be leaving him for this, my question is, is this something I should share with him, or should I rid myself of these thoughts?

It's also made things a bit more difficult during sex as he gets out of breath easier and we have to take regular breaks.

TLDR: I was more sexually attracted to my boyfriend when we first got together, do I tell him or do I force myself to stop having these thoughts.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/paige_Riplan on 2024-01-21 00:04:25+00:00.

I'm a 20 year old woman.

I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year. We're both at university.

A week ago I was at his house staying the night with him which I do a lot. I'm usually a really heavy sleeper while he can sometimes struggle. But I suddenly woke up and I thought I could hear water running. It toom me a few seconds to get my bearings together and I turned around to see my boyfriend facing away from me. I perched myself up a bit and I could see that he was urinating in a plastic bottle.

I freaked iut a bit at first. I was startled and blurted our what on earth are you doing. I wish I reacted more calmly but I was shocked. At first he tried to shrug it off like it was nothing saying the bathroom was occupied with one of his housemates and he was desperate. I wasn't sure but then I looked underneath his bed and I saw 2 other bottles filled with pee.

I challenged him again and then he admitted that he'd been doing it for years, keeping bottles underneath the bed down one of the sides that he pees in after he's started to try and sleep. He basically said he does it because he finds it really difficult to get out of bed to go to the bathroom when he's trying to sleep or wakes up needing a pee. He said that he ends up just staring into space for hours and not sleeping because he can't bring himself to get out of the bed to the bathroom. He said he cleans the bottles out every morning when no one else is their.

For me this was super gross and I couldn't believe he thought it was acceptable. Like everyone hates getting out of bed to go to the bathroom but they don't end up peeing in bottles right ?!. Him doing that is bad enough but him doing it while I'm in bed right next to him I found so disgusting.

The thing is other than this he is a super clean well kept man who always makes sure to look after himself. It's one of the many things that drew me to him. He's so lovely as well and I love him. This has come completely out of nowhere and I have no idea how to react. What should I do?

TLDR i caught my boyfriend of over a year urinating into a plastic bottle while I was in bed with him. He has admitted he has been doing it for years because he can't get himself out of bed when he is trying to sleep. I find this super gross and I don't know how to react

UPDATE: So when I say he has sleeping issues. I mean he has full on insomnia. When he has to get out of bed for any reason it makes it almost impossible for him to get any sleep at all after that.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/yzmathegoat on 2024-01-20 22:34:25+00:00.

Hello everyone- here’s the background:

Im a 26F and both my parents are deceased. I was raised by my moms side who consisted of just her, my 2 aunts (and their children), and my great aunt who raised them (also deceased). My mom and aunts were taken away by state in grade school because their bio mom had mental health issues and couldnt care for them. So i really know NO maternal family members.

Well, maybe 4 years ago- my uncle (mother and aunts brother who is in his late 20s/early 30s) found my aunt on fb and let her know he was in the same boat. He was adopted and trying to find out more about his bio family and was able to research and find us along with another sister i found out my mom has, and even some elders that live in the south.

We’ve all stayed in contact over the years and he seems like a great guy. Hes in the military and stationed in California right now (we live in Connecticut) and has a fiancé and baby on the way. I’m a huge traveler and have traveled to many states and also internationally- so I’m not green to travel.

I brought up wanting to go over to CA to meet my only known uncle finally and my bf of almost 3 years and father of my infant, doesn’t want me to go. I tried to reassure him of all the ways I’ll be keeping safe and remaining in contact but he doesn’t care.

Any advice?

TL;DR: my bf doesn’t want me to go cross country to meet my long lost uncle who I’ve been in touch with for 4 years

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwawaywork95 on 2024-01-20 21:40:05+00:00.

TL;DR is basically the title, but here's the longer version:

I (30m) recently started my job 1 year ago.

Initially 2 female colleagues starting giving me the silent treatment, and now around 7 (18-40F) are doing the same, that's around half of all the women at my workplace. They will respond to professional queries etc, but will not return a hello, goodbye, etc or make conversation. One of those female colleagues is leaving (~6 months since she started her silent treatment) and i'm now genuinely curious as to whether it's because of me.

I truly have no idea why these colleagues feel this way about me, but the sheer number of people involved leaves me feeling convinced that I am in the wrong and have done something awful that i'm unaware of (i'm somewhat worried to find out what awful thing I may have done) - If this is the case I would love to have the opportunity to take accountability for it and make up for it. Or maybe they just don't like me as a person? Alternatively, I also wonder if it's a rumour that's gotten out of hand; this is the best case scenario as far as i'm concerned, as I wouldn't have truly done anything awful.

It's odd to me that the male colleagues in my workplace are okay with me and still very friendly. It makes me wonder if the offending act I may have done could have been sexual in nature (I would 100% would never intentionally do anything like that, and i'd be mortified to have been thought to do anything of the sort).

Needless to say the experience has made work both unpleasant and extremely awkward. I'm also questioning my integrity as a person. I'm more than happy to get on with my day and work, but i'd rather get on well with my colleagues if I can help it.

I really just need advice on what to do. This job pays extremely well and is quite local, i'd rather not change if I can help it but I'd prefer not to work in an unpleasant environment. Should I just continue to ignore it? Should I ask a colleague or my boss about it? Should I change jobs?

Thanks for reading.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ZephyrBlueInfinity on 2024-01-20 21:27:29+00:00.

Hello, all. I am terrible when it comes to women and have had an even more terrible relationship with the only girlfriend I’ve ever had.

It wasn’t until I was 37 years old that I got my first girlfriend. Before that I had tried with other women, of course, and even asked some of them out; but, by and large, most of them said “No.” They were nice about it, though. During my 20s and most of my 30s, I’d say I had been on a handful of dates—none of which went beyond the first date. As you could imagine, I thought I was cursed or something.

Then, when I went back to school in order to obtain a new career, I met a fellow classmate who was interested in me. I couldn’t believe it and I needed a couple of friends to confirm that, yes, she was actually interested in me. She was 25 at the time and I was 37, so there was an age gap. But it was our first relationship, so we were both starting out new in that way.

Now, I have no other relationship to compare it to, but I thought it went as normal: We were in the “honeymoon phase” and everything seemed great. There were red flags from the beginning, but we literally didn’t know any better. We were also the most polar opposites one could be and shared no common interests whatsoever; but, we were in love. Long story short, the honeymoon ended and I started to realize maybe this wasn’t a healthy relationship. But we had already moved in together when we moved to “the big city.”

She would criticize me constantly—I didn’t do this right or she made fun of my body or she didn’t like the way I cooked food. It only got worse the longer we were together. I found out it’s the way her family treated her, so I guess that made sense. She would also emotionally and verbally abuse me, regularly making me feel bad about myself. Again, I learned this was the way her family treated her, but one would hope she could’ve moved beyond that when dating someone.

So, after nearly three years together, I realized this wasn’t going to work and I ended it. It was messy, especially since we had been living together for two and a half years by that time. As you could imagine, being roommates with your ex is less than ideal. There were constant fights but eventually it reached something of a cordial agreement to coexist until our lease ended.

Now, the closer we’re getting to our move-out date, she has apologized repeatedly and wants to get back together. To her credit, she has lessened the criticisms and tried to be more sensitive to how I might feel; but, I have no romantic feelings left toward her whatsoever. Maybe as a friend, but that’s it. Still, given my abysmal track record with women, I’m wondering if this will be the only chance I get with a woman. If so, I’m actually debating the idea of getting back together with her even though we’re not right for each other. She’s scared to be alone and—quite honestly—so am I. I know it’s not healthy, but it seems the only option we have if we want to be together with someone.

TL;DR: Should I get back together with my ex (even though it feels wrong) if I don’t want to be forever alone? And thank you if you’ve read all this; it’s a lot : /

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/flakeisshiny on 2024-01-20 21:16:27+00:00.

I don't know how to deal with it. At first I (M29)was staying calm but now it start to be really annoying. Sometimes I just talk normally to her then she (F21) turn it upside down saying that I not respect her. She also bring my past in the situation many times. She read all my old chat conversation that I had with my ex. She ask me questions like did you liked when you kiss your ex? Did you still love her? Did you had good times with your ex? I'm really confuse and I don't know what to reply to her. Its my past and I'm not talking with my ex and I'm not missing them. But my girlfriend blame me for old messages that I used to send to my ex when I was in relationship with them. Is she toxic? How to deal with it? I'm really confused

Tldr: My girlfriend always find a way to fight with me and I start to be tired from it. I love her and I want to make things better.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRApickp on 2024-01-20 19:51:21+00:00.

I have had some issues with my boyfriend about social media use. Him following 1000 girls on tik tok, instagram and facebook. I though we were over it. Then he adds naked women on tik tok and uses the old instagram profile he told me he didn’t use and didn’t remember the log in for and he did everything he told me he wouldn’t. Also I feel like he lacks boundaries with female friends. Maybe I am too much but I am pissed and I know I could never.

It is not insecurity, it is a lack if respect and care since I told him and I agreed. He can do what he want but he needs to understand that if that’s what he want then I am not gonna stay for it and I don’t want ro berate him over and over. How can I trust him in the future if we have a problem, post partum and I cant sex, he is travelling or out alone if this is his character.

I texted him about it and said we could talk later. He has deleted 500 people on tik tok and 100 on facebook, I feel like we need to talk but I don’t want to be lied to and deleting again after we talked just seem pathetic to me. I don’t know if I am overreacting and I am so angry and hurt. It does I can’t trust and I now worry about being cheated on later if this is n’how he is now 9 months in.

I don’t know what to do or if we can move on from this?

Tl;dr: my bf follows 1000s of women on socials and his old ig he said he doesn’t use. Today i saw him using it and adding girls on tik tok. Can i trust?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/astrobloom_ on 2024-01-20 19:02:43+00:00.

should i believe he likes my boobs?

i don't even think i can call them boobs. they are relatively smaller, i am definitely flat chested. nothing really shows but my nipples if i were to just were a shirt with no bra.

i always feel ashamed whenever my boyfriend touches me in the chest, because i've observed that he may have a thing for girls with bigger chest (his female likings on k-pop, anime, and just his past girlfriends as well). it just so happened that he loves me and that my physique may have not been something that crossed him.

but part of me thinks he might wish i had better proportions. i get so embarrassed when we do something sexual and he gets on my chest. i feel sorry for myself and for him.

i know that he loves me and everything, however there's still a lot of things that i feel insecure about, especially my body.

sometimes when bad things happen between us, i overthink and all kinds of reason gets in my head. for example, when he doesn't make plans for us to go out on special occasions (valentine's, festive event in our town, stuff like that), i immediately think it's because he finds me unworthy for that kind of treatment.

i know this is just me being insecure but i just couldn't tell at times. when i look at myself and my needs, i feel like i'm asking more than what i deserve.

i want to please him and i also want him to see my worth. but i don't want to push him to much, because what if he really doesn't see it?

i know i gave him my all since the beginning, but his actions makes me wonder if what i'm doing is still not enough.

i'm scared i will never be pretty enough for him.

tl;dr my boyfriend says my boobs don't bother him but his likings says otherwise. his actions and efforts also confuses me if he knows my worth. how do i figure this out?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/thenileindenial on 2024-01-20 18:26:02+00:00.

I (33M) cheated on my girlfriend (30F) and woman I want to marry one day. It was a one-time thing and I instantly regretted it and I came clean the very next day.

She was devastated and it took me a lot of work to get her back. When I finally got her to give me another chance, I told her I would apologize to her every day if that’s what she needed to understand how sorry I was. And so I did because every single day since we got back together, she brought my infidelity up in some way. Yesterday we were having our best and happiest day together, visiting her sister who just had a baby.

But at night, as we were at the car leaving, she looked at me and said: “you forgot to apologize to me today”. I was shocked - of course I apologized whenever she brought the subject up, but now she was acting like I took a vow to apologize voluntarily, as if to keep this matter alive forever and me constantly guilty and ashamed. I told her that and I made it clear she shouldn’t expect me to flagellate myself every day. It’s not healthy for me or her. I don’t know what to do anymore.

TL;DR: girlfriend expects me to bring up my infidelity every day to offer her an apology

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/meowtrix911 on 2024-01-20 16:40:43+00:00.

Hi everyone, this has been bothering me for a while and I’ve had nobody to talk to about this and it’s really been putting me in a bad place mentally so I figured I’d post it here to hopefully get some advice.

For context: I met my gf in my senior year of college. I was out of state at university (4 hours drive from home) and she is an international student from China. We started dating soon after we met and were seeing each other basically every weekend. My parents were against the relationship from the very beginning and considered her to be like a “working girl” from the start (because of the way she dresses and wears makeup; which side note isn’t even very revealing. She wears designer clothes often but they’re not overly revealing or out of the norm in any way). My mom is also slightly racist against China but I’m not sure how much this is influencing her actions. They told me that I shouldn’t take this relationship seriously and that I should just be with her to “have fun”. I get attached to people somewhat easily and I am not the type of person who goes into relationships for sex with no serious intentions. She is also my first serious girlfriend which my parents also complain about as because she’s my first I don’t know any better and I need to have more experience before I’m serious with anyone. My parents also complain about the fact that my girlfriend is a student and on a student visa even though she has many more years of eligibility to stay in the us and she is majoring in an in demand career field.

So, I was dating her for a while and my parents were okay with it until she came home with me for Christmas. I had been head over heels for this girl up until this point and was completely infatuated so my parents had some merit in saying that I was not myself but things slowly started changing as my parents complaints became more forceful and aggressive. After our vacation together with my parents during winter break I went back to school and we were together when I randomly got a call from my mom telling me that I have to break up with her or else because my mom found on that I took her to eat somewhere expensive for her birthday which was in December. I was able to cool things down by telling my mom I needed time to be able to break up and delayed things saying that I’ll break up by the summer and so on. There were arguments every few weeks which usually resulted in my mom blocking me over something small and then threatening to disown me only for me to beg and apologize and reiterate that I’ll break up by summer.

Fast forward to summer and by this point my mom had a “revelation” and decided to give my gf another chance but things didn’t work out in the end because of a miscommunication and my mom freaking out about little things such as my gf being upset about one of my female friends. At this point my mom threatened to disown me again and blocked me again. However at this point I’m living alone in a completely different part of the country as I have graduated and landed a good job. This back and forth has gone on until today with basically going from blocked to unblocked and from hated to loved and back and forth all while my mom says she’s doing this for me and loves me one week and tells me to go fuck myself a different week for little things that happen. There is almost no communication about problems as my mom is always right.

So here I am today, my parents threatening to block me for good and never talk to me again or see me ever again unless I leave my girlfriend. I have never made any commitments to marry my girlfriend nor have we any plans to live together as we’re currently long distance and may be this way for some time because of the location of my job. My parents have also done this before with a previous girlfriend of mine whom they didn’t approve, but I broke up much easier with that girl since I wasn’t too into it so it never got to this point. I just feel so alone and I love my parents so much and we’ve had such a good relationship in the past and they’ve been very good to me. Though I have always been afraid of my mom and she’s extremely overprotective and makes me tell her wherever I am at all times and freaks out if it takes me longer than 30 min to answer a text. We also use an app where she can track me and see wherever I go and she’ll often call me almost screaming if she sees that I’m sitting still too long lol. However, they always provided for me and paid for my tuition and everything. However I also love my girlfriend and feel like I would be miserable and regret it for the rest of my life if I left her without really wanting it or it feeling right deep inside of me. I also believe she loves me as she has tried hard in her own way to make things right with my parents and has stayed with me despite all this pressure on our relationship and is staying in the US mainly for me. My parents think that she’s just with me for a green card but I very much doubt that with 100% certainty and I don’t plan on marrying her within the next 5 years anyway. But at the same time I don’t know for sure if it will work out in the long term either and I’m not rushing into it either but I want the chance to explore this relationship because I really think we love each-other. So idk what I should do or how I should feel at this point. I just feel so empty inside and lonely.

TLDR: My parents are threatening to disown me/block me on everything if I don’t break up with my girlfriend of 1.5 years. I love her but we haven’t made any long term commitments to each other but we have both made sacrifices and communicate to show our love. My parents are also great parents but super overprotective (such as using an app to track me at all times) and have also done this before with my previous girlfriend. I don’t live at home but I don’t know what to do because I love both my parents and girlfriend but I know I will regret it if I leave her.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Apprehensive-Fig-825 on 2024-01-20 16:18:14+00:00.

TLDR: i (21 F) am in love with my ex’s brother (23M). i broke up with my ex around 8 months ago, and i’m considering reaching out to his brother.

my ex (20 M) and i were together for four years, and the breakup was mutual. we just outgrew each other. we’re still civil with one another. i realized my ex and i were fundamentally different the longer we were together. however, as i noticed the space between us growing, i found myself getting closer to his brother. his brother and i are similar on every level. i have never met someone who is exactly like me. we had some of the best conversations together, and he made me feel on top of the world. i knew i had feelings for him while i was dating his brother, so i broke up with my boyfriend and distanced myself. it’s been 8 months since the breakup. i ended up falling into an abusive relationship only a couple of months after my long term relationship ended. now i am in a place of singleness and peace for the first time in years, and it feels so good. i am getting to know myself better and am devoting so much time and care and i’m investing in me! this time has allowed me to reflect on the past and be real about my genuine feelings. i know you’re probably going to say that the last thing i need right now is to add a man into my life when it’s going so well, and i would agree if it were any other man. i can’t seem to get him about of my head. we live in the same city. it’s a small city so it’s likely we’ll run into one another eventually. should i reach out? wait to see if he does? hope we run into one another? just say forget it and move on entirely? i’ve exhausted the situation in my own mind so much i don’t even know what to do. please help!!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/36031535 on 2024-01-19 14:07:23+00:00.

We have been dating for 7 months and gotten really used to each other, we love each other very much and don't want to ever break up.

However we keep having weekly fights for stupid arguments, where I feel like I'm doing 80% of the lifting and she's doing 20% and compromising much more than her. For example I was telling her the entire week and everyday reminding her about some "tasteful nudes" I was gonna send her on the weekend. And spent so much effort on them, but when we started talking and I started sending a couple pics after like 20min she told me she was so sleepy that she's gonna sleep, and I told her that that hurt me alot and I felt like shit and wanted to take those pictures back because I regret sending them and asked her if she thinks she did something wrong she said (no i didn't do anything wrong), and about feeling like shit she just told me (just don't feel like that) I feel like she should've at least put some effort into staying awake the same way I put efforts into taking those pics (which she wanted btw)

How should I feel or act about this and future similar fights?

TL;DR Me [21M] keep arguing with my [22F] girlfriend over stupid things where i feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/pinkjackchi on 2024-01-19 13:47:03+00:00.

Hi everyone. My boyfriend and I have sex maybe a few times a month. Every time he initiates sex with me and I don’t want to he’ll start pouting and saying things like “damn” or “come on” and it really bothers me. Last night we had sex and I came to a point where I wanted to stop because it was starting to hurt and he got upset saying “come on I wanna finish” even though he never does. He wouldn’t stop pouting and begging to continue and it really pissed me off. It’s such a turn off to where I don’t even wanna give him sex if he reacts this way when I don’t want to. Sometimes I feel bad but other times I want to smack him. Sometimes I feel like I may be in the wrong for not giving it to him.

TL;DR: My boyfriend gets upset when I don’t wanna have sex. Am I in the wrong or is he in the wrong for having these reactions?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Thin-Collar-4602 on 2024-01-19 11:20:06+00:00.

My (35f) boyfriend (55m) have been dating for almost a year now and he never once mentioned that he loves me. -I consider our relationship a great one cause we support each other, have the same sense of humor and make each other feel important.

-Whenever we have problems with each other we take our time to talk about it and find a mutual ground. -I sometimes get hurt that in this time of the relationship he never once said I love you to me even if I have said it to him multiple times. -He said, it triggers his anxiety due to past relationship traumas. What should I do? TL;DR.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Chapter-Actual on 2024-01-19 09:36:35+00:00.

I (24F) have been seeing W (28M) for 10 weeks now. We have been exclusive since about 4 weeks in. Minus a few minor bumps in the road, things have been going extremely well, so I’m ready to make it official. I’ve brought it up gently twice now, and tonight he said it’s too early for him.

He stays at my apartment 1-3 nights a week (he lives with his mom) depending on our work schedules, we talk every day, we use terms of endearment for eachother, etc. His parents know who I am by name, I’ve met his mother once briefly and he’s met mine. So it’s not like he’s trying to hide me. And I’m not really worried about him seeing anyone else because we Snapchat often and he’s either at home or with his friends when we’re not together.

I just don’t understand his hesitation to make things official, cause at this point it wouldn’t change anything that we’re doing. Am I expecting too much too soon? Am I stupid to just be patient and let him come to it in his own time?

TLDR: guy I’ve been seeing for almost 3 months (exclusive for almost 2) says it’s too soon to make things official. We are already acting like we’re in a relationship. No red flags for being lead on, but worried about doing this for months with no proper commitment

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Bubbly_Host_8017 on 2024-01-19 02:25:42+00:00.

Me (23f) and my fiancé (30m) have been engaged since 2020. We were supposed to have our wedding last year but I pushed it back to this year to give myself more time to plan and save.

All has been going as planned till New Year’s Eve, my fiance refused to do a breathalyzer and therefore got charged as a fail. His truck is impounded for 30 days in the town I work in (he works 9hours away in a logging camp) he doesn’t have a license in this state but does in our home state, therefore he isn’t allowed to drive in this state. I’m supposed to pick his truck up at the end of the month for him as he isn’t allowed to drive here. But my license has just expired a week ago and I owe my insurance company $1500 from my previous vehicle that I need to pay in order to renew my license. They won’t accept my expired license.

I do have the money currently to pay it off and renew my license. But that money was supposed to go toward our wedding venue that is due in march. He isn’t contributing basically anything towards the wedding so it’s all falling on me to pay. My one friend here in town that I graduated high school with, is more than willing to pick up his truck for me and bring it to my work (a couple blocks away) saving me from having to renew my license immediately and spending the $ I should be putting towards the wedding. But he doesn’t like this idea, he doesn’t trust some “stranger” to drive his truck (he won’t even let me drive it) so therefore wants me to just go pick it up myself.

I’ve explained to him why I want my friend to and how much $$ it would save me but he was having non of it, said we should just push back the wedding again another year or downsize it completely. Our wedding is in June. Less than 5 months away. I’ve put down thousands on deposits, sent out invites, bought and booked everything. It’s too late to reschedule or downsize! I’m not losing my deposits again!! I threw away thousands last year moving it, I’m not doing it again. Sure I actually would just like to cancel things and just elope in the mountains but it’s just to late. It would cost more to cancel it than go through with it at this point.

So my question here am I being unreasonable for asking for my friend to pick up his truck from the impound so I can save my $ and put it toward the wedding like planned or should I just pay my insurance company off to renew my license so I can pick up his truck and make him more comfortable then somehow figure out how to make the $ up later.

TL;DR- my fiancé doesn’t want anyone else driving his truck, therefore it’ll cost me the $ I’m putting toward our wedding.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/YourMomsPetRat on 2024-01-19 02:22:41+00:00.

A while back I was in an abusive relationship and fell in love with someone else. In order to get out of that relationship, I cheated. Fast forward to present day and I'm with someone else who is truly amazing. We have great communication, and are always talking about marriage.

Earlier today, we were talking and I had an intrusive thought about cheating on her in the future. I don't like anyone else and I don't desire to be with anyone else or even cheat on her, but I started worrying, "what if I cheat on her?" And when I had that intrusive thought I felt horrible. I told her about it and I ended up scaring her and making her cry. I wish I could take that all back.

So I got on here to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, and figured out it was anxiety fucking with me and my brain being an ass. She texted me an hour ago and I explained to her what I learned and that I think that's what's causing me to think about that. I think we're okay but I want to prevent these thoughts. I've always over thought everything but it gets really stressful (obviously) and I just want it to stop, and know exactly why this is happening.

TL;DR I'm worried about cheating on my girlfriend in the future but I'm committed and have eyes for no one else.

Any advice or suggestions would be helpful.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Far_Passenger3466 on 2024-01-19 01:24:03+00:00.

TL;DR

So my boyfriend and I have been driving my mom's car for a week and he drives very erratically. We saw there were some deep scratches which he claims was the valets fault and I believe him. I said we should split the payment to fix it which is ($1500). He is refusing to pay half. We also have a dog and my boyfriend on a business trip for a couple days and my parents are coming back from a month long trip so I would also like to see them and can't bring the dog with me so I asked if we could have a babysitter watch him and split the payment ($200). He said it's not his problem that I want to see my parents. So he is also refusing to pay half of this. I will say he does pay for a lot of things in the relationship and brings that up as an excuse not to pay for these expenses. He did offer to pay $1000 for the car at first (he was complaining about it) but I said no because he holds things against me and I didn't want to hear it but I rethought everything and I didn't think it was fair for me to pay all of it so I asked him to pay half and now he doesn't want to. I will say he does pay for a lot in this relationship and I also try to pay for things too and do nice things for him because he pays for majority of things and I get reminded of that often. He makes A LOT of money compared to me and he told me I make nothing when I make $10k every month. Now he's saying "I'll have my cpa write you up a invoice for what you owe me for what I've done since you want to play this game" This is not a game. I just think this is fair to split the car and dog expense. He also said "Wtf you literally tried to be a big girl a V pay for it then realized you couldn't afford it cause you'll have less money and now are freaking out cause you can't manage money. That's not emotional abuse that's called a woman who can't make up her mind and tries to act confident when in reality she can't walk the walk. So don't talk it." I manage my money really well I don't spend much on things I don't really need besides food.

Am I in the wrong for asking to split the car and dog payments?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA84994948 on 2024-01-18 23:32:31+00:00.

So I’ll start off by saying that I love my girlfriend very much but we have been having problems for the past couple months. We are always arguing over anything and everything. We try talking things out but that only seems to help for a little while and it’s right back to us arguing again over the same stuff. She has a friend she’s known since middle school and we have always been pretty good friends ever since me and my gf met. It’s normal for me and her friend to talk every once in awhile but here recently for the past month or two we almost talk every single day. She knows me and my gf are having issues and she has been a great person to talk to as she knows what to say to make me feel better. I feel myself getting very attached to her emotionally and I’m starting to think she’s feeling the same way. The other night I asked her opinion on the situation and she stated that if it was her she would honestly break up if it would make me happier in the long run. We talked about it in person when she needed my help with something around the house. We ended up going out to eat (which is not unusual as we have done this numerous times) and I honestly had such a great time. She seems to want me to go shopping with her or help her around the house with things here lately. Is she doing this as a friends type of way or is she interested in me? I honestly feel as if I’m emotionally cheating and don’t know what to think.

TLDR: talking to my girlfriends friend daily and starting to get emotionally attached. I feel her friend is having the same feeling. Friend told me I should break up with my gf

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ice_princess_15 on 2024-01-18 22:04:22+00:00.

Over a year ago, I ended things with my ex, B, of 5+ years (although I kind of just wanted a break at the time). It was extremely painful for both of us but I felt like I needed time to be on my own for a bit as I’d been too dependent and B had also hurt me and we needed to work on some things. We’ve actually been in contact ever since and a few months after the breakup I was crying to B saying I missed him and could only see myself with him. I realise this is unfair to put him through all this and it has been the most confusing time of my life. We have both dated other people but only recently did I meet a guy, L, who has made me not want to be on dating apps anymore- he’s so lovely and our chemistry is amazing. He has been in a similar situation to me so wasn’t looking for a relationship. I also told him I still talk to my ex and we might get back together someday. We’ve both said we like each other (whatever that means for him) but I have actually felt my feelings for him grow quite strong (we’ve been seeing each other for 3 months now). Whilst neither L or B are currently wanting a relationship, L seems quite into me (he was the one who said he doesn’t wanna see other people) but B also still loves me (he lives far away but we still text/call). He says it would take a lot of work to get back together after all that but it’s not impossible. I feel like right now I’m not looking for a relationship so this is working okay but I’m confused as I have feelings for two people and eventually I know I’ll have to let go of one of them. I’m struggling to come to terms with this but have delayed doing anything about it/having a conversation with either of them as I don’t wanna get hurt or hurt either of them. In an ideal world, I have them both, but I know that’s not possible. I don’t know what to do about this anymore. Where do I even go from here?

TL;DR: I think I love two people (my ex and the guy I’m currently dating but not in a relationship with). They both seem to have feelings for me too. All 3 of us are not wanting a relationship rn, which is delaying much needed conversations about the future.