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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ZephyrBlueInfinity on 2024-01-20 21:27:29+00:00.
Hello, all. I am terrible when it comes to women and have had an even more terrible relationship with the only girlfriend I’ve ever had.
It wasn’t until I was 37 years old that I got my first girlfriend. Before that I had tried with other women, of course, and even asked some of them out; but, by and large, most of them said “No.” They were nice about it, though. During my 20s and most of my 30s, I’d say I had been on a handful of dates—none of which went beyond the first date. As you could imagine, I thought I was cursed or something.
Then, when I went back to school in order to obtain a new career, I met a fellow classmate who was interested in me. I couldn’t believe it and I needed a couple of friends to confirm that, yes, she was actually interested in me. She was 25 at the time and I was 37, so there was an age gap. But it was our first relationship, so we were both starting out new in that way.
Now, I have no other relationship to compare it to, but I thought it went as normal: We were in the “honeymoon phase” and everything seemed great. There were red flags from the beginning, but we literally didn’t know any better. We were also the most polar opposites one could be and shared no common interests whatsoever; but, we were in love. Long story short, the honeymoon ended and I started to realize maybe this wasn’t a healthy relationship. But we had already moved in together when we moved to “the big city.”
She would criticize me constantly—I didn’t do this right or she made fun of my body or she didn’t like the way I cooked food. It only got worse the longer we were together. I found out it’s the way her family treated her, so I guess that made sense. She would also emotionally and verbally abuse me, regularly making me feel bad about myself. Again, I learned this was the way her family treated her, but one would hope she could’ve moved beyond that when dating someone.
So, after nearly three years together, I realized this wasn’t going to work and I ended it. It was messy, especially since we had been living together for two and a half years by that time. As you could imagine, being roommates with your ex is less than ideal. There were constant fights but eventually it reached something of a cordial agreement to coexist until our lease ended.
Now, the closer we’re getting to our move-out date, she has apologized repeatedly and wants to get back together. To her credit, she has lessened the criticisms and tried to be more sensitive to how I might feel; but, I have no romantic feelings left toward her whatsoever. Maybe as a friend, but that’s it. Still, given my abysmal track record with women, I’m wondering if this will be the only chance I get with a woman. If so, I’m actually debating the idea of getting back together with her even though we’re not right for each other. She’s scared to be alone and—quite honestly—so am I. I know it’s not healthy, but it seems the only option we have if we want to be together with someone.
TL;DR: Should I get back together with my ex (even though it feels wrong) if I don’t want to be forever alone? And thank you if you’ve read all this; it’s a lot : /