Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/JUSTONEDAY666 on 2024-01-23 04:51:04+00:00.

I’m a senior in high school but technically i’ve only been in physical school since sophomore year due to freshman year covid. I currently have an abundance of girl-friends who I love very much but I haven’t made a single guy-friend my entirety of high school.

I’m not sure why, but guys never ever approach me whether it’s platonically or romantically. I’ve tried approaching them too, but it’s like they forget about me a second later.

Personally I think I’m not hideous, or at least i’m not as hideous as i used to be in middle school, and my friends describe me as someone with a confident and fun personality.

It only hit me when I saw a tiktok of a guy saying that basically guys only talk to girls that they think are attractive. I kinda brushed this off at first but then I saw more tiktoks of both guys and girls saying the same thing and I think it’s taking a toll on my confidence. I’m feeling insecure and ugly about it and although I feel like i don’t NEED guy friends, at least guys talking to me would give me some validation.

Since i’m going to start college next fall, i’m really hoping that this won’t carry onto my college years and that things will change.

TL;DR: I haven’t made a single guy friend/ guys have never approached me as a girl who’s a senior in HS.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/artistnamedj on 2024-01-23 04:30:25+00:00.

I (26f) have always had a pretty rough relationship with my stepdad. Tw; child abuse Here is a brief summary of some of the worse part of things.

• He has physically assaulted me as a kid. One time he got angry with me for whatever reason when I was… 8/9? And he started screaming at me and then choked me. I told my mom and she said “I’ll talk to him and tell him to not do that again”
• He used to make me do meaningless chores. We have a pond near my house and he would make me walk around the perimeter of the pond at 12 years old and flip the rocks during the summer. It only stopped because my parents were weedeating out there one day and they moved one of the rocks and found a copperhead underneath. My mom told my stepdad that I would never flip the rocks ever again because I could’ve easily been bitten. Looking back, I have no fucking idea what the point of was to flip the fucking rocks.
• He made fucking crazy rules with no backing behind them, and if I questioned or disobeyed then that meant I was a bad kid.
• He put up cameras to watch everything in the house “for intruders” but it never made any sense because there would be cameras in the kitchen by the stove?
• He’s racist and completely disowned me whenever I dated a black guy. My family went on a family vacation and I wasn’t allowed to go because I was dating someone who was black.
• He found condoms in my room at 19 because he would regularly strip search my entire bedroom, and he got so mad that he stretched a condom completely out and stuck it on my head and then started screaming in my face about how big of a w**** I was. He was pressing his finger against my face and when I went to literally just move his finger, he said don’t try to fight me and then slapped me across the face. Also told me he was going to drown me in the pond. All of this happened in front of my mom and she didn’t do anything.
• He would regularly tell both me and my mother how I would end up “pregnant at 16 with a black guy” because I would get bad grades or something minuscule. This happened when I was around 12, maybe 13? He even once told my mom out of anger that he was willing to bet on it and told her to put money up for an actual bet.
• I would frequently come home as a kid with my clothes in trash bags ready to get thrown out because my room wasn’t clean (I was fucking depressed because he made my life hell)
• Most recently, I was stranded in the middle of a snowstorm because my boyfriend and I had gotten into a car wreck, and when I told them how i was hurt that they didn’t offer to come get me or seem concerned, he cussed me out, started screaming, and said “fuck you both” I thought I was fine but I ended up having a concussion and a neck sprain. We were stranded in a remote area so I had to be in a hotel for 2 days without being seen by a medical professional until today. (My parents still haven’t and probably won’t ever apologize for that one)
• He would “joke” about drowning me in our pond. Sometimes I thought he would actually try to do it.

This is a summary but doesn’t really explain some of the other shit that’s happened that has really fucked with me. I don’t have the mental capacity to explain it on Reddit and I don’t think it’s okay for me to go into detail with a bunch of strangers on Reddit about it either because it’s not good.

My mother will never leave him. Whenever I would beg her to leave him when I was growing up, she told me that I was still young and I still had a life to live but she didn’t have much time and my stepdad makes her happy. (She was 44 at the time)

I’m struggling because I feel like she’s an enabler. I was in a very physically abusive relationship at 19. (He shoved an AK in my mouth and then tried to drown me in a creek, and come to find out- he had told his friends how easy it would be to kill me and bury me in his field because his parents had a lot of land.) looking back, I think I only was in that relationship because it felt like home. Everything that he did to me felt normal. Whenever I told my mother about this, she dismissed it per usual and refused to acknowledge any of it and told me how bad of a problem child I was.

The most recent snowstorm incident really bothered me because I’ve forgiven them for the most part, and I thought they had changed with old age, but it seems like they haven’t. I’m okay from the concussion, but it all just feels like a stark reminder of shit that’s happened to me.

I don’t have much family because all of mine on my biological dad’s side is overseas, so cutting off my parents feels hard because I literally have no one left besides my aunt. What should I do? Is any of this normal?

Tl;dr : my parents are toxic and my stepdad is abusive. How does someone go about effectively cutting contact without feeling guilt?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/deathbystereo007 on 2024-01-23 04:14:08+00:00.

Over a decade ago, I was working for a local newspaper as a reporter/writer. While working there, I ended up sharing an office with another woman, who was close in age to me, but was my opposite in many ways. I never thought we would have anything in common, but surprisingly, we quickly became friends & eventually, we both considered ourselves to be best friends.

We spoke every single day for all of those years & I was there for her 24/7. She would call all hours of the day & night - either needing to talk or needing advice. She needed advice for pretty much everything over the course of the friendship - including how to talk to people in certain situations or what to text back if a guy texted her (lots of social stuff because she was from a very sheltered background). I was always happy to help because I've always been pretty good at giving advice & also, because I genuinely cared about her & our friendship.

One random day, while I was talking to her, I noticed she had been acting strangely & pretty much grey rocking me. We hadn't had any arguments or anything even remotely close to an argument - & we almost never had any arguments during our entire friendship.

When I asked her if anything was wrong, she would just say no, even though it was obvious that she just seemed to not want to talk to me. I tried to ask her what was going on many times over those next few weeks, & she never provided any kind of answer. Instead, she blocked me on social media.

I'm just so baffled by this. How can someone you speak to every single day - someone you've never even had an argument with, just decide to block you & end the friendship without so much as a word.

I'm really devastated that our friendship has ended this way. The absolute worst part of the whole thing is not having any answers as to why she decided to ghost me & end our friendship. I feel like if I at least knew what happened, or what her reasons were, then I would feel better. But since I don't know anything, I just keep going over our entire friendship in my mind & trying to make sense of why she would do this. It's horrible to lose a friendship for no reason (or at least not one I'm aware of). It's a very specific type of heartbreak.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I'm just struggling to move forward & it almost feels like a death in many ways. I just can't fathom why someone would do this to someone they supposedly cared about.

Tl;dr: ghosted by best friend of more than a decade. Struggling to move forward without answers.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DazzlingWay2432 on 2024-01-23 03:49:54+00:00.

my BF and I have been together for almost 6 months, and it’s been going really well. He’s thoughtful and kind, and overall it’s a really solid, supportive relationship.

some relevant background info:

• bf does freelance work, so he has a very flexible schedule. I’m a grad student in my final semester. so he has a lot of time to run, whereas I have very little.
• bf ran track and cross country in high school and college, and still runs a fair amount. we’ve only gone for a run together once (because of weather/busy schedules/etc), but when we did, he had to slow down for me, and even then I could barely keep up.
• I was very self-conscious about my athletic ability for a very long time (and I’m beginning to realize that, in some ways, I still am). I started running in college, and I really love it. I’m slow, I don’t know much about technique, and I’ve never really cared about distance/pace/etc before- I just did it because I enjoyed it.
• I have a history of disordered eating behaviors- nothing formally diagnosed, but exercising too much and eating too little are definitely things I’ve done at different points. EDs can make you sort of competitive about food/exercise- feeling like you have to prove something by exercising more or eating less than everyone else. I wouldn’t have thought this was relevant, but the more i think about it, the more I wonder if it might be.
• bf is very very supportive when it comes to running- I’ve told him how I’m a little self-conscious about how, compared to him, I’m not very good at running, and he’s been very reassuring- saying what matters is that I’m doing something I love, you’re only competing against yourself, etc.

a few weeks ago, bf told me that he signed up for his marathon in the fall. when I saw that text, I had this immediate sinking feeling, and I couldn’t figure out why. Every time it’s come up since then, it’s been upsetting to talk about. The marathon’s in another country, and because of the timing, I won’t be able to go, which is itself really hard to deal with (not only do I miss out on being there for something really important to him, I miss out on a fun trip, too). On top of that, there’s the fact I just have a lot of baggage when it comes to running, and even though I have never in my life wanted to run a marathon, I suddenly feel inadequate for not being able to (even though I’m aware most of that’s just because I’m in school and have no free time). when you add in the general strain I’m under at the moment (working on my thesis, the prospect of graduating, and trying to find a job, and moving, and actually starting the job), I guess it’s not that surprising that something seemingly innocuous would set me off. still, I feel like I don’t really understand what precisely is upsetting me, much less what to do about it, and I’m still trying to work it all out.

I explained to him that I have a hard time talking about it, but that I want to be able to, because this is an exciting goal for him and I want to get excited with him. I want to be there to support him and share the journey, which he said he also wants- but I feel like bursting into tears whenever we talk about it, and I’m not sure exactly why.

the other day, I told him that I get upset when he talks about the marathon, but that I want to be able to share this excitement with him. It felt wrong to not say anything- I’d have felt like I was lying if I hadn’t been honest about how I felt. He was very understanding, but said that he wants to be able to talk to me about this- I agreed, and said I want to be able to talk about it, too, I just don’t know how yet. he asked why it’s upsetting, and I told him I’m not quite sure, but he’s not doing anything wrong- I’m just having an emotional response and I need to figure out how to handle that. I said I’d take some time to try and figure out what’s going on with me, and we agreed to keep the conversation open and work it all out together.

today, I was running, and I had a really hard time not beating myself up over how “slow” I was (I was running my usual pace, but it’s slower than how bf runs). even though I know that comparing myself to anyone else will never end well, it’s like my brain does it for me whether I want it to or not.

I guess I’m trying to figure out (a) why this is all so hard for me to deal with, and (b) what to do about it. I want to be able to talk about this goal with him without getting upset over my own insecurities and the fact that I can’t even be there for the big day. I can’t figure out how to reconcile my desire to not be upset with his desire to share something he’s passionate about. I’d be grateful for any advice or input on how to balance his needs with mine, or on how I might be able to process what I’ve got going on in a productive way.

tl;dr my boyfriend is running his first marathon, and whenever we talk about it, I find myself getting upset for reasons I’m still trying to figure out. I don’t want to have to talk about something upsetting, but I also want to be able to share this journey with him.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Grand-Wrap9034 on 2024-01-23 03:26:40+00:00.

I (26f) gave my boyfriend (26m) of 3 years $25,000 with a contract in place to trade in the stock market. He had around $2000 of his own money making the total in the account 27,000 some of you may not be familiar with the stock market but if you have under $25,000 in your trading account, you are limited on the amount of trades you can take. so for his birthday last year I gifted him $25,000 to be borrowed with a contract in place that the $25,000 would never be risked on the stock market (this was done by using stop losses) and I would be sent a biweekly update of the account with a time stamp and date. He just confessed to me that he lost $500 of my 25k. I feel that it is worth mentioning that I currently pay all of our bills and have been since October, as he is interning and has a job set up with a trading company come March. Now, I’m not really too upset about the money I understand things happen people get emotional during trading it’s whatever, if all goes well he’ll be making well over six figures in the next year. but he lost the money last week and just barely told me. In this past week he has been extremely sweet, very caring, etc.. he usually is always sweet and he’s a great boyfriend. However, it was a bit more than usual, doing the things that I usually ask him to do, keeping up with chores whatever, whatever things I assume every couple has fights about. So I guess what is really bothering me is the betrayal of my trust, keeping it from me, and I feel like him being excessively sweet is almost manipulative. I asked him to transfer the remainder of his account to my bank account first thing tomorrow morning because he broke the contract that we had in place and in the contract it states that if any of the rules are broken that the money will be returned immediately. Am I over reacting? Am I dumb in love and being taken advantage of or used? I don’t know how to feel I feel like this is a show of his loyalty and his respect for me or maybe he’s just human and made a mistake risking too much thinking the trade was a no brainer. He’s a great partner and we love eachother a lot and are both in agreement that we want to get married but this hurts.

TL;DR: I gave my boyfriend 25k to be able to day trade his 2k and he lost $500 of my 25k. Need advice.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ohwell_genz on 2024-01-23 03:26:19+00:00.

TLDR: I have kept in close touch with some friends from college, 2 in particular, Friend B and A are not close anymore (dont speak) and I did not want to be a bridge but B is not going and A (who lives in the same city as college) has changed a lot (actually i think she hasnt and the rest of us have). Reunions are coming up and i have to travel (fly and book a hotel) so I have to plan in advance and invest some money into this. Im glad I dont have to be the bridge for B this time but Is it worth trying to spend a weekend with people who I think have stayed in their college town/together/not had time apart and feel like the odd man out? I think that seeing B slip out made me hypersensitive.

old roommates, college reunion. Ha brings a lot of feelings. I have 2 really close friends from college. We live in completely different parts of the country now; I keep in touch with A and B a lot and have visited like once a year ish or seen them if they were in town for work trips so its hard to maintain but i respect the relationship and how its shifted into real adult friendships. A and B were not close but we all lived together. B has kind of struggled to keep up any and all friendships after getting into a serious relationship (not an excuse but it is what it is), she used to chase and forge friendship with others and it was painful to watch. B used to ask people to lunch out of the blue or randomly call people and they would ghost her or have nothing to talk about… and then she would be super upset and talk to me about how “mean” everyone was to her. I did not want to be her bridge but now she is not going to reunions so that anxiety is gone, however I fear that I will act like B at the thought of going alone and facing A and some others (who live in the same city as our college/see each other frequently) bc I feel like the “odd man out” im definitely overthinking like a fool. A can be snippy at times, it never bothered me bc I can be the same but I think she feels a big territorial of people who come and go and her “new” life in the city which I totally get but I dont want to deal with complexes? (Also no hate at all bc we are all in different situations but B and I are pandemic nurses so we are JADED about life and super burnt out / working ass off and the others have small day jobs or dont work so its stressful financially to “keep up” which I feel pressure to do if we are doing a reunion). A was my first friend in college, we are super different but I thnk that we may be better friends when we are like 30+ haha and she really wants to live out her 20s to the max and that’s TOTALLY fine. I just dont want to be uncomfortable or insecure the whole time?

Do I listen to my gut thinking I would feel like Im “behind” just bc I moved on/out and not go but visit another weekend OR do I go bc its a “reason” to go and modify expectations? I brought it up to feel out the vibes and when I mention reunions, it was “oh sure! Come with us! We can do __” but I brought up coming another time and it was like “ohhhh sureeee” and i swore the tone was off and I felt out of place immediately lol. Shifting adult friendships are so weird and I know I will get used it as I see them more but also we dont have time to waste on friendships we have maybe outgrown a little?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok_Swimming_5336 on 2024-01-23 03:12:06+00:00.

My wife (28F) and I have been married for 6 years. She has slowly become emotionally abusive toward me and our children. She seems to not want to be a part of our family. Every time we go to the park, she stays home. Every time I suggest a family outing, she says no. Even for dinner time, I make dinner and she eats in the room. I love her, but I’m growing tired of her not wanting to be a mother to our children.

Last week we visited her sister for 6 nights and, my wife basically used it as a break from us while her sister and myself did everything together with the kids. I know it’s wrong, but just having the support of her for a week and having some help really woke up some feelings for her. She’s so beautiful and I can’t stop thinking about her. I fear I’m falling in love with her.

EDIT: I have ZERO intention of pursuing my sister in law. I am posting this because I don’t WANT THESE FEELINGS. Please do not judge me.

TL;DR: I’m falling in love with my wife’s older sister and need help moving on

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Radiant_Lab_410 on 2024-01-23 03:09:37+00:00.

Hey all. This has been sitting in the back of my mind lately.

Just to preface this - he is a very kind, loving and considerate partner.

My boyfriend and I have only been together a few months, but we both come from religious and cultural backgrounds where people often marry within 1-2 years of a relationship starting. Because of my age, I am happy to wait 3-4 years, but I’d want to be married by 25.

I always knew I wanted to have multiple children but whenever I ask my partner about it, he says he’s “Never really thought about it”. He isn’t dismissive, but changes the topic relatively quickly to something else. He isn’t like this about marriage, where he’s said if things work out between us he’d love to get married in the aforementioned timeline. He always tells me about how much he loves me and how I am his “soulmate”, and I do feel that from him.

However, he remains VERY reluctant to dwell on the topic of children. He mentioned his ex who was a paediatrician would always drill him on this topic and it made him very averse to it. I, meanwhile, work as a middle school teacher, so I am surrounded by kids all day, and a large family is something I think about a lot. He is past his 30’s now, and while men mature later, it still scares me that it’s something he’s not given much consideration, whereas my family is a massive ambition of mine. I’ve bought this up multiple times (when relevant) and he’s always responded similarly.

He also really wants to have sex - and I’m against the idea for not only religious reasons but also scared of what the consequences could be (ie pregnancy). I have no doubt he would step up into that role if it happened, but his lack of thought regarding that topic as a whole intimidates me.

What is the best way to approach something like this? Any thoughts or experiences people could share?

TLDR: I’m concerned about my boyfriend not having much of an opinion about children despite being over 30, and I really want kids. He’s very vague around the topic.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PlantPot122 on 2024-01-23 01:59:03+00:00.

My friend Anna is currently dating her boyfriend Franklin for around six months now. Their relationship has been very tumultuous, to say the least. She is very high-maintenance, and expects a lot from Franklin. An example of this is when Franklin didn't have the money to extravagantly ask Anna out with flowers, candy, and a sign to homecoming. She wan't happy, and this resulted in her sending me many TikToks which consisted of homecoming proposals, following up these videos with "I wish Franklin could do this for me." He wasn't able to splurge due to his father being laid off earlier that year, and while she sympathized it, she still was very disappointed. Overall though, their relationship has been okay.

This year, a new student named Levi joined our school. He was seated at a table with Anna, Franklin, and I, so we welcomed him into our group. Franklin and him shared many interests, such as D&D and Brandon Sanderson (the author.) Anna became friends with Levi, but it was a pretty polite relationship. Recently though, I've notice that Anna and Levi have grown VERY close with each other. During the class we all have together, Ann will ignore Franklin more and almost exclusively talk to Levi. She is always doodling on his paper, and picking up his hands to "crack his knuckles." She also kicks his legs underneath the table while laughing loudly. Anna also uses Levi as a leg rest, placing her legs on top of his lap. If they aren't speaking to each other physically, they are texting each other and Anna giggles at his messages. It is quite awkward to be around, considering that Franklin sits right next to her.

This isn't the only new development either. Outside of school, Anna doesn't call Franklin anymore, and mainly calls Levi for any issue with homework, due to them sharing math and science together (Franklin is also in these classes.) I have asked about this, and he told me I "escalated a situation" by asking. She will also say "I love you" to him whenever he helps her with a question (multiple of our friends have heard this on different occasions.) In robotics, we have different groups based on different roles in the club. She switched from the area Franklin was in to be with Levi (her argument was that they needed more people, but I always see her laughing at one of Levi's jokes.) The most recent incident was today. I was taking a bathroom break, and I walk by the cafeteria due to my class being near it. As I'm walking back, I see Levi and Anna together. Levi is in the cafeteria due to being in an online class. However, Anna is in an in-person class. I was very confused why she was there, because her classroom is across the school. It's at least a four minute walk to get to the cafeteria from the room. Later, I asked Levi why she was with them, and he claimed that she was using the restroom. I have a class near the area, and there is a girls' bathroom right ACROSS from her classroom. When I informed him of this, he immediately responded, saying "I never use the school bathroom," and quickly dismissed the topic and said I was "annoying." What should I do with this situation and keep my friends?

TL;DR I think one of my friends is cheating on her boyfriend and I don't know what I should do in this situation and I want to keep all my friends.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Shotfirst124 on 2024-01-23 02:59:35+00:00.

My girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me last week after we went long distance a few months ago and now only get to see each other about once a month. Since going long distance it has not been working out at all, we were arguing more and making each miserable all the time. Obviously when we ended things I was sad, it wasn’t and still isn’t what I want, but I understand her decision and in the long run it is probably best for both of us.

As we broke up over the phone, she rang me a few days ago asking to see if I wanted to meet her in person to properly communicate with each other. Anyway once we met she was suddenly the complete opposite of a girl who just broke up with her boyfriend being extremely affectionate and loving, like we were when we together.

As I had missed her I responded to this very positively. Once we got chatting she revealed she only wanted to break up for a few months and thinks we need time to figure out what has gone wrong with us. During the time we are “broke up” she wants to remain in contact and call every now and then. Obviously I was happy with this having missed her loads and not wanting the relationship.

However, since then I have realised this is completely unfair. She calls me often and there is no predicting what mood she’ll be in. Sometimes she’s angry at me for shit we haven’t mentioned in months, other times she just wants to flirt down the phone. I received 3 phone calls today just because she wanted to hear my voice. She still says she loves me and I say it back yet is completely certain that we should remain broken up even if absolutely nothing has changed since we ended things. She still says she needs time but plans on getting back together after a few months.

I have no idea how to interpret this at all and it’s completely messing with my head. She says she wants to break up but then likes to act like everything is fine with us and nothing has changed. Everyone else I’ve spoken to about this has told me to fully distance myself and honestly if I had any self-respect I’d do so. What should I do?

TLDR my girlfriend has broken up with me but still treats like her boyfriend as if it never happened and claims she wants to get back go together after a few months.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Justarandomgyal on 2024-01-23 02:50:55+00:00.

My mom is super social and outgoing, and although she likes my boyfriend, she doesn’t like having him over. My mom and i live in a small apartment and she says she needs her space to roam around freely and do whatever she wants. My boyfriend (27m) and i have been together for 2 years, but he and my mom aren’t close because of cultural and language barriers.

I’m not really sure how to tell him this without making it seem like she doesn’t like him or that he’s not welcome here. My mom would prefer it if he only came over once in a while, maybe once every 2 weeks, but he comes over once or twice a week, which in my opinion isn’t a lot, but to my mom it is.

So, how can i talk to my boyfriend about this?

Tldr: my mom doesn’t like it when my boyfriend comes over to our apartment often but i’m not sure how to tell him without hurting his feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MissedCall999 on 2024-01-23 02:32:49+00:00.

My partner (46M) and I (44F) have been together for 9 years, living together for 7. No kids. The first 3 years living together, he had a typical 9-5:30 M-F office work schedule whereas I work at a school on an 8-3:30 schedule. I feel like as the woman and as the one who was home first, I naturally fell into the role of planning and shopping for meals and doing the cooking. I would clean in the afternoons too, or we’d do chores together on the weekends. Enter COVID, March 2020, he was laid off and continues to be unemployed to this day. I worked from home for about a year before we started going back in to school intermittently and then full time again. My partner has taken on chores individually being home more (vacuuming, dusting, occasionally mopping) but I am still stressed out by being the one to be responsible for what I feel is the greater mental load of meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, and keeping the kitchen clean. He thinks he does so much more for the house and makes me feel guilty about it every time I try to have a discussion. But I feel that I shouldn’t have to do so much of the mental work after putting in a full day of work and occasional nights having to do paperwork in the evenings. I’m continually thinking about if we have everything we need at home, when to shop on a day that I’m not as tired from work, then starting to cook dinner an hour after I get home.

Our approximate division of labor is below. Am I being unreasonable wanting to do less of the work around meals? How can we divide work fairly so that I’m not so stressed?

He: -cleans cat boxes (I do daily scooping as well, this refers to completely changing litter every couple of weeks) -keeps cat fountains clean and filled with water -vacuums -dusts -mops floors (but it’s only 2 of us and indoor cats, so this needs to be done pretty infrequently. I spot clean messes in kitchen as they occur) -takes out the trash -maintains yard (only lawn is in backyard, we put fake grass in front) -maintains cars (oil changes and other repairs) -cleans kitchen 20% of the time, usually unloading clean dishes, sometimes loading dishwasher

I: -pay all bills and maintain budget -plan meals -grocery shop -clean kitchen 80%(?) of the time. It bothers me because a pan can sit in the sink for days and he doesn’t wash it because he thinks it’s my job. He will for the most part only wash and load dishes that he uses. -cook most nights, and the nights I don’t fully cook I’m directing him on what to cook and doing some dishes as he cooks so it’s already done after dinner

We both: -do our own laundry -both do communal laundry (sheets, towels) except for dish towels which I feel I do more of -clean bathrooms (I really feel like his tolerance of a dirty toilet is higher than mine, so I end up doing this more often) -feed the cats

So overall: Should I just grin and bear it? Can I trade some of the cleaning for cooking?

Tl/dr: How do we divide household tasks so that we’re both happy?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Direct-Glass9954 on 2024-01-23 02:05:55+00:00.

My (M28) significant other (F28) and I have been together since around July and casually dating since May. Initially, we didn't take it too seriously because she has a son (M4), and I wasn't sure about the long-term prospects of that working since I don't have kids. Since we got serious, she's been pressing me to marry her. She regularly talks about this and has (softly) indicated she'd leave me if I didn't propose in a year. I don't like having timelines on things, so I have pushed back, and she's gotten better, but she's nonetheless made clear that expectations is still there. Sometimes, when she's doing the marriage routine, I have said it's fine or if it feels right, we can do that, but she's worn me down on this subject and it's started annoying me. I just wanted a normal relationship, that progresses at an organic pace, but she has this huge fear of turning 30 unmarried and no one wanting her. We do live in a major city in the south, and while I thing this is ludcruiois, I have met multiple girls with similar sentiments (since moving here).

Another complication was that she introduced me to her son (4 years old) in early November and he really likes me. He talks about me a lot (according to her) and whenever I see him always wants to play. She has her son the vast majority of the time (over 75%), and as someone without kids this is hard on me. Her son can be very aggressive and angry, temper tantrums and throwing things are not uncommon (nightly occurance), and he was only recently bed-trained and it's a huge work in progress.

I am starting to feel exhausted by the relationship. The constant pressure, being told I need to be a father figure to her son, her son’s constant behavioral issues and everything else is making me exhausted. I work an extremely demanding job and coming over to her place after work is honestly stressful (this evening, I got punched in the face by the 4 year old while trying to build a toy for him, in between work calls).

I am not sure how to proceed. I would normally have broken things off, but I do care about her and honestly the fact that I have met her son raises the stakes here. Is there a way to salvage this relationship?

Tldr; my significant other is exhausting me, how do I communicate these things to her without causing it to blow up.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Admirable_Cry1080p on 2024-01-23 02:05:54+00:00.

Mt GF and i have been together for about a year and a half, although we had a break in the relationship we are in a good place now.

I have been in other WLW relationships in the past and i've been cheated on at least once (i suspect another ex cheated too, not 100% sure), and i've developed this almost paranoia that i'll get cheated on. My gf has been faithful as far as i know and reasures me about this but it feels like something i can't shake off my head, i don't think it's related to her, i think it's just how my brain works now.

I've tried to get better and work on myself lately and tried coming up with 'coping mechanisms' and rationalizing my thoughts, for example: 'if i text her less or more it won't stop anything from happening if she wants it to', 'if something happens i probably will find out eventually', trying to let these feelings come and go without paying much attention to them, or distracting myself for as long as i can.

I guess my question would be how to better deal with this, i suffer from anxiety so sometimes it gets really bad and i get really paranoid. She's out at a club with her friends rn and i'm trying to manage these feelings better. Any tips are appreciated and helpful.

TL;DR: How to deal with the anxiety of possibly being cheated on, after it happened to me in the past?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Silly_Billy1287 on 2024-01-23 02:02:00+00:00.

My bf (17m) and I (17f) are still both in highschool , and we've been together for just over a year. At the turn of the new year / school semester (which I suspect adds to it) we just started getting annoyed at eachother at the smallest things and letting them add on to eachother. None of the fights are ever about anything larger than a slight annoyance and we have only gone to bed mad at eachother once. But I dont love this sudden and drastic change at ALL. Im worried hes gonna ruin my lunch period by being in an awful mood again. We both read communication articles and both hate this and I genuinely don't know why this is suddenly happening we used to always get along 100% of the time. When we aren't annoyed at eachother things are still awesome. I feel like we're both part of the problem but maybe mostly me for having high ish standards for a teenager. We both procrastinate almost everything and are a little irresponsible but he has larger things to worry about that he just dosent. I feel like im always getting on him to do his own stuff and he's never asking me to do mine ( I'm managing myself fine). I keep trying to get us to go to the gym and study and better ourselves but it never happens. I have a job and he dosent. We're in the same AP classes yet he's always drowning in missing work. I love him so much and his parents were high school sweethearts and we've talked about getting married and were both genuinely so down to be together forever (naive as hell I know) but I'm the only one putting effort into myself now. He also might have a sleeping disorder or something that's gotten worse but he never really talks about it. We also both come from different backgrounds, im the eldest to a single mother and have SO MANY responsibilities and he dosent really have any (I sound so whiny).I'll stop venting but does anybody have any advice on how we can stop this and be better? I don't want to start unhealthy relationship patterns (I've got a bad history from when I was much younger than I should've been iykwim) but I genuinely don't know what to do. I know it's not really a big deal and we're both kids working stuff out but any tips and advice or appreciated please.

Also: we were eachothers firsts and everything is better when we get to "do it" more often if that changes everything

TLDR: bf and I can't stop fighting after a year and I don't know why.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PopDiddilyBop on 2024-01-23 01:50:13+00:00.

TLDR: Lived with a couple who recently broke up. Friend is having mental health episode and I have to decide weather to move out with her, or stay in the same house as her ex boyfriend who likely has feelings for me.

23f and my friend Abby (22f) have known each other for years. I thought I knew her but the past few months she has completely deteriorated into someone I don't know.

I began living with her and her boyfriend back in August of 2023 after a falling out with my previous roommates. Abby was super generous with me, and helped me get back on my feet. To return the favor I would cook, clean the house everyday, do all the laundry, and wash all the dishes. This began to create some issues between Abby and her boyfriend - since Abby does absolutely nothing around the house. All Abby does is lay down and scroll tik tok, and when asked to contribute she would respond aggressively. She refuses to learn how to cook and is oftentimes unemployed, and despite her boyfriend working 60+ hours a week he is forced to do basically everything. Me being here and treating her boyfriend with basic decency has made him rethink his relationship. Apparently they have been having issues in their relationship for years. But for the past few weeks she has gotten worse. She will come home and start screaming matches, say horrible things to her boyfriend, break dishes, laugh at absolutely nothing, begin sobbing at random periods of time, and accuse me and her boyfriend of hooking up (we never did). She also dropped out of school during her senior year, got more into drinking, and started taking more money from her boyfriend.

A few days ago it came out that Abby had a private account with a bunch of strange men on it - where she would post nudes. Her boyfriend broke up with her on the spot and is giving her a day to move out. She now wants me to move out of the house with her and live with her best friend - who is recklessly promiscuous and hangs around gang bangers. For her entire adult life she has depended entirely on her boyfriend so I am worried about living with her. I know she won't be able to take care of herself - and likely dive head first into partying and hookups. Her boyfriend is allowing me to stay at the house - but she has done so much for me. I am at a loss. She is completely irrational and refuses to be reasoned with.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/nasty_nasss on 2024-01-23 00:09:02+00:00.

I [30s F] had a group of friends [30sM, 30sM, 30sF] that I hung out with, and saw nearly every other day in a major metropolitan city. We got along great and I thought they were my best friends. One of them I had known for the past 10 years and lived with for 1 year, and we've had virtually no issues.

We traveled for a vacation this summer together with a few other people. The day before we left, I had to go to the emergency room for major abdominal pain. It turned out to be something non-emergency related, so I got anti-biotics and planned to still go on the trip. Separately, I suffer from PMDD (shout out r/pmdd), a very severe and debilitating mental illness. For the most part, I used to be able to have my mental illness in check, but I think the antibiotics somehow counteracted with my meds and stopped working.

I started feeling horrible mentally on the trip - depressed, hopeless, could cry at any second. At this time, I feel like my friends on the trip just weren't really talking to me. The 3 of them would always be in a group together whispering but never tell me what they were talking about. If I tried to enter their conversations, they wouldn't really pay attention to me or would even just leave. This combined with my mentally ill brain made me think. the worst - they're mad at me, they hate me, something is wrong, they don't like me anymore.

On the last night of the trip, I couldn't help myself but was feeling terrible so I blew up at them and said how they made me feel ignored. They immediately denied it, said they have no idea what I'm talking about, its a two way street, etc. I got frustrated and went to take a shower to try to calm down. Then, two of them come into the room to try to talk to me again. But they immediately ganged up on me . They said things like "the three of us are best friends, this is how we are and how we've always acted, you need to get used to it", "you are really quiet so we don't feel like we have to talk to you", "You want me to include you every time we hang out? UGH NO WAY". They threatened to not be friends with me anymore. Screamed at me while I sobbed and just repeated "I'm sorry, I'm sorry". One guy even said "Yeah I actually was ignoring you at one point, but you were being annoying about {a particular subject} so I blew you off". I also found this dynamic to be really unfair because it was 2 against 1, I was still naked in a towel from my shower, and was in a foreign country and couldn't go home. It felt very just vulnerable and awful.

After a few of these insults, they finally said, "well we're all extroverts and we talk alot so maybe we'll just quiet down so you can talk sometimes. There, do you feel better now?". I've never been called quiet in my life before and don't feel that way with other friend groups. None of this logic made sense to me, so I told them I didn't feel better. This made them frustrated and angry, they started yelling even harder about how I'm not even trying to feel better and they actually flat out refuse to include me when they hang out.

This honestly shattered my entire world. I thought the 4 of us were best friends, we hung out multiple times a week, always texted/chatted etc, went to the all 4 gym together, etc. It didn't occur to me that they just considered themselves to be best friends and me to be outside of that. I had known one of the guys for almost 10 years and I couldn't believe that him and the girl were just screaming at me while I sobbed hysterically, said "I'm sorry I'm sorry" over and over again. I really feel like they just ambushed me, and the mean way the girl spoke to me in particular made me feel verbally abused.

When we all got home, maybe a day or two later I asked them all to meet up with me. I apologized and completely took the blame. I was really ashamed of being so emotional due to my mental illness, and really thought that since I had such a big reaction, that the situation was my fault and they were just being defensive since I was inconsolable. I told them about my mental illness, how depressed and awful it makes me feel, and I took responsibility for how I acted. They kind of reciprocated, but I felt like they still thought I was crazy and kind of gave me a "sorry you felt that way" instead of a "hey sorry it seems like we actually really hurt your feelings", but they did say that they would try to make me feel more included. They also made me promise to respect the fact that they have their own relationships amongst each other. Honestly I really wanted them to admit that they came down on me pretty hard for bringing up my feelings. But at that time I just wanted to keep the peace and was fine with that outcome.

That same weekend, no one texted me to hang out. We always hung out every weekend and I thought it was weird that the one time we have tension, they didn't reach out to me. So I looked at their locations and it showed they were all out at the bars hanging out. Again this hurt a ton so I reached out to each friend individually, met up with them in person and apologized again, made sure that they were ok and had nothing left to say on their minds. Everything seemed to be fine again.

The next week, 2 of the friends delete me off our location app and they are all suddenly on another trip together that I didn't know about. This again punched me to my core. I took the location app to be a sign that they are definitely planning on hanging out without me and they want to hide it so I can't call them out. But, I thought to myself, these are my friends, they would never do anything like this, there must be an explanation.

I asked the guy who I've known for nearly 10 years if he had deleted me, and he said he did delete me because he "doesnt want any more drama". Again, punch to the gut. Me bringing up my feelings and talking about my mental illness being chalked up to "drama" was really hurtful.

On top of this, since the initial trip, the three basically stopped texting me individually, in our usually pretty active group chat, instagrams, tiktoks, etc. I felt the silence was really loud and started to think that this group is icing me out.

Once I learned that 2 of them deleted me off the location app, and all 3 were on a trip together, I decided that I would move back to my hometown. My mental illness got even worse, my housing situation in the original city was shaky, I lost my job and went home to my parents. I also stopped trying to communicate with these friends. For my own sanity, I unfollowed them on instagram, thinking they wouldn't notice since they stopped interacting with me on it.

This all happened in the summer. It's been about 4-5 months since. Now, one of the friends has come to me and said why are you so mad, why did you leave, why did you unfollow, etc. We talked on the phone for an hour and I basically recapped the above saying that my feelings were really hurt, I didn't feel like their apology made up for their hurtful words and actions, and deleting me off the location app and going on a trip together 1 week after telling me they would include me just felt so wrong to me.

He basically invalidated my entire experience (again), said that deleting someone off of a location app like find my friends isn't a big deal (but me unfollowing them on insta is), and they have no idea why I left or why I'm hurt. He also doesn't understand why I didn't make more of an effort to tell the two others who ambushed me that they hurt me, but I don't want to do that because they were so mean to me the first time I told them they hurt my feelings. I'm much more protective of myself, my mental state, and who I hang out with now. If I had another instance with that friend group where I had a mental health episode and they got mad at me for it, I would surely end up hurting myself or in a psych ward. I figured that I didn't want to be around these people for my own health.

I tried to make it clear that deleting me and going on a trip together made me feel even more excluded and was kind of the final straw in me deciding to leave the city, but he was insistent that i was deleted so I don't hurt my own feelings when I see them hanging out without me i.e. they did it with my feelings in mind so it wasn't hurtful. I asked why they didn't just talk to me about deleting beforehand, but then he just got defensive again. We ended the call in an awkward silence basically. I said I could be interested in rebuilding our friendship but I've lost alot of trust and its going to be hard.

I feel like I've gone crazy. This situation hurt so much in the summer and still hurts a ton now, but they can't take any accountability. I tried to separate myself from the situation for my own sanity but now they are saying that I left for no reason and no one was icing me out and everyone was including me?

I'm not perfect either - i told some mutual friends in confidence some nasty words that did get back to the 3 of them, and for that I apologized again. I said I was just really hurt by their actions and didn't help that I was waist deep in very severe mental health issues.

After reflecting alot over the past few months, I figured that their version and my version of inclusion wasn't the same, so they were just going to keep hurting me even if they truly didn't intend to. We've talked about this issue many times now and never see eye to eye. It seems like...

Content cut off. Read original on https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/19darft/my_friends_dumped_me_but_now_want_me_back_like/

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/enfpThrowaw on 2024-01-22 23:21:27+00:00.

So i F30 met this M31 on a dating app about 1.5 months ago. I went with very low expectations cause someone I knew, knew him and he mentioned some stuff about his personality from his own perspective(didn't know him well). I was really really doubtful of everything and I was expecting red flags, only to find only green flags there.

Long story short, we don't match amazingly on an intellectual level (i think we kind of like different stuff and many times I feel i dont have much to say, I try to though) BUT:

He's incredibly kind and nice to me, never ever pushy about anything

He's really sweet romantic and expressive in body language when it comes to cuddles and acting sweet

I'm having the best sex of my life. I have had many partners before and even in my Long term relationships sex was very very average. With him, I never feel pressured to do anything, he does A LOT OF EFFORT to make me have fun, and overall its just so great.

It seems like its going on a more steady way (last week he said he's happy with me,met my friends etc) and I can't help but think that this is too good to be true? I'm not used to having things come to me that easy.

Also I may have this feeling bcs his hobbies and job are such that he attracts many girls and gets approached by them. He mentioned he had bad experiences with love bombing and many of them wanting to keep things just casual, but I do feel kind of unable to trust him, even though I don't really see bad signs yet.

Not sure how to proceed from now on. Could also the lack of intellectual connection be a problem? Is all this only based on great sex and cute lovey interactions?

TLDR; F30 met M31 recently and things go too well, not sure if I can trust this is for real.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwramina33 on 2024-01-22 23:11:25+00:00.

Is it considered controlling to ask someone what they’re thinking about?

I (f30) live with my fiancé (m35), and he is accusing me of being controlling. Here are some of the things that he considers controlling:

1. Sometimes he gets really quiet, and I can tell he’s deep in thought. I’ll ask him what he’s thinking about. I’m not looking for a specific answer. If someone asks me, I’ll answer honestly like, “oh just a stream of images” or “I’m just stressed about work.” I think of it as a way to start a conversation. I don’t mean anything by it. I also just love him and like to hear his thoughts. They’re important to me. He says that I’m being controlling.

2. During the work day, I used to ask him how his day was or what he was up to. It would just be to make conversation. I care about him and just want to know what’s going on in his world. He said this is controlling so I stopped asking.

3. I would ask him around what time he’d be home so I could plan out dinner. He said this was controlling. I changed the question to if he would be home for dinner or if I should eat by myself. This helped somewhat. However, he still gets mad at me sometimes.

4. Saturday night was a new one. I should preface this by saying the dinner question was brought up. This is only because I am 9 months pregnant, there’s a huge snowstorm and I am unable to drive. I cannot go out and get food by myself. He was working (self-employed), and I asked him if we could touch base around 7 pm to figure out dinner plans. He got agitated and said I was interrupting his work. I said okay, maybe we can just stop to get some food and he can go back to work. He said that would be fine. When he came home around 8, he said the roads were too bad to drive on anymore and we’d have to stay in. We scrounged up a meal at home from the little groceries we have. After, I went to lay down because my legs get swollen up. Usually he’ll join me and we will just watch videos on our phones or do whatever. Not that we’re interacting, just in the same room. We have cats that he hates because of the shedding so he rarely goes into the living room. Around 30 minutes went by and I didn’t know where he was. I came out to find him on his phone in the living room. I asked him why he was sitting out there by himself. It was just really out of the ordinary. He blew up at me, started yelling and calling me controlling and that I try to control his every move. I started crying and said I wasn’t trying to be controlling, I just was confused. He started mocking me and yelling saying I’m just so controlling.

It’s been two days now and he won’t apologize. I tried to say that it’s normal for couples to talk to each other and ask each other’s thoughts and coordinate evenings. It’s not a controlling thing to do. And that it hurts that me doing these things is considered controlling. He told me it’s my fault and that I just like playing the victim.

I’m just at a loss and don’t understand. I don’t have his phone password, I don’t prevent him from seeing his friends or family. I didn’t ask him to share his location, though he started sharing his and vice versa on his own. I’m just really confused. Am I being controlling? In past relationships, my partners would call me on their way home to tell me about their days. Sharing thoughts was done joyfully. Now I just feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. Do you consider these things to be controlling behavior?

TLDR: fiancé is accusing me of being controlling for asking how his day was, what he’s thinking, what he’s up to. Are these considered controlling questions?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/onegirlgamesyt on 2024-01-22 22:42:59+00:00.

Hi reddit,

Please can I have some advice on ending a friendship as it is causing me a lot of stress. I am 34F and the ex friend is aprox 27F. 

We met about a year ago at a local group for parents and toddlers and found out our sons were close in age. We were both regulars and after probably a couple of months she asked if we wanted to meet for a play date. I am a big introvert but having not socialised my baby much at that point because of Covid restrictions etc I pushed myself to do it and we went for coffee. It was nice to socialise and conversation flowed so we decided to meet up again. 

It became aparent that we were from quite different backgrounds which is not usually a problem for me but I had a gut feeling that something just wasn't connecting however I ignored it in the interest of 'making a mum friend' and the idea of the boys playing together as they got older. 

Meeting up became weekly (as well as seeing each other at the group), and then it was three times weekly as I find it incredibly hard to upset other people or be rude and didn't know how to say No. I became more uncomfortable as with nearly every meet up I would somehow become indebted to her/her family, starting with a free coffee here, some extra nappies there, a free toy, and then helping when the washing machine broke down etc despite not really knowing each other beyond acquaintances in my opinion. I would try saying no politely to all of these things as I hate oweing anyone but it often became very drawn out and awkward when I rejected things and it took me back to how my mother used to buy unwanted/refused things for my brother and I to guilt trip us into talking to her after we cut ties for her toxic behaviour.

A few other red flags to me included telling me we were best friends several times despite us barely knowing each other or having anything other than a toddler in common, and sending me memes about 'not being able to get rid of her now'. It became just far too intense for me! The final straw was when two of her family members used racist language about different ethnicities on two back to back play dates. I decided to quietly phase the friendship out as I didn't trust my ability to explain it nicely or hers to not react badly and she knows where I live so I didn't want problems.

I initially said I was too ill to meet up, and then after a few months I blamed my mental health for not wanting to socialise. Luckily we both had stopped attending the weekly group by this time too. I am a coward, I know but I was intimidated about the potential fallout from a more honest approach.

A few months of silence later and I thought all was done, and the hint taken but I got a new message saying she had bought my son a birthday gift and when did I want to meet up and get it. Again I felt like it was trying to force me to meet up/talk to her and I wouldn't have seen her if there wasn't a gift so I stuck to my guns and ignored the message, whilst feeling like IATA. I still feel guilty and ungrateful, but I am trying to listen to my gut which is incredibly uncomfortable.

It has been another few months of silence and she has messaged again. I haven't read it but I am pregnant and it is causing me a lot of stress. Normally I would have sent a blunt message and blocked on everything at this point rather than trying to ghost but there is just a vibe I have that worries me about angering her and her family (the quick, one sided intensity of the friendship, the potential lovebombing, the best friend forever memes etc). 

So reddit, am I totally reading way too much into this and being a paranoid, nasty mean girl or should I stick to grey rock/ghosting until the messaging finally stops? How can I end this quickly and safely?

TLDR; Help! 34F needs advice on ending a very intense, one sided friendship with 27F when ghosting is not working and confrontation feels like it might make it worse!

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Number-87 on 2024-01-22 22:27:37+00:00.

I know this is dumb and probably not the time or place to be concerned about this but it’s been on my mind. This past weekend I got a DWI. This was my first offense and I’ve never been in any legal trouble nor do I ever intend on getting in any problems in the future, I really want to turn this negative experience and learn from it to make me a better person.

Anyways, due to the nature of the arrest I will more than likely be placed on probation which will suspend my license (except work, grocery store, etc) and will likely result in me having a breathalyzer in my car. As of right now my court date probably won’t be for another 9-12 months however my license will likely be suspended here in the next 3-5 months. Outside of my legal issues (which I am aware will not be easy and I am taking full accountability for and will do everything asked of me) I am worried about my romantic life.

I am a 26/m and am worried about being able to find someone especially when I have a breathalyzer in my car for likely 18-20 months starting next year. I’m typically the type of guy who wants something long term and would like to drive my girlfriend around, especially on dates. I guess I’m worried about not being able to go out and find someone when I can’t drive and when we are in my car I will have to use the breathalyzer in front of them (which understandably will likely scare away any potential girls). Idk what I’m necessarily asking here but if anyone has any thoughts or experiences with anything similar please share. I still want to be able to look for a partner and don’t want to set my romantic life back 2+ years because of this stupid mistake I made. I plan on being upfront with any potential gf’s I just don’t know when an appropriate time would be to share that without scaring anyone away.

Im aware this is 100% my fault, there are consequences to my actions and I’m prepared to face them, this was completely out of character for me I just made a huge dangerous & expensive mistake and I’m lucky and thankful no one was hurt. Thank you for any advice

TL;DR: I got a DWI and I’m worried how it’ll affect me moving forward, especially when dating

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Bid6734 on 2024-01-22 21:54:20+00:00.

I will start off by saying that my bf and I (M&F, late 20s) normally spend time at my place, meaning he makes the effort to come over. However, for the next few weeks he has to housesit for a relative, which involves looking after their pets. I am allergic to said pets. My bf wants me to make the effort to come and stay at his, but I am worried about getting sick. He thinks I just can't be bothered.

There are 2 others living in the house, but for various reasons they are not able to look after the pets, which is why my bf will be. All of them smoke indoors. It is winter in my country and heating is expensive, meaning the windows are kept shut even with the smoking (I know pets and second hand smoke isn't cool).

My bf and I usually spend all of our free time together when not at work, and have done pretty much since we met 2 years ago. He is upset with me now for not being there, and I am having a hard time explaining to him why I cannot stay over every night. I already take a lot of antihistamines and asthma medication so that I can come over for a few hours, so he hasn't seen me have a reaction for a long time. He has confessed to me that his family members don't really believe that I have allergies and just use it as an excuse.

For me the worst part is the smoking. I quit smoking many years ago because of my asthma, and really hate sitting in smokey rooms. I will do it now and again but I don't want to do it every day. They won't go outside because it's their home (fair enough), and they won't open a window as it is cold outside (fair enough), but my bf keeps getting upset with me and thinks I am making an excuse to not come over. It's really upsetting me because I don't think he takes my health very seriously, and will make these next few weeks really hard as he can't come over to mine. I still will go round, because it would be worse to not see him, but now he's starting to push me away.

TLDR: Help me explain to my otherwise lovely boyfriend that I will get sick if I spend every night at his, but I love him very much still

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/DnamicOstrich on 2024-01-22 21:29:03+00:00.

M30 seeing F30 for a month and agreed on going official. Both shy and we haven’t really connected emotionally. During our recent dates shes super cuddly and wants to hold my hand. It was the other way around the first few dates and shes warmed up. She had a tough long term relationship so its been hard for her to trust my intentions(we both want long term and ive told her about my intentions on that).

Now we’re together and its been less than a week. It feels a bit weird. I am having issues being my self around her and being confident and she is sending mixed signals.

I like her a lot and she likes me a lot if not more. I want to make this work but not sure how to turn my mindset around. I want to connect with her emotionally because our convos don’t flow well and become awkward. This will also help us move further in the relationship.

Anyone been in this situation?

Tldr: dated a month, started relationship with each other, lack of emotional connection, my lack of confidence and not being myself on our dates, her sending mixed signals because shes not sure if this is what she wants, and wanting to connect better/want better flowing convos.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/maryray999 on 2024-01-22 21:27:18+00:00.

So I already have a fearful/ avoidant attachment style so it’s hard to know if my intuition is right or if it’s my attachment style coming into play.

I’m dating someone who treats me really well, loves me, communicates well, is physically attractive, makes me a priority, etc.

However, I can’t help but feel something is missing. As an introvert and someone with anxiety, I always gravitate towards people who make me laugh and have goofy personalities. I’m also a naturally goofy/weird person so anyone that can make me feel comfortable enough to act as my authentic self, is someone I really cherish. I feel like I don’t really have that with my significant other. Sure, sometimes we laugh and yes, we have good times but it’s not the same as what I’m talking about. I feel like I have to mask a bit / can’t fully be myself and not because he doesn’t let me but he just has a different personality / different humor than me. But I long for that type of connection, where we are so in sync, laugh about everything, and get be our complete selves together. I had this with my ex (but I wasn’t really physically attracted to him)

I also find it sometimes hard to have conversations with my bf as he’s not much of a conversationalist. I wish he would have more curiosity into my life and that we had more deep conversations. He also has adhd so he’s not the best with listening bc he’s often getting distracted. This is something else I reallly value and feel is lacking.

TL;dr so I guess I’m just writing because I’m torn. I have a great guy but still feel somethings lacking. I’m also getting older so I feel my time is running out and I need to figure it out soon. But I can never trust my intuition because idk if I’m self sabotaging. I know no one is perfect and I fear I’m asking/ looking for too much or fantasizing about an ideal person that doesn’t exist. It really sucks when you can’t trust your own intuition.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Kaleidoscope996 on 2024-01-22 21:20:08+00:00.

Fiancé and I have been together for 4 years, and have lived together for 2. I personally feel like we both know just about how much “pressure” each other is under, but who knows.

My fiancé frequently tells me that there’s more societal pressure on men than women, and that he wishes he could just be a woman.

For the most part, I understand. But it gets quite tiring to hear that it’s harder being a man and every now and then I’ll say that everyone is under pressure, and he just responds with “it’s different, it’s not a competition.”

How tf do you even respond to that though? Its frustrating because its like he’s ignoring the massive amounts of pressure that society puts on women (and he on me honestly) but everytime I bring it up he just responds with “I disagree” and changes topics 🙄

How would you reply? Or even just start a conversation about it because I don’t like to insert my grievances when he’s just ranting, you know?

TLDR- Fiancé (22M) tells me (21F) that there’s more pressure on women but also says that it’s not a competition. How do you respond?