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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ohwell_genz on 2024-01-23 03:26:19+00:00.
TLDR: I have kept in close touch with some friends from college, 2 in particular, Friend B and A are not close anymore (dont speak) and I did not want to be a bridge but B is not going and A (who lives in the same city as college) has changed a lot (actually i think she hasnt and the rest of us have). Reunions are coming up and i have to travel (fly and book a hotel) so I have to plan in advance and invest some money into this. Im glad I dont have to be the bridge for B this time but Is it worth trying to spend a weekend with people who I think have stayed in their college town/together/not had time apart and feel like the odd man out? I think that seeing B slip out made me hypersensitive.
old roommates, college reunion. Ha brings a lot of feelings. I have 2 really close friends from college. We live in completely different parts of the country now; I keep in touch with A and B a lot and have visited like once a year ish or seen them if they were in town for work trips so its hard to maintain but i respect the relationship and how its shifted into real adult friendships. A and B were not close but we all lived together. B has kind of struggled to keep up any and all friendships after getting into a serious relationship (not an excuse but it is what it is), she used to chase and forge friendship with others and it was painful to watch. B used to ask people to lunch out of the blue or randomly call people and they would ghost her or have nothing to talk about… and then she would be super upset and talk to me about how “mean” everyone was to her. I did not want to be her bridge but now she is not going to reunions so that anxiety is gone, however I fear that I will act like B at the thought of going alone and facing A and some others (who live in the same city as our college/see each other frequently) bc I feel like the “odd man out” im definitely overthinking like a fool. A can be snippy at times, it never bothered me bc I can be the same but I think she feels a big territorial of people who come and go and her “new” life in the city which I totally get but I dont want to deal with complexes? (Also no hate at all bc we are all in different situations but B and I are pandemic nurses so we are JADED about life and super burnt out / working ass off and the others have small day jobs or dont work so its stressful financially to “keep up” which I feel pressure to do if we are doing a reunion). A was my first friend in college, we are super different but I thnk that we may be better friends when we are like 30+ haha and she really wants to live out her 20s to the max and that’s TOTALLY fine. I just dont want to be uncomfortable or insecure the whole time?
Do I listen to my gut thinking I would feel like Im “behind” just bc I moved on/out and not go but visit another weekend OR do I go bc its a “reason” to go and modify expectations? I brought it up to feel out the vibes and when I mention reunions, it was “oh sure! Come with us! We can do __” but I brought up coming another time and it was like “ohhhh sureeee” and i swore the tone was off and I felt out of place immediately lol. Shifting adult friendships are so weird and I know I will get used it as I see them more but also we dont have time to waste on friendships we have maybe outgrown a little?