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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Big_Bid6734 on 2024-01-22 21:54:20+00:00.
I will start off by saying that my bf and I (M&F, late 20s) normally spend time at my place, meaning he makes the effort to come over. However, for the next few weeks he has to housesit for a relative, which involves looking after their pets. I am allergic to said pets. My bf wants me to make the effort to come and stay at his, but I am worried about getting sick. He thinks I just can't be bothered.
There are 2 others living in the house, but for various reasons they are not able to look after the pets, which is why my bf will be. All of them smoke indoors. It is winter in my country and heating is expensive, meaning the windows are kept shut even with the smoking (I know pets and second hand smoke isn't cool).
My bf and I usually spend all of our free time together when not at work, and have done pretty much since we met 2 years ago. He is upset with me now for not being there, and I am having a hard time explaining to him why I cannot stay over every night. I already take a lot of antihistamines and asthma medication so that I can come over for a few hours, so he hasn't seen me have a reaction for a long time. He has confessed to me that his family members don't really believe that I have allergies and just use it as an excuse.
For me the worst part is the smoking. I quit smoking many years ago because of my asthma, and really hate sitting in smokey rooms. I will do it now and again but I don't want to do it every day. They won't go outside because it's their home (fair enough), and they won't open a window as it is cold outside (fair enough), but my bf keeps getting upset with me and thinks I am making an excuse to not come over. It's really upsetting me because I don't think he takes my health very seriously, and will make these next few weeks really hard as he can't come over to mine. I still will go round, because it would be worse to not see him, but now he's starting to push me away.
TLDR: Help me explain to my otherwise lovely boyfriend that I will get sick if I spend every night at his, but I love him very much still