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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Radiant_Lab_410 on 2024-01-23 03:09:37+00:00.
Hey all. This has been sitting in the back of my mind lately.
Just to preface this - he is a very kind, loving and considerate partner.
My boyfriend and I have only been together a few months, but we both come from religious and cultural backgrounds where people often marry within 1-2 years of a relationship starting. Because of my age, I am happy to wait 3-4 years, but I’d want to be married by 25.
I always knew I wanted to have multiple children but whenever I ask my partner about it, he says he’s “Never really thought about it”. He isn’t dismissive, but changes the topic relatively quickly to something else. He isn’t like this about marriage, where he’s said if things work out between us he’d love to get married in the aforementioned timeline. He always tells me about how much he loves me and how I am his “soulmate”, and I do feel that from him.
However, he remains VERY reluctant to dwell on the topic of children. He mentioned his ex who was a paediatrician would always drill him on this topic and it made him very averse to it. I, meanwhile, work as a middle school teacher, so I am surrounded by kids all day, and a large family is something I think about a lot. He is past his 30’s now, and while men mature later, it still scares me that it’s something he’s not given much consideration, whereas my family is a massive ambition of mine. I’ve bought this up multiple times (when relevant) and he’s always responded similarly.
He also really wants to have sex - and I’m against the idea for not only religious reasons but also scared of what the consequences could be (ie pregnancy). I have no doubt he would step up into that role if it happened, but his lack of thought regarding that topic as a whole intimidates me.
What is the best way to approach something like this? Any thoughts or experiences people could share?
TLDR: I’m concerned about my boyfriend not having much of an opinion about children despite being over 30, and I really want kids. He’s very vague around the topic.