Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/PastSelect on 2024-01-23 11:14:51+00:00.

Around 1.5 months ago I (F26) reconnected with a highschool friend (M27). The initial idea was FWB since neither of us wanted a relationship back then. But as soon as we started talking we felt like there could be more to this. He called me every day from that moment on. We could talk for hours on end. It felt like we have known eachother for ages. It felt so easy and right. All times when we saw eachother were amazing. We were intimate and it just felt right. I felt like I'd found my person if I am honest. He confessed that he had a crush on me in highschool, which I also did. He told me that I am the brightest light to have walked into his life for a long time and that he is going to take care of me.

There is only one complication, the fact that he was already dating someone else. The girl was my ex's ex, so I knew her. When we reconnected they weren't dating seriously. She told him that she isn't in the right space for a relationship. That changed over the past 1.5 months, when she told him that there might be more to their connection. They already had a history back in 2017, when they were also dating but he fucked up by also dating someone else who made their thing public. This hurt her a lot and he thought that this door was closed forever. Until... now. He told me that he regretted a lot of his decisions back then.

So. Two weeks ago he told me that he had to make a decision and I agreed. Because he couldn't start to grow feelings for both of us. Although he had the chance to tell the other woman of me and get some clarity back then, he didn't. He said that she has enough on her plate as is and that she is very closed off. We kept in touch the same way as before until yesterday. Yesterday we decided to take a walk and he told me that he had chosen her. Because of their history. He confessed that he also had developed feelings for me, but that he can't go on with his life if he does not take the chance with her now since he fucked up 7 years ago. If he would not do that he would continue to ask himself what would have come of it. When I started crying he pulled me in and gave me a kiss on my forehead telling me that everything will be alright and that if we are meant for eachother we will find a way. And that he is so sorry for hurting me this much. He said that this decision was extremely hard to make for him and that he'd never expected to be in such a situation. He confessed that this hurt him a lot aswell even if it might not seem like it at the moment. He kissed me twice yesterday. He doesn't want to lose me, but he understands that I need distance. He really hopes to meet me again in the future and he doesn't care if that is as friends or as lovers. He cares a lot about me and hopes that I will be happy. He even told me that his door will always be open for me and that even if we remeet in a nursing home he would still count himself lucky, because I am an amazing woman to him.

So. I feel like my heart has been ripped out. The last time I felt this much for a person was with my last partner of 8 years, which ended 1 year ago. I honestly feel like I can't fall in love anymore. I truly felt that everything just clicked and finally made sense.This hurts so much and I just can't wrap my head around why this did not work out. When I asked him why does something that feels so right still is not enough, he answered me that it is not about me or it not being enough but it is a wrong time, wrong place, right person scenario where he just can't let go of the opportunity with the other woman.

TL;DR: Remeeting and dating old highschool friend who choses old flame.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Exoticrobot22 on 2024-01-23 11:14:11+00:00.

I’m a 21m she’s 22F with one kid. She told me she’s only had about 3 other boyfriends her whole life. Same with me girlfriends wise. Now we’ve both talked to many people before, meaning gone on dates but nothing really turned into a relationship. She’s super into me and I love it. I’m not really complaining. I’m just scared if she’s like this with everyone?

I know she was like this 100% with her baby daddy. & definitely her other boyfriends. But I wonder if she’s obsessive over the guys she’s just had a fling with as well. Maybe it’s just my insecurities wondering why? But Idk im just worried a bit.

Like maybe she’s a bit on the crazy side? She is obsessive a bit but it didn’t really dawn on me that It can be a problem and maybe that’s why certain guys didn’t workout with her. Really what I’m wondering is maybe it’s all just a trauma response? Like im not saying it’s not genuine but maybe she really just bonds like this with everyone out of trauma from her past

TLDR: girlfriend is obsessive over me. Wonder if she’s just like this with everyone out of trauma response? She’s been like this with her other boyfriends. Wondering if she’s been like this with her hookups as well.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SignalGarden1698 on 2024-01-23 11:13:58+00:00.

I'm approaching the end of my university experience where at the start I met my lovely girlfriend. Truly the kindest and sweetest person I've ever met. We're approaching our two year anniversary but I feel awful right now. Something just doesn't feel right. At university we see each other quite often. You would even say we nearly live together. We rarely have problems. Can communicate our feelings quite well.

Anyway this has happened before after our summer holidays where we were away in consecutive periods and didn't see each other. I felt myself not missed her. Not wanting to text her. Having a nice breath of fresh air. Kind of counting down the days to see her but not in the way you think. I know this isn't a good feeling and I told her how I felt. It definitely hurt both of us. her having to hear that I didn't miss her and me seeing that how I felt could have such an impact (of course). The issues I identified and communicated were that; I didn't have my own space a lot and that our sex life was kind of meh. I'm not innocent either; I had things to work on too such as being present in the moment, not going on my phone as much. I think I worked on mine. I would ask and everything would be good.

Now with that being said. Once we were back at university, everything was much better. Those problems went away and we were good again.

However, those issues weren't really worked on. Don't get it twisted she actually pointed it out but i guess in the busy life of university you kind of get side-tracked as I have extra things as well as her and those issues didn't seem as serious.

Fastforward now to the winter break and the same thing has happened. But this time it feels different. I can't help this feeling but I've just seen her after a month basically and i feel horrible. I feel like i lied to her when i saw her. Don't get me wrong I enjoyed my time with her but something feels off and i can't pin point what exactly it is.

I don't know if it's because when I am at home i enjoy my own space and maybe have time to reflect after such an intense university semester. Let me also mention that those issues i mentioned before don't come to my mind right now. I've just been crying my eyes out because it feels over. but I don't want it to be. I wanna talk to her about it and work through it. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ISSUES ARE!!!

Sometimes when i think of my future I don't see her in it and it makes me so sad. I think part of it is because she doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't really have any ambitions. i've tried to push her but she just gets scared of starting. I see so much potential in her, and she knows this too, but she doesn't have the motivation or discipline to start things. On the other hand, I do have hobbies that i would love to see become a viable career path that i work on a daily basis, which plays into the fact that I need space to work on those.

I'm sorry if this has been repetitive, I just love this girl so much and the thought of giving up on her genuinely has been making me sob for the last few days. I'm her first relationship and we've been pretty solid. She's my second and after getting cheated on my first I didn't think I'd be able to trust someone as much as I trust this angel. At least if anything were to happen she can have a high benchmark for the next man in her life and likewise I will too.

I want to add on I have also been very stressed as it is exam season but I usually don't get this affected. next time i see her will be after the exam period so maybe I'll talk to her then.

Sometimes when i think of my future I don't see her in it and it makes me so sad. I think part of it is because she doesn't know what she wants to do. She doesn't really have any ambitions. i've tried to push her but she just gets scared of starting. I see so much potential in her, and she knows this too, but she doesn't have the motivation or discipline to start things.

I'm sorry if this has been repetitive, I just love this girl so much and the thought of giving up on her genuinely has been making me sob for the last few days. I'm her first relationship and we've been pretty solid. She's my second and after getting cheated on my first I didn't think I'd be able to trust someone as much as I trust this angel. At least if anything were to happen she can have a high benchmark for the next man in her life and likewise I will too.

I want to add on I have also been very stressed as it is exam season but I usually don't get this affected. next time i see her will be after the exam period so maybe I'll talk to her then.

This is just a vent but if anyone has been through a similar experience and knows how to navigate through this I would love the help, at the moment it feels like it's going to end but it really isn' set in stone

TLDR: My (M21) relationship has reached a standstill and I don’t know what the issues are, I love her (F22) still.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Throwaway5689285 on 2024-01-23 11:05:37+00:00.

I (25) have been dating this girl (25) on and off for for the last two years. This girl is basically everything I've ever wanted besides her negative outlook on life. Our sexual compatibility is the best I've ever had, she's drop-dead gorgeous, and we connect on an emotional level that I've never experienced with anyone (I've been in three long term relationships in my early 20s). All of that sounds so amazing, yet she ruins it with her ability to get overwhelmed easily, feeling over sensitized often, and complaining about little things that I feel don't need to be vocalized. She grew up in a fairly toxic childhood home with a lot of yelling and fighting with her mom and a drug addict father who was in and out of jail. I empathize with her trauma, but I'm getting pushed to my breaking point.

Here's an example of her emotional instability. I went to pickup some pizza for us at a local spot for dinner. When I brought the pizza back for us to eat, she opened her pizza box and some of the crust around the edges was burnt, but not to the point where it was inedible, just a bit more crisp and black in spots than usual. She immediately got so upset and threw a tantrum about it. I told her it was fine and she could have mine or try to pick off the burnt parts of it and she ended up yelling at me and telling me that it was too burnt to eat it at all and that she was taking it back. We ended up getting into a big argument over it and it totally ruined the entire night.

This is just one of many fights that we've head over similar complaints she's had. I've communicated her behavior to her multiple times and she has apologized but it never seems to get better in the long run. I feel like I'm a fairly positive person in life and tend to view the glass half full, but she drains me at times and it's so unfortunate because I really love her and want to make it work.

Tl;dr. My girlfriend gets overwhelmed easily complains so much but I really love her and want to make it work. Any advice helps.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/stupidguy_throwaway on 2024-01-23 08:52:18+00:00.

Pretty simple I guess. The title. I'm pretty young (17M) and I don't think I've ever experienced love. I'd rather not see comments like "You're young and you'll see lots of things in the future, meet better people." but if you think you can make them more appealing and maybe show some form of anecdotal evidence, that'd be okay too.

The people that I think love me, care for me right now, I'm starting to feel they really don't. My friends don’t care, neither do any of the people I'll meet online who act like they do, or anyone in the comments who'll try to comfort me. You think there are maybe educators who do but, all the teachers care for are grades, my parents for my future but who cares for me? For my fibre of being?

I know there are people who'd be sad, perhaps even crushed if I kill myself but they definitely won't care, per se, when I'm alive. They don't.

I really have tried to be kind to everyone, one has misinterpreted that as me flirting with her and my friend broke off our friendship because I comforted his girlfriend. I've tried to be more mindful of the extent of my kindness since then.

There have been girls whom I liked and I was kink to and some of them have liked me back, dated me but got bored of that kindness, I suppose because they sought something else, someone else. I know I never hurt them, heck, I asked each time I saw a tear whether it was because of me and I'll I'd hear is you've treated me the best way, then why would you cheat? Or less cruelly, but still cruelly, why would you ghost me?

Anywho, that didn't matter. I was kind to my friends, even if they weren't the most emotionally vulnerable to at least be there for the people I love, to let them know, if no one else, that I can be here to listen to your worries and hopefully receive some of the same, but even if I don't, I won't mind.

I have tried to forgive all the times my parents abused me as a child, and everything else but never did I ever feel that I was loved by them the way that I loved them. I would have to beg for them to stop shouting, to get my horrible migraines checked up (something that still requires check up) and I've tried to get them to believe that I need help with some things that they just don't want to help me with, mentally and physically. I've tried to love them but all I see them caring about is whether I'll have a stable job and income in the future, a future that they want to decide for me wholly.

They're my parents so I've never really held it against them. Even though some of our recent fights were absolutely the worst.

I've done so much to show the people I have cared for that I can be there for them but the moment I share something, the best I can get is them trying to distract me, give me an earful, share how much worse they have it, or just plain ignore it and I don't mind it if that's all they know to do. I'm okay with them listening to me too, it's comforting enough.

But it's never there, it's always too much to ask for.

About half a year ago, I met a girl and we clicked immediately, and we have been talking ever since. She had a boyfriend at the time. She was 17 and he was 27. It was fucked up, of course and I did tell her it was but back then she didn't listen. She's autistic so she definitely had some really destructive habits and things that she did that wouldn't make sense to anyone but her. She also has severe depression and body dysmorphia, and an ED, as she often purges.

Regardless of everything, we used to talk a lot and our texts were very emotionally vulnerable because we found it comfortable to be around each other. I don't know when these texts escalated to go to the point where we'd talk about cuddling, kissing and romantic stuff, albeit not sexual. Perhaps her boundaries regarding platonic love and relationships were different because despite all this when I asked her whether she'd go out with me, she rejected me. I attributed it to her being in a relationship already, even though it was a relationship she was talking about leaving now.

Well, time passed and she left him a while, we still talk in the same way as before, we still talk in the same way that gave me signals before and it never really changed. We still say I love you.

Anyhow, she has started anti-depressants and now she's more distant than ever. The love was always pretty one-sided in the way that I said I love you and in the way that she did but recently, the most we talk is text each other memes. She doesn't talk to me much anymore and I don't know if it's just me but she seems to not react to the romantic love that I show her.

I hoped that her breaking up with her boyfriend would change our relationship but her depression has severely affected that. I'm very confused as to how to deal with this and I don't even know if she'll ever love me the same way. I just care deeply about her and I wish I could show her that and let go of the hopes that she'll love me.

Honestly though, I hope I could give up hope that anyone will ever love me. Fuck do I want to hug someone when they're sad though, and god do I want to kiss her, or cry to my parents, or just have friends who were more emotionally mature.

I don't want to live anymore, honestly.

I sometimes go to this place at night that's really high up and feel like jumping off, or get the rope out to hang myself in the nearby cemetery, or overdose on medicines that will surely kill me. The only things that stop me are the hope that maybe I'll find love, but I'm starting to lose that, and the sadness that fills me when I think of the people who might find me dead and who'll regret my death, and the fact that it might be painful to die.

I need help and maybe therapy for the traumas I have that I can't even mention here. I can't get therapy right now in this household though and I probably won't get therapy until I'm out of college, at least which would be after more than 4 years from now.

TL;DR- I'm unable to find love in any of the relationships I've had, from familial to platonic to romantic. What do I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Exoticrobot22 on 2024-01-23 10:25:53+00:00.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dear_Raspy on 2024-01-23 10:20:29+00:00.

So, me and my boyfriend broke up days ago. While we are not together yet we are talking again, the original idea was to do zero contact. We had some issues and even if they could be forgivable or easily fixed, we are long distance so it’s definitely an obstacle. For context some of those are related to him doing some shady thing (not thaat serious) and some misunderstandings, so jealousy from my part has been an issue for myself - i rarely got jealous in the past but i dont show it unless something shady is actually done or said-. He has issues with the way he communicates things as he doesnt have many social skills, i was his first serious gf and first kiss, hes shy and nerdy.

We broke up late that day and started talking again in less than a day after. We called and tried to understand each other better, since my decision (i was the one who broke up) was solid at first and we didn’t talk much. When we talked he swore he would be better and improve, but later in that conversation he mentioned someone - in a normal context- who i know he was interested in in the past (he didnt know i know) so i asked him about it. There was some sort of chill confrontation but well, i understood I probably overreacted. That girl is known for being promiscuous, flirty, getting in the middle of relationships; i dont hate her or anything but it was a very bad timing to bring her up.

Anyway, yesterday we defined what were we and what were the limits we are willing yo give and therefore expect from the other person so there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding. We said we weren’t officially back but we’d remain exclusive until we reach a conclusion and that was mutual. I as a clarification said “you dont need to answer this on your behalf but i wanted to say that the day we broke up I dint do anything like that” which I said because i was the one who asked what were we and i wanted to prevent any overthinking. Also of course after breaking up he doesnt owe me anything, which i told him. And yeah he obliged to what i said coz he didn’t say whether he did something or not lmao. That per se doesn’t and didnt make me uneasy. But if we get back together I wanna tell him that whoever he saw or texted in “that” way during that time needs to be called off. Which is obvious but I wouldnt be comfortable even if they continue eith a constant friendly communication.

Tomorrow we’ll probably decide, and in case we do get back together. Should I ask him if he did text someone? Or just tell him my boundaries? Both might get me overthinking for a bit ngl

TLDR: My bf and i broke up for a day and idk whether i should ask him if he texted someone during that short period of time incase we get back together

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Outrageous_Put_4446 on 2024-01-23 10:18:59+00:00.

—-

TL;DR;: a guy i have been dating told me that he misses another girls ‘perfect built’ and it has messed with his head because he knows it’s almost impossible to find a girl with as perfect of a body again

so i’ve been talking to this guy for about 2 months, we’ve been on 1 date and overall i like him as he seems to reciprocate effort and display consistent interest for the most part .

but today he came out with the statement that someone he used to date had a perfect ass and build and that he misses her body because he knows it’s likely that he’ll never find someone ‘built’ like her again. he said that he doesn’t miss her as a person and that he thinks ‘girls like that’ (i’m assuming he means girls with a perfect body) are better to look at than be involved with (which is i feel is slightly misogynistic in itself).

he then goes on to say that it messed with his head dating a girl like her and it ‘ruined physical attraction’ for him.

i expressed how insensitive i thought he was being to me but also to women in general and his response was ‘Her booty was literally perfect what do you want from me i’m an honest straight forward person, it is what it is and Nobody will have a better booty than her, like i’m not going to lie’ and he told me that it shouldn’t even matter.

what would you do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/skrrtskrrtkisskiss on 2024-01-23 10:12:15+00:00.

So my (19F) boyfriend (18M) and I have been dating for about 2 years now. He's the most handsome guy i have ever seen. Super tall, deep voice, crazy build and really sweet. We are both long distance now as him and I attend different colleges now. He is my first boyfriend and I dont really know a lot when it comes to dating, we haven't even had our first kiss yet due to long distance as he had to leave in hurry and i wasn't ready for us to kiss yet. We're very open to each other and share everything, we talk everyday and it's amazing. But after a weeks of us dating, he came off as controlling and possessive over me which later on improved and now he's really calm and sweet. But few days ago when we were on facetime, I told him about a friend of mine who was acting unusual and my boyfriend snapped saying he doesn't trust the guy. I understand why he said that but i already cleared up everything with my friend. I reassured my boyfriend and he remarked that if we ever break up, i would never find a guy like him. He went on saying how no one can ever love me more than him and that i could never find someone like him. Since then, he is telling me this quite often on how i could never find someone as perfect as him for me, how no guy could handle my mood swings and attitude. I really don't know how to feel about that.

TDLR: He said i could never find someone like him because he the only guy and most perfect guy for me who can handle my mood swings. I feel weird and dont know how to feel abt this

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Not-quite-my-tempo- on 2024-01-23 08:48:08+00:00.

My 26f boyfriend 27m and I have been dating for three years. We love each other deeply and had plans to marry and have kids. We even lived together but broke up and I moved out. We’ve actually broken up a few times due to different things but we got ourselves put together and grew up and got back together.

Here’s the thing….I have BPD and severe abandonment issues and fears so sometimes I overreact and am overally sensitive. My boyfriend emotionally cheated two years ago. It destroyed me. He also left me for her at one point but all they did was go on a few dates and kiss once and then he came back to me. He’s honestly been amazing for about a year and a half. Honest, trustworthy, always there for me and supportive. He goes to therapy and cut out all the toxic people in his life. I never believed anyone could really change but he proved me wrong.

The thing is, I never got over my resentment and heartache. I cry multiple times a week over it still. I stopped trying in our relationship because anytime I want to try I think of what he did and grow bitter. The thing is, I’ve done equally bad things as him and he forgave me and we grew together.

We grew together for a little bit but now I’m just….idk I’m just so tired. I don’t know if I’m making a mistake. He’s such an amazing guy and I’m just this pathetic woman who can’t heal or choose love. What should I do?

tl;dr I’m not sure whether I should break up with my amazing boyfriend or not.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Fearless-Pattern-352 on 2024-01-23 08:28:37+00:00.

Should I bail on this relationship?

I (47m) have been seeing this woman (34f) for about 4 months. We hit it off right away, spent the whole 4 months talking and being together pretty much every chance we had.

She has had a rough past couple of years, basically allowed the older man (like myself) who she was with previously to control every aspect of their lives as well as their successful business they had together, then apparently everything went to shit when he got on drugs from having all this expendable cash around, their relationship became really toxic and abusive and she basically had to run with nothing.

When we met she definitely trauma dumped on me quite a bit, I listened and felt sorry for her and tried being a voice of reason for her, she has mentioned many times that I am calming for her and stable, things she hasn’t had in her life for awhile I guess.

She certainly wants all the things that come with a normal relationship, we agreed not to have sex with anyone else while together, spent literally every day together for months, but she has been pretty persistent that she isn’t ready for a ‘full blown’ relationship? At the beginning of December she had a falling out with the people she was living with so I invited her to stay at my place until she could find a place to live. She spent Christmas with my family and I, everything seemed like it was going great until a few weeks ago when we met at a pub after her work (she is a bartender and showed up already drunk) and she was really rude to me, and fought with me that night, I ended up leaving my space and sleeping somewhere else just to get away. She did apologize the next day for being so difficult.

I had multiple people warn me about her after they saw us together at the beginning, apparently she had made a name for herself in the small town we live in, one girl called her a ho, multiple dudes said her nickname was red flag lol. She is very endearing tho direct to a fault, and charming and intelligent, and very cute on top of it, so I decided that maybe she was worth a try anyway and she seemed really into me so I took a chance on her. I am promiscuous myself, which she is as well and has admitted to being, so I try not to judge on that but I am not a cheater. I’ve made my mistakes in the past and paid dearly for it, so I just don’t go there or put myself in a position where I would be tempted.

I did see a few things while we spent time together that made me question if it was worth the trouble- she loves to flirt, loves attention from men, and has a very short fuse. I kind of started realizing that she had an ego that needed to be fed, and me being secure in myself it started being a turn off because I was starting to worry about me having feelings for her and she really never did anything to make me feel important to her, and things really seemed to be all about her. If I didn’t hear from her I would worry she was with someone else.

So a week after she was rude to me at the pub, I was still feeling shitty about what happened although she did apologize and was apparently too drunk to remember the things she said, I knew something was up and she wasn’t talking to me about it. She was in my bed at my house she was living at, and she fell asleep watching a video so I got her phone to turn it off and my curiosity got the better of me so I checked her messages and of course there was a text conversation with some guy the same night she was rude to me, him asking her to come to his place and her telling him ‘not tonight’, then towards the end she told him they should hang out sometime.

Yes, I know that going through someone’s phone is fucked up but I wasn’t going to waste my time on some woman who is rude to me and gives out her number to other dudes. Of course I was pissed, I woke her up and asked her ‘who’s this?’ We fought a bit, she said that it was a guy that’s been flirting with her for about a year, that she was just ‘curious’, said it was nothing though and she wasn’t ever planning on hanging out with him and that it wasn’t a big deal.

Well it was a big deal for me. I asked her to get her stuff and leave the next day. She messaged me throughout the next day, telling me she was so sorry and didn’t mean to hurt me.

She and I have been talking all this last week, me just trying to figure out why she needed to do that when we, I thought, were building a relationship together and spending all our time together. I really like this woman, in fact I was totally falling for her but this really broke my heart. She’s been trying to patch things up, but gets super defensive when I would probe her about what happened and why. She can’t admit to herself why she gave this guy her number and allowed him to pursue her like that, as well as her reciprocating in the text conversation.

She has said she is sorry, that she’ll never do it again, and that she is no longer talking to the guy and that it’s done. I don’t know if I could really trust her again, even though everything in me tells me I should give her a chance because besides this issue everything for the most part has been good except her not being very affectionate or wanting to be in a comitted relationship with me yet, but for the most part she is fun to be with, we have great sex and laugh the whole time together. I mean it’s only been 4 months but she was living with me, spending every day with me and talking about a future with me, so maybe you can see why I’m conflicted.

I really don’t know where to go from here. Should I keep trying? Am I just wanting something that isn’t there? Am I just being used?

TL;DR, met amazing woman, been together for 4 months, laughing, hanging out everyday, having loads of fun and sex, she moves in with me then I found out she had been texting another man making plans to hang out while living with me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Intelligent-Act-6222 on 2024-01-22 18:52:15+00:00.

About 10 days ago, my (21f) boyfriend (22m) of 5 months went to a party with some friends. He also invited a girl he knew through friends to the party, as she was new in the city and he wanted to introduce her to some people to help her get into a network, as there were a lot of people at the party studying the same thing as her. He only saw her in a friendly way from what he tells me but apparently that message didn’t get through to her. He told her he had a girlfriend and that we sometimes argued and she stayed respectful of that throughout the evening. After the party she asked him if he could make sure she got home safe because it was around 2/3-ish and she didn’t feel safe in the city. Not thinking anything, he called her an Uber and after she asked him if he still wanted to hang out and talk a bit, he didn’t think anything of it either (he was already drunk out of his mind and from what he tells me nearly black out drunk). So they went to her place and talked for a bit about innocent stuff, he laid down on her couch to sleep and from what he said she tried to kiss him a few times. He told her he had a girlfriend but was so drunk that when she kept trying, he kissed her back for a brief second. They did some other stuff (not sex) too for around 5 minutes before he realized how wrong it was and went to the bathroom to lie down there and lock himself in. He also told me everything the next day and apologized numerous times, said he understands if I do not want this anymore. I thought about it and I’m not sure whether to give him another chance or to move on. To be fair, I had broken up with him just 5 days prior and then gotten back together right away and have been arguing with him a lot. I’m not sure what to do in this situation, any help is appreciated!

TL;DR: My boyfriend kissed another girl at a party and I don’t know how to handle the situation

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Sad-Blackberry-3318 on 2024-01-23 07:25:43+00:00.

Basically my Bf has this work friend who he's not super close to but considers a good friend. I've hung out with her a few times outside of work, and Every-time I have, she's given me some off vibes. Recently at work, she brought up my bf's and his ex gf's sex tape. I don't know why she did this, told her before that I do not ever want to talk about his past relationships since I am a very insecure person and she just keeps finding little ways to bring it up.

She's done this with other things and other people. For example, my friend has an absent father, and this girl tends to make extremely inappropriate jokes about it even after my friend told her to stop.

My bf's friend also makes fun of me to my bf. And acts slightly 'pick me' like, making fun of my mental illness and how I react to situations.

When I confronted her about this, she barely apologized, saying it's annoying that I think she hates me and that it's untair. I'm super frustrated by this and feel like I'm losing my boyfriend to a girl who is already in a committed relationship. I feel somewhat disrespected by her and the fact my bf defends her just breaks my heart.

How do I get over this? Is my boyfriend going to leave me and forget everything we've been through just for some girl that he isn't even close to?

TDLR: My bf has a friend that doesn't like me and it's making me super insecure.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/False-Engine-1442 on 2024-01-23 07:22:35+00:00.

Hello. Last night my parents(61m, 51f)and I (19m) had a huge fight that has been going on for weeks now. To start from the beginning, I have a girlfriend (18f) of 8 months who goes to college about 2 hours away. Now this is a problem because my parents are pretty strict. For a while, they did not allow me to go to her house which was only 30 minutes away. Finally, I was able to, but this was over last summer. Everything got worse once school started.

My parents left to live in Florida for three months once school began because my dad had a job offer and wanted to see if our family could live there. I do not want to live in Florida, and ive made that very clear to them. Basically, their response is "if our family goes, youre going." I know that nothing I do is going to change that unless i move out. Anyway, this is not even what this is about. Since they left and i stayed, my girlfriend had been coming down almost every weekend to spend time together. We both recognized this was a little extreme, as she had little time to spend on her school life and relationships. However, I was not allowed to drive up to her school. When i was finally able to go up there, i had to take the bus and come back the same day. This only let me have 3 hours to visit.

I state this point every time that the argument comes up between my mom and i. She does not want me to stay the night, which would allow me to have more time and do more things. My gfs college also allows visits, so thats not a problem. Her reasoning is that it is "inappropriate and low-life." Its not even about us being able to do those kind of things, but rather to wake up next to each other and have more time to grow our relationship and do things we want to do. Even if we do that stuff, we are both adults and she has a birth control implant (that my parents dont know about.) This is a thing that she says she will not compromise on. I am only asking to do that once a month. my gf will also come down once a month. Another reason i am not allowed to is that "i dont have a family up there, and she has family down here to stay with." and that "when people are in a long distance relationship they see each other on breaks." No matter what i say, she does not listen.

About a month ago on my birthday, i went up to see her and spend my birthday with her. I planned to stay the night, although i did not tell my parents about this until about 8 at night. As i told them, they were threatening to take away my phone, car, and the money out of my account, even though i worked for the money. I came back the next day, as i told them i would that night. I did not have a car for about a week when i came home. The money was moved into my savings account. even though it was put back the next day, it was still moved so that i did not "sign a lease or make any other stupid decisions." That day, i moved the money into a new account that she could not see or have access to.

This problem still persists today, as i got my car taken away again about 2 weeks ago. They want me to move the money back. I have given them what i owe them in insurance in the account they can see, and kept the rest in my own. They say i do not have a car until i move it all.

My girlfriend also has problems with my parents, because during one the fights between my parents and i, my mom said that it is my girlfriends fault that i make these bad decisions and that maybe shes not as good of a girlfriend as i think she is. Shes been supportive of whatever i wanted to do and only wants to see me succeed and to be with me. I brought up what my mom said about her to my mom again when we had an argument, and she told me she did not say that. It turned into screaming, and i had to sit outside for an hour to feel peace.

I told my girlfriend about what she had said because it was about her and our relationship. obviously, she was pretty mad. She did not like my mom before, but now she wants nothing to do with her. my mom says its my fault that she knows about this because i shouldnt have told her about our private conversations. I said its her fault because shes the one who said it and insulted her.

In my relationship, this has caused problems as there will be even less time to see each other and that we cannot live like this for 3 more years until college is over. This means that i would either have to move out now or break up with her, because i do not think my parents will change their minds. Ive thought about going to her college, however it is too expensive for me at the moment and my parents would not pay for me to go there, even though they would pay for other places. Ive emailed the office of financial aid with no reply just yet. We also thought about me working and taking a year off to figure out what i want to do, as i still dont really have an idea for that. That would involve me either staying at her parents house, as they had offered me to be able to. Another option would be to move into an apartment next semester with her, which we would be able to afford, but i still would probably not be going to school for the year. All of the options seem unfavorable.

Also, I am in a free first-year online program at a college that my parents had signed me up for. I have a more than-average-paying, entry level job.

I feel lost and I am wondering about the possible effects of either choice?

TLDR: Month-long problems with parents escalate into a situation of choosing either them or my girlfriend. It is possible for me to afford moving out at the expense of my parent's support and the relationship we have. I dont really have specific long-term goals for my future job or an idea of what I want to do with my life.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Comfortable-End-5683 on 2024-01-23 05:37:04+00:00.

I've been with my girlfriend for just about 9 months, and I can't get away from the feeling that I want to break up with her. For context, we've known each other since we were really young, went to a party last year and admitted we had both been developing feelings for each other recently. The last 9 months have been nothing but great. She's so loving, really funny, we communicate really well, and I love spending time with her. I love her a lot, I always have and probably always will, but for the last few months I've had this nagging in the back of my mind that I want to end things. I've just barely been able to admit this to myself, as every time I had that feeling before I tried to stuff it down because things were so good between us. I feel like a complete piece of shit for wanting to throw away what so many people would probably consider the ideal relationship.

She's incredibly supportive of everything I do, takes time to engage in my interests with me even if she doesn't care as much, I mean overall she's pretty much perfect and I should be a lot more in love with her than I am. Now that I'm trying to really address where this feeling comes from, the following reasons are the only things I can think of as to why I want to break up with her. She has issues with self esteem and insecurity. She tries to limit how much she asks for reassurance and when she does I respond to it with as much care and love as I can, but it's starting to take a toll on me to have to singlehandedly hold up her self esteem. We've discussed it a good few times, but those types of issues don't resolve themselves overnight.

I also think we just generally have different plans for life. She's planning to enter an intense field and frequently talks about having adventures and doing stuff "once she's retired," which I understand how intensive her chosen profession can be, but I don't like the idea of resigning myself to only get to travel or do interesting stuff at the age of 65. I am also a generally creative and artistic person, and I have tons of hobbies and interests, but all she's interested in is the subject of her profession. That's fine and everything, I just wish we were more similar in that way.

We agree on everything politically and frequently have conversations about politics, though sometimes I feel like she's not as engaged in it as I am as I'm often informing her of things going

on. It's important to me to stay tuned in to the current political climate and be vocal and active about making change, and I sometimes wish she had those same feelings about wanting to take real action.

She wants to get engaged after a couple of years of being together, and thinking of that also freaks me out a bit. I feel like I'm not ready to settle down forever and make a permanent commitment so young. I never really dated anyone before her, and the "one-and-done" idea scares me a bit, it took me a long time to come out of my shell and I feel like if I settle down with her I'll never have gotten a chance to see what dating is like now that I'm a lot more confident as a person.

Also, my entire friend group came from her, and if I broke up with her I'd lose all of my friends. I also hate the idea of their reactions to hearing I broke up with her, I know they'd all feel betrayed and would start to resent me (rightfully so).

I really, really dread the idea of hurting her. I know this would be a major blow on her already poor self esteem and mental health. I've tried to convince myself this feeling just comes from adjusting to being in my first serious relationship, but it hasn't gone away and has honestly only started to get stronger. I don't feel like any of the reasons I've listed warrant a breakup. I feel like breaking up would mean throwing away something really great that I might never find again.

TL;DR my girlfriend and I have a really healthy relationship overall, and yet over the last couple months I keep feeling like I want to break up with her but the only "reasons" I can think of feel pretty minor, and I'm worried I'd be ruining my shot at a happy lifelong partnership if I leave her.

Am I making a horrible mistake by breaking up with her, or should I try to honor my feelings about this?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dear_Wallaby8098 on 2024-01-23 05:37:00+00:00.

I(29f) was in a relationship with my ex (36m) for almost 7 years. It got to the point where it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't happy. We share a son together, so we will always be in each other's lives. For the last year I have been seeing another guy (33m) who I thought was endgame, but his family is controlling and complicated and got in the middle of our relationship to the point he called off our engagement. We have since been on and off. We are on our second "break" and now my son's father wants to get back together, but I remember why we split, but I'm not sure he does. (I should mention that (33m)'s family purchased a house for us, but I feel like if I choose to get back with him I'll be stuck in a house with the kids that is controlled by his family, despite the financial security it offers my kids). It's all very complicated and honestly sending me spiraling.

TL;DR! I (29F) feel like I'm stuck in a triangle troup and I don't know how to feel or what to do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/No-Definition-3584 on 2024-01-23 05:20:53+00:00.

Hi guys. I’m in my last year of university and have been dating my girl for 14 months now. Since about 2 months into our relationship, we have slept together every weekend that we have had the opportunity to (we are long distance when not at school). I absolutely love(d) it. She has also always claimed to love it and even used to tell me how sad she would be when I wasn’t in her bed on Sunday nights.

However, this past weekend she made it clear on Friday night that she had to be up early the next day and that she wanted to sleep alone. I was sad but agreed and admittedly was a little worried. On Saturday she didn’t want to sleep together again, claiming she wanted to just have some alone time which I agreed to once again and it wasn’t really an issue.

She has now recently said that she wants to cut down to only sleeping together maybe once a weekend. This made me extremely sad. In addition to slowly ending some other activities we used to do (cooking together a few times during the week, FaceTiming as often during our school vacations) this is the one that has hurt me the most. I understand about the other things we used to do, as they were sometimes too much for me as well, but sleeping together on weekends was something I looked forward to every week and now that we are doing it as often makes me really saddened and worries me that she’s going to put a stop to it altogether soon.

I want to give her space if she needs but this is really a gut punch and I don’t know how to deal with it. I went back to my house on Friday and Saturday night just sad and a little lonely. She has assured me that it isn’t anything serious and that she absolutely still wants to be in a relationship with me and loves me just the same but sleeping together is just something I really love doing. I miss her and I don’t know what to do.

Is there a compromise to be made here?

TLDR: my girlfriend doesn’t want to sleep together on weekends anymore and i am extremely sad by it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/djieoa on 2024-01-23 05:16:10+00:00.

My (22f) Boyfriend (27m) of 2 years just told me wants to wait until marriage to have sex

Okay.. this just happened 30 mins ago and I’m super confused and in need of advice. Today I tried to initiate sex with my (22f) boyfriend (27m), to which I was turned down. He had been turning my advances down for the last few days, so I asked whats up. He said he wants to wait until we get married to have sex. He’s religious, and he says it’s the best thing for us because we don’t want kids yet so he doesn’t even want to risk it. Here’s the part I’m baffled by… we’ve been having sex on a regular basis over the past 2 years. I asked him why he suddenly wants to stop if we’ve been having sex already, and he gives the same answers. “It’s wrong before marriage” and “we’re just doing it because it feels good” and “sex is a special moment between husband and wife”. He’s not wrong, but I don’t want to wait until marriage. I’m so confused. Help.

TL;DR - boyfriend of 2 years turned down sex and said he wants to wait until marriage. We’ve been having sex regularly for our entire relationship. I’m not cool with waiting especially when we’ve been doing it regularly. Help.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Less_Rice6342 on 2024-01-23 05:15:02+00:00.

A friend and colleague passed away last year leaving behind 2 kids 14 and 12. Before he passed away he asked me to keep an eye on the kids because he doesn’t trust his family. I am also the will executor. The boy was having difficulties with his mum ( let’s call her Mary ) and was going off the rails. He started hanging out with the wrong crowd and smoking weed. I stepped in and he was really responsive. I helped by getting him to play football with my son ( the same age) , and including him in our family activities. He has turned things around and school work is back in order. I also go to their place often to help with their homework. A common friend of us told me yesterday that Mary confided in his wife and told her I was an amazing dad and that she has feelings for me. She also said she was afraid to say anything in case I decided to withdraw and her kids will miss out. I am married and love my wife. I spoke with my wife and she wants me to cut all contacts. She also refused my offer to stop going to their place and only helping in our house. My friend is also upset that I broke the bro code and got him in trouble by revealing what his wife told him in private. I am conflicted. I don’t want to put stress on my relationship but I also feel sorry for the kid and want to keep my promise to his dad. I have no feelings for Mary and she has never made me feel uncomfortable or done anything inappropriate. Should I listen to my wife? Is her demand reasonable?

Tl;dr. My wife is asking me to stop helping the son of a deceased friend . What should I do?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/EnthusiasmMental1299 on 2024-01-23 05:14:11+00:00.

I'm in a relationship of about a year that I would describe as "fine." I met my boyfriend of about a year on a dating app. There were no sparks, but he was way better than the other men I'd been meeting so I thought I would see how things went. First 6ish months were good, but around the 6 month mark I noticed some things that bothered me. No major red flags, but small things. None of them on their own seemed like reasons to end the relationship and I thought we could work through them. Overtime, these things have bothered me more and more. Without going into details, we have different lifestyles, few shared interests, and he is very competitive.

At this point, it kind of feels like this relationship is not giving me what I truly want, but I'm afraid to end it.Afraid because I've already spent a year in it that I could have been using to find more compatible guys. Afraid because he was the best I could find a year ago so it seems unlikely I can find a better fit for me at this point. I'm so tired of being alone all of the time and breaking up with him means going back to being alone. I'm also in my 30s - I need to find another single man who I think is somewhat attractive and compatible with my life who also thinks I am attractive and compatible with his life. Honestly that seems so unlikely at this point. Ending things with him and starting from scratch feels so hard at an age where I wanted to be settling down and thinking about kids.

TLDR: I'm struggling with whether to stay or go from a relationship that's not really what I want in my 30s?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Beneficial_Ad_9579 on 2024-01-23 05:12:53+00:00.

I (27M), got into a pretty bad argument with my friend (also 27M) a few weeks ago. For the record, him and I have been friends for over 10 years, and I consider him one of my closest friends. However, when we get into arguments, they tend to get pretty bad. But none have been as bad as the one we had over the phone a few weeks ago, and it ended our friendship.

For some info before I get into it, I dealt with severe depression the last few years, and this caused me to get into a bad gaming addiction. I have really been trying to break it and pull my life together, which is why I can reach out to my close friends for help who I trust.

The phone call started off well. I know he has been going through some stuff too so I have been there for him, and we talked about some life stuff, etc. Then, I brought up the fact that I was trying to break my gaming addiction, and soon the conversation got a bit heated. This friend of mine can be patronizing and criticizing when it comes to life advice, and in these situations, sounds like my boss rather than a close friend.

At one point later in the conversation, he brought up how my weight (For the record I am 5'8'' and 205 lbs) is a huge detrimental factor on why I am have trouble finding a romantic partner. And how that losing a lot of weight would solve my issue of having trouble finding a girlfriend. Now, I don't know if he's right about this or not, but I really hope he is wrong. While I am not fit by any means, I am not a morbidly obese person either. All that being said, I know losing weight is a great goal, not only for your physical health but mental as well, so it's been something I am trying to work on more this year.

He also said "I am going to be honest with you, if I played as much video games as you do, I'd look like you". Now, I know he was trying to be bluntly honest and didn't have any bad intentions, but him saying this got on my nerves quite a bit, and honestly ruined my evening. At one point, he was also mentioning about how his 19 year old brother was a role model and was interning with the city(I was screaming inside myself mentally saying "Dude I don't give a fuck about your brother I am so sorry??"). I just found so much of this conversation to be of a shaming perspective from his end.

Afterwards, is where things got really bad. I am currently seeing a dietician who is great. Her practice is strictly against weight loss/calorie counting, but rather focuses the sessions on healthy lifestyle habits and a healthy relationship with food. When I told him this, he basically got very defensive and told me to give the name of the practice(which I did), and also the dietician's phone number. He wasn't believing what I was saying. When I told him that I would look her number up right now, he basically snapped saying "How do you not know her phone number??". Now, I am basically seething with rage internally. Not only is he accusing me of lying, but who the fuck memorizes phone numbers in 2024?

Right after, he asks me how I usually communicate with her in general. I told him that we do Telehealth appointments through email video links, in addition to phone calls. He responds saying "If you are bullshitting me right now I swear...". (directly accusing me of lying). At this point, my patience had reached my limit and I snapped. I told him "fuck off" directly on the phone, and he swiftly hung up on me. He then immediately removed and blocked me on all social media.

About a half hour later, he sent me an extremely gaslighting and guilt tripping voice message(where he was almost screaming) that was 6 minutes long. Saying things like "I am so tired of being your emotional punching bag!!", "You need to seek professional psychiatric help", "Why have the friends I have introduced you to don't want to keep up with you??", "I need to go to work tomorrow and pay my bills so I can be an adult and live my life!"

I am not going to leave anything out. Because of my depression, I have absolutely been a bit too much with relying on my friends as if they are therapists, so he is not entirely wrong with some of the things he is saying. I tend to talk about my personal issues more than I should with my closest friends, and that's absolutely something I need to work on(Also seeing a therapist for these issues, and she's been great!).

TLDR, I found him using a voice message like that as a defensive to be extremely unwarranted after that phone call. I had every right to be upset after the way he was talking to me on the phone, and he attacked me with a voice message like this after. This whole situation led to a massive argument and I am not sure how to move forward.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/LadderFunny9472 on 2024-01-23 05:10:10+00:00.

Why is it so easy for him to believe a lie?

My boyfriend believes I’ve cheated on him even though I haven’t

My 34m boyfriend is convinced I 28f cheated on him but it’s not true !

I 28f dealing with rumors about me cheating .

Not sure how to handle cheating rumors 34m and 28f

Not sure how to handle rumors about cheating

rumors

So my boyfriend( 34M) and I (28F) have been dating for almost three years. 6 months ago we took a break in which he stayed at a friends house. During that time i kept my normal routine and went to work and cared for my daughter as I always do. We went out on a date on a Thursday when we talked about our issues and decided to work things out. That’s Saturday i had already made plans to take my daughter to the movies . While at the movies my phone is being blown up by him accusing me of not actually being at the movies and having cheating on him while we were split.

He’s stated multiple times that people told him this but I have never talked to this other guy before . There are some coincidences that just so happen to occur …… this guy in question is my sister’s boyfriend’s cousin and he did express interest in me to my sister to which she told me and we laughed about it . It went no further than that cause that guy has never been on my radar . I actually find him kind of corny.

This guy in question is also my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s best friend which I’m not sure what he fed to her but he eluded to the fact that we talked and I’m just fed up because I’ve never even had a conversation with him.

It’s been this long and my boyfriend will say he believes me but every time he gets angry or drunk he brings it right back up.

I cannot live through this constant cycle.

It’s exhausting .

How would you got about this situation ? I am utterly lost for words and just ready to end the relationship.

TLDR: basically boyfriend doesn’t believe that i didn’t cheat on him even though there are some weird coincidences…. Maybe

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/_luckyyy on 2024-01-23 05:07:37+00:00.

TL:DR

My ex and I have been broken up for 4 years, since then he has been off and on with the kids but has gotten worse over the last 2 years since he’s been in a new relationship. When we were together he was a really good dad and his kids were his top priority.

He doesn’t see them ever and when he has seen them it’s because I asked him and it’s only once in a blue moon for a night or 2. (We have 3 kids together, 9m, 7m, 5m) he will only have our 2 other kids but won’t have our youngest son for some reason, our youngest son barely knows who he is and only has an idea of him.

He doesn’t buy them anything for Christmas, birthdays Easter etc… I think in the time we’ve been broken up he’s brought them one Christmas present each. He doesn’t even call them for their birthdays till last minute.

He doesn’t give me any money for them, I get child support but it’s barely anything. What has offically made me give up is it was our sons 7th birthday the other day and he didn’t call till night time and by the time he rang my son was already asleep.

My sons no longer ask to speak to him and show no interest in him anymore due to his lack of interest in them. What makes this all even more sad is he is with someone that has a son the same age as our youngest, he puts in more effort with that kid than his own.

I’ve blocked him on everything and told him to not contact me again. Am I wrong for doing this?

ETA: his family have never showed any interest in meeting our kids either, the kids grandparents have never even sent them a Christmas card. Their great-grandparents use to send them birthday cards/Christmas cards but they stopped doing that and no longer ask about the kids. So I’ve cut them off too.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA0126958398 on 2024-01-23 04:58:21+00:00.

My wife and I have been together since we were in high school and have been through a ton of stuff together. My wife always had some underlying mental health struggles that she hid away for awhile since about 2.5 years ago. She went to a therapist, got medication and things really seemed to improve. She even stopped taking her anxiety meds about a year ago because things had improved so much. Since about 2 years ago, she definitely started to show less initiative when it came to initiating any form of physical touch (cuddling, hugs, kisses, and sex) but would still typically be willing. I’ve always worked very hard to respect her boundaries and even though I love physical touch, I wanted to ensure she felt safe and comfortable in our relationship so I backed off. I personally felt like we hit a groove and that although it was less than I wanted, it was still enough to make me feel special and wanted and that our relationship was in a really good place.

However, she decided about a month ago that it was all far too much for her and that her mental health was once again in a place that she could not handle. There’s nothing that really seemed to set this off, she just said she been thinking about this for awhile and decided to prioritize herself. She decided she needed to prioritize herself (which I get) but it felt like she completely cut me out of her life. She hasn’t wanted to cuddle, kiss, hug or have sex in the last month, she hasn’t been interested in spending any real quality time together unless I suggest something. Again I get prioritizing her needs (which seems to be less physical touch), but why does that have to involve cutting me out of her life?

We have had numerous huge fights the past few weeks about this and she feels like I don’t care about her mental health while this has taken a significant toll on mine. She still has a therapist and I’ve tried to tell her how I feel but at the end of the day, she can’t give me anything besides she needs to prioritize herself and that I need to understand that.

I’ve tried to invite her on dates, buy her flowers, pick up extra work around the house and none of it seems to matter, she doesn’t have any interest in me at the moment and refuses to touch me in any meaningful way.

I truly love her and I would never force her to be intimate or do anything she wasn’t comfortable with, but in the meantime as she figures things out it’s making me incredibly sad that my own wife wants nothing to do with me and that I can’t make things better.

How do I go about this?

TL:DR: My wife is having mental health issues that have cut off all physical touch in our relationship and our arguments about it have made her very distant. How do I feel loved and be okay with this situation for who knows how long until she resolves this internally?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/awesomecytoplasm on 2024-01-23 04:51:58+00:00.

I am 22F, around 5'0-5'1, and 100 lbs. I just got off the phone with my mother, who called to ask me how my medical school applications are going and if I heard from schools. I let her know that I have a few acceptances, rejections, and more upcoming interviews, nothing new compared to the last time I updated her. Near the end of the phone call, she randomly makes comments about me being too skinny, comparing me to malnourished kids, and saying the wind could blow me over. She says I look like I'm 15 and not my age, saying that my current weight makes me look ugly. She says I looked the best when I was 18, before college. On the phone, I told her I eat 3 meals a day + snacks and asked her if she was projecting. She stayed silent and then said she wanted to head to bed.

The comment that hurt the most was when she asked me how I'm going to be a doctor and take care of sick people when I look like I'm sick myself. Post-grad, I worked hard on loving myself and feeling my best through doing activities I enjoy, such as going to Pilates class and updating my wardrobe/buying clothing that fits my body and style. As cringe as it sounds, I really felt like I had a mini glow-up. I don't even feel like her comments about me are true; my coworkers, other staff, and even patients comment the nicest things about my appearance (from my looks to my outfits, calling me beautiful, saying I look so put together everyday, etc) and at this point, I think they are the reason why my self-esteem isn't completely down the drain. I love my current body, and I don't understand why she keeps putting me down. How can I stop letting her comments get to me in the future?

TL;DR: My mother makes comments about me being too skinny, compares me to malnourished kids, says the wind could blow me over, says I look 15 and not 22. I'm starting med school this july and the comment that hurt the most was when she asked me how I'm going to be a doctor and take care of sick people when I look like I'm sick myself. I love my current body and I don't understand why she keeps putting me down. How can I stop letting her comments get to me?