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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/False-Engine-1442 on 2024-01-23 07:22:35+00:00.
Hello. Last night my parents(61m, 51f)and I (19m) had a huge fight that has been going on for weeks now. To start from the beginning, I have a girlfriend (18f) of 8 months who goes to college about 2 hours away. Now this is a problem because my parents are pretty strict. For a while, they did not allow me to go to her house which was only 30 minutes away. Finally, I was able to, but this was over last summer. Everything got worse once school started.
My parents left to live in Florida for three months once school began because my dad had a job offer and wanted to see if our family could live there. I do not want to live in Florida, and ive made that very clear to them. Basically, their response is "if our family goes, youre going." I know that nothing I do is going to change that unless i move out. Anyway, this is not even what this is about. Since they left and i stayed, my girlfriend had been coming down almost every weekend to spend time together. We both recognized this was a little extreme, as she had little time to spend on her school life and relationships. However, I was not allowed to drive up to her school. When i was finally able to go up there, i had to take the bus and come back the same day. This only let me have 3 hours to visit.
I state this point every time that the argument comes up between my mom and i. She does not want me to stay the night, which would allow me to have more time and do more things. My gfs college also allows visits, so thats not a problem. Her reasoning is that it is "inappropriate and low-life." Its not even about us being able to do those kind of things, but rather to wake up next to each other and have more time to grow our relationship and do things we want to do. Even if we do that stuff, we are both adults and she has a birth control implant (that my parents dont know about.) This is a thing that she says she will not compromise on. I am only asking to do that once a month. my gf will also come down once a month. Another reason i am not allowed to is that "i dont have a family up there, and she has family down here to stay with." and that "when people are in a long distance relationship they see each other on breaks." No matter what i say, she does not listen.
About a month ago on my birthday, i went up to see her and spend my birthday with her. I planned to stay the night, although i did not tell my parents about this until about 8 at night. As i told them, they were threatening to take away my phone, car, and the money out of my account, even though i worked for the money. I came back the next day, as i told them i would that night. I did not have a car for about a week when i came home. The money was moved into my savings account. even though it was put back the next day, it was still moved so that i did not "sign a lease or make any other stupid decisions." That day, i moved the money into a new account that she could not see or have access to.
This problem still persists today, as i got my car taken away again about 2 weeks ago. They want me to move the money back. I have given them what i owe them in insurance in the account they can see, and kept the rest in my own. They say i do not have a car until i move it all.
My girlfriend also has problems with my parents, because during one the fights between my parents and i, my mom said that it is my girlfriends fault that i make these bad decisions and that maybe shes not as good of a girlfriend as i think she is. Shes been supportive of whatever i wanted to do and only wants to see me succeed and to be with me. I brought up what my mom said about her to my mom again when we had an argument, and she told me she did not say that. It turned into screaming, and i had to sit outside for an hour to feel peace.
I told my girlfriend about what she had said because it was about her and our relationship. obviously, she was pretty mad. She did not like my mom before, but now she wants nothing to do with her. my mom says its my fault that she knows about this because i shouldnt have told her about our private conversations. I said its her fault because shes the one who said it and insulted her.
In my relationship, this has caused problems as there will be even less time to see each other and that we cannot live like this for 3 more years until college is over. This means that i would either have to move out now or break up with her, because i do not think my parents will change their minds. Ive thought about going to her college, however it is too expensive for me at the moment and my parents would not pay for me to go there, even though they would pay for other places. Ive emailed the office of financial aid with no reply just yet. We also thought about me working and taking a year off to figure out what i want to do, as i still dont really have an idea for that. That would involve me either staying at her parents house, as they had offered me to be able to. Another option would be to move into an apartment next semester with her, which we would be able to afford, but i still would probably not be going to school for the year. All of the options seem unfavorable.
Also, I am in a free first-year online program at a college that my parents had signed me up for. I have a more than-average-paying, entry level job.
I feel lost and I am wondering about the possible effects of either choice?
TLDR: Month-long problems with parents escalate into a situation of choosing either them or my girlfriend. It is possible for me to afford moving out at the expense of my parent's support and the relationship we have. I dont really have specific long-term goals for my future job or an idea of what I want to do with my life.