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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dear_Raspy on 2024-01-23 10:20:29+00:00.
So, me and my boyfriend broke up days ago. While we are not together yet we are talking again, the original idea was to do zero contact. We had some issues and even if they could be forgivable or easily fixed, we are long distance so it’s definitely an obstacle. For context some of those are related to him doing some shady thing (not thaat serious) and some misunderstandings, so jealousy from my part has been an issue for myself - i rarely got jealous in the past but i dont show it unless something shady is actually done or said-. He has issues with the way he communicates things as he doesnt have many social skills, i was his first serious gf and first kiss, hes shy and nerdy.
We broke up late that day and started talking again in less than a day after. We called and tried to understand each other better, since my decision (i was the one who broke up) was solid at first and we didn’t talk much. When we talked he swore he would be better and improve, but later in that conversation he mentioned someone - in a normal context- who i know he was interested in in the past (he didnt know i know) so i asked him about it. There was some sort of chill confrontation but well, i understood I probably overreacted. That girl is known for being promiscuous, flirty, getting in the middle of relationships; i dont hate her or anything but it was a very bad timing to bring her up.
Anyway, yesterday we defined what were we and what were the limits we are willing yo give and therefore expect from the other person so there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding. We said we weren’t officially back but we’d remain exclusive until we reach a conclusion and that was mutual. I as a clarification said “you dont need to answer this on your behalf but i wanted to say that the day we broke up I dint do anything like that” which I said because i was the one who asked what were we and i wanted to prevent any overthinking. Also of course after breaking up he doesnt owe me anything, which i told him. And yeah he obliged to what i said coz he didn’t say whether he did something or not lmao. That per se doesn’t and didnt make me uneasy. But if we get back together I wanna tell him that whoever he saw or texted in “that” way during that time needs to be called off. Which is obvious but I wouldnt be comfortable even if they continue eith a constant friendly communication.
Tomorrow we’ll probably decide, and in case we do get back together. Should I ask him if he did text someone? Or just tell him my boundaries? Both might get me overthinking for a bit ngl
TLDR: My bf and i broke up for a day and idk whether i should ask him if he texted someone during that short period of time incase we get back together