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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRA0126958398 on 2024-01-23 04:58:21+00:00.
My wife and I have been together since we were in high school and have been through a ton of stuff together. My wife always had some underlying mental health struggles that she hid away for awhile since about 2.5 years ago. She went to a therapist, got medication and things really seemed to improve. She even stopped taking her anxiety meds about a year ago because things had improved so much. Since about 2 years ago, she definitely started to show less initiative when it came to initiating any form of physical touch (cuddling, hugs, kisses, and sex) but would still typically be willing. I’ve always worked very hard to respect her boundaries and even though I love physical touch, I wanted to ensure she felt safe and comfortable in our relationship so I backed off. I personally felt like we hit a groove and that although it was less than I wanted, it was still enough to make me feel special and wanted and that our relationship was in a really good place.
However, she decided about a month ago that it was all far too much for her and that her mental health was once again in a place that she could not handle. There’s nothing that really seemed to set this off, she just said she been thinking about this for awhile and decided to prioritize herself. She decided she needed to prioritize herself (which I get) but it felt like she completely cut me out of her life. She hasn’t wanted to cuddle, kiss, hug or have sex in the last month, she hasn’t been interested in spending any real quality time together unless I suggest something. Again I get prioritizing her needs (which seems to be less physical touch), but why does that have to involve cutting me out of her life?
We have had numerous huge fights the past few weeks about this and she feels like I don’t care about her mental health while this has taken a significant toll on mine. She still has a therapist and I’ve tried to tell her how I feel but at the end of the day, she can’t give me anything besides she needs to prioritize herself and that I need to understand that.
I’ve tried to invite her on dates, buy her flowers, pick up extra work around the house and none of it seems to matter, she doesn’t have any interest in me at the moment and refuses to touch me in any meaningful way.
I truly love her and I would never force her to be intimate or do anything she wasn’t comfortable with, but in the meantime as she figures things out it’s making me incredibly sad that my own wife wants nothing to do with me and that I can’t make things better.
How do I go about this?
TL:DR: My wife is having mental health issues that have cut off all physical touch in our relationship and our arguments about it have made her very distant. How do I feel loved and be okay with this situation for who knows how long until she resolves this internally?