Relationships

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Ok-Citron2970 on 2024-01-18 20:37:45+00:00.

My wife and I have been together since college, almost 12 years. She's my best friend and I'm happy to be married to her, but there's a recurring issue we often run into and I'm looking for insight.

My wife is a very opinionated woman and cannot be convinced to do things she doesn't enjoy. I'm not talking about chores and duties and stuff, that gets done. I'm talking about leisure time. If it's something she doesn't like, she won't even try.

This is fine when we go out places, because both of us enjoy museums, travel, restaurants, etc. But as things get more expensive we're trying to refocus on things to do at home. And this is where the trouble is.

I can count the number of TV shows I've convinced my wife to try on one hand. Most of the time she refuses outright. Same with most movies, video games, etc. It's just not for her. At first I made the mistake in just recommending stuff I liked, in recent years I've learned to tailor my recommendations, she still won't sit and watch. Or she will agree to watch "later" and then finds reasons to get out of the plan. New shows just make her anxious, and video games are dull and time wasting to her. She won't even be in the same room as me if I play video games or watch anime. Now, I'm not saying we have to watch shows together to be a couple, but on your average weeknight or lazy weekend in, these are our only options:

1. Cook something together. Normally my wife cooking and I do small helping tasks because she likes to take over in the kitchen.
2. Watch one of the handful of shows she likes and has seen over and over
3. Play one of our tried and true board games
4. Spend time separately.

Most of the time we opt for option 4, and we're both independent so it's fine, but I'm starving for shared experience, more to talk about with her, just time to be close even if we're not talking. If I bring up the fact that we only do what she likes, she says I'm never forced and she's fine just doing stuff alone.

Again, this is only a small portion of our marriage. Otherwise, she's a great partner. Kind, understanding, funny, determined. All that. I just want to have more fun with her at home.

Tl;Dr wife refuses almost all movies, TV, and video games. I'm lonely

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/shadowrealm5 on 2024-01-18 20:22:01+00:00.

TL-DR: My SO is moving to another state and he’s planning on moving there first so when I go, everything flows smoother.

My mom cares for me and so does my younger sister but I really want to move out and try new experiences and have some freedom. Going out of state and living with my SO makes me feel relief.

My SO hasn’t had the best impressions when it comes to my family and there has been some extremely rough times between my SO and my family. They would probably tell me that I’ll regret moving or that my SO will break up with me, etc. I know they want the best for me but I want to make my own decisions and mistakes. But at the same time things with my SO have been rocky and I don’t feel included. Thankfully I’ll be moving in a couple months from now, probably the end of summer.

In the end, how do I tell them? Do I write a letter and have a good conversation or do I book a flight and tell them the day of?

I’m not sure what to do really..

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Adventurous_Type_435 on 2024-01-18 20:16:06+00:00.

My mom has been an attorney for the majority of my life. She’s told everyone, family, friends, etc. that this is her job. I had absolutely no reason to doubt her because she works for a big firm and we live a nice life.

Around February of last year, I was doing an assignment for college that required a fake state bar license number. My mom suggested I use hers. Curiosity got the best of me and I put in the bar number she gave me into my state’s attorney database. Nothing came up. I wrote it off as me not knowing how to use the site. Fast forward to today, I’m using my mom’s laptop for an assignment and I see that she has her resume saved. I open the file and my mom’s occupation is listed as “paralegal”. Her education lists only her undergrad and paralegal certification. I started freaking out and although I’m not proud of this, I went through her e-mail. I was looking for validation that I was wrong and that the resume was old. I found a recent email from her current job with her work signature and it said “Senior Paralegal.”

I called my dad (55M) (they’re divorced) immediately to ask if my mom is an att0rney. He was no help. He knew as much as I did since they've been divorced for so long. I called my older sister (36F) and she was shocked but also knew nothing about the situation. They both agreed it was my choice if I wanted to say something to my mom or not.

I don't know why she would lie about something like this? Keeping up this story for YEARS must be exhausting. What hurts the most is that I am applying for law schools now and she is the main reason for me doing so. She's inspired me and I want to follow in her footsteps. I applied to her supposed alma matter and put down that my mother is an alumni in my application. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared to ask/confront my mom because I live with her and she is currently supporting me while I go to school. Should I just let it go and let this eat away at me? What is there to gain from me confronting her? Any advice is appreciated.

TL;DR! My mom is lying about being a lawyer. I found an e-mail that states her current job position as "Senior Paralegal." Not sure if I should ask her about it or let the situation go.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Top-Consideration588 on 2024-01-18 19:58:21+00:00.

I (31F) found out that my boyfriend (33M) has a porn subscription and a throwaway twitter full of just porn. We have been together for over 10+ years and we have had our problems in the past so he knows how I feel about the subject. If we had a healthy sex life I wouldn’t mind the porn but when it’s just twice a month at most I feel he’s picking porn over me. When we do have sex I feel like he isn’t into it. When he thinks I’m asleep and gets off he sounds like he enjoys it but when it’s me and him he doesn’t sound anything like that. I stopped trying to initiate sex awhile back before I knew about this because anytime I slightly initiated anything close to intimacy he would reject me and say he’s just to lazy to do anything but then later would get off while I’m “asleep”. I just feel so unwanted.

TLDR- My SO watches porn more than he sleeps with me and makes me feel unwanted

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/clembenz on 2024-01-18 18:55:16+00:00.

Not including new partner in future plans

Hi everyone this isn’t a dilemma yet, but I was uncertain if this may bite me in the ass in the future. I (22f) have been seeing my boyfriend (24m) since November and we started officially dating on New Year's. We are quite new in this relationship and he’s following my speed in taking things slow(intros to friends and family, etc).

Now recently I have been solidifying different plans with friends and family in the summer, which I know he’d be interested in (concerts and conventions). But, I feel weird to ask him so early in the relationship if he’d be down to go cause you never know what could happen in 4-6 months. I was thinking of securing these plans for myself, and then when the dates get closer if we are still going strong I'll ask if he wants to join. Do you think this would upset him? Or if you were in his shoes would you be put off?

TL;DR: Not including my boyfriend of 2 months in my summer plans even tho he may be interested since the relationship is new. May include him later on but worried about his feelings.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Numerous_Pipe6896 on 2024-01-18 18:45:31+00:00.

I wanted another perspective on this since it’s a pretty big commitment on my end to buy property and commit to living in another country permanently for a partner.

A little background, I moved to the country my boyfriend is from and he plans to live for his entire life. We’ve been doing long distance for a while and I realized after visiting his country that I really love it here. I had to leave behind a lot of things like my family and friends, my car, and a lot of things have changed for me. Adapting to a new culture and language. Spending time and money on lawyers and visa fees. Transferring my money to a new bank, setting up bills, a lease and many more things. My boyfriend has been absolutely amazing helping me a ton with adapting and making this place feel like home.

I’m currently on a 2 year visa and it’s to expire in a year and a half or so. I really love it here but I feel like I’d want another level of commitment before making a permanent move here. He shows that he’s committed everyday and tells me he wants to build a family with me in our thirties. I don’t doubt that he’s committed to me. I just want a physical way of him showing it to me if he wants me to buy a home with him.

My boyfriend really wants to buy a forever home together around the same time my visa ends. So after 4 years together. Me being 27 him being 25 Like a home with a mortgage and in a place where we would plan to build a family. We would be putting all our savings into buying and renovating this place.

I really want that too but I told him I don’t want to buy a place and commit to living in this country unless we have a further commitment together. I suggested living on rent a while longer and he doesn’t want to. He lives with his family at the moment while I live in my own rental apartment.

The property would be split 50/50 so I don’t worry about losing my money if we did split. But I feel like for all the change and sacrifice I’m making to live here I would want him to show that he’s committed. I feel like the least he could do is give me a ring with a long engagement.

The thing is we are both extremely well established in our careers. And very mature for our ages. I don’t want to get married young and I know he doesn’t either so I suggested a longer engagement or simply just living on rent until we are both ready. He sees the engagement as the same thing as marriage and wants to wait until he’s 28-30 to propose.

I guess what I’m saying is that is this boundary of mine too much? I really love him and our life together and I know we both see a future together here. Am I wrong to want more commitment before buying a home together?

TLDR: My (f25)boyfriend m(23) of 2+ years wants to buy a house together next year but I don’t want to buy a house before marriage or engagement as it’s too big of a risk. I prefer to live on rent but my boyfriend doesn’t want to. Should I expect more commitment before moving permanently to his country by purchasing a home together

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hairy-Bad-4008 on 2024-01-18 18:38:09+00:00.

We have been together for almost 7 years, and here are the cliff notes… we met at an AA meeting (addiction issues ✔️). We started living with each other in month 3 ( impulsive behaviors ✔️ ) . I had recently gotten out of an eating disorder rehab and was living at my parents and he was just getting out of a halfway house ( homeless and broke ✔️). That being said, we quickly found comfort and support in each other, and for the most part staying away from our “drug of choice”.

Not to sound cliche but “in the beginning”, I believed I couldn’t have been luckier to have met him. Finally someone who wouldn’t judge me, wanted to make me happy, and most of all, I didn’t feel like all he wanted from me was sex (which couldn’t have been better at that point)

Cut to…a series of events and arguments that has ultimately led to years of going down the same rabbit hole. He started using which caused his behavior to drastically change, which inevitably turned me off, which resulted in us having less sex than what he wanted. (Side note, I have never been a physically affectionate person, like I wouldn’t even want my mom to hug me for the longest time. My love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. Anyways, his love language if physical touch so he wasn’t thrilled when my lack of interest was becoming more frequent.

That argument has evolved over the years now. Some other important things to note are that he got locked up for 5 months (about a year or so into the relationship), when he got out he did contracting work until COVID and since then hasn’t had any consistent income so I’ve pretty much been supporting him financially for at least 4 years. He’s extremely talented when it comes to home renovation, woodworking, fixing most things and has the potential to find a successful career path but shows zero interest in taking the steps towards making that happen.

Did I say cliff notes?? Anyway, the lack of security and safety I feel doesn’t make me all hot and bothered or eager to be physically intimate. And I want to want to be intimate with him! But he usually says or doesn’t do something to sabatoge that from happening.

I should also mention that he’s got a herniated something in his balls and for a while now, he can’t make himself finish when he masterbates which causes him pain and if he doesn’t cum after 2/3 days, he gets extremely agitated and verbally aggressive, and says that I should help him not be in pain…which really makes any form of sex sound super intimate ( I hope u hear my sarcasm)

So in conclusion, even though I’ve put up with his inability to regulate his emotions, financially supported him, made healthcare appointments for him, continued to have sex about 1-3 times a week on avg, his conclusion is that because I don’t give him sex much as he wants it, it means i don’t care about him, I’m selfish, I’m the narcissist, and therefore he has every right to get angry, throw tantrum, insult me, etc.

TL;DR I do love him and appreciate the things he does to contribute, but they are weighing less with every tantrum he throws about how selfish I am not to be physically intimate the way he wants, saying if I really loved him I would be, and disregards all of the things that contribute to my lack of interest in physical infancy, and it’s getting harder to excuse. So my question is, if he tries to apologize for his behavior and the things he said, should I once again forgive him or do I say enough is enough? Do I give an ultimatum?

Thanks for reading

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/SelectWestern1554 on 2024-01-18 18:11:11+00:00.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 3 years now. There isn't much that we seriously fight/disagree about, but one of those things happens to be her adamant refusal to go to the doctor.As stated in the title, my girlfriend hasn't been to the doctor in almost a decade. The reason is because she found doctors visits very unpleasant when she was younger, and procedures like needles or blood tests gave her severe anxiety attacks. For context, both of us come from families with high cancer risks.

About a year into our relationship, I voiced my concerns over this fact. I told her that taking care of her health was extremely important to me (especially given our family histories), and that for me to feel comfortable in a long term relationship I would need my partner to at least schedule a routine checkup once a year.

At this point in time she still hasn't done so, and I've even told her now that I'd be ok if she goes to the doctor just once every two years instead. She gets very annoyed and brushes it off whenever I try to bring up the topic, saying that she'll do it on her own time, that by pressuring her I'm not respecting her ability to handle herself as an adult, etc. I don't want to seem like I'm nagging or being over bearing, so I try my best not to bring it up as much as I can (I think 2-3 times over the past year).

Here are the rest of my thoughts on the situation:

1. Since we are still both relatively young, my girlfriend has called me irrational for worrying so much and bugging her to do this. Truthfully, this issue is genuinely causing me a great deal of stress and anxiety, and I've recognized that I do likely have an irrational fixation over the potential deaths of my loved ones. However, even if my worry is irrational, I don't think that what I am requesting is. I'm not asking her to go on a strict diet or workout or any of that, I just want her to go to the doctor once a year so we know that nothing is wrong.
2. I recognize that doctor-related phobia is a real thing, and I'm not trying to invalidate her perspective. However, I feel like going to the doctor regularly is just a necessary part of life and this is the type of thing that one needs to get over as part of being an adult. To be clear, when I was younger I also used to get anxiety attacks whenever I'd get a blood test (even nowadays the nurse always asks me if I need to lie down first), but I still went anyways because I knew that it just needed to be done. I've tried asking her if there's anything I could do to make the process easier for her but she says there's nothing.
3. I've told her several times now how much grief and stress this has been causing me. Even if she is right, and I really shouldn't be worrying about it at all, I don't feel it is unreasonable to think this is something she should just do because she knows how important it is to me. It hurts because I feel like she either isn't taking my concerns seriously, or that (worse) she does take them seriously but it just doesn't matter that much to her.

Even if she does eventually go to the doctor, I can't help but feel like she'd just be doing it once to shut me up, and that she'd never actually go again afterwards which isn't what I want.

To be clear, our relationship has been wonderful otherwise, and we get along really well. The reason this is bothering me so much to begin with is because I love her, and I just want her to be ok. We've talked about getting married, but I feel like if this is unresolved things are only gonna get worse down the line.

I just don't know how to deal with this situation. Every time I try to approach the topic she just shuts it down. Does anyone have advice for what to do? I'd genuinely like to know if I'm being unreasonable here.

TL;DR! My girlfriend hasn't been to the doctor in almost a decade. I've told her its important to me she at least goes for an annual checkup since we're both high-risk, but she doesn't want to talk about it - am I overreacting? What do I do? Should I just get over it?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Own-Sun9616 on 2024-01-18 15:47:13+00:00.

Husband and I have been married for 5 years. We live a happy, stable life, no real problems. We get along well and this may be a small complaint, but it's one I want some closure on.

We're both pretty independent and tend to spend most of our time on separate hobbies, friends, work, etc. We eat dinner together and chat over that, and we make it a point to schedule date nights and get coffee together a few mornings a week, but i would say most of the time we're apart. We have sex still, but not a lot (we tend to average once a month, we tend to never be in the mood on the same days or times)

Anyway, the other day we were running errands and I suggested going out to eat. I thought it would be an opportunity for some connection. Instead it was a pretty tepid date, we made small talk and then we just, ate food and went home. Not great. Kinda wish we just saved our money and stayed home.

Today my husband expressed that he's been feeling a bit down lately, that he didn't like that I tweeted a couple things about celebrity crushes and talked about a cute girl at my art class. We talked about it and agreed that we were kinda taking each other for granted and need more quality time.

Problem is, neither of us can think of anything to do. Movie? Eh. Board game, ehhh. Cooking together? Maybe. There's just this "bleh do we have to" tone about it, and I don't know if we'll actually do anything together today after all.

I'm wondering if this is just a normal relationship thing, do we just need to embrace the boring at this stage and at our age? Is there something we can do to be excited about hanging out together again? We know each other so well at this point that even conversation cards with weird questions feel stale. Is this just how things get?

Tl;Dr husband and I are getting bored of spending time together and I'm wondering if this is normal, and if not, what to do about it

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Academic-Ad4605 on 2024-01-18 17:35:54+00:00.

I just broke it off with my wonderful bf. Sweet, funny, attractive, and we got along well but something felt off for a while. I wanted romance. Compliments. Being made to feel like I was truly important to him. The kind of love that didn’t seem to fade. I understand the honeymoon phase will always end but I don’t feel that showing each other love and appreciation the way your SO is expecting should. Let me start by saying he wasn’t this way from the beginning but did try. Our relationship also had a rough start. Big loss in the family; trying to push through with depressed bf. It has been hard.

I wasn’t being loved in the way I was hoping for despite asking and arguing about it for years but now I feel awful. I gave him one last chance less than a month ago and although he has been trying, everything set in for me. I’ve seen the effort countless times last only about a week or two. I didn’t want to feel like I was wasting more of our time. I, unfortunately, have threatened the idea of leaving multiple times but finally decided to do it and now I feel like I am regretting it. I guess he didn’t see it coming. Said I led him on thinking he could fix things. That he was excited to have me as his wife and start a family in the new house. I feel terrible because told me he feels like he’ll never have the chance to have that now because he is getting old and basically won’t get his hopes up. I haven’t seen him cry that much in so long. I feel like a truly broke this man.

I love him so so much and my heart hurts but I haven’t felt 100% happy in a long time. I don’t know if it’s just me being unrealistic or if the relationship was wrong for me. I feel bad for dragging it out, waiting to see if things would change. And now I wish I could take it back but I’m afraid if I do things will just be the same. Was I asking for too much? Did I make a mistake?

TL;DR 27F broke off 7 year relationship with great 35M

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Flaky_Sea3615 on 2024-01-18 17:33:12+00:00.

Hello guys.

My wife (26F) and I (27M) have been together six years total, but have only been married since October 2023.

Earlier last year, she started having some really extreme chronic pain and fatigue issues. After months of doctor’s visits, she has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This is compounded by a mental health diagnosis of MDD (major depressive disorder).

To put it bluntly, ever since she got her diagnosis, she has made extremely feeble attempts to manage her pain, and now complains to me every day about how bad it is. Her doctors have recommended several diet changes, she ignores all of it and willingly eats foods that we know are triggers for flare ups. They recommended exercising (to the best of her ability) and gave her a low-intensity exercise outline that is specifically meant for people with chronic pain, she has completely disregarded that and instead does as little physical activity as possible.

In addition to ignoring improvements for her physical health, her depression has gotten worse. I’m sure it has been negatively impacted by her fibro diagnosis, but she’s started wallowing in it, which she never did before. She got her med card to help with her pain and now she can’t function unless she is high. She also spends hours/day on TikTok consuming mindless/unhealthy shit.

For context, I also have (had) health issues. I was diagnosed with gout and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Since the end of 2022, I’ve been going to the gym at least 5 days/week and lost 90lbs in the process, I’ve quit smoking and drinking entirely, I’ve deleted all social media except reddit, and I’ve started earning some certs to advance my career. My gout has disappeared completely and my mental health has improved tenfold. I’m like a different person.

All this is to say, I’ve tried getting her to follow in my footsteps. When I say suggested, that’s really all I’ve done. I’ve just said to her “hey, this stuff really helped with my physical and mental health, and you’ve seen the results, maybe it would be beneficial for you too.” Rather than even try any of this stuff, she just told me I was being controlling and trying to turn her into someone she is not. That really hurt to hear. My intent is only to help her try and get her symptoms under control, together, and she just shit on me for it.

She is also in therapy and her therapist (who I dislike - but that’s a whole other post) has convinced her she is doing her best, and she absolutely is not. The entire time we’ve known each other, she has done everything in her power to not wallow in pity or let her depression get out of hand, but that has changed COMPLETELY since her fibro diagnosis.

I’m not trying to be callous or dismissive. I love my wife and want to help her, but this resistance and her accusing me of being controlling, is making me harbor resentment. How would you approach this?

Tl;dr Wife was diagnosed with some health issues. I tried suggesting things she can do to mitigate them and she told me I’m being controlling.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Dragon_West on 2024-01-18 17:27:07+00:00.

me (22m) and my girl (22f)

We have been known each other for a 2 years total and we have met once in real so its LDR

sometimes we text very long and everyday and everything is perfect, we get along great and are both very affectionate.

But at of no-where she stop responding for 2-7 days sometimes and we she text back after she always act very sorry and also her tone is like she really like me bla bla.. and she also said her only goal in 2024 to meet me again and she never act like cold and talk in interested tone.

this got me very crazy because i cant know if she just not interested or just acting that she is...

and this is so confusing and i cant take it anymore...

I dont see her online tho on ..but i feel nobody can't be Inactive from their phones for days this a myth & lie and it doesnt work in era.

i really need some help and guidness.

tl;dr : a relationship, we go days without talking.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAabcde123 on 2024-01-18 17:15:20+00:00.

TLDR: Arguing with BF for a year, he says he will be better. Now his dad is dying and BF is slowly going back to past hurtful behaviours. Should I breakup with him?

My boyfriend (26M) and I (25F) have been together for almost 4 years (don’t live together, long distance). The first 2.5 years were great, he was attentive and caring. The last 1.5 years have felt like we’ve been arguing non-stop. Our arguments would go as follows:

• he’d do something inconsiderate (eg. Won’t reply to my texts for 5-6 hours because he’s gaming with his friends)
• I would tell him this sort of behaviour hurts me
• even though we just talked about it, he does it again
• I then get really mad because we had just talked about it, and then we argue,
• he eventually apologizes and says he will be better, but then goes back to making the same mistake again shortly afterwards. Rinse and repeat.

It’s gotten to the point where now he becomes defensive when I get upset. He rarely apologizes, and rather tells me it’s annoying that I keep bringing up the same issues and replies with something dismissive like “yeah I get it” or “whatever”. Or he doesn’t want to talk to me because he tells me I’m accusing him of being a bad person and he doesn’t want to hear it. He never wants to address the issue and just wants to move on.

In the past 6-months he started to just fully ignore me… it went from a few hours to a full day to a few days and the most it’s been is almost a week. I have told him ignoring me makes things worse and hurts me deeply, but he says this is how he copes when being angry and hurt.

After almost 1.5yrs of arguing and being unable to resolve our issues because he keeps making the same mistakes, we argued again about 2 weeks ago. This time I told him that we need to talk about our problems and resolve them once and for all because I was becoming very overwhelmed with the state of our relationship, but he didn’t want to talk and instead went to play video games with his friends. So I got really upset and we didn’t talk the next couple days.

When he finally reached out, not to address anything, but just pretend like everything was okay, I told him that I no longer wanted this kind of relationship. Eventually we did talk things out, but in the end I told him that I will leave him for good if he ever stonewalls me, makes me feel like my feelings and opinions are invalid and worthless, or if I see him falling back into those inconsiderate behaviours again.

Since then, the past two weeks have been fine. We’ve slowly started to reconnect and I can see him trying. However, a couple days ago his dad became ill (old age) and it seems like he won’t make it. I’ve noticed in this time my boyfriend’s behaviour is slowly regressing back to what I don’t like.

I understand that it is a stressful time for him, and I want to be more understanding. But I’m worried that he will use this situation as an excuse to treat me like he used to. I also know two weeks for improvement is a short time, so I don’t know if he’s actually truly changed especially since this whole situation with his dad has stalled his improvement.

I’m not sure what to do in this situation. I understand he’s under a lot of stress right now and I want to support him, but I don’t know if it’s the stress causing a regression in his behaviour or if it’s just him (just like in the past). I do care about him and ideally I want to be with him, but I can’t continue another possible year of being in this endless cycle of arguing-making up. It’s mentally and emotionally exhausting.

Do I patiently wait to see if things improve (and for how long) or do I just end things right now? (Or is that too cruel considering his dad might die and my boyfriend probably doesn’t need additional stress).

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sofiajewelle on 2024-01-18 16:55:06+00:00.

so i’m not really joking. my bf (21m) and i (22f) just got a new place to move into!!

i have a part time job, he has a full time job. so needless to say, he’s hardly home. we were planning on moving but by bit on saturday and sunday. not everything but enough to live in the new place.

i was packing up some trinkets and just stuff to grab later that we don’t really need, just not important stuff. mainly to feel like SOMETHING is being done before the bed gets moved and tv gets moved.

i finished our bookshelf (more like my bookshelf) and moved on to a set of drawers we have. i moved a couple books into the book when i see something weird, a brown box. i didn’t really look at it when i took the lid off, i just was guessing it was xbox or playstation controller stuff. not a huge deal.

NO. ITs a ring?! i didn’t even think about it? and just opened it. it’s gorgeous i’m not gonna lie, but WHAT

when did he get this?! it’s once again perfect to what i like and my personal style?? do his parents know??

i put it back, because ahhhh i shouldn’t have seen it. i told a friend of mine, and she’s just as suprised as i am?!

should i tell him i found it?? should i just go about my life?? what should i do?!

tldr; i found engagement ring and idk if i should tell my bf i found it or not

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Traditionalpumkin on 2024-01-18 16:46:30+00:00.

We have been dating for 8 months and definitely the healthiest relationship I have been in. His actions match his words, he’s consistent. We follow each other personally but a page suggestion just popped up and I know he just recently started following it and made me realize he doesn’t follow my business. This is a trigger for me as my ex husband wasn’t supportive of my business. I don’t want to make anyone do anything they don’t want to do but I do want to bring this up but I’m not sure how. Any suggestions?

TLDR: how do I tell my boyfriend how I feel and ask him if there is a reason why he doesn’t follow my business page on social media ?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/godetaa on 2024-01-18 16:46:20+00:00.

Hi. I'm in a relationship for three years now, we live together, have a cat, etc. When we met, and for the first two years of being together, my weight was 48, I'm 24 F, my height is 1.64. 48 kg wasn't good for my health, so in the past year I gained some pounds, now my weight is 58. I always struggled with my self image, didn't matter if I was skinny or chubbier. My boyfriend always was chubby, never the fit type, so I thought he would understand bodyshaming more than anyone. Last year he started to tell me how big my hands, legs or stomach was. Everyday. His main excuse - "I'm just joking, relax". He gets mad after I get angry about his words. I told him a long time ago that I don't like it but he still keeps commenting about my appearance. I love him and I don't want to break up. Half year ago I developed a mental illness and now I'm trying to heal and all of this doesn't help at all.

**TL;DR;**

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Objective-Cat-6142 on 2024-01-18 16:44:11+00:00.

My girlfriend drunkenly admitted that she wanted to open our relationship last night (4am) & I have not slept since then.

She's knocked out & It's 8am now and I'm feeling idek... I cried a lot lol. I asked her multiple times if she was serious and she told me she felt like she was missing out. She said she didn't get to "get it all out of her system"

I should've known this was coming when she said she wanted to download apps to make new friends. She's been feeling lonely and I can't be her anchor bc I've been in a depressive state for the last 3months.

I asked her if it had something to do w our sex life be I haven't been that great lately in bed bc my depression but I still try my best. She told me that it hasn't been the most fulfilling tho but in a nice way lol

Only when I started crying she says she was only joking and she only wants me but I know she was being honest when she said that. I had thoughts like that as well in my first relationship, but I know with her I'm in it for the long run.

She swears up and down that she wants to be with me and I believe her but I know she can't shake those other feelings. It makes me feel like a fucking loser. I told her I was okay with openina up the relationship though because I don't wi her to lose her.

Background: We started dating when I was 22 and she was 18 so I had a few relationships befor and she said she felt like she never got to full, experience things like I did. I'm her second relationship. We've been together for 3 years now.

TL;DR - My (24F) girlfriend (21F) wants to open our relationship and I’m scared and sad af what do y’all think?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/janeausten2000 on 2024-01-18 16:35:30+00:00.

Posting from a side account. For context: my boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months and we’ve had a good relationship so far.

Recently I was invited to go to Miami with my friends and I really want to go but I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend. I know he’ll feel uncomfortable because we joked about it a few months ago and he told me very serious he wouldn’t like the idea at all.

My boyfriend thinks Miami isn’t a nice place to go when in a relationship because it’s a city for single people and so on. And honestly out of respect for him, I’m considering not going. Which I think is kind of unfair because I lowkey want to escape from the coldness of NY, go to the beach and have some drinks with my friends. Also I haven’t been on a girls trip in a long time (school, family & boyfriend keep me busy) and this is my opportunity to relink with my friends.

May I say my boyfriend frequently goes (every 3 months or so) on business trips to DR, LA and Medellín-Colombia. When he’s free he goes out with his partner to the beach and they have some drinks over there. Which is great and I feel happy he’s able to do so! And I hope he feels the same way when I travel.

TL;DR: how should I bring my upcoming girls trip to Miami up? I don’t want to make my boyfriend feel uneasy and uncomfortable nor jeopardize the relationship because I really love him and I see myself dating this man for a long time.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Jealous_Biscotti9685 on 2024-01-18 16:17:38+00:00.

i feel like my partner would be ok to take advantage of my tolerance and kindness unless i confront him and set boundaries. it seems our life gets designed to benefit him first. this has led me to think he does not have my best interest in mind and it's made me lost sight of the future.

examples: conveniently scheduling time together around his schedule; conveniently forgetting to contribute to shared expenses; conveniently not being transparent about adult son's stay in the apartment we just first moved in together in and stay looking more like an indefinite stay vs short term and sharing everything 50/50 financially; conveniently pointing out he is stressed or he is sacrificing to gaslight you when it is you whose stress and sacrifice should be talked about. there is a scene in "wedding singer" where drew barrymore's fiance asks her to take the window seat on a flight. my partner commented once on me taking the best seat at restaurants (i just seat whereever) giving me a complex and making me always ask where he would like to seat. as it turns out he says he only said that because his ex used to (always a reason around a poor managed behavior) always take the better seat. the incident happened towards the beginning of our relationship and it did not sit right with me even though so small and seemingly negligible...but i think it summarizes my issue very well: HIM FIRST.

TL;DR i think my partner's "my convenience/my goals first" behavioral patterns are a character thing and nothing that can be solved through communication. i think i need to either accept this is how things will be or leave. what are your thoughts?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dancingberries on 2024-01-18 15:57:45+00:00.

I am Fwb with my best guy friend. I’d say it is closer to a relationship but without a title. I know he has commitment issues and trauma from being cheated on in a past relationship. His ex gf then got together with the guy she cheated on.

We agreed to keep the affection at a minimum for the Fwb. I tried to set those boundaries but they weren’t completely respected.

He became increasingly affectionate over time and wanted to hang out for longer periods/spend entire weekends together.

Even when we don’t have sex he is very affectionate like cuddling me from behind and giving me kisses on the lips and cheek, and random kisses while sleeping together overnight. Enveloping me in his arms while holding both of my hands. Playing footsie with me. Sometimes trying to hold my hand while driving. Offering to fix things up around my place. Constantly messaging me. We are each other’s emotional support.

At a few points throughout the Fwb, he was getting jealous of my other guy friends. On the other hand, Sometimes he’d try to reassure me that he wasn’t into other girls.

When asked about his lovey dovey behaviour he said “I just like to do those things, I’m naturally affectionate”. He denied wanting more than Fwb. Therefore, I tried not to think anything of his actions, and kept my feelings at arms length and emotions out of it. I noticed a few red flags about him and so I was ok with keeping it casual/short term at the time.

things started getting messy. He was upset with me for being on my phone “too much” and texting other people when we were hanging out. Also if I didn’t want to sleep over or when I didn’t respond to him for a couple of hours while out. He said he reacted this way because he thought I was ignoring him and he was hurt.

I realized it was unfair of him to expect all these relationship things when he didn’t want more. I am no longer ok with it and am trying to cut things off.

I let him know I was thinking of cutting it off soon and the reasons why. He accused me of having someone else and that “he trusts it will go well”. He said I was tossing him to the side and that he meant nothing to me. All this is not true. He said “don’t you know how hurt I am”.

I am still holding on because I would genuinely be sad to lose him as a friend and would feel a void in my life.

However, I am not going to stick around and be someone’s gf without a title, while he possibly looked around for someone better. It would hurt too much. How to ease into this or any other suggestions on what I should do?

Tl/dr: I want to break things off with overly affectionate and jealous fwb who denies wanting more. I will be sad to have lost a friend.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/vikram_karwal on 2024-01-18 15:53:27+00:00.

Tl;dr my gf got super drunk and tried to accuse someone of touching her. I checked cams later and he obviously didn’t. Threw a violent tantrum and called me a pu$$y for not standing up for her.

We went to a concert and she had a hell of a lot of drinks. I had a small beer because I had to drive a few hours later. We went to a late night family restaurant after the concert, where a group of 3 people (2 men and a woman) were asked to take the table that was behind my girlfriend's chair. The man took a seat and I saw the back of his chair gently and accidentally hit the back of my girlfriend's chair. She looked back at him and murmured something abusive. The man gently asked her what's up, which then to my surprise very abruptly turned into my gf yelling at him at the top of her lungs, using very vile words that I can't begin to describe, but never mentioned a single thing about being touched. Me being her man, had to unfortunately ask the guy to sit down and walk away. It took me 4 turns to finally get her out of control self out of thr restaurant after which the owner locked the doors. It was a chaotic experience all in all, potentially traumatized the guy. After getting in the car she continued on with her outburst and I drove off, and finally said "he touched my a$$). Had he done that, I feel as if I'd KNOW. Nevertheless, I checked the cams the next day because the owner was super friendly, and guess what nobody touched her. I feel as if this was a very bad alcohol trip. She's sticking to her story and calling me a pu$$y for not standing upto him and believing her. I do not know how to feel about this.

After I dropped her home, she used all of her might to try and bend my door hinges.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/garlichead97 on 2024-01-18 15:02:20+00:00.

I (26F) have been in a relationship (28M) for nine months. I yearn to feel a deeper connection, have thoughtful, prolonged conversations. There is plenty on this sub about one person feeling this way about their relationship. My problem is that I know I'm not doing what it takes to deepen conversations, because I feel this way in friendships too, and always have. I don't feel like I have enough interest in other people to create that engagement. I'm envious of people who have friends or S/Os who they say they can stay up all night talking to. That's never happened to me-- I just don't feel I have enough to say.

My bf is very kind and caring. I think he wants more depth between us too. I can say maybe I wish my bf was funnier or had more interesting things to say, but the fact is, that's how I feel about myself too. I've struggled with serious depression my whole life and probably have autism too, and I assume these factor in to my (dis)interest in other people and the world around me. But do I just have to accept that as who I am? I started meds recently for depression that have helped me not have such terrible lows, but I was hoping I would also change my lack of connection with the world and other people, and just don't feel that changing.

If you have struggled with the feeling that you have nothing to say, or have a partner you feel lacks conversational skills, have you been able to do anything to turn it around? I worry this flatness is just part of my personality-- and I know I'm a smart and funny person so it just feels like I'm not smart enough or funny enough to make the kinds of connections I want.

TLDR: Can you intentionally work to become a more engaged and interesting person? How?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Traditional_Leek5591 on 2024-01-18 15:00:33+00:00.

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Psychological_Win366 on 2024-01-18 14:50:59+00:00.

I’m not proud of what I’m talking about…yes I am a grown 30 year old woman with a sneaky link. Well, did have a sneaky link?..I’m about to elaborate but I will keep details as sparse as possible to spare myself further embarrassment. However, I also tend to overshare so I hope this is not too long.

As the title states, I am looking to gain awareness on why this man continues to remain in contact with me. I will share my theories and what I have done to thwart communication below. I am truly at a loss.

But yes, me and sneaky link..sneaky linking for a couple years now…always got along famously until recently!

I called him out on several things I find nonsensical between us. He makes no effort for us to get together, it’s always me. However, he always texts me first, and literally every day. It’s strange, it’s like he is perfectly content just texting and never hanging out. Yes, we have sex every time we hang out, so I don’t think the issue is that I’m truly just “hanging out” and not fulfilling sneaky link duties.

So I boiled on this for a while. I didn’t just wake up one day and realize I’m a dunce. I started trying to deduce factors. I thought he may get gratification over the possible emotional/positive/something energy I am able to bring through text, so that’s why he remained in daily contact. So, I withdrew that side of me largely with him. I wasn’t cold, just not nurturing and inquisitive.

I have several mutual friends with him, some of them more attractive females than I. I figured he may keep me in contact to keep tabs on them. So, I told HIM directly that if he wants to know how they are, to please ask THEM directly. He never has literally asked me about them, but I figured it may be plausible.

I figured the most obvious, I mean we ARE sneaky links with one another. I had never been in this scenario before, but have heard of men with rosters putting some of their players on the bench, so to say. I thought he may be benching me, but keeping up the daily acquaintance so as to keep me on the team should some of his prize players drop. So, I informed him that being AWARE of being bottom of the roster doesn’t sit right with me and I’m taking myself off of the team…who knows how long I’ve actually been on the bottom, but it’s different now because it feels like I am also being treated as such.

Furthermore, I informed him that I am embarking on a sex hiatus (new 2024 thing I’m doing.) I had previously informed him of a similar journey I’m attempting with alcohol, which I hope got across the notion that the no sex thing is genuinely something I’m doing and was not said in an attempt to get a reaction from him or be petty. I restated that I truly don’t understand why we talk, and if I was correct in assuming it was to keep me around for guaranteed sex at the drop of a hat, he was officially free of me.

Yet he continues to text me. Not daily now, but random hello or most recently sent me a picture alluding to an inside joke between us.

I have asked him directly why he talks to me several times, he refuses to answer. I have expressed how strange I find it to remain in contact with someone you have no interest in physically seeing. Last time I made plans, he was so excited about it that he literally fell asleep and the hang out never happened.

I guess that’s it? Lol…anyone have any ideas why sneaky link won’t leave me alone? Maybe he’s just biding time till I fold…but then what, it’s back to daily text exchanges? Our text convos aren’t THAT great people LMFAO and making plans never, and I stopped making plans so we won’t even hang ever?!

So why does he keep me in contact? I have a feeling it may have to do with my low self esteem but I’m trying to grow this thing called a “backbone” so I probably look really dense right now, but I truly don’t understand.

TL;DR : have had ongoing sneaky link with an overt lack of effort in seeing me, yet continues daily contact. I have attempted to express reasons in which continuing contact with me is futile and leaves him nothing to gain, yet he continues…why?

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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/OldResearch6572 on 2024-01-18 14:48:36+00:00.

TL; DR: Friend grieving potentially abusive relationship with user ex. He isolates himself and easily upset by anything remotely resembling a romantic relationship. He snaps at me, and feels bad after. It’s ruining our friendship and potential for future romance.

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My friend and his ex broke up a year or so ago. She seemed to like him otherwise, but pretty much stated she was unhappy in their relationship and wanted to work on herself. She was also a tad emotionally abusive, kinda selfish, and couldn’t be bothered to really care about him beyond what he did for her. He’s been trying to woo her back with zero success. Since we’re both recovering from relationships, we tried being FWB/dating. I’m much further along in the recovery or grieving process, plus we view people and relationships differently, so our day-to-day motions don’t affect me much.

I can’t say the same for him. It’s like he’s put me in a box and he hates himself for it because he feels I deserve much better than what he can give me at this time. Talking is difficult for him, as is sharing the bed overnight or in general. We don’t even go out anymore. Those things remind of his relationship with his ex. Sex though? They never had a great sex life and it left a lot to be desired so that was easy for him. We’ve always been unusually sexually compatible so I didn’t mind because we used to be FWB in the past. We almost dated, but it didn’t work out because of my lunatic ex bf and our schedules never aligning.

Back to the issues! He hates that he gets upset or emotional when we cuddle, kiss, or do anything reminiscent of his last relationship. He enjoys doing all of those things with me but it elicits memories and I’m not sure how normal it is since it’s been a little over a year since their relationship ended. Now he’s distant which not only affects our sex life, but our friendship as well. He beats himself up over it. It was never like this before. He never had issues holding hands or being affectionate in any capacity. I’ve told him we don’t have to be FWB. I’m fine going back to a purely platonic relationship. He says he might just need time to himself. He’s been by himself for much of the past year.

He tells me he doesn’t blame me if I keep my options open. I told him I don’t mind us seeing other people due to us not actually being in a relationship but we did decide to be sexually exclusive because we don’t want to bring outside health issues into what we have. He often wishes he could give me more emotionally. It’s gotten worse since the holidays. He’s a great guy. We like each other a lot and it helps that we aren’t looking for anything serious (taking is slow) but I’m backing off until he gets himself sorted out.

I just want to know if any of this is normal for someone grieving a potentially unhealthy relationship? What can I do to help him?