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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Hairy-Bad-4008 on 2024-01-18 18:38:09+00:00.
We have been together for almost 7 years, and here are the cliff notes… we met at an AA meeting (addiction issues ✔️). We started living with each other in month 3 ( impulsive behaviors ✔️ ) . I had recently gotten out of an eating disorder rehab and was living at my parents and he was just getting out of a halfway house ( homeless and broke ✔️). That being said, we quickly found comfort and support in each other, and for the most part staying away from our “drug of choice”.
Not to sound cliche but “in the beginning”, I believed I couldn’t have been luckier to have met him. Finally someone who wouldn’t judge me, wanted to make me happy, and most of all, I didn’t feel like all he wanted from me was sex (which couldn’t have been better at that point)
Cut to…a series of events and arguments that has ultimately led to years of going down the same rabbit hole. He started using which caused his behavior to drastically change, which inevitably turned me off, which resulted in us having less sex than what he wanted. (Side note, I have never been a physically affectionate person, like I wouldn’t even want my mom to hug me for the longest time. My love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation. Anyways, his love language if physical touch so he wasn’t thrilled when my lack of interest was becoming more frequent.
That argument has evolved over the years now. Some other important things to note are that he got locked up for 5 months (about a year or so into the relationship), when he got out he did contracting work until COVID and since then hasn’t had any consistent income so I’ve pretty much been supporting him financially for at least 4 years. He’s extremely talented when it comes to home renovation, woodworking, fixing most things and has the potential to find a successful career path but shows zero interest in taking the steps towards making that happen.
Did I say cliff notes?? Anyway, the lack of security and safety I feel doesn’t make me all hot and bothered or eager to be physically intimate. And I want to want to be intimate with him! But he usually says or doesn’t do something to sabatoge that from happening.
I should also mention that he’s got a herniated something in his balls and for a while now, he can’t make himself finish when he masterbates which causes him pain and if he doesn’t cum after 2/3 days, he gets extremely agitated and verbally aggressive, and says that I should help him not be in pain…which really makes any form of sex sound super intimate ( I hope u hear my sarcasm)
So in conclusion, even though I’ve put up with his inability to regulate his emotions, financially supported him, made healthcare appointments for him, continued to have sex about 1-3 times a week on avg, his conclusion is that because I don’t give him sex much as he wants it, it means i don’t care about him, I’m selfish, I’m the narcissist, and therefore he has every right to get angry, throw tantrum, insult me, etc.
TL;DR I do love him and appreciate the things he does to contribute, but they are weighing less with every tantrum he throws about how selfish I am not to be physically intimate the way he wants, saying if I really loved him I would be, and disregards all of the things that contribute to my lack of interest in physical infancy, and it’s getting harder to excuse. So my question is, if he tries to apologize for his behavior and the things he said, should I once again forgive him or do I say enough is enough? Do I give an ultimatum?
Thanks for reading