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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Flaky_Sea3615 on 2024-01-18 17:33:12+00:00.
Hello guys.
My wife (26F) and I (27M) have been together six years total, but have only been married since October 2023.
Earlier last year, she started having some really extreme chronic pain and fatigue issues. After months of doctor’s visits, she has been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. This is compounded by a mental health diagnosis of MDD (major depressive disorder).
To put it bluntly, ever since she got her diagnosis, she has made extremely feeble attempts to manage her pain, and now complains to me every day about how bad it is. Her doctors have recommended several diet changes, she ignores all of it and willingly eats foods that we know are triggers for flare ups. They recommended exercising (to the best of her ability) and gave her a low-intensity exercise outline that is specifically meant for people with chronic pain, she has completely disregarded that and instead does as little physical activity as possible.
In addition to ignoring improvements for her physical health, her depression has gotten worse. I’m sure it has been negatively impacted by her fibro diagnosis, but she’s started wallowing in it, which she never did before. She got her med card to help with her pain and now she can’t function unless she is high. She also spends hours/day on TikTok consuming mindless/unhealthy shit.
For context, I also have (had) health issues. I was diagnosed with gout and GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). Since the end of 2022, I’ve been going to the gym at least 5 days/week and lost 90lbs in the process, I’ve quit smoking and drinking entirely, I’ve deleted all social media except reddit, and I’ve started earning some certs to advance my career. My gout has disappeared completely and my mental health has improved tenfold. I’m like a different person.
All this is to say, I’ve tried getting her to follow in my footsteps. When I say suggested, that’s really all I’ve done. I’ve just said to her “hey, this stuff really helped with my physical and mental health, and you’ve seen the results, maybe it would be beneficial for you too.” Rather than even try any of this stuff, she just told me I was being controlling and trying to turn her into someone she is not. That really hurt to hear. My intent is only to help her try and get her symptoms under control, together, and she just shit on me for it.
She is also in therapy and her therapist (who I dislike - but that’s a whole other post) has convinced her she is doing her best, and she absolutely is not. The entire time we’ve known each other, she has done everything in her power to not wallow in pity or let her depression get out of hand, but that has changed COMPLETELY since her fibro diagnosis.
I’m not trying to be callous or dismissive. I love my wife and want to help her, but this resistance and her accusing me of being controlling, is making me harbor resentment. How would you approach this?
Tl;dr Wife was diagnosed with some health issues. I tried suggesting things she can do to mitigate them and she told me I’m being controlling.