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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Psychological_Win366 on 2024-01-18 14:50:59+00:00.
I’m not proud of what I’m talking about…yes I am a grown 30 year old woman with a sneaky link. Well, did have a sneaky link?..I’m about to elaborate but I will keep details as sparse as possible to spare myself further embarrassment. However, I also tend to overshare so I hope this is not too long.
As the title states, I am looking to gain awareness on why this man continues to remain in contact with me. I will share my theories and what I have done to thwart communication below. I am truly at a loss.
But yes, me and sneaky link..sneaky linking for a couple years now…always got along famously until recently!
I called him out on several things I find nonsensical between us. He makes no effort for us to get together, it’s always me. However, he always texts me first, and literally every day. It’s strange, it’s like he is perfectly content just texting and never hanging out. Yes, we have sex every time we hang out, so I don’t think the issue is that I’m truly just “hanging out” and not fulfilling sneaky link duties.
So I boiled on this for a while. I didn’t just wake up one day and realize I’m a dunce. I started trying to deduce factors. I thought he may get gratification over the possible emotional/positive/something energy I am able to bring through text, so that’s why he remained in daily contact. So, I withdrew that side of me largely with him. I wasn’t cold, just not nurturing and inquisitive.
I have several mutual friends with him, some of them more attractive females than I. I figured he may keep me in contact to keep tabs on them. So, I told HIM directly that if he wants to know how they are, to please ask THEM directly. He never has literally asked me about them, but I figured it may be plausible.
I figured the most obvious, I mean we ARE sneaky links with one another. I had never been in this scenario before, but have heard of men with rosters putting some of their players on the bench, so to say. I thought he may be benching me, but keeping up the daily acquaintance so as to keep me on the team should some of his prize players drop. So, I informed him that being AWARE of being bottom of the roster doesn’t sit right with me and I’m taking myself off of the team…who knows how long I’ve actually been on the bottom, but it’s different now because it feels like I am also being treated as such.
Furthermore, I informed him that I am embarking on a sex hiatus (new 2024 thing I’m doing.) I had previously informed him of a similar journey I’m attempting with alcohol, which I hope got across the notion that the no sex thing is genuinely something I’m doing and was not said in an attempt to get a reaction from him or be petty. I restated that I truly don’t understand why we talk, and if I was correct in assuming it was to keep me around for guaranteed sex at the drop of a hat, he was officially free of me.
Yet he continues to text me. Not daily now, but random hello or most recently sent me a picture alluding to an inside joke between us.
I have asked him directly why he talks to me several times, he refuses to answer. I have expressed how strange I find it to remain in contact with someone you have no interest in physically seeing. Last time I made plans, he was so excited about it that he literally fell asleep and the hang out never happened.
I guess that’s it? Lol…anyone have any ideas why sneaky link won’t leave me alone? Maybe he’s just biding time till I fold…but then what, it’s back to daily text exchanges? Our text convos aren’t THAT great people LMFAO and making plans never, and I stopped making plans so we won’t even hang ever?!
So why does he keep me in contact? I have a feeling it may have to do with my low self esteem but I’m trying to grow this thing called a “backbone” so I probably look really dense right now, but I truly don’t understand.
TL;DR : have had ongoing sneaky link with an overt lack of effort in seeing me, yet continues daily contact. I have attempted to express reasons in which continuing contact with me is futile and leaves him nothing to gain, yet he continues…why?