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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/garlichead97 on 2024-01-18 15:02:20+00:00.
I (26F) have been in a relationship (28M) for nine months. I yearn to feel a deeper connection, have thoughtful, prolonged conversations. There is plenty on this sub about one person feeling this way about their relationship. My problem is that I know I'm not doing what it takes to deepen conversations, because I feel this way in friendships too, and always have. I don't feel like I have enough interest in other people to create that engagement. I'm envious of people who have friends or S/Os who they say they can stay up all night talking to. That's never happened to me-- I just don't feel I have enough to say.
My bf is very kind and caring. I think he wants more depth between us too. I can say maybe I wish my bf was funnier or had more interesting things to say, but the fact is, that's how I feel about myself too. I've struggled with serious depression my whole life and probably have autism too, and I assume these factor in to my (dis)interest in other people and the world around me. But do I just have to accept that as who I am? I started meds recently for depression that have helped me not have such terrible lows, but I was hoping I would also change my lack of connection with the world and other people, and just don't feel that changing.
If you have struggled with the feeling that you have nothing to say, or have a partner you feel lacks conversational skills, have you been able to do anything to turn it around? I worry this flatness is just part of my personality-- and I know I'm a smart and funny person so it just feels like I'm not smart enough or funny enough to make the kinds of connections I want.
TLDR: Can you intentionally work to become a more engaged and interesting person? How?