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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Numerous_Pipe6896 on 2024-01-18 18:45:31+00:00.
I wanted another perspective on this since it’s a pretty big commitment on my end to buy property and commit to living in another country permanently for a partner.
A little background, I moved to the country my boyfriend is from and he plans to live for his entire life. We’ve been doing long distance for a while and I realized after visiting his country that I really love it here. I had to leave behind a lot of things like my family and friends, my car, and a lot of things have changed for me. Adapting to a new culture and language. Spending time and money on lawyers and visa fees. Transferring my money to a new bank, setting up bills, a lease and many more things. My boyfriend has been absolutely amazing helping me a ton with adapting and making this place feel like home.
I’m currently on a 2 year visa and it’s to expire in a year and a half or so. I really love it here but I feel like I’d want another level of commitment before making a permanent move here. He shows that he’s committed everyday and tells me he wants to build a family with me in our thirties. I don’t doubt that he’s committed to me. I just want a physical way of him showing it to me if he wants me to buy a home with him.
My boyfriend really wants to buy a forever home together around the same time my visa ends. So after 4 years together. Me being 27 him being 25 Like a home with a mortgage and in a place where we would plan to build a family. We would be putting all our savings into buying and renovating this place.
I really want that too but I told him I don’t want to buy a place and commit to living in this country unless we have a further commitment together. I suggested living on rent a while longer and he doesn’t want to. He lives with his family at the moment while I live in my own rental apartment.
The property would be split 50/50 so I don’t worry about losing my money if we did split. But I feel like for all the change and sacrifice I’m making to live here I would want him to show that he’s committed. I feel like the least he could do is give me a ring with a long engagement.
The thing is we are both extremely well established in our careers. And very mature for our ages. I don’t want to get married young and I know he doesn’t either so I suggested a longer engagement or simply just living on rent until we are both ready. He sees the engagement as the same thing as marriage and wants to wait until he’s 28-30 to propose.
I guess what I’m saying is that is this boundary of mine too much? I really love him and our life together and I know we both see a future together here. Am I wrong to want more commitment before buying a home together?
TLDR: My (f25)boyfriend m(23) of 2+ years wants to buy a house together next year but I don’t want to buy a house before marriage or engagement as it’s too big of a risk. I prefer to live on rent but my boyfriend doesn’t want to. Should I expect more commitment before moving permanently to his country by purchasing a home together