this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
711 points (97.7% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

25936 readers
2861 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 182 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker

[–] [email protected] 109 points 1 month ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 41 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I'll give you an errection in front of the HR manager."

Or worse

"Pay me 5 Bitcoin or you'll never get an errection again.*

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Even worse

"You are now on a per-boner subscription plan"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago

Future kink

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 112 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

After you get snipped, it's potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.

Edit: sorry for facts on shit post

[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Yes here is an article about it. Article

The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”

[–] [email protected] 67 points 1 month ago (9 children)

30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Yep. For anyone who's that serious about not having children, that's more like an incentive.

Source: got snipped.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)

When I got mine, the doc said I should wait about two weeks then "ejaculate as frequently as possible" before returning for the scheduled checkup/semen test.

Doctor's orders! 🫡

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (6 children)

This was my first thought. I could see this being a medical procedure in place of a vasectomy. Get switch (or something less likely to get bumped) installed and set to off. Then when you want to have kids, another procedure to turn the switch on.

People keep looking for a quick fix for male sperm control, I didn't think it is possible. At least not as a off and on solution that keeps coming up.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 89 points 1 month ago (1 children)

There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.

[–] kboy101222 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

More of a vas deferens I think

[–] [email protected] 56 points 1 month ago

Yes, indeed, you said the funny part aloud.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 month ago (3 children)

This, but I want the voice command changed to "Go go gadget genitalia"

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I'd just want the Super Mario power-up/power-down sound effects.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you'll never have sex with one and then you'll never have kids.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

I discovered a life hack to have sex without such a tool without getting anyone pregnant....

🏳️‍🌈

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 58 points 1 month ago (4 children)

i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (3 children)

So a toggleable vasectomy.

Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy... So this isn't the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you're safe.

[–] explodicle 23 points 1 month ago

I'd imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn't be too bad.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on and flip it off for saf(er) sex. Why keep your cum on while you're just walking around?

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 49 points 1 month ago (1 children)

wait till this comes with a monthly subscription

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hang on one second babe…

(clap-clap)

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Things you don't want tied to a clapper may include this device.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"Hey, Google, I'm having sex!"

Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I don't want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Forget the Codom and Get STIs

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Bro forgot about committed and closed relationships

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago

I'd just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.

Ultimate pull-out method.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I see two casings for switches. Do you have to toggle each ball individually or something?

Also, how do you remember which way to flip the switch? Can it get turned around?

[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Flip them on and off repeatedly to put them in pairing mode.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)

"FUCK, I came for longer than 5 seconds. Now I have to go through the factory reset AGAIN."

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago

"You've turned on sticky keys."

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Dude imagine getting hit with a groin shot with that fucking thing in your taint

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (3 children)

click

Before continuing, please accept the following terms and conditions.... [35 pages of legalese ensue]

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hook it up to a clapper and live life dangerously.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago

Wait won't this turn off their brains? How will they breathe?

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This seems more practical for a temporary birth control for men.

https://www.planaformen.com/

Still under development, but works like a microscopic net to prevent sperm from exiting and can be dissolved later if you do decide to have kids.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (1 children)

An even better birth control is Arch Linux. It's free and open source. I use Arch btw.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I guarantee you the same people working to ban abortion and female contraception will go after this too.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This is the real reason Data doesn't tell everyone where his off switch is.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›