'Billionaires bodies are filled with candy and they want you to retrieve it by any means necessary': the new conspiracy coming to life online.
this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2024
320 points (94.7% liked)
Funny
7623 readers
1691 users here now
General rules:
- Be kind.
- All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
- Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
- No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
- Don't post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.
Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
Is it true that when you chop off a billionaires head, two more grow in its place?
Not quite. They do die, but they will form a new head and body in hell before coming back to cause more suffering. The more suffering their corporation causes, the faster they regenerate.
load more comments
(2 replies)
What kind of candy?
The best kind... You know the kind you like but way, way way better - it's an absolute must-try.
What if it's that weird salty swedish candy though?
Nothing to worry about - you'll love it!
Thats the thing. No one knows.
I love surprises, I hope I get the following:
-Salty Balls
-Gummy Skulls
-Jelly Brains
-Candied Intestine
-Twix-Fingers
Edit: Formatting
You have to crack ‘em open to find out.
What should I use?
A large stick?
A baseball bat?
A night watchman mace?
A Double Headed War Hammer XL?
Skull Flail?
A fancy pimp cane?
Gotta have the right tool to get that candy.
Omg a piñata?? And it's not even my birthday!
Everybody be like "space is fake" til they get a lungfull of it.
To be fair, there's nothing there.
well, there's about 10 atoms per cubic metre
There’s a vacuum. Lungs + vacuum = some mild discomfort at the least
It's a conspiracy by Big Void to sell us more nothing.
I've been to "space" and there was nothing there.
Allspacesarefake.Don’tfallfortheirtricks.
Volume is fake, everything is 2D.
How do you do, fellow flatlander?
Isn't that part of flat earth?
They've got it all wrong. Space is flat and Earth is fake.
All existence is a daydream. Reality and perception are one and the same.
space is flat though
At this point, basically yes.
While there used to be more diversity of impossible nonsense theories attempting to explain 'the flat earth', at this point a large, or at least loud majority of flat earthers have landed on the old school biblical interpretation that the earth is a flat disk with a giant dome around it.
The sun and moon do logically impossible nonsense 'orbits' that widen and tighten around the north pole, that can be trivially disproven by just having two people in different spots on the real Earth and measuring their viewing angle off the horizon of the Sun or Moon at the same time.
Also, somehow light from the sun casts a cone of light as if it has a lampshade instead of just out in all directions.
The sun and moon are also inside the great celestial dome.
Sometimes the moon is a hologram.
Sometimes the stars are a hologram, other times they are fixed into the dome, other times its some magic mystical nonsense that is not even parsable in english as a coherent concept.
They also have largely abandoned the idea of gravity, opting for 'buoyancy' as the sole reason why things on Earth fall or float.
People have attempted to explain to them countless times that buoyancy requires gravity to work and they always disagree.
So, they think that theres a giant dome in the sky and that all the stars are some kind of 'not as they appear' and then they /can't/ be actual stars the way stellar formation theory says because they already know that requires gravity which they do not believe in.
You cannot penetrate the sky dome, so all space missions beyond what we would call low earth orbit are fake and hoaxes to them.
Yup.
Yes and no. You describe it as a scientific theory which it is not.
To really understand flat earth, you have to understand the "copernican desillution" (there is a similar term for that but I can't find it). If the earth goes around the sun instead of the other way around, we are just an insignificant planet moving around just an insignificant star.
Flat earth puts the earth back to the center, where is always belonged, and goes all in on that by making it flat again
I have no idea, but I wouldn't credit them with consistency either.
Sounds like they need exposure therapy to space and seeing earth from a distance.
"Yeah, you see all those lights in the sky? They drones put there by the government to make us think we're small."
I vouch for a programme,
a grant, or a constitutional right,
to shoot any consenting person into space
to see what Earth really is, with no return.
Just make sure they're not a flat earthen or else they won't accept the truth.
And I'd say let them believe. For as long as their O2 supply lasts.
Turtles all the way down
"There is no such thing as space. " --Space Core
Is that a Portal2 reference?
SSSPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACEE!!!
So a government installed the stars that were used to navigate ships for many centuries? Interesting 🤔
Those are obviously small holes in the bubble dome that keeps hot potato soup from smothering our world.
- A satirical take on corporate participation in the housing market in the age of neo feudalism. /s
It’s a scheme to get the hoi polloi to not demand space settlements, the billionaires are twirling their mustaches wanting to keep space all to themselves, you see? Nyah.
Space is fake, it’s all just the singularity.