Relationships

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/throwaway94837299 on 2024-01-22 21:14:44+00:00.

Daughter who is 18 seems obsessed with the idea of a family of her own, marriage and children.

Admittedly I (F50) have not set a good example, with me and her dad fighting and other family fights may have caused it. We were never married, but now she is entirely sure she will never have children outside of marriage, and that she will marry young. She wants children and a husband before 25, and has already been saving for a house of her own etc. She began attending a new Orthodox church a year ago, and has since become more and more religious. She has met a boy at church, who is from a wealthy Canadian family, he is nice but also incredibly religious but a man of few words. He is 3? years older than her, and if I am honest I am not keen on him. Her plan is she will get a degree in midwifery and once she is married she will stay at home, which I think is unfeasible with the cost of living crisis etc. If I am honest, I do not think she will even end up in university, she has done barely any work for her upcoming exams. I should add none of her siblings are the same, in fact 2 have children outside of marriage and none of us are religious, only baptised as babies, so it is bizarre where this has all come from, and it seems backwards.

I should also add she is slowly cutting off contact with my side of the family. Her dad’s side are distant as it is as they are scattered worldwide, but we are mostly in the same country. I am moving away in a year or two to live with one of my older children, and I think she may cut off contact with me entirely then.

[TLDR] F18 daughter seems to be becoming a tradwife and I F50 am concerned she is going to ruin her life.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Distinct_Wafer_820 on 2024-01-22 20:57:01+00:00.

My fiance (34m) and I (35f) are getting married in June this year. We have been together a little over three years. He has 15 vacation days to use for the year with one week needing to be used during Christmas because his office closes and he won’t be paid if he doesn’t save one week for that. He chose to have a long vacation style bachelor party that will use up about three days as well as used two days for some dental work stuff.

I had no issues with any of this until yesterday when his parents texted him that they want him to take a week vacation with them and his sister during April and that he should get his passport renewed.

Now I will say my son (13m) and I were also invited but they know that 1. I work for the school system and 2. I would never take my son out of school for an entire week for a vacation. Being that I work for the school system, spring break is in march and I had told them at Christmas that if they wanted to plan something longer than a weekend that that would be the best time for us. They are both retired and my fiancé’s sister has a very versatile remote job so I honestly feel they didn’t mean to purposely exclude us but that they just didn’t consider it.

Now, because my fiance feels obligated to fulfill his family’s wish after our wedding there will be no vacation time left to do anything after it. I had been hoping we could have gone on a short 3-4 day cruise but now my hopes are shattered. So now I have to pretend like I am happy for him to get to spend time with his friends and family while I will basically have a year with zero vacation time with him and it hurts. I know it is not his fault or anyone’s really and I know there is nothing that can solve it.

Any advise on how to handle the emotional turmoil would be greatly appreciated. I would love to get to a point where I can just accept it and be genuinely happy for him. I also have been diagnosed with codependency and PTSD if that helps with the advice giving. Thanks all!

TLDR My fiance is using all his vacation time for the year with other people and I would love some advise on how to gracefully accept it and be happy for him.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Secure-Elevator3596 on 2024-01-22 20:53:07+00:00.

Sorry it’s so long 😭 It started when we were on Ft. I was trying to get his attention, but he wasn’t acknowledging me instead he continued to watch tik-tok’s / IG reels. I called for him a few times then I got butt-hurt and hung up. I texted him what are you doing that you can’t even talk to me? He said “I’m waiting to talk bc my dad’s in the kitchen.” Then I said “Least you could’ve done was whisper or text instead of ignoring me.” Honestly I should’ve let it go, but I let my emotions get the best of me. Anyways we’re back on call together and I ask him why can’t he do better/be better about bringing my mood up after we get into an arguments (in general). He said “I already tried once why would I try again and again if the outcome doesn’t change?” I told him because only trying once then counting down from 5 seems like u don’t care enough about my feelings. (Sometimes he gives me a couple seconds to fix myself before he completely stops trying to comfort me. Makes me feel like some sorta kid like wth.) He said “You always find something wrong with me. I’m never good enough and you just implied I’m a bad boyfriend.” I said I never meant to make him feel that way. I tell him things he does sometimes that bothers me like the fact that he doesn’t do as much to make me feel better (Which is the current argument.) He then said “I think you’re lying to yourself about loving me.” I asked why would he say that? He said “Because your love seems conditional. You’re trying to make another version of me so you can love me.” Which isn’t true! I never got into this relationship with him that required conditions for it to happen! Well other than cheating obv but that’s a given! I told I love him for who he is since the beginning til now, but he doesn’t believe me. I just figured as a couple we’d strive to be better for one another. You know if things are kinda affecting our relationship we should be able to make some compromises and grow from them together right? He also said if my love wasn’t conditional I wouldn’t be asking him to be better.

Maybe I’m being insensitive. I don’t know. Can I get any advice or input on this situation? TL;DR!

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/air_bunny8213 on 2024-01-22 20:17:34+00:00.

I have been talking with my girlfriend since last October and the relationship has been really great. I like our times with each other and the idea of us being able to be something. She is really sweet and somebody I could see forming a very strong relationship with, we both are demi so this is one of those relationships where both of us look forward to having something though it would take some warming up for the relationship to really be there. Anyways, our meetings with each other are spotty. We have tried to have a relationship though any attempts at forming a connction have been slow. i just don't have any idea how it is we are going to make things happen like this. I want to see the relationship progress though it is uncertain we are going to find the progress very fast. All we can do is talk to each other and stay home until in the best case scenario, either of us are able to meet in person. I think we have something great though at this time it is complicated to say if the relationship is going to make it. It just seems kind of, I don't know, bleak? Even though we have already had approval by her friends and relative of the relationship. It just seems complicated for the next step to really happen at this time.

Should I keep trying or is it a good idea to kind of adult up and say we may not be able to find the relationship here?

Any advice is appreciated, thanks.

tl;dr I met the girl/girlfriend I have been talking with back in October and things are mostly perfect if the relationship is able to happen, though it seems bleak even though we have talked and chatted since then. I think we could build on the relationship we have until they are prepared for something, there are so many signs of the relationship being positive, though it is like I don't have any idea when they are going to be prepared to take the next step in the relationship. It is really complicated to say if this really is a good strategy for us to date. I like her very much though like this it is complicated.

Any advice is appreciated, thank you.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThrowRAoveryatchedgf on 2024-01-22 19:33:23+00:00.

Firstly, my GF and I have a wonderful relationship. We're compatible, find each other attractive, and live together. We've been together 3 years now.

When we met, she was in an abusive relationship at the time, and I was single but talking with others. She quickly established that she wanted us to be a couple, and I told her she needed to break it off with her bf. She assured me that she would break up with him however she stalled and made excuses as to why she couldnt yet (he threatened to kill himself), meanwhile venting to me about all the terrible things he did and how much she didnt want to be with him.

She started getting very jealous of any other females around me to the point of telling other women that I was taken, and hers. This continued until I gave her an epiphany - him or me. She chose me and told me she would end it, and we ended up getting together. I stupidly assumed that was the end of it, and we got intimate together.

Fast forward a few days, and she comes to me complaining about her ex harassing her again. I question her as he's supposed to be blocked, and history, but come to find out she still hasn't broken up with him, and had spent time with him during this week, even having sex with him. I was absolutely crushed, tried to break up, but we talked through it and I decided to stay with her.

This has always upset me, as she claims it was love at first sight, that I saved her, how I was the best thing to happen to her from the first moment, but if that was the case, why did she sleep with her abusive bf after she found me? I understand the fear of breaking up, but she made a decision to sleep with him after she met the "Man of her dreams". This is something I've never really got over, or forgiven, but I did push it to the back of my memory.

Until she made a comment today. We were talking about the fight we had when I found out she still had a boyfriend, and she made the comment "I can't believe you thought I'd just let you have sex with me and then leave?". I told her I only wanted to break up because she wouldnt break up with her ex, and asked her, why she slept with her ex during that period if thats how she felt, and she just blew it off saying it was a hard time for her and she made mistakes.

I dont understand how it was wrong of me to want to break it off, after we had sex, because she wasn't being loyal to me, but perfectly understandable and acceptable for her to have sex with someone else during the time I thought we were exclusive. Why was she so dead set on getting other women away from me, just to go see another man herself. It seems incredibly hypocritical, and hurtful, and hearing how she views this has really made me question if I made the right choice forgiving her.

I dont understand how I could've been the man of her dreams, and love at first sight, and have her still made a decision like that which she knows would hurt me.

I've just always had a hard time with that particular bit of our history, but I've worked past it, but having heard her attitude towards that situation has left a really bad taste in my mouth and I'm questioning if I really can forgive it. Would I be an idiot for ending an otherwise great relationship over an issue that happened years ago?

TLDR; GF was upset I wanted to break up after we had sex, once I had found out she was still with her EX, but blows off her with her sleeping with the ex while we were supposedly exclusive.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/MonkeyBoy117 on 2024-01-22 17:52:07+00:00.

I'll try to keep this short, for context I haven't been with anyone or dated in 6 years following me being on the receiving side of an abusive relationship. I have trust issues, anxiety and ptsd amongst other things. (She didn't know this prior to the date, probably a mistake to not have brought it up)

Just before Christmas I started talking to this amazing person, we would text/ voice note daily, make eachother laugh. Eventually I plucked up the courage to ask her on a date and she said yes! I was exited! This would be my first date (I'm not counting the previous abusive relationship).

The closer it got to the day though my anxiety kicked in, but I pushed through, I really wanted to meet this woman. On the day, I woke up immediately nervous and my chest was hurting a bit (I think I was having a panic attack) but I went anyway, on the journey there I tried to calm myself as best I could. I panicked and got her some flowers to make a good impression and to try and null my nerves.

Once we met, we hugged and continued with our day, it was really nice, we got a coffee, went for a walk, got some lunch, went back to hers, hung out for a bit, took her dog for a walk, then did a pub quiz (we came dead last but it was funny).

Throughout all of this we were both blatantly nervous, in the cafe at the start of the date I put my hands on the table, visibly shaking and she poked my hand, and then started to hold it, I cannot express how comforting that was, for the rest of the date she would either hug my arm or hold my hand as we walked.

We hugged a lot, kissed a lot, smiled a lot and laughed a lot, despite my anxiety and my chest running rampant I had the best time with her. She asked if I wanted to stay the night as it was late, so I did, the next morning we woke up early as she had work, she made me a coffee while she got ready, took her dog out and I walked her to work, holding hands the entire time, once we got there (she is a barista) she got me a coffee and a brownie for my journey home, the whole thing felt right if that makes sense?

She text me saying to let her know if I got home safe, the trains were delayed so it took me a while to get home, but halfway throughout the day I recieved a text from her saying thank you for the gifts, and the attention, said that she had a great time with me and called me a gentleman, but said that things got too serious too quickly and wanted to 'cool it off'... I replied by saying that I appreciated her honesty and that I think she's amazing, I had a great time too etc, I said that if she wanted to continue talking at a slower pace then I'm happy to do so, and that she has to do what's best for her, I haven't heard back since...

I'm a bit confused about the whole thing, in the week or so since I've caught myself just sat waiting for my phone to go off hoping it's her, she hasn't blocked me on insta or Facebook, I'm just a bit lost with it. I miss being able to talk to her, I'd send her voicenotes on my way to work...

What should I do? Wait a bit and message down the line or just let the ship sink? I can't stop thinking about her..

As an update on the anxiety, since the initial panic, my chest felt like I had pulled every muscle in my chest, no appetite, no drive, I was at work two days later and thought I was gonna throw up from anxiety, I don't know what to do...

TL;DR - I've been single a long time, got some background mental health issues, had councelling, therapy, meds, the lot, started talking to this girl, plucked up the courage to ask her on a date, had the date, was told that she didn't feel a spark but the whole thing is a bit odd, help!

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/free_username91 on 2024-01-22 15:52:22+00:00.

My husband and I have a lot of issues ranging from financial to chores distribution to sexual and emotional, communication as well as trust and fidelity. I am definitely thinking about divorce, but since we are having two younger children together, I do agree that we should give us one more chance.

He is generally financially dependent on me for the last few years (his income was lower and he would keep it for his personal things), but has been working abroad for the past few months and has his own income there. He will be back in about a month and proposes we go for a holiday together, leaving the kids with his family.

I am not feeling super comfortable with this due to all the problems we have in our relationship. Though it has been one of the things I had requested from him to put a little more effort into actively spending time together.

We had a situation where I was about to leave (due to him emotionally cheating) before and he did everything that I had been bringing up for years pretty much until I agreed to give us another chance and then things pretty much went back to business as usual. I am worried something similar will happen where we have an amazing week or two, I totally fall in love again and then when we are back to our regular day to day life, we still cannot get along, further dragging out a pretty bad situation and causing so much more heartbreak.

I feel like we should approach it from an angle of improving our daily live, going to marriage counseling, doing regular date night and generally getting along under normal stressors first, but he really wants that vacation. If I don't agree to come, he still wants to go for a holiday with friends instead. Also, maybe he's right and we need to rekindle those lovey-dovey feelings first?

What do you think, wise redditors? Is it a good idea to go on a vacation together despite (or because of?) all the problems we have? I don't doubt that we will get along during vacation, because he knows how to "woo" me and I have a feeling that's what he's trying to do here. He is strictly against a separation.

TLDR: HB and me are having various issues and he wants to go on a romantic vacation. Is it a good idea or should we try to fix our daily lives first?

Reddit keeps telling me to add more details, but I'm really not sure what else to say. If you have specific questions feel free to ask in the comments and I'll answer as much as I can.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Savings-Nerve-6415 on 2024-01-22 14:11:57+00:00.

I (F24) have 3 siblings M21, M18 and F12. We grew up in what I would call a pretty conventional middle class household.

I recently found my little sisters instagram while browsing and watched her stories. Whilst I already knew my parents were having a bit of trouble with her getting in trouble at school etc. the content of her stories really alarmed me.

Her stories showed photos of:

• her vaping (my parents are completely against this)
• her with someone driving in a car filled with smoke (no idea who’s car this is)
• her with clothing and purses that are “all stolen 😍”
• her with a shopping cart on a bus
• her in a mall with her head bleeding
• her riding on the back of someone’s dirt bike on an open road (with a well known troubled boy in our neighbourhood, without any protection)
• her lighting a lighter in a public bathroom
• a baby with what looks like a gun, probably fake, but looks real (fake guns are also illegal where we live)
• a girl projectile vomiting outside at night
• some other young kids being arrested by the police
• some older men doing burnouts on the street (I have no idea where, not in our neighbourhood)
• her and a friend in underwear in a mirror with an emoji coving themselves
• many photos of her with babies (not sure who’s babies they are, whilst there is nothing wrong with babies, I don’t like the idea of her glorifying motherhood and becoming a teen mum because she knows others that are and thinks babies are cute)
• photos with random guys

Along with many other photos of her being a menace.

Aside from that she is also continually getting in trouble at school, is spoilt, ungreatful and demanding.

I am genuinely shocked at seeing some of these things and worried about her safety. I am also worried about what her life path is going to look like if she is doing this stuff at only 12.

I’m not sure whether I should show my parents these photos and bring it up in a serious conversation. My one concern is ruining any relationship I have with her because ase she will get in trouble and will find out it was because of me. She will also likely block me on instagram so I wouldn’t be able to keep up with what she is doing anymore. In this case it is good being able to see what she posts, becuase it is clear my parents don’t actually know what she is doing.

TLDR: Photos sister posted are worrying, not sure if I should tell my parents.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/justguy88 on 2024-01-22 14:00:54+00:00.

Update - We talked this weekend and I took a-lot of the advice and came a place of concern and it definitely helped. First and foremost, she responded positively and agreed to go get checked out.

I was pretty close on the amount of weight loss…..she is actually a little less than I thought…….but the important thing is she agreed to go get checked out…..and since I always skip my checkups, I agreed to get one too. So a big step for both of us

She also explained to me that before we met she was closer to the weight she is now than what she was and this is where she feels best. I definitely wont dismiss that either.

Im glad she responded positively and continued to reassure she feels the best she’s felt in years and will be happy to go to the docs.

TL;DR! Coming from place of concern, Wife will go get checked out at doctors.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/New-Lab5139 on 2024-01-22 13:56:07+00:00.

TLDR; My boyfriend is jealous of me hanging out with women friends even though im completely straight. It makes me so I dont even wanna ask to go out. What do I do?

My boyfriend and i are both pretty healthy as a couple but he has always been the jealous type. I personally think it's fine when he's jealous of me talking to men but he goes too far sometimes. I'm a straight woman and I don't see other girls in a romantic or sexual way at all but he still gets jealous and nervous if i go to their house to hang out. The last time i hung out with a friend was last july and he said i had to be back by 8pm since it's weird to be alone with a girl after that time. It's been so long so now i made plans to go see my friend this weekend but now i'm thinking it over since i dont wanna ask for his permission anymore. What do i do?

UPDATE: It’s only been around 7 hours since i put this post up and i got an alarming amount of people telling me to dump him, which i did! Honestly thanks for making me realize how messed up this truly is

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Intelligent-Act-6222 on 2024-01-22 18:33:39+00:00.

About 10 days ago, my (21f) boyfriend (22m) of 5 months went to a party with some friends. He also invited a girl he knew through friends to the party, as she was new in the city and he wanted to introduce her to some people to help her get into a network, as there were a lot of people at the party studying the same thing as her. He only saw her in a friendly way from what he tells me but apparently that message didn’t get through to her. He told her he had a girlfriend and that we sometimes argued and she stayed respectful of that throughout the evening. After the party she asked him if he could make sure she got home safe because it was around 2/3-ish and she didn’t feel safe in the city. Not thinking anything, he called her an Uber and after she asked him if he still wanted to hang out and talk a bit, he didn’t think anything of it either (he was already drunk out of his mind and from what he tells me nearly black out drunk). So they went to her place and talked for a bit about innocent stuff, he laid down on her couch to sleep and from what he said she tried to kiss him a few times. He told her he had a girlfriend but was so drunk that when she kept trying, he kissed her back for a brief second. They did some other stuff (not sex) too for around 5 minutes before he realized how wrong it was and went to the bathroom to lie down there and lock himself in. He also told me everything the next day and apologized numerous times, said he understands if I do not want this anymore. I thought about it and I’m not sure whether to give him another chance or to move on. To be fair, I had broken up with him just 5 days prior and then gotten back together right away and have been arguing with him a lot. I’m not sure what to do in this situation, any help is appreciated!

TL;DR: My boyfriend kissed another girl at a party and I don’t know how to handle the situation

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/move_quickly on 2024-01-22 18:33:21+00:00.

To preface, I would define our relationship as more of a situationship than a full relationship.

I (21F) am currently hooking up with my friend of two years (22M). I am confident in the strength of his feelings for me because he has confided in a close friend of mine who relayed it back to me.

We have had multiple conversations about our feelings. I made it clear I am attracted to him but I do not see myself in a relationship with him. He told me he has strong feelings for me (he broke up with a long term gf about half a year after we met, and has implied it was due to his feelings for me) but he wanted a relationship in any capacity I was able to give—friends, romantic partners, situationship, fwb, etc.

He has made it very clear to me that he would rather do a fwb situation over just a friendship and that he is okay with me not returning his feelings. However, I can’t help but feel like I’m taking advantage of his feelings. Should I trust that he’s an adult who knows what’s best for himself and how much he can handle emotionally, or should I end our situationship before it ends up hurting him?

TL;DR: my friend is in love with me and we’re sleeping together, am I taking advantage of his feelings?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/veramorai on 2024-01-22 18:33:01+00:00.

Not a native English speaker so some wordings may come off weird, sorry in advance.

We have one and half a year of relationship, everything was fine so far but lately I feel like my boyfriend is too emotionally needy and it's draining me. Some context, my boyfriend had depression in his high school years and some family issues where his father suffers with dementia and he takes care of both him and his mother with his other siblings. He himself describes himself as someone who has low energy/prone to melancholia.

He occasionally had bad days before but for more than six months, feels like it's happening once every week and I'm running out of sympathetic ear. He is a great person and good partner otherwise and that's why I feel horrible when he brings up about his issues and I keep quiet or switch topics to more cheerful things because I have nothing to say or suggest anymore... It also affects how I perceive him because some of his issues (apart from his dad's illness) comes off as such minor inconveniences that it gives me the impression of him acting too spoiled and affects my feelings towards him.

This sounds horrible but for once I want to have a week without hearing how my partner feels bad because something related to his family or he randomly feels depressed for no reason. I just want to enjoy watching a show in peace before it's turning into another heavy therapy session. I love him and we have otherwise perfect relationship but I have no idea how to express myself to him about this topic without sounding like an inconsiderate partner.

TL;DR Boyfriend feels moody all the time lately and I'm not sure how to bring up that I'm bothered by it without sounding inconsiderate.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Mr_topg_man70 on 2024-01-22 18:32:34+00:00.

Backstory: My gf and her family moved to my country about 8 years ago... they come from a muslim country, they are muslim and very religious while my family is christian. We met 2 years ago and have been dating for 1.5 years

while she has met my parents and they absolutely love and adore her i still didnt meet her parents... this is because her family is very strict about her dating life and they do not approve of anyone that is not of their nationality and religion... whel i am neither

We kept our relationship a secret from everyone except my close family and some very good friends... as a result we can only hang out at my house, rarely go on dates (because i do not own a car) ...

the situation has gotten worse because i went to university and i am 60miles away (from sunday morning till Friday evening) as a result we can only see each other on saturdays for 3-4h maximum because she is not allowed to be outside after dark... she is scared that her parents will not accept me, and that things might escalate to a violent level (things have gone there before) if she does tell them about me... we are 100% sure they will make her break up with me if she does as they have done that before with her older siblings...we both agree that breaking up is not an option but we are not sure how to proceed foward because we really want more time together but we cannot even imagine our lives without each other... we both don’t care much about religion or cultural differences...do you have any advice? we are desperate!

;TL;DR; My girlfriend's parents will not accept me because of my nationality and religion... we dont know what to do

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Leviafij on 2024-01-22 18:21:02+00:00.

I made another post with more details if you want more context. Basically I (31f) haven’t talked to anyone in 6-7 years. I slowly stopped due to an abusive relationship and some traumatic events causing a deep depression. I always meant to message them back (all of my friends live far away) but I never had the courage. Now it feels too late for any forgiveness or another chance, but my old therapist I don’t see anymore urged me to talk to them. What do I even say? How do you even reach out after something like this? I want to apologize for everything and be friends again. I want to do this the right way without it coming off as too guilt trippy when I explain.

Tldr; stopped talking to everyone years ago due to traumatic events. Want to reach out but don’t know how. What do I say to them?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/dwarven_diagram on 2024-01-22 18:16:45+00:00.

For context, I'm married and my friend is in a committed relationship, but we were each at this event solo.

I was recently at a mutual friend's birthday party. The topic of who else had birthdays coming up was raised and I stated I did. My friend started talking about a plan for my birthday and listed off the people who should come and ended the list with "and of course, your wife."

I just laughed and said of course but afterward it felt like kind of a charged moment. Like was she trying to gauge my reaction to see if I wanted my wife there or indicating that though she's making this plan, she's also reminding me I'm married and it's only friendly?

I'm a bit of an overthinker and was replaying the conversation in my head last night. I'm generally oblivious to these things anyway.

I know y'all can only speculate but I don't really want to ask around my friend group because if word gets back to anyone I'm afraid it will ruin the friendship and obviously don't want to seem like I'm flirting or something.

TL;DR Am I overthinking or is this woman into me?

Any thoughts?

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/WhatsTrade on 2024-01-22 16:02:23+00:00.

Hi! So my girlfriend (23f) and me (28m) have been together 2 months shy of 3 years. We have two wonderful children together and I adore them to pieces.

Just recently my girlfriend seems to want me to take time off work repetitively to help look after the children with her. I understand 2 under 2 is hard for her and I completely empathise with how hard it can be, however she is on a basic maternity pay with no bonuses and I’m not on the best wage around.. doing the bare minimum hours I do at work just about sees us through in regards to rent, car expenses etc. She seems to fail to understand that if I don’t go to work then all these luxuries we have will cease to be as I won’t be able to afford them. For example I came home today to being locked out by her putting the key in the door to stop me from unlocking it, and when she finally let me in about half an hour later she explained that she’s done it all day on her own anyway so she might as well have done the rest of the day on their own, followed by her explaining loudly to the kids that “their daddy doesn’t care about them”.

Am I being unreasonable by refusing to leave work early/have days off? I’m getting to the end of my tether with this relationship but I really want it to work for the children. I understand they would rather see their parents separated and happy, but I’ve got too much care for her despite how much I currently dislike her and wouldn’t want her to be in a position where she would be unable to afford to live. I’m torn.

Tl;dr - girlfriend has started becoming mentally abusive because I’m refusing to take time off work to help with the kids because simply put I can not afford to have time off work due to all of our expenses

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/sprylocket10 on 2024-01-22 13:20:19+00:00.

So, we’ve been dating for 11 months and I moved in with him a few months ago. I’m a medical student and I met him through an internship position I have, he’s a newly appointed attending physician. This has caused drama between my peers and myself as well as his peers because they disprove of our relationship. I’ve been in an argument with one of my classmates because they feel like I got favorites because of my relationship. A few weeks ago, he sets up a dinner with his boss and his wife - it was supposed to be a “double date”. I was in the bath tub at the time that he made these plans and didn’t hear my phone, so when he got home he was upset with me for not replying and called me lazy for taking so long to get ready - he canceled the date.

When we started, we had sex pretty quickly which is not typical of me - I warned him that I’m not typically like this and he respected that. Several weeks go by and I start oral birth control and then we start spending more nights together and I decided to get an implant. I had heavier menses with the implant so he asked an OBGYN and recommended another one to me. I said I wasn’t sure about it and the one I have now might just take more time to adjust to. He kept on until I replaced the implant. Since I changed to this implant, my menses have been better but now I get periods of nausea and cramps. The other week he wanted me to get an ultrasound to “see if I could be pregnant” which he later said he wanted me to do this to see if there was any anatomical anomaly causing my symptoms.

Well, another major side effect of this implant is my sex drive. Since I’ve had this implant, I don’t feel as affectionate toward him. I used to jump into his arms when I saw him for the first time in a day, we would cuddle every night, and I would send him cute haikus while he was at work. I’ve stopped all of this. I’ve turned him down for sex multiple times, and I have told him I feel uncomfortable with cuddled if he wants to be more intimate. All of these issues have caused a few arguments.

So, last night, we make dinner and have a great time. We go to the couch and watch our show and I put my head on his shoulder and he grabs my leg and rubs my thigh - we’re having a good time. Eventually, he asks me if I want to move to the bedroom and then starts to kiss me and I say no. He asks me why and gets sort of startled by this and I explain that I don’t have a sex drive and just want to cuddle. He tells me that he wants us to connect more and goes on about this until I say alright I’ll try. We kiss for a while and he takes my top off and then I realize he is not erect and I’m sort of offended by it. I made a joke about it because he’s had this issue in the past with me and we solve it lol. Well, he gets offended by my joke and then starts to blame me.

He grabs my arm and tells me to get off and he’s sick of me being so lazy and boring. He told me while I was half naked that I never go out anymore, don’t care about him, and all I do is sit at home and read or play games - I’m a boring person that he doesn’t want to be around. He put his finger in my face and said this is what people mean when they call me autistic. He apologized for some of this but immediately left the house and said not to call him because he will still be mad for a while. Some of what he said is true, I haven’t been going out as much.

Last night he embarrassed me so much that I feel traumatized. I don’t know what to do. He texted me that he loves me when he woke up. What should I do?

I am 25, female.

TL;DR: Relationship issues with boyfriend, including peer disapproval, canceled plans, birth control changes affecting sex drive, and a heated argument. Boyfriend made hurtful comments, left, then apologized the next day. Feeling traumatized, unsure about what to do.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/ThemeGeneral8478 on 2024-01-22 11:12:15+00:00.

My boyfriend has a hard time connecting and having close friendships with men. He's always been this way, l've known him for 8 years.

He and I were friends for 8 years before we started dating a month ago.

He has a female best friend who he's known longer than me and who's done a lot for him, he says.

He and his best friend had sex 5 months before we started dating and I'm uncomfortable that they still talk. I'm ok with them being friends, just not right now; when we've only been dating a month. I would like if he stopped talking to her until we've built a strong foundation. Especially since they had sex only 5 months before him and I got together. To be honest it makes me angry that he has a fit when I mention this and says I’m trying to isolate him from his friend, which is not true at all.

Yesterday she talked to him and told him her last two boyfriends had cheated on her and why did he think they might have cheated on her. It made me angry that she's asking my boyfriend for dating advice.

I DIDNT FIND OUT ABOUT THIS UNTIL AFTER WE STARTED DATING

Is it wrong that I feel this way? Should I not care? Am I expecting too much? Thoughts?

TL; DR: My boyfriend of 1 month wants to be best friends with a woman he had sex with 6 months ago.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/valkyriansofearth on 2024-01-22 10:50:31+00:00.

Due to some issues regarding my mental health and studies, I (21F) went to spend some months at my aunts house in which she lives with my younger cousin’s (16F). My younger cousin, whom I’ve always cherished dearly and felt protective towards her and basically saw as a little sister, has been dating her boyfriend (18M) since last year and they’ve developed a really intensely close and intimate relationship, he is who isn’t working or in college, is at her house almost everyday, sleeps and eats there very often. Expect the fact I’m not really comfortable with the fact my cousin who isn’t of legal age dating an adult, I have to admit he’s been a really good boyfriend to her and also is really nice and a gentleman with me and my aunt. However, for reasons I ignore my cousin has been very avoidant towards me since I’ve been there, which means our relationship which used to be close has totally changed and we’ve barely exchanged any words except at dinner time. As I said we haven’t been spending any time together also because of the fact she’s always with her boyfriend when she’s at home. Now what I found a bit weird is, her boyfriend has many times caressed my thigh under the table and my arm when all of us were eating/ having dinner. I have no idea if that was just sympathetic (cuz like I said he’s been very nice and devoted and always voluntary to do tasks so I don’t do it) or meant to be flirtatious, so like a dumbass I just smiled at him in return the times he did it. I’ve been appreciative of his efforts to interact with me when we are have dinner unlike my cousin, but I’ve been a bit bothered by these gestures because firstly he always did it when my cousin and aunt weren’t noticing and secondly we haven’t even developed any kind of friendship for him to be touchy towards me. Also I’m just not comfortable with men who aren’t my family being "affective" like that with me. I might be imagining things but some evenings when all 4 of us were watching TV, I’ve noticed him staring in my way more than once. I’ve talked about this with my mom and she said he might just have been infantilizing me due to my mental health problems (depression) and my current life situation, which is kinda true and I’ve felt bothered by it due to me being older than him. Am I overthinking/ being paranoid ? Or should I talk about this with him and express I’m not comfortable with him touching me even if to be sympathetic? I personally prefer to stay quiet until I leave and not cause any drama between him, me and my cousin and appear hostile and mean to them.

TLDR ; Been staying at my cousin’s house, whose boyfriend has been overly friendly with me for my liking considering we have not interacted much since I’ve been at my cousin’s

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/M0nsterLee on 2024-01-22 02:28:12+00:00.

For reference, me n my boyfriend of about a little over a year have been close friends for upwards of six years, and were friends w benefits for a good 5-6 months up untill we started dating. We practically live together due to unresolved housing complications out of my control on my side, and even though he’s offered for me to fully move in with him I’ve refused to ‘fully take over his space’. This has been ongoing for the past 6 ish months. Our relationship has always been super close and we’ve both expressed that we really value our partners attention and quality time overall regardless of me continuously offering to give him space of of fear of somehow pushing him away by being to close.

Today I tried to have a mini conversation about how I felt like I needed a little bit more of a different type of dynamic in the relationship than what he’s been giving at this time, and it quickly descended into him explaining that everything makes him tired lately, and that when I’m around/in general with everything that he feels this non stop buzz of apprehension and paranoia. I always try to offer healthy solutions during our conversations when possible so I asked if he needed me to give him physical or verbal space to try and see if that helps. He kept saying no but eventually said yes but he feels like a “pu***” for even feeling that way in general.

Regardless of me offering and knowing that’s probably what’s best for him at this time, why do I feel so pushed away and distant as a result? He’s never asked for it before hand, and my love language is acts of service and quality time. Is this an overreaction or am I valid in wanting a little more of my partner’s attention than what’s being givin lately? I don’t know how the conversation switched so far into what it did from what it started as either. He said it might be his fault for setting such a high bar for himself for the relationship, and that leaves me with sad feelings of needing to reassure him as well. Overall I ended up reassuring him that he’s doing just fine, that his mental health matters, and his feelings are completely valid and heard. I’m just a little lost in my own emotions, and would love to hear other insight if possible.

Tl;Dr- My boyfriend asked for space after I asked for more of a different type of relationship dynamic

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/CollegeNo5430 on 2024-01-21 21:14:45+00:00.

Am i the problem in this situation?

Ok so on December 5th me and my 3 friends all made a groupchat for hang outs and such. One of my friends lets name him. James (18) added one of his friends (Matthew 18) so at the time James was fwb with my best friend Mayra (17) and Matthew was in a toxic relationship. I thought Matthew was always cute but never pursued him since he had a girlfriend so i kept it friendly. Until one day Matthew had broken up with his girlfriend. Mayra (17) pushed me or well encouraged me to dm Matthew so i did.

We talked every day for a month and flirted even. Til on January first he had admitted that he liked me. He said that ever since he was added into our hang out group chat he thought i was pretty. After we basically confessed our feelings he would tell me that i was beautiful, he wanted to move out with me in an RV, get married, have kids, grow old. You get the jist. So one night me Mayra Matthew and James all hung out at a local backyard show. Matthew was being all shy and distant while i tried to make conversation. So towards the end Matthew kisses my cheek and hugs me and so i leave.

After this night he becomes distant, he revealed to me that he thought about his ex when he would think of me and it rubbed me the wrong way so we both agreed to fix the relationship and be open. Fast forward to 4 days later he tells me that we should be friends and he cant be in a “burden” of a relationship. I agree but this obviously breaks my heart because he was like a different person. Next thing you know is that he Is talking to a new girl and posting her.

After that me Mayra and James all stopped being his friend.

Did i do something wrong?

TL;DR the backyard show was the second time matthew saw me in person

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/bouquetDEnoodle on 2024-01-21 20:49:57+00:00.

I (26F) have been good friends with with someone I will call Sally (30F) for the purpose of this post. Sally and I have been on and off acquaintances for about 7 years, but only recently became very good friends within the past 8 months. We had an altercation about 2 days ago and I have since had mixed feelings about what happened and if I want to continue being as close of a friend. We have only kept communications through text since then.

For context, we were on the phone having a conversation about a video game that I will simplify as much as I can. Sally was essentially telling me about a boss raid she had been running, and I asked her what type of character classes were in her raid party. She said that it was interesting question since she didn't think that information was important and asked me why I wanted to know. I said that it helped me imagine the boss raid in my head and made the off-handed comment, "why wouldn't I want to know?". I had made that comment as something rhetorical and it felt insignificant to me that I even said this (this is an important part in the story).

This prompted Sally to start explaining about how certain character classes are favored in the game since they're just better. I am not very knowledgable about this game and am a new player so I was listening to her explanation and asking many questions in an effort to understand. Unfortunately, I was having difficulty following everything which is why I was asking questions in the first place. Now Sally believes she has undiagnosed ADHD or something that affects her ability to focus and also has poor mental health - and she has shared this with me in the past. As her explanation continued and I still hadn't been able to fully understand it, she began to become more and more fustrated and hyperfixated on explaning things to me. By about 45mins of this, I asked if we could talk about this tomorrow because I was tired (I verbalized my tiredness). I knew that as the night went on and I grew more tired, my ability to understand would decrease. This was seemingly ignored all 3 times I asked.

She finally just outright asked me what I wasn't understanding and I, in an effort to lay out my whole thought process, started from the beginning. The first thing I said was, "I don't fully understand how we started talking about this in the first place" and then I didn't even get to continue because Sally interupted to explain the whole conversation that led to her talking about this. Mainly she brought up the rhetorical question I asked that she took literally. I let her talk because at this point, everytime I said something she just kept talking over it and didn't respond to what I was saying for the most part. She then asked me again what I was confused about, so I tried to start from the beginning again. I said something along the lines of, "well I was confused about how we started talking about this in the first place" and then was cut off again for her to explain how the conversation started.

At this point, I was extremely tired and irritated that I wasn't being given a chance to talk. So the next time she checked to see what didn't understand, I said "nevermind goodnight". Sally then said that this whole thing has made her extremely frustrated. I didn't want her to feel both ignored and fustrated so I continued the conversation with her and again tried to explain what I wasn't understanding, only to get cut off again. This time Sally said she was feeling even more frustrated because she was answering a question that I didn't even remember asking and therefore the question wasn't even important at all. She questioned why I would let her ramble for so long if the question wasn't important.

Well, I told her that I didn't think how we started the conversation was important at all, but I was invested and interested in what she was explaining since I had asked a similar question in the past that wasn't answered at the time. I assumed that the conversation was fine since we started out talking about video games and her explaination was still about the video games. I honestly didn't see anything wrong or feel like it was a topic change. Sally disagrees. We stopped talking that night on a negative note and the whole conversation about this maybe lasted 2 hours.

I woke up to a long wall of text where Sally explained how frustrated she was last night that she spent so long answering an unimportant question. Her frustrations stemmed from all the mental energy and time she spend explaining something to me that she didn't deem important. My frustrations were from being ignored. We had a lot of back and forth text where she shares that she doesn't want another situation like this to happen because it is mentally tolling on her.

In order for that to happen, she suggested certain measures. Amongst the things she suggested are:

• doing a mental evaluation of my mental energy before each conversation and letting her know so she can figure out how much she can talk
• me being more assertive in my interjections order to snap her out of her hyperfixation in the event it happens again
• me learning her key words or phrases so I can better navigate her mental moods
• stop playing devils advocate (this is what she calls me asking questions when I don't understand)

Now I am conflicted because I don't know how to feel about being asked to change my behaviors like this. It feels like there is a burden placed on me to change in order for our friendship to continue. I don't know if this feeling is an overreaction. I care greatly about Sally, but this doesn't feel good. Maybe I am in the wrong since she has shared about her hyperfixation and mental health problems in the past, but I didn't realize it was to this extent and didn't react to it in a way that was affective for both of us.

Is it fair of her to ask this of me? And what kind of preventative measures could I suggest instead so it doesn't feel like the burden falls on just me to change? I really want to preserve our friendship and come out of this stronger in our relationship.

TLDR: My friend (30F) and I (26F) had a conversation that made my friend frustrated. Due to her mental health and attention issues, she's asking us to take preventative measures so it doesn't happen again. The preventative measures suggested mostly all involve me changing my behaviors in some way. I need advice on other methods so the burden doesn't fall on just me.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/wellthatssurprising on 2024-01-21 18:05:31+00:00.

My mom has been having a hard time lately. She doesn't make much money and has been on sick leave for about a year now from burnout bc of bullying and health problems from work, so she makes even less now. I (21f) have a job (20 hours a week, saved quite a bit of money), study at a university and my sister still goes to school. My mom and my dad are divorced and not on good terms .

One situation was about a week ago - my dad started paying less alimonies because the credit for the house we live in got higher and they substract the price from there (they both still pay for it, even though my dad moved out and lives with his parents). I was there when my dad called to tell her and she just screamed at him and hung up the phone instantly. She told my sister and me and we didn't quite know what to say. When we didn't say anything she got annoyed and started questioning us a bit. I don't work well under pressure (still working on that) and started tearing up a bit, so she got offended and started screaming about how my dad is petty because it's such a small amount he's paying less and how he doesn't even pay pocket money for my sister. We then got into an argument about how my sister and I don't know how to react to her telling us and how it sometimes feels that we're just symbols for their own argument about money. I then wrote a letter for both of them detailing how my sister and I always have to stand between them and play mediator for them and also telling my dad that my sister doesn't get pocket money from him. He then said he understands and will talk to her about it (he still hasn't done that though). It feels like my mom didn't understand what I wanted to tell her with the letter, and just let the situation blow over after I told her that she has to write my dad because I won't to it.

My sister has a lot of trouble in school, sometimes not going there for one week because of her own mental health and my mom is at home the whole time. Now she's going to a psychotherapist + a place where they are supposed to help her orient herself new jobwise. Everyone told her it would be good to go to physical rehabilitation to get help for her health problems. She never let anything shine through about not wanting to go there and now suddenly she's almost crying, telling me how she feels pressured to go there and how she doesn't want to be touched by strangers. I don't know how to react in such a situation - I can't give her a solution, I don't know what she wants to hear from me and then she's full on desperately telling me how she's such a bad mom because she can never tell us about the bad stuff and should just always talk about something trivial. I tried telling her that that's not true, but that I also don't know what to do as her daughter, but she just blocks everything and I can't get through to her. She never seems to understand what I want to tell her. And when this hopefully blows over I just wait for the next problem.

Those situations have been getting more and more the last few months and I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I can't tell my dad because he (even in my opinion) is petty as hell everything concerning my mom and she asked us not to tell him about the whole situation -> so we've been trying to keep it under wraps. I don't really have a lot of friends I can tell so I just have my sister.

I finally felt, after completing school with my own fair share of mental health issues, that I could start new. I love my job, I enjoy studying most of the time and it felt like things were looking up. And then this whole situation just drags me down completely. My mom wants advice regarding my sister, she apparently wants me to offer solutions regarding her own situation and about our financial problems and I just feel overwhelmed.

Should I prioritise my own mental health, and if yes, how? Should I prioritise my mom's and my sister's mental health and just try to find solutions for her/them? And how would I even find those solutions?

tl;dr: Mom wants my advice regarding her mental health/finances. We always get into fights because I don't know how to offer her real solutions and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it.

This is an automated archive.

The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/Specialist-Tap9880 on 2024-01-21 15:32:29+00:00.

TLDR: Gf is struggling with all her uni work and has said i am not good at emotionally supporting her when she talks about how hard it is to me

title says it. My gf always badgers on about how guys are terrible for emotional support. She just told me i’m not emotionally supporting her very well.

My gf is struggling with all the work she has for uni - she’s in her last year and has a lot of deadlines all at once.

I’ve got my degree and been through it so i know what it’s like. I’ve told her this - tried to approach more in a methodical way by saying to come up with a plan and that maybe she’ll just need to blast through it and do uni none stop for a few weeks but that made her upset.

I feel bad. I want to help her the way she wants help but i’m not too sure how. what am i better saying? like yeah i know it’s hard but it needs to be done and so i’m coming up with solutions aswell as saying yeah it is hard