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The original was posted on /r/relationships by /u/M0nsterLee on 2024-01-22 02:28:12+00:00.
For reference, me n my boyfriend of about a little over a year have been close friends for upwards of six years, and were friends w benefits for a good 5-6 months up untill we started dating. We practically live together due to unresolved housing complications out of my control on my side, and even though he’s offered for me to fully move in with him I’ve refused to ‘fully take over his space’. This has been ongoing for the past 6 ish months. Our relationship has always been super close and we’ve both expressed that we really value our partners attention and quality time overall regardless of me continuously offering to give him space of of fear of somehow pushing him away by being to close.
Today I tried to have a mini conversation about how I felt like I needed a little bit more of a different type of dynamic in the relationship than what he’s been giving at this time, and it quickly descended into him explaining that everything makes him tired lately, and that when I’m around/in general with everything that he feels this non stop buzz of apprehension and paranoia. I always try to offer healthy solutions during our conversations when possible so I asked if he needed me to give him physical or verbal space to try and see if that helps. He kept saying no but eventually said yes but he feels like a “pu***” for even feeling that way in general.
Regardless of me offering and knowing that’s probably what’s best for him at this time, why do I feel so pushed away and distant as a result? He’s never asked for it before hand, and my love language is acts of service and quality time. Is this an overreaction or am I valid in wanting a little more of my partner’s attention than what’s being givin lately? I don’t know how the conversation switched so far into what it did from what it started as either. He said it might be his fault for setting such a high bar for himself for the relationship, and that leaves me with sad feelings of needing to reassure him as well. Overall I ended up reassuring him that he’s doing just fine, that his mental health matters, and his feelings are completely valid and heard. I’m just a little lost in my own emotions, and would love to hear other insight if possible.
Tl;Dr- My boyfriend asked for space after I asked for more of a different type of relationship dynamic