Ask Lemmy

Are your dads wives allowed to have more than one husband? There's your answer.

Why is polyandry so frowned upon in Quatar?

Polygamy is oppression, as the women don't have a choice or agency in the relationship.

Polyamory, however, when done ethically, means all parties consent and can leave or modify their relationship with their partner.

For religious people - because Christianity allows only one spouse.
For non-religious it has a bad reputation due to the way it used to be practiced in the Arab world (and elsewhere) where it's not symmetrical - a husband is allowed multiple wives but a wife is not allowed multiple husbands.

Lately there has been a rise in acceptance of polyamory - understanding that people may have multiple partners at the same time, and this should be accepted.

Because polygamy has historically been heavily associated with oppression and subjugation of women. Can it be done ethically and responsibly? Maybe in theory, but, on a broad scale, as an institution, that's never really happened.

I’m fine with it if women are allowed to be polygamous as well.

Because it's primarily a way for (old) societies to foster a war-ready populace. If most women are taken by just a select few men who can afford to, that leaves tons of young males without a mate and prospect of a family.

Those are absolutely prime candidates for the military. So if you know your ideology has a stranglehold on the culture, this is how you generate "unlimited" soldiers for your cause.

Because somebody always gets the short end of the stick

Why are women so frowned upon in your country?

1 day old account. This is their first post.

I hate reddit closing.

Would you want to share a wife with other men?

Most instances of middle eastern polygamy have a heavy element of materialism to them. The women mostly agree because it gives them a higher standard of living, not because they like the concept.

People of Sweden have a relatively high living standard as a baseline so when your father's second wife decided to do this it was like giving up 'real' partnership for some fancy hand bags.

Mostly I guess since western culture is heavily based on Christianity and in most Christian believe systems polyamory is not allowed. I guess with younger generations becoming more atheistic or agnostic this will loose up a bit.

But this is also a personal decision since jealousy is a thing. Guess your dad also does not allow polyamory for his wives?

What happens to the extra men in polygamous society ? If a Man has several wifes, it means many men end-up single.

Then there is the whole not allowed for Christians and may-be not allowed even before (I don't think it was a common practice in Rome)

Like already suggested, it's historical an cultural.

I mean, your dad and you may be fine with polygamy but would you be as cool with, say, polyandry (mutliple husbands for a single woman)? If not, why? And what about monogamy or even not being married and practicing 'free' sex (partners mating and then splitting freely, willingly)? Or ~~celibacy~~ edit: chastity/abstinence of sex?

Those are all cultural/historical/societal values. Some of those values are closer to our own personal values. Others are definitely not. Some are at the complete opposite of the spectrum of one another. But they're still all based on principles, values, and on traditions that each group, if not all, will dearly defend and argue is the better choice if not the only 'true' one. I'm thinking hard but I can't recall any noticeable group that welcomed 'alien' sexual/marital practice.

Heck, even our good old own hippies of the 60s and 70s, with their 'free' or liberated sex and love were still openly hostile and quite dismissive to the traditional 'married couple'.

All questions related to sexuality/relationships and attribution of power (things like who is head of the family, who should be allowed to get specific kind of jobs (say, be a priest), the age of consent and the gender of partners, the type of sexual practice that are frowned upon, the (un)willingness to have sex, and so on) are among those core values that hardly any group of population is willing to discuss. At least not their own values because, based on what I can see, most of them seem to be more than willing to openly question any other group's values.

First, the simple answer is religion, Christianity (the primary religion of the west) mostly rejected the idea in the middle ages which means that culturally most of the west grew up seeing it only as a practice engaged in by groups that aren't "us" Even those of us who aren't religious are still impacted by religious imprints on cultural norms for the area.

The actual reason?

The gender balance at birth is generally close to 50/50, I think it's closer to 51/49 but it's close enough that it doesn't matter. If one man takes two or more wives, it means there will not be enough women for every other man to also find a wife.

When a lot of these cultural norms were set, the gender ratios in specific regions were often completely skewed by wars and other deaths related to fighting, most of which happened in men. This left more women than men.

The other significant factor was that women used to die in childbirth, a lot, so having multiple wives was almost an insurance policy to make sure you still had a wife after a few years.

As death from injuries/war and childbirth decreased it has become less of a practical arrangement and there's little reason to switch away from monogamy to polygamy given that it's the current cultural norm anyways.

That being said, I don't see anything inherently wrong with polygamy myself it as long as all parties are informed and consenting.

Unfortunately a lot of the groups that still practice polygamy often do not educate women, do not provide paths for them to succeed independently, or even outright control them as property.

Because polygamy inside an unequal society like capitalism and monarchies is a form of control and power and most people inherently reject allowing others to have such power if they can help it.

Lots of people talking about religion and culture but I think it can also be inheritance issues. From what I heard modern polygamy leads to some bloodbath inheritance especially when monogamy inheritance is already bad.

Everyone’s citing Christianity, but that’s not completely accurate—monogamy isn’t really promoted by the New Testament outside of the letters of the apostles, who were trying to appeal to a Roman audience. The Christian church enforced monogamy through the Middle Ages, but it was originally adopted from the Romans.

As for why the Romans practiced it, there are several theories—one is that Roman women had relatively higher status compared to women in most Middle Eastern cultures; another is that the prospect of marriage for more men made Roman armies more effective.

Ignoring the sexist reasoning behind polygamy, there are practical ones too.

I have one dick.

Its risky to have sex with multiple partners. The more partners, the more that risk of STIs increases.

The amount of intimacy (not sex, intimacy) a spouse gets with a partner decreases the more spouses one has. At some point "starvation of intimacy" will occur, leading to a breakdown in the relationship.

Edit: I'm sorry y'all. This conversation is gross and full of bigoted male-centric talking points. Polyamory is one thing, but polygamy is fully about the man. If you refuse to see that part, you're just an asshole trying to justify an ancient means of having power over women.

Because nobody wants to be second fiddle.