this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2025
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Asking this as a Qatari with a polygamous father. My father’s second wife is Swedish and I know it was a tough pill to swallow for her family and friends back home.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Ignoring the sexist reasoning behind polygamy, there are practical ones too.

I have one dick.

Its risky to have sex with multiple partners. The more partners, the more that risk of STIs increases.

The amount of intimacy (not sex, intimacy) a spouse gets with a partner decreases the more spouses one has. At some point "starvation of intimacy" will occur, leading to a breakdown in the relationship.

Edit: I'm sorry y'all. This conversation is gross and full of bigoted male-centric talking points. Polyamory is one thing, but polygamy is fully about the man. If you refuse to see that part, you're just an asshole trying to justify an ancient means of having power over women.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago (3 children)

How does the risk of STIs increases when these are exclusive partners to you, not casual hookups? And the second part is solved by just having good time management and open, efficient communication.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

The risk just increases with multiple partners, regardless of "exclusivity."

And no, the second does not get solved by time management and communication - you literally have less time to spend with each wife.

Out of one year, if you have 100 hours to spend, a truly equal amount of time is 50/50. The man gets 100 hours of intimacy, but each wife is starved of those 50 hours. If you increase the amount of time you can spend to 200 hours, then an equal split is now 100/100 and each wife is starved of 100 hours of intimacy. There is no way to prevent this with multiple partners.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

But why exactly? The women only sleep with you, you only sleep with them. The only way I can see the risk increasing is if either you or them cheat, which at that point the cheating is the issue not the polygamy. It… quite literally does. Isn’t the whole of intimacy for all parties involved to feel satisfied and not neglected? Not all people have the same needs, or require the same amount of time be spent with them to feel satisfied and happy. Make sure everybody feels satisfied by openly talking about it.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Wow. So, you acknowledge that there is a chance of anyone cheating? Then the more partners you have, the more likelihood that one of them cheats.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago (3 children)

That’s not how STI’s work. You don’t get something if no one has it lol

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

More partners equals higher risk. Betting on people being honest is peak ignorance or wishful thinking.

[–] [email protected] -3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Betting on married partners being honest is peak ignorance or wishful thinking

What a sad life you must have

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

It's just opsec, dude. When other people's lives are on the line, that's how you have to think. Don't be so judgemental.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It’s opsec to think your partners are lying to you? Why do you care so much. This whole thread needs to date

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Literally yes. Everyone lies. Every human being lies. Hell, probably every MAMMAL lies. Your partner lies to you. People fuck up. Statistically, you're going to get cheated on in this lifetime.

When you are ostensibly monogamous, it is perfectly acceptable to assume your partner is 100% exclusive under any circumstances, because you are not putting anyone else at risk, and that assumption probably makes you happier. When you are poly, you cannot make that assumption and are ethically obliged to make the contrary assumption. This looks like: getting frequent STI tests, requiring the same of your partners, discussing risks, negotiating what risks are acceptable and how to practice safer sex that meets everyone's needs, and having the integrity to do what you say and say what you do.

You can trust your partner. You cannot expect your other partners to also trust your partner.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

And again, stop being so fucking judgemental about it. Why do YOU care so much?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

You seem to think that we can guarantee people have nothing based on what, "trust me bro"?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

And how, exactly, do you guarantee exclusivity?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

They’re just making things up

[–] [email protected] -5 points 1 week ago

There is no such thing as an exclusive partner.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

The starvation of intimacy thing is the only reason I would consider a poly relationship because I've only ever been with one woman who had a sex drive close to mine. I could have easily gave it to 2-3 of any of the other women I've been with as often as they wanted without anyone missing out. I also am fair minded/hypocritical about it though and if I was was allowed to sleep with other people so can they and I'm not interested in a relationship with a woman who sleeps with other dudes so it wouldn't work. Also doubt I could meet the emotional needs of more than one at a time as I'm terrible at that. I guess that's what polygamy is for though, the man gets all the benefits and the woman is locked into it more. So that's shitty.