this post was submitted on 28 May 2025
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[–] [email protected] 126 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Rare texts are kinda my jam, a few highlights in my collection:

  • A signed first edition of the Necronomicon (it still screams and bleeds)

  • An early draft of the 10 commandments (before it got narrowed down to just 10)

  • The treatise between cats and dogs that lead to cats getting litter boxes and dogs getting walks

[–] [email protected] 83 points 1 week ago (1 children)

"The lord has given unto you these 15 —"

crash

"... 10 commandments!"

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

There are in fact 21 listed Commandments btw

The first eleven (which it says are ten) listed in Exodus are different from the ones commonly repeated from Deuteronomy and are mostly about ensuring the comfort and power of the priest class through tithing

[–] SolOrion 31 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Crazy that they removed the screaming from subsequent editions of the Necronomicon. Nowadays it's gone through so many revisions new copies don't even bleed. Sometimes the modern special editions will whimper a bit, but that's all you get.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Finding a untainted (no gooning!) virgin is near impossible, so getting the books to even give off an evil aura is next to impossible.

Also, since the 3rd Cosmic Revelation, there's no requirement to sign a pact with Cthulhu to print a copy, so quality control has dropped significantly.

[–] alci 5 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

This guy could sell a letter written (in French!) by Jesus himself, among other rarities 😁 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Denis_Vrain-Lucas

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

Oh man, when French Jesus turns water into wine, you know it’s good…

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

FYI, a treatise is not the same as a treaty.

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[–] [email protected] 73 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I didn't know such a stupid line existed because I didn't watch such a stupid movie.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

How can you all enjoy eating something you know gives you the shit?

[–] [email protected] 62 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Little known fact: the author of The Iliad and the voice actor of Poochie the Dog are the same person!

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Holy shit, Dan Castellaneta wrote The Iliad!?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

He does so much extra work, I figured he would have fuck you money from Simpsons as it is

[–] [email protected] 54 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

If anybody's wondering... (Youtube link)

Also, ooof. Not that this looks to be a fine piece of cinema, but the writer didn't put this into the script, the director did. Apparently it's an 1884 printing of an 1853 edition of a 1720 translation (Pope's), so in no way whatsoever is it first edition of, well, anything. Maybe the worst part of it is that there was absolutely no reason to linger over the title. They never even say the name of the book.

[–] sangriaferret 9 points 1 week ago

Someone in the props department snuck in a joke.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

The description says "psychological thriller", but the cinematography is giving me "Netflix romcom".

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 week ago (3 children)

That's nothing. I have a signed first edition of The Epic of Gilgamesh.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Flinging stones on a beach and I did come across some old pots with a 300th anniversary signed copy of The Torah.

[–] mindbleach 7 points 1 week ago

Still signed by Noah, at a spry 413.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Probably just mixed in with your correspondence regarding copper ingots.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Let me know if the missing verses just randomly perished, were deemed "publisher-unfriendly" or never have been written.

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 week ago

To my darling Candy.

All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

Homer.

[–] Imgonnatrythis 34 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I've heard that it's really not worth that much unless Homer signed his last name too which apparently was pretty rare.

[–] thatKamGuy 10 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I’m more curious as to what his middle initial J. stands for.. d’oh!

[–] DasFaultier 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)
[–] thatKamGuy 15 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago (6 children)

This might beat the scene in The Passion of the Christ where Jesus invents the dining table with chairs.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago

Reminds me of that great classic:

  • Table for 26?

  • But... You're with 13 people.

  • Yes, but we like to sit on the same side of the table.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Technically, he doesn't invent them. He's just riding the trend.

Also, probably the best scene in that movie.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Left end of the bell curve: wow signed first edition of the Illiad is so rare

Middle of the bell curve: haha she's stupid because Homer is from ancient Greece

Right end of the bell curve: wow signed first edition of the Illiad is so rare

(The Illiad as a modern translated work can have multiple editions from an author)

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (4 children)

Actual Right End: that's not what you'd refer to as a first edition of The Illiad, unless you're an idiot

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago (10 children)

I can get you a signed edition of the Bible right now as long as you don’t care which company printed it or who signs it

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[–] bnrnrtbgd 18 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What's like the coolest, most impressive literary book you can think of? But it has to be something most idiots will recognize.

I don't know, The Iliad?

Awesome. I need a rare book for this screenplay I'm writing. "First edition, signed copy..."

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

This is an AI style blunder.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Glasses make you more clever. This is why I wear a higher prescription than I actually need.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago

I just googled this is actually in the film. The mind boggles

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago

Wow, and here I thought the writer of that book, Homer Simpson, didn't exist!!

[–] captain_aggravated 15 points 1 week ago

Wow, a Methuselah rookie card!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I have a signed copy of the Bible.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitious and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental.

(Joke stolen from Red Dwarf series 2, episode 2, "Better Than Life".)

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

She keeps that copy near the toilet so that she has a light read on hand for those post-Taco Bell sweat inducing shits.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

That's nothin', can't beat my signed first draft of the Mahabharata, before it was ever even sent to an editor!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

I’m also in possession of original hand-written letters by Jesus Christ himself, inside the original envelope complete with the “par avion” stamp that my neighbour gifted me.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

What’s that about ?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Jesus actually wrote a book! I got it, he signed it. His cursive is really becoming

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

She meant "the IIL AD", but the Is and Ls were hard to read. It was a book about the year 48 AD, in Rome. It was written by her cousin Ilias, from Illinois.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

Well this could make for a great "your mama" joke.

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