this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 44 comments
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[–] [email protected] 19 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Back when my brother still lived with my mom, he, a full-grown adult, had a set of four square whiskey stones made of metal that he kept in the back of the freezer that he would add to a glass of whiskey every now and then. One night my mom texts me a picture of the whiskey stones while he's not in the house with "I FOUND THESE IN THE FREEZER!" "ARE THESE DRUGS???" "WHAT IS THIS??" Like holy fuck, are you serious? Yeah, sure, they're drugs, Mom. Cubed metal is all the rage on the streets these days. You just swallow them whole and get high as fuck.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 6 days ago

Poser, everyone knows you smoke cube.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago

I used to have some whiskey stones until I got tired of taking a pile of rocks to the face.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 6 days ago

This conversation is so clumsy and awkward. Why take a good joke post and make it so much worse?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

"Now can you get me a Pepsi?"

[–] [email protected] 266 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 155 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Better execution of the joke

[–] [email protected] 5 points 6 days ago

Agreed, but still needs the "why do you have these?" "Idk, I was high when I bought them".

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago

definitely like the shortness of this one more, but i am undecided on the pointe

[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago

So much better. The writing in OP’s post seems so unnatural and… bad.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago

Its also the original afaik

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I have to assume it was this pill:

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

It's no stree overlord

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I had so many of those as a child. In hindsight, having a drawer full of (sometimes damp) animal shaped sponges was weird.

[–] TriflingToad 27 points 1 week ago

mom found the animal sponge drawer

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My brothers and I filled a huge pickle jar with these and some water with the intent to let them sit for a few weeks to see how big they would get. We put them in my brother's closet and promptly forgot about them for ~5 or so years. One day my brother heard a popping sound in his closet and when he opened it, putrid water was trickling down the closet shelf and soaking the carpet below. Something was growing in the jar and the built up pressure popped the lid, spilling a bunch of shit all over. The smell never quite left his room

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Those animals under the extreme pressure of their surroundings, mutated into a chimera and pooped everywhere

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

My mom did this to me when she found the thermal compound in a syringe. Didn't bother to read the label.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 6 days ago (1 children)

"These kids getting all whacked out on street drugs like ..... Arctic Silver"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 days ago

Mom can't seriously expect me to rawdog copper.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 6 days ago

I was buying lubricants and flux for putting together keyboards and other soldering projects.

My dad was like "look, I don't know what drugs look like these days but it definitely looks weird when you're getting multiple shipments of vials and syringes."

And, honestly, I don't blame him. It looked pretty sus.

[–] Steamymoomilk 19 points 1 week ago

"IS THIS A WEED? "

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't even care if this is fake or not, this gave me a good laugh.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

there used to be a subreddit r/goodfaketexts (as an alternative to r/badfaketexts), not sure if lemmy has something similar

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

It is very important to reaffirm that you are talking to mom in a private chat with mom by referring to her as "mom" as often as possible.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Well, it gets confusing when your mom is a famous stock photo hand model.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

Which has a very masculine looking hand.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago

One of my kids does this so I don't think it's that weird

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

That's extremely common to do.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 week ago

The best way to get macro plastics into your blood stream

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What would happen if you swallowed one of these pills?

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 week ago

There's a small-ish risk of intestinal blockage AFAIK

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm not Sure but I know an old lady who swallowed a fly...

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 week ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

From the fly, no. From the possible parasites in the fly's gut, maybe.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Not unless she swallows a spider to catch the fly

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Well she can just swallow a bird to catch the spider.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Great ... now she needs to swallow a cat to catch the bird to catch the spider to catch the fly

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

She should swallow a hydrogen cyanide capsule that only dissolves if triggered by the detection of radioactive decay.

Who knows what will happen to the cat?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

Then a dog, then the dog catcher, then the police officer who shows up wondering about the dog catcher... Before you know it, we're ~~making memes~~ reading the news about a geriatric Hannibal Lecter

[–] [email protected] 1 points 1 week ago

This is only for those who know