this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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In my elementary school play of Cinderella. I was cast as a pile of animated clothes. My role was to lay still and then suddenly spin around like one of those spinning brushes in a carwash and flail off the stage.
Yeah I tripped, knocked a stage light over, and burned everything to the ground. I was the only survivor.
Was called the "Tragic Cinderella Sizzler" by local newspapers.
Are you sure that you're remembering this right?
I find it hard to believe that the newspaper didn't come up with a headline based on calling her "Cinders".
"This play really sparked a fire in us, the whole building really"
To shreds you say?
It's a school activity, why isn't the school paying for the materials
Cause funding
In America they make you pay for your child's own religious indoctrination
I would prefer it that way. Government funded religious indoctrination makes me nervous.
Yeah, about that...
Cause funding the military is 50% of our taxes 🤸🤼♀️🤹♂️
The military budget is 36x bigger than NASA.
Mars could be the 51st state if the US were not so war hungry.
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Because this is America. I had to buy a history textbook in high school. Good thing we have enough money for a genocide though /s
It's most likely a private school.
And why is a school doing a nativity.
I'm Christian and have taken part in dozens of nativity, but none at school.
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Door? At the nativity? Did they finally got a room on the b&b?
Maybe she's the door the innkeeper slams in their faces.
There's actually a Jesus Christ Superstar parody told from the view of the innkeeper (featuring The Mighty Boosh's Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt, Julia Davis, Rich Fulcher, Matt Lucas, Matt Berry and Richard Ayoade):
Bless you for sharing this.
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I thought casting students as inanimate objects or plants only happened in TV shows.
No no. I was a tree as a child too. I don't remember what the play was.
Not to brag, but I was the only tree with a line.
It's a mathematical reality if you want to give every kid in a class a role.
Take some liberties: for one, it's a manger, add animals. For two, it's a work of fiction, add aliens, or Wookies, or robots. For three, the whole point is to have kids feel included and be interested, so add MDMA or something.
With 30 kids there's still probably 15 playing animals already.
You think anyone cares how many "animals" are on stage?
If they can't creatively figure out how to give everyone a part they can be excited about, then they have no business producing the show. I mean, a fucking door? Pathetic.
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I just thought that in real life, when they were out of on-stage roles, other children would do something else. But then again if the children are, like, 7, it's not like you can assign ALL the jobs to them.
I hadn't thought about it. But then again, I never did any sort of play at school.
Come on, Billy, you need to bulk up by mid December so you're heavy enough to pull the rope that opens the curtains! The entire play depends on you!
No dress rehearsal today, it’s the stage manager’s nap time, go practice your lines for a few hours.
rough way to tell parents that their child is as dumb as a doorknob
I thought it was a-door-able
Unfortunately the other kids will call her a "door-k" for the rest of the school year.
What the hell is nativity
It's a major plot point for the Jesus fandom.
They couldn't add an extra animal in the manger?
All this overfishing man
So she should dress up like Jim Morrison? Odd for a nativity scene but whatever.
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Don't knock it
I'll wait to see if the kid can swing it
I was a dead alien in our primary schools' production of Men In Black.
My role was to go limp in a chair and let one of my classmates mockingly wave my corpse limbs around in lieu of dancing.
She’ll be a-door-able.
This actually brought back bad memories for me. Depressing stuff follows:
I went to a private school and had the same teacher for all six years. He hated me for multiple reasons and a lot of things he did to me would be considered just plain abusive today. It was bad to the point that my parents, who didn't understand the issue, only figured it out when my mom ran into a schoolmate of mine years later in a supermarket and she told my mother that she felt so bad for me because of how he treated me.
Anyway, one of the first signs of this was that in first grade, we were going to do a winter puppet show for the parents. Like I said, this was a private school. It was split into grades 1-3 and grades 4-6, so we're talking like 10 kids here. I was super excited because I have always loved performing. He knew I was super excited. So he cast me as... snowflakes. I had to hold up too snowflakes on sticks and move them around. I was absolutely crushed.
The good part is that as an adult, I've been paid to do standup and have done some critically well-received VO work (for some names you would recognize but I'm not going to say, sorry).
So fuck him.
Anyway, not your fault, I just had to let that out.
Back to the fun.
One does not merely turn their child into a door.
... With cardboard and string.
Thanks. Appreciate the assist
In high school, I was in a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream (I was act 2 open fairy/Peasblossom) and the absolute best part was the play in a play, Wall spoke her lines and flapped off stage like an enormous bat, funniest part of the whole play.
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