Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Alternative-Pin-4599 on 2025-04-16 15:24:55.

My friend (17f) really likes to go skating and got really sad that our ice rink wont be having public skate for a while since its going to be summer. They are having public skate all this week for one of the last times till winter and I told her I would go skating with her sometime this week. Neither of us have cars of our own yet so we needed a ride and our usual ride was unavailable.

Yesterday her older sister said she would drive us but she didn't want to drive out to my house so I would need to sleep over at my friend's house. Now I usually would but we also had plans for the next few days after and if I had done that I probably wouldn't be able to relax at home for the next two days. I want to just chill out at home for a bit because it is our summer break. Her sister already didn't like me and then my friend told me that when I said I didnt want to sleep over, her sister kept calling me a bitch.

This morning she called me and said her sister said that she would drive and pick me up if I wanted, but she wasn't happy about it. I know that if I had said yes she would have liked me less because she had to go out of her way to pick me up, so I said no cause I didn't want to burden her. But then my friend told me that her sister said she hates that I cancel plans. My friend and I were going to have a sleepover tonight anyway, but she canceled that last night apparently and I didn't know. I told her I was still up for a sleepover tonight if she wanted and she just said she will think about it when she is done skating.

I think that she is mad at me right now because I didn't go skating with her even if it will be one of the last times for a while and her sister is probably just making her more mad at me. Im not very social and Im was afraid that I would be drained if I spent that much time away from home around others. She said she wasn't mad at me last night for canceling but then she cancelled all our other plans and that makes me think she was lying. I think this ment a lot to her and I feel like I abandoned her just to play games at home. Am I the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/kiwibirdlovesyou on 2025-04-16 15:23:15.

TLDR; forgot to set alarm for construction worker boyfriend for his first day on a new job but instead of going to work late he decided not going at all and ghosting his new boss entirely is a better option.

I (24F) forgot to set an alarm for his (46M) first day on the job (doing renovations but not his first rodeo, he’s quite a skilled tradesman from everything that I’ve seen and he is fairly proud of the work he can accomplish). When I realized I started apologizing right away. He initially wasn’t mad and told me it was okay but when I noticed he wasn’t getting up or doing anything about it at all, like trying to get his stuff together or at least checking his phone to see if they had called or texted yet, I decided to ask what he was doing and why he wasn’t getting up and he flipped out saying “I can’t show up late on the first day, I’ll look stupid” which I totally understand but he then proceeded to roll back over and go straight back to sleep. Is it just me being a naggy bitch or am I being completely naive or would there have been plenty of better options? Maybe call his boss and make up some good excuse then apologize profusely and let them know you’re on your way? If he would’ve at least just stayed awake, gotten up and tried to start looking for a new job today, if he really didn’t want the embarrassment of explaining himself with this one. Anything feels better than getting mad and then going back to sleep about it! When we first got together he was the hardest working man I’d ever met and I found it both impressive and attractive. He left his last job because they had been underpaying him and he also had a surgery coming up which would prevent him for working for a minimum of 3 weeks after the operation. It’s now been nearly 3 months and he’s barely been doing anything about it. I was so relieved when he told me he finally got work (Friday) and was supposed to start in the morning on Wednesday but now all my excitement and relief is gone entirely and it feels like we’re right back to square one since he decided the best solution for this would be to go back to sleep. I know there’s probably a few things I could’ve done differently as well and I feel guilty about not setting an alarm for him but AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/FishTankBarbie on 2025-04-16 15:19:02.

I (39F) was in a now ended a 7-year relationship with my ex (M, 42), an actor/magician/server who also happens to be an alcoholic—something I didn’t know he was hiding from me for over a year.

When we met, he was charming, funny, and full of creative energy. But he never really grew up or grew with me. I’ve been in emotionally abusive relationships before, so I was hoping this would be different. But he couldn’t handle conflict. Every disagreement needed to be smoothed over immediately, and if I asked for space, he would push until I was panicking or yelling just to get him to stop. He couldn’t tolerate discomfort, even when he caused it.

Over time, I grew disappointed and cold toward him. He seemed unserious and emotionally stunted, like he never moved forward in life. I stopped posting about him, stopped engaging with his work, and quietly started emotionally detaching. I never broke things off because I was still hopeful, dislike my intuition screaming at me.

A year ago, I moved out of state to care for my terminally ill mom. He’d visit, but his efforts were minimal—unloading a dishwasher here, driving her to an appointment there. At one point he totaled a car that wasn’t even his (a friend’s car he was using for over a year with permission) while on the way to visit me. He was stopping at a restaurant to have a steak and drink when he should have been driving. I had to pick him up from a bar in the middle of the night two and a half hours away after he got drunk with the staff of the restaurant because he had no car and no money to extricate himself from the situation. I was already burned out as a caregiver, and having to rescue my grown partner like that pushed me even further away.

In the final month of our relationship, he told me he had norovirus. But what was really happening was that he was locked in his apartment drinking multiple bottles of vodka a day, not bathing, not going outside, and lying to me about it. Communication completely fell apart.

During that time, I visited his city for 24 hours, the day after my birthday —originally to attend a performance he was in, but he was “sick,” so I spent the time with my best friend. At this point I still believed that illness was really a problem and I couldn’t risk getting sick and bringing it back to my mom.

I became more and more concerned and tried to talk to his parents about it. They insinuated that everything was my fault and his mother told me it was “unforgivable” that I hadn’t dropped off soup or supplies for him across town. Meanwhile, I knew he was just drinking and spiraling, and I wasn’t going to enable him. That conversation made it clear they didn’t want to hear my side, so I wrote a letter to his parents explaining his behavior over the last year and the toll it had taken.

I was planning on showing him the letter but He found out before I could and broke up with me in a 5-minute phone call, saying we should go no contact because “it wasn’t good for us.” I think the letter was too much of a mirror he isn’t ready to gaze into. But then he turned around and texted my mom, dad, and stepmom—thanking them for welcoming him and saying he was “gutted” things didn’t work out, “thanks for making me part of the family”. It was like a PR tour. He’s still trying to talk to my brother on the phone after over a month of my brother dodging him.

Then he dropped my things off at my best friend’s house—along with a birthday gift and a card. Unopened … one from him, one from his parents.

I already thought that was hypocritical and emotionally manipulative. If he wanted no contact, why is he sending gifts and notes? Why did my family get more care and closure than I did?

But here’s the kicker … I just found out—while picking up my stuff from his place via my best friend—that last September, during my best friend’s wedding weekend, he tried to hook up with a mutual friend of ours. She was staying at his place for a night (we suggested it, thinking they’d get along), and they ended up staying up all night doing cocaine and drinking. She was in a bad place … doing drugs and sleeping around a lot, and apparently he made a move on her. I just learned this, and I feel humiliated. My best friend called him on his bs via text and he offered up the most confusing, contradictory and cagey excuse via voice note when she refused to let him explain and informed him that I was aware.

I have some of his things to mail to him (though he never asked for anything back — cologne from his mom, his underwear, books) and now I want to include the unopened gifts and cards. I also went to the Dr and got an std test just to be sure and want to include the results in the package. The petty part of me wants to reinforce to him that I know.

But I still wonder WIBTA for not just quietly accepting the gesture and moving on?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/bigpapayaman on 2025-04-16 15:12:59.

alt account because this is MESSY

little bit of backstory, I (20f) have known this girl, we'll call her Amy (22-23F) since i was about 15, she is my stepsisters (19F) friend, well she has been with her now fiance, we'll call him Bob (22-24M). Stepsister will be referred to as S. Me and Amy weren't ever SUPER close but i'd consider her a good friend.

a few points to add:

1. hes not a good partner to her, he has 1 kid, she has 1 kid, and they have 1 together, and if any of the kids start doing anything he doesnt like he tells them to ask her/he just gives the baby to her.

2. he is still actively getting divorced from someone he hasn't been with for years

Lets go back to summer of 2023, i went to their house to hang out with Amy and S, and Bob texted me on snapchat telling me my makeup looked nice on me and i looked really pretty etc etc. mind you amy was pregnant, im uncomfortable at this point and i text my boyfriend and ask if he can come pick me up(i dont drive) and he comes and gets me. i texted amy and told her what happened and bob told amy he was "testing me" and that kind of soured our friendship because she went with it.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago, she messages me and asks me if i want to be her bridesmaid, and i said yes because i care about her and want to see her have this big moment in her life!

As i got to thinking about it, i dont know if i'd be fully comfortable being around him after all of that and i don't want to ruin her day by being awkward and standoffish around him.

So, WIBTA for backing out?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Enkeliix on 2025-04-16 14:55:03.

My step mom has been in my life for over 10 years (im 19). She at one point lived in the house me and my dad used to live in (we moved so I don't see her much anymore) and while living together she took the strict rules from her household to ours, making me change my habits completely.

Part of this I was fine with, and I respect her for now, she really helped getting us to behave better but at certain points it seemed too much.

For example if I didn't clean up she would put everything I had on the floor into the trash, even if it had just fallen down, not caring what the items meant to me. Not only did she yell at me but also at my dad for not "teaching me correctly" even if it came to things such as me forgetting to say "thank you" after eating or moving my chair in after standing up. she's also reminds me off these things as well as small mistakes I made that she had to tell others about making me embarrassed and even more socially anxious than I already am. this is how she treated HER kids, but her kids also grew up with it and don't have adhd and asd growing up, so I'd imagine it'd be easier for them. Anyways

So a couple of weeks ago me and my dad decided we were gonna see my siblings kid on her "gymnastics-dance" competition. Right of the bat when I found out my step mom is coming with I got really anxious but brushed it off as it's only for a day and I hadn't seen her in ages. I decided I might as well be nice and greet her, there's no reason for me to act rude because she hadn't exactly been bothering me much since me and my dad moved. we didn't have a great start. I was ready the desired time but my dad didn't seem in a rush so I grabbed some extra stuff like earrings and stuff to make sure I had everything. We left at like 10 minutes later and went to pick my step mom up, when we arrived at her place she made a snarky comment about, she said, and i quote: "i didn't expect y'all to leave on time anyways so I didn't bother waiting in the same spot". my dad responded that it was his fault we went off late bc it seemed a little early to leave, she didn't respond. During the whole trip she barely talked to me but made many snarky comments to both me and my dad. she asked why he hadn't fixed the car window yet and he responded that he hasn't found the time, she said: "just like everything else you 'don't have time with' bc you're infront of your tv whenever you don't have work" and after lunch when we were standing up she said "come on push in your chair, you're not at home anymore" (mind you my dad was on his way to push in the chair),she was practically mocking him for HIS lifestyle and the only time she seemed happy about was seeing my sister. Otherwise all she did was compare my sisters child to me and talk about how bad of a parent my dad was when I was younger.

Lemme know if there's anymore details yall need to know.

But yeah, wibta if I told my dad to break up with my step mom?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/puregympod on 2025-04-16 14:52:39.

Hello I am 16F and I have my GCSE exams soon (less than a month) now on this fine day I am revising as I should and to preface I had been procrastinating and crotcheting and shit but I had got my head down. Now earlier that week my stepdad asked if I wanted to go for an hour long walk with him, I politely asked if it was ok if I didn’t and he was annoyed but overall fine. I have done this before many times around 50% of the times I am asked I ask if I can not come. But now on this fine day I had previously been on a walk with him twice. So I’m in the kitchen and he asks me if I want to come on a walk with him and I say can I not as I’m right in the middle of studying for my GCSEs and he crashes out calling me the most selfishest person he’s ever met and how awful of a person I am. I do lots of housework around the house, always make him tea, do very well in school etc. I am quite a good child and my mother always appreciates the things I do. Him? No. So I wouldn’t consider myself selfish by any means to be honest. Maybe just a bit lazy and wanting time to myself in the evening but go on shoot me for it. Lol. Now this guy bugs out the whole next 5 days not speaking to me always speaking shit about me to my mum making snide comments at me saying “does ur rudeness know no bounds” (he said this as I was folding up his shirts) now. I could have been a typical teenager and tell him to fuck off and leave and ditch housework and go out with my friends but I don’t. I still do everything as per usual just keep my distance from him. Today he crashed out again and I tried to tell him that I understand he might have felt rejected but I needed to study but he calls it excuses and says I’m selfish for finding time to go to the gym and crotchet but not go out on a walk with him. He has a small point, but I believe he has blown this way out of water and it could have been handled with just an “ok. What about next weekend?” Which I would have said yes to. AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/After_Shopping3532 on 2025-04-16 14:39:34.

My BIL and his fiancé are getting married next summer in Greece. My husband and I agreed to be best man and bridesmaid last year when we were asked. (Their engagement is a total of 27 months) A lot has changed in just this year since we agreed.

First, there was no wedding venue or date selected at the time we were asked to be in the wedding party. We were just told Greece. Now that everything has been set, we have started looking at what it might cost for travel, staying at the venue, train tickets, bridesmaid dress, tux, etc. and it is adding up to be a lot. At this exact moment, it will likely cost us around $4,000 for the week with all expenses included.

Second, as many of you are aware, the economy isn’t exactly in a great place right now. Our paychecks don’t go near as far as they used to. We’ve cut back on vacations for ourselves, eating out, nail salon appointments, etc. We also own an old home that has required some costly fixes in recent months. EDIT: We were originally told that accommodations would covered, and that is no longer the case. So our stay at the venue for the week is $1,000.

Third, we are planning to start a family soon. We just recently moved halfway across the country and are ready for the next step. Babies/kids are expensive. And we worry about spending part of our nest egg we’ve worked hard to save on someone else’s wedding.

Lastly, my BIL and his fiancé will need to be legally wed at home first. So there will be a courthouse wedding and reception weekend prior to the wedding in Greece that we will be apart of.

My husband and I really want to attend this wedding, but we get apprehensive about the cost in relation to other upcoming costs (starting a family). Are we assholes if we say we can no longer afford to attend? I don’t want to upset my BIL or his fiancé, and we do still plan to attend all related wedding events to support.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Salty-Video-4251 on 2025-04-16 14:24:14.

I found out I’m pregnant about 2.5 months ago with my first baby and I’ve told close family brother, sisters, mother, father etc. my sister had her first baby in March we are pretty close and I love her son like my own, she was really excited when I told her I was pregnant and couldn’t wait to be an aunt.

We were talking yesterday and I told her I’m gonna do a pregnancy announcement to the rest of my family (uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents etc) on Mother’s Day as it seemed fitting. She got super upset and asked why I would even think of doing that. She said it’s her first Mother’s Day and I want to take that away from her. That was not my intention at all I just thought it would be a super fitting and cute day! She continued to say I don’t care about her feelings considering this is her first Mother’s Day and that it’s rude cause she had a miscarriage right before this baby. I get where she’s coming from and postpartum is a tough place so I was super understanding about it and nice to her despite her yelling at me accusing me of not caring about her feelings.

Now I don’t know what to do I was really excited to tell everyone on Mother’s Day cause technically it is my first mother day too but I suppose I could tell everyone separately on another day?

I feel like I could be the asshole for not thinking about that before bringing it up to her but I also feel like she shouldn’t be but hurt over it and it could be a day we celebrate together.

What do we think am I the asshole?

EDIT: Mother’s Day is being held at my grandparents with my whole family to celebrate the mothers in the family.

I also see comments about announcing on Easter which is a great idea although she gave me a warning about Easter too as it’s her baby’s first Easter and we’re getting together as a family like we would for Mother’s Day.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Decent_Crazy_5286 on 2025-04-16 14:16:53.

So I (17M) am part of a groupchat with another 4 people, my closest friend (17F) posted in the groupchat about a bizarre dream she had last night, about one of the other group members sisters (the member being 17F her sister is 15F, 16 this year) . ill refer to the other member as susan to make this easier. This is the message my friend sent about the dream:

"guys today i had a really weird dream where me and Susan's sister were running from those big AT-ATs from star wars, i was doing just fine until she decided to take over the wheel of our car and we crashed, way to go (sisters name)"

to which there was an immediate response from Susan, whos sister was featured in the dream which read:

"1. wtf

1. dont ever say that
2. you sound like a motherfucking criminal thinking about my sister.

immediately then everyone else in the gc (17M and 16F) jump to her side and berate my friend on how weird and inappropriate it is to be dreaming of Susan's sister. I was honestly baffled by it and was really confused as to how the dream was inappropriate in any way? its not like she had just admitted to having an explicit or romantic dream about her, they were running from star wars characters? At first I thought it was a joke so i asked them if they were joking...to which they then too started to berate me for thinking they were joking, ive known these guys for years so we banter with each other a lot, but it was very clear now this was NOT joke and they all genuinely believed that it was incredibly fucked up my friend would dream something like this. To which i said to them it most likely has no deep meaning whatsoever. My friend has met Susans sister quite a few times, and quite recently actually, so its most likely that Susans sister just happened to appear in her dream because its just someone she knows. To which everyone in the group chat said "I have never dreamed about people i know before" and claimed they control their dreams every night. Now i lucid dream a lot, so I'm quite familiar with how they work, and theres no way they just selectively choose not to dream about people every night. The argument went on for quite some time with us all being called weirdos and stalkers until eventually we were both kicked out the groupchat, its been a few hours now and ive heard nothing, honestly i think the whole chat was being overly sheltered and sensitive and getting worked up over absolutely nothing, but i just wanted to see if there was something im missing and if theres any way the dream could have been interpreted as inappropriate? were we both the assholes??

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fluid-Discount-8582 on 2025-04-16 13:53:26.

Was at the gym this morning, which is a Health Club, it’s quite small and was very busy today.

I was about to go onto my next exercise when I noticed someone had left their bottle of water and a t-shirt on the chair of the machine. I assumed they’d just gone to the toilet/fill up their bottle so I went and sat at the side of the gym to wait until it was available.

I then noticed the guy using it was actually supersetting it with another machine on the other side of the gym (meaning he was doing one set on each and alternating). There’s obviously nothing wrong with a superset itself, but I did see an issue with leaving half your belongings on each one intentionally to show it’s being used, and as a sign not to use it.

Especially in a commercial, busy gym, if you want to use multiple machines at once, I see that as a gamble, and you have to hope they both stay free, or you have to be the person to ask someone else occupying the machine if you are able to work in with them (do your set when they rest). I don’t think it’s fair at all to hog multiple machines at once, and expect other members to have to check with you if it’s okay to use one.

I did think it was unfair but originally thought whatever hopefully he’ll be done soon. He then proceeded to go back and forth for a further 5 minutes, and so at that point the irritation got the better of me and I just went up to the machine I was waiting for and moved the bottle off the chair onto the floor to do my set. He immediately shouted from across the gym ‘excuse me! I’m using that!’ I got up and said ‘you can’t hog both machines at once’. To summarise, his argument was that he was supersetting so it was perfectly valid, and I should have asked him to work in with him, and there wouldn’t have been a problem.

I do understand this, and in hindsight I should have just asked him even though I think he should be the one asking other people to use more than one machine at once, not me asking if I can use one of his two machines.

Regardless, what kind of person leaves their belongings on multiple machines in a busy commercial gym? With the logic that other people should be checking with him if it’s okay, not the other way around. The problem probably could have been avoided if I had just asked, but I do think it was valid for me to be annoyed.

If he wants that kind of luxury why go to a health club targeted at retired couples, he should be at a private bodybuilding gym.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway-160425 on 2025-04-16 13:34:35.

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. For context, I live 9 hours flight away from her. She is being taken care by my siblings which all (except one) reside with or near her. She also has my dad with her.

I've been back home twice. Once to visit her and second to again visit but also in a relatively small ceremony get married. Yes, I got married amonst all this as my mother wanted to see me get married before she passes away. This backfired almost immediately and the family that was supportive turned it into me distastefully choosing such a painful time to get married. No one saw it for what I thought they would. That I wanted my mum to see her youngest child finally married and settled. Note that she expressed this desire which led me to fast forward my plans on getting married otherwise no way in hell would I have done it at that stage.

Now it's been 6 months since I'm married. My mother is extremely frail. Her condition has worsened to the point where she'll be passing away soon. My sibling reached out and said if I can plan to come back to spend time with her - I should as she doesn't have much time left

I would've, but there's extreme hostility back home for me. Since I've come back it's taken me 6 months to get myself to a stage where I'm somewhat ok. I don't think my mental health is nearly recovered but I'm slowly getting there. Going back would bring me back to zero and with no one to look after me other than my wife, it's hard for me. I don't have any friends or other family for support circle. My family are all back home and have essentially abandoned me.

Just for context - my relationship with my mother has always been complex. I love her to bits and I've been out of country for about 8 years now. Since I've left and gotten a decent job the majority of my contact with my mum has been on when I'll be paying her back for the month. I've been giving her money every month because she helped me out in my uni tuition fees. Sort of returning a loan. That has been most of our discussions. Other than that I won't say anything else on her she's been a great mum and I love her alot.

I just don't understand what to do.

So reddit, if my mum passes away and I decide not to attend the funeral WIBTA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/RandomRamblings99 on 2025-04-16 13:22:58.

I [25F] have been friends with this person [24F] since we were 10 years old. We have what I've always seen as a playful friendship, she teases me and I teases her, but its meant in good fun.

This following bit I'm fully the asshole in. I didn't mean to be, but I fully accept that I was. We've been planning to see a band and she wanted to do matching outfits, which I said might look at a bit silly. She snapped at me that I "didn't have to fucking join in then". I laughed and said "okay, what outfit ideas do you have. I'm open to anything" hoping this would make it clear that it wasn't an attack. However, I received a long paragraph telling me that she was sick of me, that I talk down to her, that she only hasn't said anything to keep peace in the friendship group. I instantly apologised, letting her know that I didn't realise my playful jabs were actually offensive (I'm not great with tone) and didn't intend them that way, but that I'm really sorry that they were.

Now this is where I need advice. Again, I know I'm the asshole in calling the outfit idea silly. However, now she's completely blanking me. Ignoring messages and very clearly responding to everyone else in our shared friends group chat while acting like I haven’t said anything. Being actively ignored stresses and upsets me for reasons I've discussed with her in the past. It's been four days. I'm considering asking that, considering how much I've upset her, i don't go to this event. It was going to be us, one shared friend, and a group of her friends, so she would still be able to go. I'll ask that she sell the tickets (it's a sell out event so this shouldn't be an issue), give me the money I sent to her for the tickets, and keep the profit. If there's no profit I'll eat the cost. Would I be an immature asshole if I asked this.

TLDR: WIBTA for dropping out of an event after an argument where I unintentionally offended a friend and am now being ignored as a result

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/mundanea1 on 2025-04-16 13:15:44.

I (28F) was temporarily staying with my father's ex (59?F) either until my father (61M) got a place for us (he is still concerned that I now live without him) or I got enough money to move out.

Before this kitchen incident: Her son has this three wheeled bike with a large basket on the back in the garage that is never used. Her garage is packed. My dad asked me to grab his ladder. No problem except that I need to move a few things so I can go through the garage door. I put a wheeled desk chair into the basket of the bike since it fit perfectly. While I was hanging out with dad, she texted and said I was inconsiderate of her son's things by doing this. I took it out when I got back.

I was sad and thought that I should make up for this. So why not clean the kitchen? It was in dire need of cleaning as she has a tendency to just leave things open and have things scattered about. So, while the household were leaving, I told her that I would clean the kitchen.

First step for me when cleaning a kitchen is wiping out the fridge because its usually fast. I noticed that a lot of things were expired. No problem. I check everything and put the expired items in a bag. I texted her saying that I'll leave the bag on the counter so she can poke through it when she got back.

She then started lecturing me calling me inconsiderate for touching her things and that I should know better because I've had roommates before and have a mini fridge in my room. 1, if my roommate and I had expired stuff in our fridge we'd definitely be throwing that stuff away once we noticed and 2, I didn't know that was the situation we had. I thought this was everybody's kitchen.

Whatever, I put all her items back as she requested, washed just my dishes, and took my containers into my room while leaving the rest of kitchen untouched. Later on while she lectured me about something that wasn't even my fault, she mentioned that an example of me being irresponsible and inconsiderate was me not cleaning the kitchen when I said I would:

When you took the items out of the refrigerator and put everything out on the counter and said you were throwing it out, it buckled my mind cause I didn't understand why you were doing that. You said it was to clean the kitchen, but yet I came home and every counter was dirty and the whole kitchen was dirty, and then you had a comment you hurt my feelings cause you touched my stuff I've never treated you with the same regard that you have treated me since you've been here but I'm telling you right now you're 28 years old. You're not a child. You know what you're doing.

All I would like to know: did I overstep with the expired items? I didn't mean to be rude. I really did think I was helping, but was I just being insulting or controlling?

tl;dr: While cleaning the kitchen I bagged a bunch of expired items which upset my dad's ex-wife. Since she called me inconsiderate, I did not complete my offer to clean the kitchen. Later, she called me inconsiderate for this decision.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/DifficultShoulder505 on 2025-04-16 13:11:10.

Today I (22F) slept in while my boyfriend (26M) went to work. For context I’m a stay at home mom and we have two toddlers. Last night I had a really difficult time sleeping as our toddlers found their way into our bed, so I went and slept in our guest bedroom. This isn’t unusual and happens 3-4x a week. I woke up shortly after falling asleep in the guest bedroom to my boyfriend using the restroom. All I remember is him asking me what I’m doing and why I left. I was half asleep and responded “go away.” When I woke up next it was 7:22am. I woke up to our toddlers laughing quietly, terrifying. It went on for too long and I didn’t hear my boyfriend check up on them so I got out of bed and noticed my boyfriend had already left for work. I freaked out and ran the primary bedroom to find our kids playing with a little tub of Vicks. My phone was on the nightstand next to the kids and my boyfriend did leave a message that he left at 6:32am (after walking the dog). When I called him to ask what happened, he asked if I got his text message. When I asked why he didn’t just tell me when he left he told me because I told him to “go away” when he woke up in the middle of the night. I was very upset since the kids weren’t changed and soaked through their pull ups and they were left unattended. He said that it was my fault for sleeping in and sleeping in the other room. He got very upset and was adamant I was in the wrong, am I?

Context related info: • my boyfriend never mentioned that he was going to leave early today. • he normally leaves 7:30am - 8am and he always tells me goodbye before he leaves if he leaves early. • my oldest said that his dad said goodbye when he left and told them he was going to work.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/aguafresca_zip on 2025-04-16 13:07:03.

The process of applying to scholarships has been very stressful. I’m a senior in high school and I’m not necessarily an “impressive” student, I have pretty good stats, but not anything amazing.

My friend, on the other hand, has been able to get multiple full ride scholarships and grants due to her financial status.

A couple weeks ago, I found out I won two scholarships that totaled out to be $3000. I was pretty excited about this, since I hadn’t heard back from any other scholarships that I had applied to previously, so I was getting pretty hopeless about being able to pay for college (my FAFSA SAI was a 13800 so im not receiving any financial aid from the government nor any college I got into, even though my parents can’t afford to help me pay for college). I told my friend about my scholarships, and she didn’t congratulate me once, the only thing she said was “That’s not bad. I’m lucky I don’t have to pay for college. In fact, I’m getting reimbursed for my tuition.”

I guess that comment threw me off guard a little? I’m obviously very happy that she doesn’t have to worry about the cost of college— and I have told her that many times in the past— but I just felt as if that wasn’t the best moment to bring it up. I know that just because I’m not getting full rides to college like she is doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t be able to celebrate her success but maybe it felt dismissive in that moment. I ended up just saying something like “Oh, nice” or “Good job!”

Yesterday, the results for a scholarship that many incoming freshmen get came out, and I knew that I probably wasn’t getting it, since the scholarship is heavily based off of financial need. My friend and I opened up our decisions together, and just as I expected, I didn’t get it. My friend, though, did. Right in that moment, I felt pretty disappointed that I didn’t get the scholarship, even though I saw it coming. I said “Congrats!! I’m jealous” because honestly, yes I’m pretty jealous of all the financial aid she’s receiving, but my tone + facial expressions definitely didn’t match the happiness I was trying to convey.

I guess she didn’t take this the way I intended, she was acting off and barely talked to. Later on, she told me that she didn’t think it was fair for me to be mad at her for being poor. This made me pretty angry since I was never mad at her for anything. Maybe I shouldn’t have said I was jealous of her, even though I meant it in the best way possible. I’m definitely not jealous of her financial situation, but I’m also very definitely jealous of the financial aid she’s receiving.

So again, the fact that she was accusing me of “being mad at her because she was poor” really did make me mad, since all the times she tells me about what scholarships she got, I always make sure to congratulate her, even when she’s dismissing my own accomplishments. I feel like it’s normal to be disappointed and jealous all at once.

AITAH for feeling that way?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Anxious-Tip7772 on 2025-04-16 12:15:34.

So my friend let’s call her K has been seeing this girl we’ll call her person A for a few months now, but previously K also started talking to another girl let’s call her person B. K started to talk to both of them at the same time, but became more serious with person A than person B. K went on a trip to visit person A, but was also texting and calling person B saying that they miss them and can’t wait to see them. But person B ended things with K.

I have hung out with person A and really like them a lot. Should I tell person A that K was talking to person B on their trip? Even though K and person B are not talking anymore. To be clear K and person A have been exclusive for about a couple months now.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Inspired_Owl on 2025-04-16 11:37:28.

AITA for lying to my friend so I wouldn’t have to cover her shift?

I (18F) and X (19F) work together at a cafe. She messaged me yesterday asking if I could cover her shift tomorrow (today) because she has an appointment for her eye where she’ll have drops put in so she needs the day off.

I have been extremely burnt out recently, and with my antidepressants starting to work I want to treat myself to getting a bus to the city to get McDonald’s and to watch A Minecraft Movie rather than bedrotting. I would have 100% covered her shift if I was asked in advance, but I was at a point where the only thing keeping me going was knowing I had a treat planned and I’d bought the ticket for the cinema already. I needed more than 24 hours notice.

I was going to tell her that I had plans and have bought non refundable tickets but after I said I couldn’t cover her shift, she replied with “But babe, I need the day off” so I told her I had a drs appointment and that I was seeing my godmother before she goes back to work next week, I felt as though going to the cinemas wasn’t a good enough reason to not cover her.

I feel bad now, she’s at the appointment now so she must have found cover but I feel shitty for being selfish and putting my wants before her needs.

TL:DR: I told my friends I had the drs/family plans so I didn’t have to cover her shift when really I’m going to watch a film and get fast food.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Very_driven_alpaca on 2025-04-16 11:10:48.

Context: my sister is slightly older than me and every time we go out during holidays as a family, she would bring her boyfriend with us all the time. Sometimes I protest but most of the time, I just ignore because I don't want confrontation as she will end up accusing me of being selfish and tell me to "grow up".

My reason for demanding her to stop bringing her bf along to upcoming Easter break road trip:

• my sister never discuss with me when she has her bf over- like 3 days per week and they would use my bathroom when they are here. She would only inform that he is coming over, but never ask if I am okay with another person encroaching my personal space 50% of my week!
• oddly the boyfriend never made an effort to talk to me at all nor our parents, and most of the time I am the person who initiate a conversation with him. Unfortunately my sister never cared to change his behaviour
• my sister's behaviour change a lot when he is around, like she would push her choice onto me and my mom (like deciding where to eat out/ where to go for trips etc). One can say her bf has her back in everything and so she gets more bold.
• she would take him with us allil the time- you name it: Christmas holidays, New year days, Uni breaks, dinner Sundays

My parents do not want to step in because they said they didn't want to be the person to break them up, so they are very handsoff Also, I have a bit compassion for him because: • her boyfriend is an international student and doesn't have a car so he cannot go anywhere far. But then family is not poor, he pays like $60k on uni tuition each year, it is not like he cannot afford a secondhand car

Additional info: yes, I pay for the trip / food, including my parents and my sister. And no, he doesn’t pay for anything and I don’t expect him to

TOLD my therapist about this because it is an ongoing issue for a long time and I just want respect and boundary. Therapist told me to tell sis to hangout w her boyfriend alone and shouldn’t concern families members in this situation.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Capable_Rope_3916 on 2025-04-16 10:58:20.

So yesterday I was chatting with my friend who I'm really close to, we were talking about usual stuff and I had an idea to do a colab art where I draw one character they do the other, they said it was a good idea, a few moments later they reply "nvm" because their wifi cut out, a few minutes later my brother called me so that we can visit my mom's grave, I failed to say to them that we were going to the cemetery. I brought my phone but didn't use it during that time. After about an hour we go home, open my phone and see that they had texted me saying if I'm still looking for a colab reference, immediately after they say their interest flew away, and then this "fuck that and fuck you" that I'm "taking longer than Odysseus' way back to Penelope" I reply finally disappointed, explaining why I was gone, but me being me Idk how to explain shit, they assume I wasted their time and that they lost "precious battery life" another argument and I just take the L at the argument and leave. I try to talk in the morning, no reply all day, only getting a note very much directed at me. So. Am I the asshole here.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ArrieBeer on 2025-04-16 10:54:17.

I'm going to a wedding for my 2 friends I've know for years. The wedding has been in the works for a year now. Super excited for them, but bride's condition was no bringing someone new to the wedding that she has not met yet.

Cut to December and I meat my GF, super sweet and supportive, but she has a bit of trauma from past relationships treating her like shit, this makes any situation where I leave her alone to go out with my friends or do something where I leave her alone in a room she starts crying and gets pissed.

So now the wedding is coming up and she hasn't met the bride so I can't take her, as we already had a discussion about the wedding and she understood the situation and said it's ok if I go. Now today months after the discussion she messages me and says she's upset that she'll be coming through to my place the day of the wedding and basically waiting for me to come home. She admitted that she'll probably end up crying and us having a fight. I argued that if that's the case why doesn't she just come through to my place the day after.

She's not budging on being upset over being alone on friday night (which isn't a guarantee cause the wedding starts early and whebwill probably meave around 5 or 6 pm). Her coming on Saturday isn't an option as she refuses. I keep telling her I'm not budging on this. I am going. The wedding is 2 hours away by car and I'm carpooling with my friend and his gf. So I don't have control over when I get back. My gf offered to pay for my gas but I don't want to drive all the way to and back alone. Honestly I also know if I have to leave early I'm gonna be annoyed and will probably also result in a fight.

So AITA?

Will give context where needed.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/cookedpigeon101 on 2025-04-16 10:52:12.

this is such a stupid post but I'm not sure if I'm right anymore. my(16F) mom always had a habit of intruding on my privacy. i know a lot of people don't support children having privacy, but i really have issues with boundaries, so this was big to me. she'd read my diaries, mock them, nitpick my feelings, hobbies, and anything I'm close to, which caused me to have severe issues with trusting others.

i don't like sharing my phone password (even though it is not my phone, technically), because i have a habit of writing in my notes app. if my mom needs my phone, i unlock it and give it to her at any time, but she says she doesn't need it anymore the moment I hand it to her. today, she was complaining about it again, so I handed my phone to her but she just snapped and screamed at me saying that I'm so obsessed with my privacy that I'm suffocating her, and I'm too sensitive about the smallest things.

I know I'm wrong here but I just want a way to convey to her that I'm sorry for being a failure and I didn't want to hurt her. I just can't trust her and I don't know why I am like this. ik I'm the AH but idk anywhere else to ask for opinions on this.

ik the title is silly because she just said it once, but I can't stop thinking about it. maybe I'm hurting everyone this way. I really didnt mean to hurt her but even if I try to talk to her she'll just say something hurtful.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Weird_Square_4155 on 2025-04-16 05:58:51.

my gf and i are on holiday on a resort town, she met a nice woman about the same age as her (late 20's) and they got talking, we were having dinner with them later after they invited us out. the husband was nice at first but I found him really creepy, he kept commenting on my girlfriend, saying she was really pretty, saying he'd "never dated an asian" (my gf is asian) and asking me what it was like dating an asian girl (like how the fuck am i supposed to answer that?)

he kept complimenting her and asking me how i managed to get a girl like that. meanwhile his wife was also complimenting me, she called me handsome and good looking several times. at one point she was like "i hate going out without my husband cause i always get hit on by strangers, but none of them are as handsome as you". wtf right? she'd had a few wines at that point and was getting drunk, but still... there were other instances where she called me handsome.

at another point she said "my type is guys with black hair" (i have black hair).

at one point it was too much, i got a hunch they were swingers, i couldn't take. I faked a phone call and pretended we had to leave for an emergency, we left before the food had even arrived, I left money on the table and we left.

My gf was furious when she found out i made up the emergency, I told these people were swingers, she thought I was crazy, we had a huge argument

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/MaleficentSnow_ on 2025-04-16 05:58:34.

Hi!

I have been thinking a lot about this one. So I have rekindled with two people the past few weeks over text. Let's call them person A and person B.

Person A has been in my (online) life for 2.5 years now. We met online via Bumble and we have never met irl since he had troubles with his social anxiety and never really aligned in what we wanted at that them. I did try to have dates with him, but it just never happened. Fast forward we have had on and off contact via texting during the past years. It was mostly friendly and sometimes flirty and some sexting. The past few weeks we have had almost daily contact (with a bit of flirting) and he felt ready to plan something. We both talked clearly about what we wanted from this, which is no relationship right now. Just friends and go from there. Person A knows I also have a meet up planned with person B.

Person B is someone I have had one date with last year and he reacted to on of my instagram stories which is how we rekindled and since then we have had daily contact with flirting. This was three weeks ago. Person B is a planner and fairly quickly set a date to meet up. We also both spoke clearly about what we want, which is no serious dating right now. Just see where things go.

So this week I accidentally have them both planned, person A moved the date to this week because he couldn't do next week. Now person A started asking about how my meet-up went with person B and if we were intimate. I told him that we were indeed intimate and that I am open to meet up with him, but only as friends since I don't want to be intimate with more than one person. Person A is very upset about this and feels used since we also talk about emotional things.

Honestly, I do feel like I have made a huge mistake here but then again I felt like I had communicated it clearly to person A. What is the best thing I can do right now? I honestly never meant for this to get so complicated. AITA in this story and please be honest?

Side note: I did try to meet up with person A last year in august, but before we got to meet up I met my ex-boyfriend. Back then he also wasn't open to date, just to meet up. He was obviously also very pissed that he kind of "missed" the bus at that point. Which also plays into his anger right now.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/RelativeConfusion504 on 2025-04-16 05:54:53.

I (42F) discovered my husband (now ex) had secretly installed a GPS tracker in my car. I only realized it because he kept randomly showing up at places I hadn’t told him I’d be including a private lunch meeting with my boss.

I was shocked and it terrified me. I felt paranoid, violated. While the GPS wasn’t the only reason I divorced him. He was mentally and emotionally abusive in many ways, and I was already feeling isolated and broken. I actually drove straight to the dealership and tried to sell the car.

The worst part was I later found out that both my mom and cousin knew about the tracker.

He had told them it was “just in case I got into an accident and needed help.” When I confronted them, they claimed they “didn’t want to take sides” and were trying to “stay neutral.” I don’t think there’s anything neutral about staying silent while someone’s spouse is secretly tracking their movements.

Around that time, I was also drinking more than usual which I am not proud of it, but it was a coping mechanism for the abuse I was enduring. My family chose to focus on the drinking, without acknowledging why I was drinking. They refused to believe that the abuse and manipulation were part of the cause. They though the GPS was a good way to keep me inline. Just noting this because I know I wasn't perfect.

I felt betrayed, abandoned, and judged by the very people who were supposed to love and protect me. So I went no contact with my mom and cousin. That was three years ago.

The family is still divided. I want to rebuild my relationship with them but would mean I have to say I was wrong and I still feel, very strongly, that they were the ones who crossed the line.

Should I let it go? Was no contact to far?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/IGNSolar7 on 2025-04-16 05:42:47.

Full disclosure, I'm in a rough spot in life. A medical issue has ruined my once promising career making good money, and I'm hunting for work with little success. My friend of many years has a well regarded career, and functionally works for himself... but isn't a big name. He's gotten married.

His wife is pretty important, in the sense that as a major leader of a big brand, she gets invites to some of the world's biggest events. She gets free merch from major companies. He gets to be a part of this, and he often earns relatively large referral commissions from his job that have nothing to do with him doing any work. He shares all of this with me like I should celebrate. Pictures of him with free merchandise/alcohol. Pictures at major events in VIP sections. Mentioning the amount of money he made in one referral deal for doing nothing, while I would have to work 6 months for it in one of the jobs I'm begging to hire me.

He tells me I should root for sports teams so he can get comped seats to the playoffs if they win, stuff like that... and the worst, is continues to send me pictures and such like I should be applauding "his" achievements.

I can't help but feel like he's trying to lord it over me, while I have no money and rot away unemployed. And then he gets offended when I ask him to stop sending me this stuff. My parents are paying my mortgage and I eat frozen meals on discount.

Am I being a bad friend for feeling frustrated that he's constantly showing me all of the free stuff he's getting thanks to being married?