Am I the Asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Maleficent_Slide5021 on 2025-06-26 23:56:52.

I (26f) rent a room in a 3 bedroom house with my boyfriend (30m). Our other roommates are (23f) and (24m). Our male roommate lets call him Mike has lived here for the past 4 years so all the bills are in his name we are all in a group chat and mike will text us the total and have us venmo him.

My boyfriend and I have lived here since Jan and the bills are normally around 100-120 each spilt 4 ways. for electricity, water/sewage, and wifi. This month he was gone for a military training camp for two weeks out of the month he also has a dog and asked our other roommate, Sara, to take care of him. My boyfriend and I didn’t even realize he had left and never said anything about it to us so no big deal.

So… Mike texts the group chat and says the bills are “ridiculously high this month everyone owes 160.20” So we ask to see all the receipts,, meanwhile Mike is complaining about lights being left on or using the washing machine in the middle of the day…yet everyone is arguing about how it can’t be THAT much higher for each person. After a few hours he finally sends screenshot total for all the separate bills which is just the total amount due-not an itemized amount-just zoomed in on the total at the bottom.

Sara added it all up for a total of 548. divide that by 4 and it’s only 137 per person so what the fuck why are you telling us it’s 160 each?

Mike texts back saying “Every year for the last 5 yrs I'm gone for half the month so I take off half the expenses and whoever lives in the house pays that difference since your home using utilities. the difference between the 3 of u is why it's 160.20”

…and you weren’t gonna say anything? Were we just suppose to go along with that and yet he never said anything to us? Sara and my partner and I are all asking each other if we knew this at all or if he said anything. Well apparently when Sara first moved in he mentioned something to her about it, but never brings it up to me or my boyfriend.

So after all saying we need to talk about this in person Mike texted saying that “we can talk about it later just pay the 130 for now” And when Mike gets home that night I hear him and Sara whisper in the kitchen about it and i go in later and he still says nothing to me about it?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Christopher_2025 on 2025-06-26 23:54:18.

I dont like the girl he is dating but I make every effort to gel along with her nicely. She is constantly at our home and it has got to a point where I stay in my room or avoid being at home as I am fed up of their inside jokes and constant kissing, sex in their rooms and cuddling and taking over the living room.

Contact between me and my sibling has reduced greatly and we barely chill out anymore despite always being very good with one another. He doesn't text back, text me or even call me. This week, I needed his help. He stated he couldn't help. Then he later admitted he had been with his girlfriend and thought I had seen them out and about so thought he should tell me.

I have accepted that this stage of life is likely just normal and that our relationship as brothers is likely dismissing but it is still real sad. I have decided to just stop making any attempt at an effort now. That includes tiptoeing around them or being over polite to his girlfriend.

AITA for making this decision after months of trying?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sparklespanx on 2025-06-26 23:44:54.

I’ve (30s F) lived with my best friend (50s M) for four years. A few years ago, he was unemployed for 9 months and I did my best to pick up the slack around the house financially. Before he lost his job, he was making twice as much as me, if not more.

Last year, I lost my job and was unemployed for four months until I landed something. He was generous enough to defer rent until I had a job and I paid him all but half a month’s rent in the two months at that job before I was let go. I was then unemployed again until April of this year. Before I got this job (which is such a good fit and much better than the one immediately before it), he and I had a frank convo about money and I asked him for some breathing room to catch up on some credit card debt before I started paying rent again. He agreed without coercion. He was fully on board since he was now making twice what I make again. I also promised to pay him back rent.

Here’s where some additional context might be helpful: he’s an alcoholic. He gets drunk 3-4 nights a week, sometimes more. Also important: we live in a HCOL area, but his rent hasn’t gone up in a decade. You can barely find a studio in our city for what he’s been paying for a 3bed/1bath with a garage and a nice backyard.

A few times he’s gotten drunk and gave me a hard time about deferred rent. I told him we could forget the deferment and I’d just start paying now, but he would refuse despite being the one to pick a fight about it. Then he decides he’s going to raise my rent by $200, on top of expecting back pay (tbc, I have 0 issue with back pay.) Well, his drinking has been getting worse and he’s started to get mean. Last night, he stood in our side yard and just revved his chain saw for like 3 min to annoy our neighbor that he got into a dispute with over yard stuff (the dude is a legit AH, tbh but still) and I realized I was just over it and decided to move to PNW.

I spoke to work first and they said it was fine (I wfh full time) and so I told him. Now he’s pissed. Like super pissed. But I can move to a much cheaper city, afford to live on my own, and make greater pains to pay him back more quickly if I move. But I’m kind of feeling guilty because he has been so generous the last year. So AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Character-Sugar-3892 on 2025-06-26 23:32:10.

Hey y'all. I don't really know how this works, I just saw a youtube video about AITA so I figured I'd give it a try about one of my recent issues. Me and my bf (Me 19, him 19 in a couple days) have this ongoing disagreement about how private he is about our relationship. I like to tell people that I have a boyfriend and brag about him to my family and friends. They knew about him when I first liked him (he also met my parents pretty early on) but when I met his parents it was framed as "his friend" which I didn't mind when we were first talking. We have been dating for a couple months now and it was only just recently he actually told them, which I was fine with because he wanted to keep it more private.

However recently I have been feeling a bit insecure after seeing social media videos (I know shocker that social media makes people insecure). My boyfriend has not told his closest friends (they are not like besties but decent friends) that we are dating. I also recently posted photos on my spam instagram of us two. He has never once posted me on anything, which at first I was fine with.

However recently I feel like he may be embarrassed of me. His profile pic is years old and he has nothing in his bio besides his school. I don't expect him to post me every day but his instagram looks completely single. He also again hasn't told his closest friends.

I don't think this is because he wants to appear single or look single because I know he would never cheat. He is a great guy, and been cheated on before so I know he would never. I truly do believe it is because he wants to keep things private. For context he has never posted anything on social media.

But I don't know. I just felt stupid because if you look at my page you can tell we are dating, but his looks like your average single college kid. So I deleted the post. I did not want people being like dang ok she posts him all the time and he clearly wants nothing to do with her lol.

He noticed that I archived the post and he asked me about it and seems sad I deleted it and said I did not have to, and he doesn't mind me posting. however then it just feels like im some obsessed girl if you get what I mean. I think I have hurt his feelings, but mine feel hurt too. I don't want him to post me every day, but even having a highlight of us, or a profile pic, or even a singular story would make me feel better. So AITA for taking it down?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Jeebussaves on 2025-06-26 23:18:49.

So my mom recently died. We all knew she was dying as she was suffering from cancer that was getting worse by the day. Anyway, she had nothing. She lived paycheck to paycheck off of social security and barely survived off of it. Therefore, when she died, I figured there was nothing for me or my brother and I was fine with that. I knew she had a $12,000 life insurance policy that was to pay off her cremation and the small ceremony and burial expenses I guess they’re called?

Anyway that’s all I thought there was. I was way wrong and found out just by happenstance though my aunt that there was a $15,000 IRA which my brother was named the beneficiary for and another $5,000+ in her bank account at her time of death. I was told that my brother was told to split the $15,000 with me and that I wasn’t a beneficiary because I had a stroke several years ago and am not in charge of my own money. So anyway I just found out (months later) after contacting my brother that he spent the money. All of it because he was in the rears on his mortgage and a few other bills.

I was honestly so shocked and upset at the fact that everything had been hidden from me that I wasn’t even mad. I’m still not. I was completely devastated and upset and thought that I had lost my brother. When he explained to me that he needed it I kinda just said ok. I mean, I would have given it to him anyway. Now this is where it comes in that I may be the asshole- I have an 11 month old and we are far from being ok right now, money wise. But I think my mom would literally come back from the dead if I fight with my brother over money. And seriously, I just don’t value money like that. I really don’t give a shit that he took it. I hate money and think it tears people apart and I don’t want it to tear apart my brother and I. Unfortunately everyone else in my extended family thinks I need to go after him and try to get the money for my immediate family. They think I’m doing a disservice to my immediate family by doing nothing. So Reddit am I the asshole if I do nothing?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/BakingWaking on 2025-06-26 23:16:05.

This happened earlier today. I was waiting for the elevator in my office building. The doors opened, no one was directly in front of me, so I stepped in. A woman and an elderly couple were just behind me, but I hadn’t seen or heard them until after I got on.

As soon as I stepped in, the woman complained out loud that I didn’t let her on first. I was caught off guard, but I apologized and said there was plenty of room for everyone, so it wasn’t a big deal. I wasn’t trying to cut anyone off; I genuinely didn’t notice anyone behind me.

She got on with the couple but kept going, saying how rude I was, how I had no manners, how people like me are what’s wrong these days, stuff like that. This went on for at least a minute, maybe more, and eventually I snapped a bit. I raised my voice and said Could you just keep your comments to yourself.

She went quiet, but the old couple sort of whispered something to her and gave me a look. Now I’m wondering if I just confirmed whatever idea they had about me, like maybe I actually was the jerk here.

I honestly didn’t mean to offend anyone. I just wanted to ride the elevator in peace.

So, AITA for finally telling her to be quiet?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Asleep-Trifle-8645 on 2025-06-26 23:14:30.

I (28F) am over 3 months along, and I'm worried if I tell my sister (21F) that shes going to try to get pregnant too... again.

Two years ago I had my first pregnancy. I announced it to my family at dinner and everyone was very happy and supportive of me. Ive been with my bf (34M) for 5 years now and it seemed like everything was falling into place for our midwest life. But my sister is a narcissist, and saw how happy and excited everyone was for me and decided she wanted that for herself. She made it her mission to also get pregnant, while in college, with no job or place of her own. She got pregnant within the next 2 months while at school and expected everyone to also be excited. Obviously she got a different reaction and was really mad at everyone for not just accepting her irresponsible choice. She ended up dropping out.

Fast foward to my emergency c-section where we fought to keep my baby alive in the NICU, only to pass away at 9 days. I don't want to get into the details of it, but obviously it was traumatic. And my sisters world completely changed from thinking we would be raising kids together. Her baby was born on time and healthy. And I hate to say but shes a terrible mother. She doesnt prioritize her child at all, doesn't even capture milestones or spend quality time with him, just dumps him on a family member for a few days so she can go out. To each their own but its extremely infuriating, considering how motherhood was ripped away from me and she doesnt have a maternal bone in her body.

Now 2 years later, shes still in the same spot. No job, living with her mom, doesnt prioritize her child and didnt go back to school. He isnt speaking words and just grunting and is developmentally delayed. I see this and it makes me realize she didnt really want a kid, she just wanted that unconditional support from our family that they showed me. So now that im pregnant again, I really dont want to tell her. And my family has agreed with me not to tell her. I'm worried shes going to see that as an opportunity to get pregnant again because shes obsessed with attention whether its negative or positive, and can't stand the spotlight on me. But i feel bad the further along I get, and the more people I tell, shes going to be extremely upset when she finds out. And if you know narcissistic rage, then you understand. I figured maybe I'd tell her this weekend finally, BUT she just posted on her story "going crazy this summer bc i'm manifesting a babygirl next year." Like HUH? You cannot keep a job, you dont even help your mom with rent and you want to have a 2nd kid already? For WHAT? You aren't even a good mother to your first! The father wants to take him for custody! Makes me want to shake her by the shoulders ugh. Now I know when I tell her shes definitely going to try it again. I rarely see her and we arent technically that close, so I could hide this for as long as I wanted tbh. AITA? or are my fears valid?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ok_Promise_4658 on 2025-06-26 23:10:56.

I have a situation that may seem minor, but I’d still like an outside perspective. My fiancée (23F) and I (23M) deeply value communication and transparency, though we sometimes fall short. Her birthday is coming up in two and a half weeks, and today we had our first detailed conversation about it. Coincidentally, my summer vacation lands right before her birthday (for two weeks), and I planned to take her actual birthday off too.

The issue is a classic one: in-laws visiting. She let me know that her mother will be staying with us for five days (ending on her birthday), her father for three, and her grandparents for two. These plans were made without consulting me. I immediately felt “off” about it—not because I dislike her family (I love them and enjoy their company), but because of the length and lack of communication. I couldn’t help but view it hypocritically: in the past, she’s been very clear that my three siblings shouldn’t stay longer than three days. I understood and respected that boundary.

I’m someone who struggles with mental health and needs space to recharge. The only people I can be around without stress are my fiancée and siblings. Her mom, while lovely, is high-energy and very ADHD—traits that often clash with my anxious and introverted nature. It’s not a matter of liking or disliking anyone; it’s about mental stamina.

When I told her that five days felt long, she didn’t seem to acknowledge my feelings. I then expressed that I wished she had discussed it with me first. I said I’d prefer if her mom could stay for just three days. She replied that it wouldn’t be appropriate to change the plans now, as it would be rude to her mother. I brought up the precedent with my siblings—how we had communicated and compromised—but she said the situations weren’t comparable. Her view is that my siblings are teens/preteens who want to spend time with her, while her mom is there primarily for her. I agreed they aren’t identical, but still felt the broader point stood: extended houseguests increase stress, especially in our small home.

The conversation began to stall. I made one final plea to shorten her mom’s stay, and she said that since it’s her birthday, I should “meet her in the middle.” I pointed out that nothing had changed—there had been no compromise or middle ground—so I’d essentially just be ignoring my own needs. She reiterated that the plans were made and she wouldn’t change them. At that point, I felt frustrated and emotionally drained, and I went to another room to cool off and type this post.

I realize this isn’t a massive issue—five days is not weeks or months—but I still feel frustrated, unseen, and confused. I’m open to being wrong here, or to having overlooked her perspective in the way I feel she overlooked mine. I just want some outside input on what feels like a trivial matter from the outside, but is a real source of emotional tension from where I’m sitting. Thank you.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Acrobatic-Wave2759 on 2025-06-26 23:04:28.

I (23f) attended the wedding of my sister Lily (27f). Of course, since I had an event, I had to get a massive breakout. So I had 8 star pimple patches on my face. They were covering juicy zits. My sister didn't say anything during her wedding but afterwards she said I looked ridiculous. She said pimple patches are not appropriate for a wedding. I don't know if she preferred seeing juicy zits under makeup. I don't know if I could have done better. Am I the asshole ?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/WillingBus5856 on 2025-06-26 22:50:23.

so here’s the background: after a shitty and long friendship where my “friend” was constantly disrespectful of me and feeling entitled to me and others, introducing me to creeps and more, she dumped me after i wouldn’t drop her off at her hookups house an hour away for free.

now she has been harassing me online by texting my friends and boyfriend as well as posting about me spreading false or twisted claims and having the balls to call me manic or crazy. she does this to all of her ex boyfriends too. she doesn’t have any friends anymore.

i called her mom and explained and she told me that they had a physical fight and that she has also been harassing members of her family, and that she is going to the hospital soon (not sure if she’s actually going to send her)

she moved out with her hookup and i know she is holding him hostage because he feels obligated to care for her, since she won’t keep a job or go to school. my cousin informed me that you aren’t allowed to move people in without telling the landlord. basically i want to call the landlord and tell him so she gets kicked out. she has been embarrassing, slandering and harassing me and has done this 100 times over. it’s either this or file a misdemeanor on her in court, which doesn’t even give her the chance pull herself out. also, if she has to move back home this basically guarantees she will go to the hospital. she is manic or having some kind of mental crisis. WIBTAH?

edit: also, is it better or worse to get her kicked out or to press a charge? i think kicking out is better because i know for a fact the guy she lives with is providing literally everything for her and thinks she will just die if he kicks her out. also, if she is at home her mom will 100% send her to the hospital. i don’t know if her mom knows where she lives or if she is even going to do it at this point. if i take her to court her poor mom will be needing to drive her to and from every week or so and it’ll make it harder for her to get a job (even though she can’t hold one)

edit 2: this has happened so many times. first time i remember was she and her boyfriend we met through broke up. she downloaded multiple fake number apps, made over 50 emails and blew up his phone for about 3 consecutive weeks. she took me with her to go to his house “to get my stuff back” and proceeded to fall to the floor sobbing in the living room begging his mom to have him come down. her dad does similar things, like sobbing begging her mom not to leave him, harassing people online etc.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Old_tshirt72 on 2025-06-26 22:21:28.

*WIBTA If I don’t tell them

I’m in the early stages of “recovering” from a hugeee drinking problem. I’ve been working with my therapist and although I’ve improved a TON, I still drink a little every day.

I’ve never been to AA, as I haven’t found a group that completely cuts out the religious aspect (the southern US, what can ya do) but as I said I’ve worked a LOT with my therapist, so I’m not trying to do this by myself. My friends & family are aware & supportive.

So, I don’t know if it’s just the shame/guilt/trauma talking, but if I still drink 1-2 drinks almost every day, do I need to disclose this to a stranger that might move into my apartment?

ETA: i don’t think I should live with someone who drinks heavily, so I would want to know this info. However it’s very personal so I don’t know if I would be an AH for wanting to know beforehand either?

It seems like a thin line between being invasive and also being important info for someone you live with to be aware of

ETA2: i don’t know how you get diagnosed as an alcoholic other than recognizing unacceptable behavior while drinking. My abusive ex is the only one that ever called me an alcoholic, and I do not take that accusation lightly, so I have been treating my unhealthy habits as addiction.

I have gone 1-2 days without drinking, or even wanting a drink recently. It’s a new development to not want a drink, but I would rather treat this as alcoholism than act like I don’t have a problem at all

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/030H_Stiltskin on 2025-06-26 22:09:23.

Sorry, this is long but needs context. My wife and I had a 2nd child and my wife decided she wanted to be a SAHM for at least a year which she did. We also have a 6 year old who she wanted to keep home since she would not be going into work. After 18 months she decided to go back to work. My work schedule for the last ten years has been 6am-2pm. She asked me if I could adjust my hours so that I could drop our oldest off at school in the morning and she would drop our youngest off at a daycare down the street that she passes on her way to work. I agreed to adjust my hours but told her that at certain times I would still have to go in early and she would have to handle both kids. When I take my oldest to school I have to come back home and switch vehicles to my company truck because she is too small to ride in the front seat and it has no back seats. This adds time on to the commute as well that I wasnt planning on. Initially I thought I would be able to get to work by 7:30 but I quickly found out I wasn't able to make it in until 8:15-8:30am. Rush hour traffic killed my normal commute time. Everyone else in my field starts at 6am. Sometimes we work in teams and me coming in late holds them up. I work in a trade. I can also be scheduled for testing and inspections at 7am as thats when our inspectors start. Over the summer both kids go to the same daycare. I pack their lunches and get the oldest dressed and ready in the morning. My wife wakes our youngest up 10 mins before they leave for daycare. All she has to do is put them both in the car and drive them to the same daycare. I tried getting back close to my old schedule by leaving the house at 6:30am and still getting the oldest ready to make it to work by 7am as I have really fallen behind at work by getting there late and leaving early these last 5 months so I don't get stuck in traffic on my way to pick up the kids from daycare. My wife thinks I am being an asshole and unreasonable because I am trying to get close to my old schedule for the summer. Her job doesn't start until 7:45-8am. Her commute is only 25 mins. Am i the asshole? My job is what covers our benefits which are some of the best you can get and I make almost 3 times what she makes. I don't want to risk my job. Am I being unreasonable? Also, my supervisors have no clue i wasn't starting until after 8am some to most days. They thought I was usually in by 7am or 7:30am on the rare occasion.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/JellyfishDue7161 on 2025-06-26 21:26:21.

I (55f) felt I was on fire in my living room so I took off my shirt. I had a vest underneath. My daughter Becky (27f) and several of her friends were in the living room. I was humiliated as I was sweaty and red in a sweaty vest. 2 days later, Becky confronted me. She said I embarrassed her, and that her male friends are taking about me to her. I told her I couldn't help it but she called me a liar. Am I the asshole ?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Federal_Captain6438 on 2025-06-26 20:44:06.

So me and my sister which is four years older than me have to live alone for a while,because our parents are on a business trip.She is irresponsible to say the least-she doesn’t do anything all day,barely cleans,doesn’t ever even try to help me cook something.And even when she does do something,i have to always remind her to do it,almost beg her to go pay the bills for example.She eats in the kitchen and doesn’t clean up after herself,then she goes in her room and all she does is constantly blasting music,even at night. So everytime i try to talk to her about it,i get so insanely angry and shout at her.She says she is “pretty chill” and states that im the asshole for always trying to argue with her.Today she even said that i “maybe have problems” and that’s why im so irritable,when she doesn’t do dogshit.Even when i state the fucking truth,she says im “hurting her feelings” and “insulting her”.What gets me so mad is that she is like an adult,at her fucking age my mom had her.And she still acts like a kid,i mean im sure as hell more mature than her.So im i the asshole?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Straight-Author8704 on 2025-06-26 20:02:49.

Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that my partner is a bad parent, I know that she’s amazing at looking after our son and I know how difficult it is to be alone looking after a child,

I (22M) and my partner (22F) have a son (7monthM), we live with my partners parents and I work a 9-5 job Tuesday to Saturday. We’ve had some hiccups, there’s been points where we have disagreed on a few things, but this evening really got me riled up.

To make it clear, it take me an hour and a half to get from work to home meaning earliest I’m home by 6:30 - 7. Today I got home and knew it would be a good idea to give my son a bath, I’ve only ran a bath 2-3 times before as the bath is usually run or done by the time I’m home, now I needed to double check something with my partner, and she gave a blunt “ugh you should know this, it’s so easy” Me: “yeah but I just want to make sure, I don’t run a lot of his baths” Her:” yeah says a lot about you as a father” Me: “ oh fuck off,” It was at that point I took my child upstairs for his bath but I really felt like that comment was unnecessary and really got to me as she already knows it’s one of my insecurities

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/historically_nerdy_ on 2025-06-26 20:02:40.

Some background information:

My husband and I have lived in our house now for a little over 6 years and in that time things have been pretty great, no issues. So we get new neighbors a few years ago that mostly keep to themselves. This is a bit strange since we live in a small town (about 5000) but fine, you do you. We live right in town with houses on all sides.

Everything was pretty smooth until about 4 months ago when these same neighbor's car alarm just randomly starts going off. At first we didn't think much of it but after not too long we realized that it wasn't just a once or twice occurrence, it was a chronic problem. It would go off completely random, middle of the day, middle of the night, etc.

I officially started keeping a log of every time I heard and saw it go off on April 4, almost 3 months ago as of this post. It has gone off 6 times (that we know of) in the middle of the night. Think like 1-3am. These aren't just quiet sounds but the full damn car alarm.

My husband leaves on work trips every so often and that leaves me at home alone with the kids occasionally. Our kids are pretty small yet, 5 and 6 and get a bit of anxiety sometimes when he leaves for extended periods of time.

This anxiety has not been helped by the car alarm going off in the middle of the night. Our bedrooms overlook the same road and the driveway where this car is always parked. The owners are right next door.

Our household has been woken up at least 6 times now and sometimes it takes several minutes to calm my kids down after waking up to the alarm.

I've finally decided that I've had it. Last week on Monday I called the police and told them what was happening. I'm not really sure what they did about it (it was late morning, like 11am when I called). I shit you not the very next morning we get woke up at 1am because the alarm went off.

I decide to let it be, but again today the alarm went off ( 9days later) so again I called the police. They said they'd send someone out to talk to our neighbors.

Prior to calling the police, we had left them notes two separate times on the car, asking them kindly to fix the alarm, that it was bothering us. Nothing. We waited like a whole month in-between notes too. We left the notes because we're never sure exactly when they'll be home and tried to knock on their door first.

This was pretty long but I feel like I need someone to vent to. Sorry.

AITA? I feel gross calling the police, but I'm at my wits end here. I don't want to make an enemy of my neighbor but I just don't know what to do and it's probably too late now.

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/massivenuts5578 on 2025-06-26 19:50:15.

My best friends and I all moved to a different state from our hometown about a year ago together. Our lease is coming up in October and they want to renew, except I want to be closer to the city. I found this really cute studio and am debating touring. This might put them in a difficult spot if I chose to move out, as it’s expensive and they would be losing a roommate, but I really don’t want to live in the apartment we’re currently in for another year, and they don’t want to sign for a month-to-month lease. I also just really want to live alone. I love them, but we step on each other’s toes a lot. Am I the asshole if I move out on my own?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/NecessarySlip4517 on 2025-06-26 19:47:15.

This is silly, but I wanted some opinions regardless. My brother and I live abroad, and our parents have recently come to visit us and take a vacation at the same time. They are staying at my place since I live alone, and it has been fine other than one issue.

I like to have the AC on while I'm asleep. I just like to wake up to a cool room instead of being possibly sweaty and hot. My dad wakes up every night around 3-4 am to go to the bathroom, and when he does, he also comes into my room and turns off my AC. I have told him multiple times not to do it, as I leave it running on purpose, but he just does it anyway. So found a solution. I put the remote on top of my wardrobe, as he can't reach that high. I did this yesterday, went to sleep, and I got woken up by my dad searching for the remote in the middle of the night. When he saw me, he asked me where the remote was, and I just told him to go back to sleep, and he left.

The next morning at breakfast, he told me not to hide the remote, so I told him not to turn off the AC, and there was a back and forth, but we quickly dropped it so that mom could eat in peace. So like I said, this is silly, but AITA for hiding the remote.

EDIT: My English is kinda bad, sorry

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Examination-5261 on 2025-06-26 19:37:49.

I am totally torn. My(f35) brother(33) died June 27th last year. I had been in the hospital with him nearly every day and night for 2 months total over 2 different stays and was the decision maker for him per our parents' request. I was there a lot for my mom (and other family members)to try to keep her emotionally supported, to hear her and give advice and information. I wheeled her down to the E.R. when she had an anxiety attack when she first arrived at the hospital room at his second admittance. My mom and I were with him when he took his final breath.

I was also there with my maternal grandmother when she passed a little over 4 months later. She was in hospice and family members took shifts to make sure she wasn't alone and to say goodbye. I took night shift alone and talked to her to try to keep her comforted as she took her final breaths. I have seen death before in a past profession, but the weight of witnessing these two have been obviously much tougher as I grieve, and try to deal with the guilt I feel for the decisions I made for my brother. I haven't told any of my blood relatives how difficult things have been for me because it would make things harder for them.

With this week and the final day approaching, I had been planning to spend the day alone. I deal with things myself. My mom sent my sister and I a text asking if we wanted to go over to swim and just keep each other distracted, and go through my grandmother's clothes and things mom kept aside for us. Sister has to work. Mom's husband will be with her, but I feel like I'm being very selfish and harmful to her by basically ditching her when she needs company. I also am not sure how strong and composed I could be while there and I don't think I'd be a great distraction.

So AITA if I go off and do my own thing and decline my mom's request to distract her on the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Grouchy_Judgment8927 on 2025-06-26 19:07:35.

I was walking my lovely, elderly lab earlier today. We ended up walking toward an older lady, in a situation where someone would have to give way. I told her he's moving slowly. She, in a positive way, said that he moves in his own time.

Cool.

When we got close to her, she spoke to him, in a kind voice, about not being a puppy any more.

My dog DIGS an old lady, always has. He wiggled over to her for o fuss, and got, "I dont like dogs. Go away."

I pulled him back and apologised, but I can't help feeling like there were mixed signals here.

Am I the asshole for allowing my dog to approach someone who gave every sign of wanting to be approached?

Edited a misspelled word

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/strawberryvanillaz on 2025-06-26 17:58:43.

A little backstory: I (30 F) moved away from my hometown around 10 years ago for university, and in that time, I disconnected with a lot of my extended family due to growing up around a lot family conflict, toxicity, and drama, and I just really wanted to focus on myself and my schooling. In this time, my extended family did not care to reach out to me either.

Now that I am a little older, I have been making more of any effort to reconnect with my extended family, such as with my grandparents (80s).

I reached out to my Granddad, letting him know I will be in town again, and I would like to meet up. He seemed happy to see him.

A few days later, I sent him a subsequent text arranging details, and he exploded at me for being disrespectful for starting the text with "Hello 😊!" rather than "Hello Granddad".

Here is the text exchange:

Me: "Hello 😊!

Hope your day is going well.

I'm just setting up my schedule for our trip to and wanted to see if there was a particular day that works best for you both to get together? We could come over to your home or we can go for coffee/tea, or anything that is easiest for you both!"

Him: "First of all I am not “hello”. I am your grandfather!!! Some respect please!!!If you wish to maintain a relationship with your grandparents you will have to change your attitude."

I know there is a bit of a generational difference in texting and I wish I had started with a more formal greeting addressing him by his title, but I found his response quite jarring.

I might be the asshole here because perhaps just a "hello" is too informal when speaking to an elder and I should have recognized this. I come from a South Asian background where "respect" is placed on a pedestal.

AITA?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/OkEnd8852 on 2025-06-26 17:32:58.

So, a bit of a backstory. From my mother's side, I have three uncles. Two of them are truly amazing people, and the other one is a deadbeat. Growing up, being the angel my mother was, she had to bail him out of situations constantly, and he always took advantage of her kindness, seeing as one of my uncles cut him off, and the other one, while not cutting him off, doesn't help him financially from all I know. After my mother passed away, my father made it clear to him that he didn't give two shits about him so as far as I know he hasn't contacted us in a long time, or at least not me. Now, my father passed away a couple of years ago, leaving me three houses. I have been renting two of them out, but the last one, being the house that I grew up in, I just didn't have the heart to rent to anyone, and since I live abroad, it has been just sitting there.

Recently, the previously mentioned uncle out of the blue got in contact with me to see if I would be willing to rent the house to him, since one of her daughters had just gotten married, and was looking for a nice place to stay. I don't even know how he got my number or knew that what house I was renting or not. My best guess is that my other uncle was just being kind to him and told him about me in conversation. Anyway, I replied with a simple "Fuck off" and blocked him and promptly told my wife everything because I found the whole thing kinda bizarre and a bit humorous. She knows about the whole situation but has never met him. She knows that I despise him, but just like my mother, being the angel she is asked me if I had any bad blood with my cousin who needed the place, and quite frankly, I don't. She suggested that I think everything over with my cousin in mind, and if I still didn't want to, then that was that.

I reconsidered, and though I don't have bad blood with my cousin, as I don't really know her, from what I heard from my other uncle, she is not as bad as my uncle is, though. Still, I don't want to be associated with him through anything, even my cousin. I told my wife that I wouldn't be comfortable with everything, and she understood. It has been in the back of my mind, however, I'm all made up about not renting to him, but I just wanted to get some opinions. AITA for this?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ApprehensiveCatch852 on 2025-06-26 17:31:13.

Hi everyone, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons.

So this is the situation: I (29, F) and my fiance (30, M) live together, have a dog together, and raise my smaller brother together. We're getting married in about 2 months.

He's a very social person, I'm not. So usually he just goes out on his own with his friends, goes to festivals etc - He is free to do whatever he wants unless it cuts into any time restraints of our schedule together has or unless our relationship needs more of his energy. By free, I mean he can go out drinking, he can hook up with other women as long as he tells me, he can generally just do whatever except for heavy drinking, he can only do that when he doesn't come home that night because he gets really aggressive when he drinks.

He can come home whenever he wants in the night, which he frequently does even on weekdays. The only thing I expect is some information on the latest time he'll be home so I can plan my night and dinners and everything else accordingly.

Yesterday, Wednesday, he was planning on seeing a good friend of his, let'S call her Anna (F, 29) after work together with another couple. I called him early on Wednesday to ask him if he could maybe come home a little earlier that day, around 10 pm. He basically said no, it's one of the last chances he'll get to see her (Anna is moving to another country in a week or so), and said he is already compromising a lot.

I said something along the lines of "how are you compromising a lot? I haven't even asked you to come home earlier or anything in almost a year" to which he said something like "I already only go out 2-3 times a week, that's a compromise" and "I come home early every time something happens or you are not feeling well and need help".

In my opinion, going out *only* 2-3 times a week is not a compromise but rather a pretty normal thing for 2 adults who have a kid and a dog and 40h jobs and a house to take care of. I don't think that qualifies as compromise.

I also don't think coming home of his own free will when I'm in need of help or something happened, like our neighbour throwing up out of his window on our house, counts as compromise.

We're now in a rather large fight because I'm not willing to accept that only going out 2-3 nights a week and coming home when shit hits the fan is a compromise. Am I being too stubborn?

So, AITA for asking him to come home earlier than usual that Wednesday?

Points that could be made in his defense:

• his friend is moving away soon, he will only see her again this Friday on her Goodbye Party, though he did know that for months now and could've met up with her plenty in the meantime.

• when he asked if there was an emergency or something important I said no, I'd just like him to be home to go to bed together at least

• he still does his share of the household, that is not impacted by his going out

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wise-Exit-9849 on 2025-06-26 16:54:49.

I just had a baby last week and my mom and stepdad are visiting for a month to help with the new baby and toddler which I am very grateful for. My stepdad is able to work from home. He sits in our kitchen all day and takes zoom calls, all of which are in loud volume so everyone can hear all 4-5 people on the call talk about engineering - stepdad also speaks very loudly. Our house isn’t very big and it is open concept, so the kitchen, dining room and living room are essentially one room with no walls dividing them. They’ve stayed with us in the past and taken these calls and I’ve passively asked him if he has headphones to which he replied he didn’t. The next time he visited, he apologized and said he forgot the headphones again. This time, he hasn’t said anything about headphones at all and is just letting it rip. Stepdad has also asked my toddler to “shhh” while he is on these calls even though he knows he is sitting 3 feet from the play area. My husband, who my stepdad generally has a great relationship with, is also annoyed by this and finally nicely mentioned using headphones again or using the guest room my parents are staying in which has a desk in it. Stepdad proceeds to act hurt and packs up his laptop, notepads, etc to move into the guest room. My husband tells him he can still work there, but just to move if there are calls. Stepdad still decides to take all of his things and moves into the guest room with door closed for the remainder of the day - the energy feels tense. Are we TAs here?

The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/kcoraldh on 2025-06-26 09:15:18.

For context, this all took place Early March-May.

I (17F) have been best friends with (let’s call her L), (17F) since middle school. She’s been dating her boyfriend, (let’s call her J), (18M) for a little over a year. He’s a good guy, is friends with our friend group, treats her well and everyone knows they will have a future together.

They’ve had a plan for months, J isn’t going to college until he has more funds saved up from his job, so L told him she was going to stay local and do community college so they could stay close. He’s been working hard and overtime to save up and even started looking for apartments near the campus she said she was going to.

But here’s the thing, L has secretly been applying to out of state schools. Not just one or two, but a bunch. Places in New York and California, while we live in Texas.

She’s smart, like one of the smartest people I know, but I also feel like Texas has some pretty good universities local to us.

She asked me to help with her applications and essays and told me to keep it between us. I felt weird about it, being friends with J as well.

At first, I thought she was just exploring options and would tell him eventually. But the decisions were coming up super soon, (about a month away) and she was still lying to him. Meanwhile, he’s putting all his time, energy, and money into planning their future thinking she’s staying which I couldn’t sit with any longer.

So I told him. I didn’t go into detail, didn’t really say much of her business, I just pulled him aside and said, “Hey, I think you should talk to L about her college plans. I know you’re making big decisions, and I don’t think you have the full picture.”

When L found out she got so upset with me. She said I ruined the trust between us and it wasn’t my business to tell, she also thinks I was trying to sabotage their relationship… (???). Like what? She swears she was going to tell him “eventually,” and now claims she was “just exploring options,” not seriously planning to go. Most of our friend group agrees with her and says that it wasn’t my business to say.

But being friends with J, keeping a lie like that would seriously alter someone’s future. They’re still together, and she’s going to the community college, and i’ve lost most of my friendships over this.

I keep wondering if I should’ve kept it to myself and let them figure it out, or not? idk.

AITA?