The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/ApprehensiveCatch852 on 2025-06-26 17:31:13.
Hi everyone, this is a throwaway for obvious reasons.
So this is the situation: I (29, F) and my fiance (30, M) live together, have a dog together, and raise my smaller brother together. We're getting married in about 2 months.
He's a very social person, I'm not. So usually he just goes out on his own with his friends, goes to festivals etc - He is free to do whatever he wants unless it cuts into any time restraints of our schedule together has or unless our relationship needs more of his energy. By free, I mean he can go out drinking, he can hook up with other women as long as he tells me, he can generally just do whatever except for heavy drinking, he can only do that when he doesn't come home that night because he gets really aggressive when he drinks.
He can come home whenever he wants in the night, which he frequently does even on weekdays. The only thing I expect is some information on the latest time he'll be home so I can plan my night and dinners and everything else accordingly.
Yesterday, Wednesday, he was planning on seeing a good friend of his, let'S call her Anna (F, 29) after work together with another couple. I called him early on Wednesday to ask him if he could maybe come home a little earlier that day, around 10 pm. He basically said no, it's one of the last chances he'll get to see her (Anna is moving to another country in a week or so), and said he is already compromising a lot.
I said something along the lines of "how are you compromising a lot? I haven't even asked you to come home earlier or anything in almost a year" to which he said something like "I already only go out 2-3 times a week, that's a compromise" and "I come home early every time something happens or you are not feeling well and need help".
In my opinion, going out *only* 2-3 times a week is not a compromise but rather a pretty normal thing for 2 adults who have a kid and a dog and 40h jobs and a house to take care of. I don't think that qualifies as compromise.
I also don't think coming home of his own free will when I'm in need of help or something happened, like our neighbour throwing up out of his window on our house, counts as compromise.
We're now in a rather large fight because I'm not willing to accept that only going out 2-3 nights a week and coming home when shit hits the fan is a compromise. Am I being too stubborn?
So, AITA for asking him to come home earlier than usual that Wednesday?
Points that could be made in his defense:
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his friend is moving away soon, he will only see her again this Friday on her Goodbye Party, though he did know that for months now and could've met up with her plenty in the meantime.
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when he asked if there was an emergency or something important I said no, I'd just like him to be home to go to bed together at least
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he still does his share of the household, that is not impacted by his going out