The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Examination-5261 on 2025-06-26 19:37:49.
I am totally torn. My(f35) brother(33) died June 27th last year. I had been in the hospital with him nearly every day and night for 2 months total over 2 different stays and was the decision maker for him per our parents' request. I was there a lot for my mom (and other family members)to try to keep her emotionally supported, to hear her and give advice and information. I wheeled her down to the E.R. when she had an anxiety attack when she first arrived at the hospital room at his second admittance. My mom and I were with him when he took his final breath.
I was also there with my maternal grandmother when she passed a little over 4 months later. She was in hospice and family members took shifts to make sure she wasn't alone and to say goodbye. I took night shift alone and talked to her to try to keep her comforted as she took her final breaths. I have seen death before in a past profession, but the weight of witnessing these two have been obviously much tougher as I grieve, and try to deal with the guilt I feel for the decisions I made for my brother. I haven't told any of my blood relatives how difficult things have been for me because it would make things harder for them.
With this week and the final day approaching, I had been planning to spend the day alone. I deal with things myself. My mom sent my sister and I a text asking if we wanted to go over to swim and just keep each other distracted, and go through my grandmother's clothes and things mom kept aside for us. Sister has to work. Mom's husband will be with her, but I feel like I'm being very selfish and harmful to her by basically ditching her when she needs company. I also am not sure how strong and composed I could be while there and I don't think I'd be a great distraction.
So AITA if I go off and do my own thing and decline my mom's request to distract her on the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death?