The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sparklespanx on 2025-06-26 23:44:54.
I’ve (30s F) lived with my best friend (50s M) for four years. A few years ago, he was unemployed for 9 months and I did my best to pick up the slack around the house financially. Before he lost his job, he was making twice as much as me, if not more.
Last year, I lost my job and was unemployed for four months until I landed something. He was generous enough to defer rent until I had a job and I paid him all but half a month’s rent in the two months at that job before I was let go. I was then unemployed again until April of this year. Before I got this job (which is such a good fit and much better than the one immediately before it), he and I had a frank convo about money and I asked him for some breathing room to catch up on some credit card debt before I started paying rent again. He agreed without coercion. He was fully on board since he was now making twice what I make again. I also promised to pay him back rent.
Here’s where some additional context might be helpful: he’s an alcoholic. He gets drunk 3-4 nights a week, sometimes more. Also important: we live in a HCOL area, but his rent hasn’t gone up in a decade. You can barely find a studio in our city for what he’s been paying for a 3bed/1bath with a garage and a nice backyard.
A few times he’s gotten drunk and gave me a hard time about deferred rent. I told him we could forget the deferment and I’d just start paying now, but he would refuse despite being the one to pick a fight about it. Then he decides he’s going to raise my rent by $200, on top of expecting back pay (tbc, I have 0 issue with back pay.) Well, his drinking has been getting worse and he’s started to get mean. Last night, he stood in our side yard and just revved his chain saw for like 3 min to annoy our neighbor that he got into a dispute with over yard stuff (the dude is a legit AH, tbh but still) and I realized I was just over it and decided to move to PNW.
I spoke to work first and they said it was fine (I wfh full time) and so I told him. Now he’s pissed. Like super pissed. But I can move to a much cheaper city, afford to live on my own, and make greater pains to pay him back more quickly if I move. But I’m kind of feeling guilty because he has been so generous the last year. So AITA?