The original post: /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway-160425 on 2025-04-16 13:34:35.
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. For context, I live 9 hours flight away from her. She is being taken care by my siblings which all (except one) reside with or near her. She also has my dad with her.
I've been back home twice. Once to visit her and second to again visit but also in a relatively small ceremony get married. Yes, I got married amonst all this as my mother wanted to see me get married before she passes away. This backfired almost immediately and the family that was supportive turned it into me distastefully choosing such a painful time to get married. No one saw it for what I thought they would. That I wanted my mum to see her youngest child finally married and settled. Note that she expressed this desire which led me to fast forward my plans on getting married otherwise no way in hell would I have done it at that stage.
Now it's been 6 months since I'm married. My mother is extremely frail. Her condition has worsened to the point where she'll be passing away soon. My sibling reached out and said if I can plan to come back to spend time with her - I should as she doesn't have much time left
I would've, but there's extreme hostility back home for me. Since I've come back it's taken me 6 months to get myself to a stage where I'm somewhat ok. I don't think my mental health is nearly recovered but I'm slowly getting there. Going back would bring me back to zero and with no one to look after me other than my wife, it's hard for me. I don't have any friends or other family for support circle. My family are all back home and have essentially abandoned me.
Just for context - my relationship with my mother has always been complex. I love her to bits and I've been out of country for about 8 years now. Since I've left and gotten a decent job the majority of my contact with my mum has been on when I'll be paying her back for the month. I've been giving her money every month because she helped me out in my uni tuition fees. Sort of returning a loan. That has been most of our discussions. Other than that I won't say anything else on her she's been a great mum and I love her alot.
I just don't understand what to do.
So reddit, if my mum passes away and I decide not to attend the funeral WIBTA?