this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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I have moved on to egg rolls.
Well I am on pineapple satay skewers. Get with the now.
Challenge accepted!
If only there was a better way...
I wasn’t going to, but now you’ve got me thinking about it.
Just watch me motherfucker
“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
Is that him or the worm talking?
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My body, my choice.
Doctor: can you at least wait a few seconds after you take them out of the deep fryer next time?
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn't find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read "Not to be inserted rectally."
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don't think the government should tell you not too
Bread 🥖
What goes up must always come down
FLARED. BASE.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
I reckon a friend of theirs was looking for something real hard.
I know right?! You could fit your entire wallet in there, and they'd never guess the password!
Don't ask how I know this, I don't have any trucknuts..
Sunglasses? Really? Didn't have any better objects? C'mon.
Well DUH! It's summer idiots.
I'm sure you can get frozen spring rolls
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they're telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It's like doctors don't want us to find any joy in our lives.
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It's the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan's eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they've fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn't get Thursdays off, it's been a minute.
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Doctors don't know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
Thank god I'm not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
For now
Well, I wasn't going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Use summer rolls instead. They're usually bigger anyway.
The new sexually frustrated boomer trend
"Breaking news"
THIS IS AMERICA, GOD DAMMIT, THE LIBERAL MARXIST GLOBALISTS ARE TRYING TO CONTROL HOW I EAT MY FOOD, GO TO HELL YOU COMMIE BASTARDS
just gonna leave this here https://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/uk-news/doctors-warning-people-not-insert-17802129
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Fuckin' big pharma. I ain't sticking Pfizer's goddamn wantons up there, I'm sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
A spring roll a day…
Yeah probably the same "doctors" that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
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