this post was submitted on 07 Dec 2024
495 points (99.6% liked)

Lemmy Shitpost

27131 readers
3619 users here now

Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


Rules:

1. Be Respectful


Refrain from using harmful language pertaining to a protected characteristic: e.g. race, gender, sexuality, disability or religion.

Refrain from being argumentative when responding or commenting to posts/replies. Personal attacks are not welcome here.

...


2. No Illegal Content


Content that violates the law. Any post/comment found to be in breach of common law will be removed and given to the authorities if required.

That means:

-No promoting violence/threats against any individuals

-No CSA content or Revenge Porn

-No sharing private/personal information (Doxxing)

...


3. No Spam


Posting the same post, no matter the intent is against the rules.

-If you have posted content, please refrain from re-posting said content within this community.

-Do not spam posts with intent to harass, annoy, bully, advertise, scam or harm this community.

-No posting Scams/Advertisements/Phishing Links/IP Grabbers

-No Bots, Bots will be banned from the community.

...


4. No Porn/ExplicitContent


-Do not post explicit content. Lemmy.World is not the instance for NSFW content.

-Do not post Gore or Shock Content.

...


5. No Enciting Harassment,Brigading, Doxxing or Witch Hunts


-Do not Brigade other Communities

-No calls to action against other communities/users within Lemmy or outside of Lemmy.

-No Witch Hunts against users/communities.

-No content that harasses members within or outside of the community.

...


6. NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.


-Content that is NSFW should be behind NSFW tags.

-Content that might be distressing should be kept behind NSFW tags.

...

If you see content that is a breach of the rules, please flag and report the comment and a moderator will take action where they can.


Also check out:

Partnered Communities:

1.Memes

2.Lemmy Review

3.Mildly Infuriating

4.Lemmy Be Wholesome

5.No Stupid Questions

6.You Should Know

7.Comedy Heaven

8.Credible Defense

9.Ten Forward

10.LinuxMemes (Linux themed memes)


Reach out to

All communities included on the sidebar are to be made in compliance with the instance rules. Striker

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Like duct tape - my god, what is the world coming to

top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Gullible 120 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Took me a minute. Chloroform, for any other dumbys

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago

Thanks. It would never have occurred to me.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

kinda wondered why chlorophyll and chloroform have the same root, it's not like there's chlorine in chlorophyll.

turns out chloro- means yellowish green. TIL.

[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] BudgetBandit 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 92 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Why do the comments feel a bit whooshy on this one?

That said, I bet you could find a kidnapper starter kit somewhere on the Internet. Fun fact, chloroform doesn't work the way you think it does--- it isn't instant and it doesn't last long enough to be of any use like this. Movies have lied to you. Keep this in mind if you have weekend plans with any CEOs near you!

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Also the vulcan nerve pinch doesn't work. It was invented by Nimoy because he didn't want to punch a guy.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Shit, next you're gonna tell me Vulcans aren't real.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

They are. Not bad heaters back in the day.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

They are, Romulans aren't though.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Knocking someone out safely is also really difficult, but I see why movies like the trope

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

There's a reason it's the highest paid job in medicine

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Ether can do what the movies say chloroform does, though.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago

Sure didn't stop the media

[–] [email protected] 63 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You can also buy mustard. Like, hello! All someone has to do is boil that, and they have mustard gas!

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 week ago

Heinz DOES sound German....

[–] [email protected] 55 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

You can also buy wolf piss but everyone loses their mind when a girl with pink hair sells her farts :(

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Man, I might buy some coyote piss and spray my trash cans to make the raccoons fuck off.

I don’t want to hurt them, but if that don’t work I’m going airsoft on those assholes. If that don’t work, paintballs.

I’ve tried everything. I left them some food about 200 yards from my home and they’d eat that and still come and tear my trash cans apart.

Even if I got the cans with locked lids, it’s an apartment so I’d walk out to find the neighbor’s trash everywhere and they just walk past it like they didn’t see it. I left it once to see how long they’d ignore it. For four days my yard looked like a landfill. No one bothered to touch it,

It’s easy to see it’s your trash too. I see my one neighbor carrying 12 packs of sprite in every day. Sprite cans litter the yard? Yep. She doesn’t even care.

Told me once that she would have cleaned it but she didn’t have gloves. I asked her if she had soap and she huffed at me and went inside.

I’d chop my nuts off to live in a house again.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Had a skunk take up residence under my barn. I waited to see if she was gonna have some kits. She was huge! Sure enough I see her with her little ones. Waited for then to leave the nest before I put a radio with country going 24/7. Skunks are solitary generally and don't like a bunch of noise.

Racoon's might need a little different motivation to get the hint. Might look into ultrasonic motion/sound machines.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago

I put a radio with country going 24/7

This works on me, too.

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 week ago (4 children)

The ratio of comments that get the joke vs comments that don't is troubling

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 week ago (2 children)

These are the same kind of people who freak out when you tell them everyone who has consumed dihydrogen monoxide will die.

[–] ComplacentGoat 12 points 1 week ago (2 children)

I have a laser engraving machine at work that houses a class 3 fiber laser. The amount of people that lose their shit when you open the door to add/remove parts or straight up walk 50ft around the thing is insane. All because of a little sticker that says "Caution- Laser Radiation". They seem to think it's a reactor core or something. No matter how many times I've explained the difference between ionizing and non-ionizing radiation, and showed them the data sheet and safety interlocks, I get the same one line argument "It says radiation. It's gonna give everyone here cancer."

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Does your work have baseboard heaters or radiators? Maybe it’s time to start putting those little stickers on everything that radiates energy

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It’s gonna give everyone here cancer.”

Then they head off to the lake/beach for the weekend to work on their tan.

[–] ComplacentGoat 2 points 1 week ago

One of the ladies goes to a tanning salon. These people work with Tetrahydrofuran and Ethylene Chloride, but decided to make this the hill to die on.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 week ago

People complain about the fake reviews on Amazon (which are illegal now), but it's the dumb people that are the worst.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

ITT: people complaining about (virtually non-existent) people who didn't get it

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

I would never have made the connection if someone hadn't explained.

I'm not that used to illiteracy.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I like to create imaginary people that I can complain about though

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

I build my houses out of straw too

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Amazon: Screwing humanity over for profits from A-Z!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Also giving us unintended chortles, thanks to our creative friends. And yeah, I do use AmZn to check prices and product availability, but avoid ever buying anything from there.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago

I drunkenly bought four black balaclavas from Amazon a couple days ago. I was high on copium. Such a stupid decision.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Chlorophyll? More like Borophyll...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago

NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

And chloroform is freely available at your nearest chemist.

[–] GhiLA 3 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Is it comically accurate to 1950's cartoons in how it incapacitates a person?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

From my understanding it takes 5-10 mins of consistent inhalation. And the effects last only seconds.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 week ago (2 children)

And it is quite carcinogenic, so if you use it on some one, not only is it going to be quite ineffective, it's also probs going to give them cancer

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 days ago

Oof that's the long term plan 😈

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

It's super effective, just on a very long timescale.

[–] horse_tranquilizers 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wait till they sell rohypnotoad

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Civilization began collapsing after dictionaries were banned worldwide

load more comments
view more: next ›