Ask Lemmy

It's not that I don't like my coworkers, and I do spend some time with them, but I preemptively block them on Facebook to have some safety. I do have them on Instagram but that's 99% pictures of my dogs or maybe vacation so that's harmless, with the odd goofy meme thrown in for good measure. But I do not add them anywhere I might express a political opinion or share something overly personal. (I also use filters on Facebook the odd time I do this). Someone once took a post of mine out of context and took it to my manager who met with me about it and scolded me with threats of discipline even though it actually had nothing to do with work, because this woman was in very deep shit for something else and trying to divert attention to other staff, because she's like that.

Also a couple of my coworkers are sort of passive antivaxxers (in that they got the two doses mandated for work but spend time telling us about how the vaccine doesn't work and we shouldn't be forced, etc), so they are blocked everywhere and I share very little with them at work besides brief remarks. I have also had some bad days in the last year where I have simply said things at home are tough because I'm obviously not myself, but didn't share what. I just keep a healthy distance but am reasonably friendly.

My wife was my former coworker, and I couldn't be happier. Do what makes you happy - random internet strangers should have little to no input on your life decisions.

Some of my best and closest friends were former colleagues, men and women. Just happened naturally. Other coworkers were very close during the work, but then drifted apart immediately when the work ended for whatever reason.

But, don't have a candy dish, don't be too inviting, don't be known as someone who listens to gossip. That's an important boundary to set.

Misery loves company. If anyone reading this has a "friendship" with a coworker based solely on bitching about the job or other coworkers, it's a liability not a friendship.

There’s a difference between work friends and real friends. The rule I follow is that they get to be real friends only after they or I leave. You don’t want them to know too much for your own good.

I don't pursue friendships. I let them happen. "How would those happen?" They don't happen.

I've made friendships that have survived leaving the workplace that I met them and I'm happy that I did it.

I've also worked at places where there was nobody that I could really make friends with, so I didn't pursue any lasting friendship.

I'm not going to go out of my way to make every coworker a friend, but I feel like freezing everyone out limits the number of people with whom you can become friends.

Work friends are great. When you're bored af, and just want to open your mouth and let your neurons fire random bullshit straight to your larynx, who else are you going to giggle with?

I have a personal rule that states I'm there to work, not make friends.

This does not mean I'm openly trying to be hostile or rude towards people but I will hardly consider a work acquaintance any more than that.

So (in my opinion) you need to first be very clear about your goal... You shouldn't just DO or NOT DO anything really - YOU are the variable that needs to be accounted for.

If you are younger or desperate for social interactions/ friendships, and depending on the type of job, you can often make great friends at/through work. So if that is your priority, this is an opportunity.

But, work friendships come with professional risk. Your managers aren't your friends, that dynamic will betray you if push comes to shove AND that thing you do/say at that party will be considered in your performance review and/or reported to HR. So, if career it your priority, then be pleasant, but leave it at "work friends" no genuine attachments.

The vast majority of work friends don’t become real friends. Just ask anyone who got fired or laid off how many of their work friends called to check in after they’ve left the company.

It’s not that you shouldn’t pursue friendship on the job it’s just that you shouldn’t invest too much in it or expect a lot from those friendships. A true friend is someone you can call in the middle of the night for help and they will drop whatever they are doing without a second thought. If you can’t do that with a work friend they are at most an acquaintance+. Of course there might be one or two colleagues who might become a true friend so don’t give up on making friends in the work place but keep your expectations low.

My current and only friend is a person I met at work. We spent a good couple hours playing Outlast Trials yesterday, we send gifts to each other (in different states) and she actually came up for my birthday. I have cried and laughed with her, she held my hand when I had to put my cat down. She is the best friend I have ever had, now or previously. But some people are just messy, so there's always a word of caution. Some people just like to be messy, or even sabotage others if they're a real piece of work. It's less about not making friends at work imo, but to be careful when doing so.

Of course you should - make friends with whoever you like! I've made friends with colleagues and am still friends with them years after I left.

The only reason I can think of not to is if you or they are loads of drama and you don't want to bothered by it at work.

People are people wherever you meet them.

I don't get why anyone would advise to not make friends. If there is a genuine connection, absolutely make friends. You see these people every week, probably just as much as your own family. It would be a disservice to yourself to not bond with these people. Relationships on the other hand, I've seen both happy endings and awkward breakups. I would advise to look for romance elsewhere.

You do whatever you want.

It's a little confusing because IMO both of these things are true at the same time: it's good to make friends at work, but by default your coworkers are not your friends.

But that's really just poor wording.

Having a friend or three at work is wonderful. It can make a shit job tolerable and a decent job fantastic.

Just choose wisely, take your time, and don't be too trusting too soon. And don't reveal too much personal information to coworkers that you don't know well and trust yet. Some of them will use that info against you. Ambitious psychopaths can be very charming.

You're spending 40 hours a week with them, why wouldn't you want to have someone to shoot the shit with, or have a lunch buddy etc?

One of my longest and closest friends was originally a coworker. It's hard enough making friends as an adult. Don't limit yourself unnecessarily.

Friendships are fine, I don't know why someone would discourage friendships at work. Relationships aren't really advisable because a nasty breakup can cause unnecessary problems at work.

I’ve been remote since 2014. Plenty of friends made. Wouldn’t date at work as a general rule, it creates unnecessary risk IMO.

Certainly wouldn’t eg move in with someone I worked with, etc.

Then again, being poly and happily married, risk calculus is part of my mental process before attempting to date a particular person. If it goes south, will they show up naked and screaming on my front lawn in the middle of the night?

Since an angry ex doesn’t have the option of along me look bad to my wife (who also dates), any serious crazy could escalate quickly and creatively. I want nothing to do with that.

I have work friends but they are a different category from regular friends. I'm more inhibited around them (or at least try to be). At the end of the day your colleagues and you have got together to make money as opposed to socialise.

What do you have to lose by being friends with the people you work with?

Yes, absolutely. Why would you not?

You’re going to see them regularly anyway, so might as well be on friendly terms. Depending on where you work it’s possible or even likely that you’ll share some common interests too.

Yes, you or they will probably leave the company at some point, but that’s no reason not to make friends in the meantime. People come and go all the time; that’s life! If you’re lucky, you’ll make a friendship that survives even if you have to part ways at work. If not, just be happy with the friendship you had for as long as it lasted.

I call it ‘building solidarity’ rather than ‘making friends’. A group of people that don’t like and trust each other are much easier to divide and conquer. But when the communication and trust is there? Then stuff starts to happen.

I'm friends with most people I meet. There are only a few friends that I'm comfortable with in all circumstances, however.

I'm friends with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. It's very different if I were to be invited somewhere outside of work, and is very contextual. Meeting because of our union? Absolutely. Meeting just to hang? Let me get back to you in 6 weeks. Meeting for beers? You said the magic words, see you in the bar 5:30 sharp.

I followed the advice to not get close to colleagues for the last 10 years or so and regret it. I did it because I thought it'd make work harder when we disagree and I'm balancing friendship vs professionalism. Realistically, all the people I would have been friends with are mature enough to make it a non-issue.

I have started reaching out to some of my ex-colleagues I got on well with but it's very difficult to rebuild the relationship without the daily interactions. However, I have a job at the moment because I have reached out to an ex-colleague just to catch up.

I'd say if you meet someone you like, try to make friends. Jobs will come and go but finding good people to surround yourself with gets much harder as you get older.

They say this because if you expect your friend to stick their neck out for you, you might get let down (or fired).

The difference is that work friends can and should protect their job first, and their friendship with you second.

So feel free to make friends but don't expect them to behave the same way non-work-friends would.

I think you should, but to a limited degree. It generally makes the work atmosphere better, and it helps pass the time. But be careful about becoming overly invested in those friendships, since one day one of the friends might leave.

This somewhat depends on the work place, though. If there's room for chitchat without a supervisor being bitchy about socializing on the clock, I don't see a problem with it.

One caveat is that being on friendly terms is not the same as being friends. Would they be likely to accept an invitation to do something outside of the workplace?

Like most things, I think the answer is a frustrating "depends."

I've made some life long friends through workplaces. I've made workplace friends whom I haven't really ever thought about when I switched jobs.

Maybe the key is tone the relationship to whatever it'd be if you just knew each other through other friends? If you get along but don't super click, a casual friendly work acquaintance is probably right. Do you two really get along, have some shared interests/perspectives etc? Then why be constrained with only kicking it at work?

It unhealthy to seek to establish relationships at work because you or the other person may suddenly be forced to leave. You should have a support network outside of your employer.

That all said, you spend most of your waking hours at work so it's likely you will form friendships and you should celebrate those and try to shift them outside of the workplace to preserve them if employment statuses suddenly change.

The only actual disadvantage of work friends is that those strong relationships can keep you in a position that isn't healthy for you and it makes it more difficult to come to the decision to leave for greener pastures.

The only thing I consider verboten is dating at work. Don't date some from work - never. NEVER.

Make friends! Enjoy yourself!

Then unionize and protest for better working conditions.

I recently came back from visiting my old boss. I stayed at his house for a week. (He lives on the coast in Florida; it's great!) I've known him and his family for over ten years, and I consider them my dear friends.

But I still introduce him as the guy who fired me :)

(He objects, because he's actually the guy who laid me off.)

Of course you should. That's just super weird nonsense advice.

Unless you're a gangster or prostitute.

I've tried to focus more on "being friendly" than "making friends." It's definitely beneficial to be cordial and stay on good terms with people. The last 3 jobs I've gotten have been through networking and direct referrals from old coworkers. I hate bowling but I still accept the invites to the semi-annual charity bowling events at my old workplace because I like catching up with some of the old guys and I want to keep my options open if something open up.

I also think it partly depends on whether you're just punching the clock or if you have career aspirations. I've known plenty of guys who were buddy-buddy with everyone then got promoted to a managerial/leadership position and struggled because they didn't know how to maintain professional distance.

As far as dating at work...after a couple rough experiences in my early 20's I'd say never again. Echo what someone else said, "don't do it at a job you can't afford to walk away from."

It's fine to develop relationships at work and move them into "on good terms" territory if that is viable. It's also fine if it is possible to move those viable work-friendships outside of the work environment to see if they can stand on their own. What is not smart however is to think that work-friendships are real friendships just because "we get along" at work. Most work friendships will drop you like a hot rock if you get fired. It's important to be ready for that to happen even as you see what friendships might be viable.

I have work colleagues. people I commiserate with on interoffice politics and the like.

I don't have friends.

I'm too old for other peoples bullshit and refuse to change my QoL because "Jerry" decided we're going on a weekend adventure to methtown USA.

between work, home, and hobbies I've got barely enough time to sleep.