Probably dead, be a much easier fight that way
this post was submitted on 11 Aug 2023
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Asklemmy
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Jesus, just for the bragging rights.
(Many scholars believe him to be a real person, but with a bit overstating and inaccurate literature associated with him)
BUT if he was real and actually worked as a carpenter, he may be super jacked, even without any magical powers.
Yeah, have you seen him up on that cross? Dude is shredded.
Going for that Jeeeeesus on the cross look
Tucker Carlson.
Partially because of his extreme Backpfeifengesicht, but mostly for his Backpfeifenpersonality.
Ronald Regan on live TV.
Dead Regan or live Regan? I'd pay good money to see you dig up his corpse and whoop it's ass.
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Rupert Murdoch.
I think he has single-handedly done more to screw our generation and planet than anyone else could or would do.
Plus, I'm reasonably confident I would win, which is a big plus.
+1. I don't even wanna fight him - just a single punch to his stupid face would make me feel a lot better.
Iβm still holding on to a bit of animosity towards that guy Spez.
the ceo of poverty
He usually went by "Ronald Reagan"
Unfortunately, that's Mike Tyson.
Mitch McConnell. I'd slap his turtle head right back into it's shell.
Ron DeSantis.
I'm angrier at Rupert Murdoch, but DeSantis would have more of a positive effect.
Anyone living or dead? Definitely dead. I think I could reliably win a fight against a dead guy.
Thatβs what they always say, but no one considers the starting conditions.
Imagine youβre fighting a dead fat guy. Sounds easy, right? 300kg of dead weight just waiting for you to bury your fists in it.
But now imagine the fat guy starts next to you, standing. Can you stop 300kg of dead flabby dude from burying you? Didnβt think so. Youβre gonna die a gruesome suffocating death under some guyβs quadruple chin because you didnβt consider the implications.
Come on. Be better, people.
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I know I probably won't win a fight with most adults, so I'd probably go with Stephen Hawking in his wheelchair just so I can easily win.
Though, if it's him in his prime I'd have to fight, I'd change my answer to just any old random baby that died of SIDS just so I can win and feel good about it.
Bruh
Matt Walsh. As much shit as that guy talks about LGBTQ people = groomers, you just know that this gross fucking turd has some interesting "research" saved on his hard drive. Outside of Steven Crowder I've never seen someone project so hard as this creep
Woodrow Wilson. Id probably lose, but as long as i got a solid hit in at least itd feel worth it. Fuck Woodrow Wilson.
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Gotta beat Henry Kissinger to death with my bare hands
Helen Keller
This also holds the hidden potential for the most-humiliating defeat, though.
π¨
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peter thiel
About 75,000 years ago humans almost went extinct. I'd fight whomever their John Conner was.
Fucking Abbott. He started the ruining of women's abortion rights after roe v wade was overturned and everyone followed suit. I'd fight Kemp too cause he's also ruining things. My friends are afraid of dying form bot being able to get an abortion and child victims of rape don't have access anymore.
No legal consequences? So I could beat them to death?
Easy. Kissinger. The fact he's still breathing doesn't look good for any religion or spirituality's beliefs.
Abraham Lincoln.
Not for any reasons against the man, or the expectation that I have even half a hope of getting a solid strike in, but I've read of the man's fighting and wrestling experience. They like bringing up his long build as an advantage.
Me and Lincoln are going to fight the proper Orang way. On the deck of a ship in open waters, with a single knife each. We can come to an agreement on victory conditions.
Nice try Tyler. I pick Gandhi.
French president Chirac, for laying waste to my home and its members.
Shoving Robert Moses into a locker
Just fight? Nobody. Fight to death? Probably Putin, Xi Jinping, Kim Jong Un or Ali Hosseini Khamenei.
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Anne Frank, Iβm a cautious guy when it comes to fighting
Ben Shapiro or Rupert Murdoch.
Nice try, fbi
"Gandhi" - Narrator
Zaslav. You don't get to just take away Batgirl. Honestly, I don't even care about the legal consequences part of this question. I would sucker punch that man at noon on the courthouse steps given the opportunity. And at my hearing for early release, I'd do it again.
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