Comfortable silence. Learn to appreciate it.
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What if I told you: People who hate small talk only have meaningful relationships. It’s the shallow relationships they lack.
This. This exactly. I’m friends with few people, but I’m very good friends with them.
Small talk by definition is useless drivel. I don’t build relationships on that…
personally im a firm believer in the shut the fuck up and be quiet camp.
Who cares if you talk. If you have something to talk about, talk about it, if not, don't it's that simple.
It would be hell to come home to someone who only wanted to talk about the weather and how those jockstraps are doing.
how those jockstraps are doing
Did you see that ludicrous display last night?
Pretty sure being in a long term relationship means you’ve moved on from small talk a long time ago.
I don’t want to talk with my wife about the weather, we have more important shit to worry about unless we’re literally having to dodge a tornado.
Small talk is for strangers.
Yup. And if we don't have anything more important to talk about, we'll just cuddle. Silence is absolutely fine with people you're comfortable with.
Huh.
Wife and I talk ALL the time about anything and everything, be it the weather, how weather works, of free will exists, the kids, if kids exists, you name it...
Sometimes you don't need to fill the silence with sounds. I'd rather be in a relationship with someone that we can sit down and be quiet together
Or you can use literal sounds instead of words. My spouse and I have this thing going on where we make this kind of squeak/baloon sound with our mouth which has the same effect as "hi, nice to see you".
If my partner can't handle silence, then there's something seriously wrong. We usually have something to do and if we don't we just cuddle up. There's no need for constant noise.
Wife and I have a longstanding argument over whether free-will exists.
I say it does and she has no choice but to say otherwise.
Its only "small talk" if you dont actually care about what the other person says. If you are genuinely interested, then its just a conversation. Thats how i see it at least.
Yeah, this. Talking small is faking interest. I'm not good at that. But when I actually care about the other person, "what have you been up to" is meaningful. Cause I actually wanna know.
The key to understanding is finishing the sentence.
"I hate small talk... with people I have no reason to talk to and don't care about."
I love my partner, and even when it's small talk I can listen all day, just to hear their voice and learn a little more about them, to feel closer to the person I married in many small ways.
But I don't care about what Jim at the laundry mat did last weekend, or which machine he thinks makes socks dry faster.
My interest in talking has more to do with who I'm talking to and less to do with the subject of conversation
Imagine having a relationship based on talking about the weather today. I talk about things I enjoy talking about. If I don't have anything to say then quiet is peaceful. 😊
I dont know how to make small talk so i just learned to make really good goat noises
I'm able to make smalltalk. I just don't enjoy it, so I avoid it when I can.
And my wife and I don't engage in smalltalk. We talk about what we actually care about. Seems to have worked fine for the past 24 years.
I always took it as an early red flag that the person is way too intense and stressful to be around if every conversation has to be a do or die dynamic.
It's not that it has to be that exciting. Just don't talk endlessly about shit that doesn't matter. You bought a new kind of mustard, I don't need a 20 minute explanation on why. To me, someone who can't exist without noise, or making noise is a red flag. That being said, early on in the relationship is different because you're still trying to get to know them.
How did everyone take this post to mean that you should only do small talk with your partner and not have deeper conversations?
I think this was written by someone who isn't comfortable with extended periods of silence with their partner.
My wife and I barely speak or communicate nonverbally for hours sometimes, then talk at great length other times. We always give each other an opportunity to talk about our day or whatever else is important, but we don't talk about trivial things simply for the sake of talking. We're comfortable with silence.
My bet is, for the same reason that the post assumes that people who hate smalltalk can't have a meaningful relationship
Yeah, that depends what you mean by small talk. I think you know what you mean, but I'm not sure that we know what you mean.
I've seen women like that on dating apps. Claim to hate small talk, include in their bio that if you just open with "hi" they'll unmatch you, and then when you put some thought into actually writing a response, ask a leading question about their interests or what they wrote in their profile, they unmatch you anyway.
#thisiswhyyouresingle
When family/friends asks you how you are doing but don't listen to the answer that really sucks. Or they hear what they expect and make a comment that clearly means they weren't listening. Personally I found that too much of small talk is someone saying or asking something with no intention of listening. Maybe they think they are being polite or some social obligations to talk but I hate it. If I ask "How you doing?" "How's work?" I'm going to listen to your answer. If I make a comment about the weather and you comment back I will listen.
Remind me never to get into a sustained meaningful relationship then.
The weird shit in my head is not suitable for public utterance. I can give you engaging statements or appropriate statements, but one statement that is both requires far more effort.
Small talk with strangers, acquaintances, neighbors is draining even when I like those people. Those closest to me do not require appropriate statements, so with them it never feels like small talk.
Plan...?
Ehm. Yes?
I'd like to have similar interactions with my significant other to the ones I have with my cats. You know, things like siting on the couch together... saying silly things in even sillier voices... staring into each other's eyes while blinking slowly... yelling at her to get down from the cupboard...
My wife is a VERY quiet person. She doesn't say a lot but when she does it's because she actually has something to say. This made me nervous when we were first dating but I've learned to embrace it. Silence is OK. She definitely talks more than she used to but we don't have to talk all the time. Sometimes she just looks at me and smiles without saying anything and in those moments I know that I am loved.