this post was submitted on 12 Aug 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] [email protected] 162 points 3 months ago (4 children)

As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you're buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.

[–] [email protected] 104 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you're cruel.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 months ago

ಠ_ಠ

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)

(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it's a middle aged person who clearly doesn't understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you're on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don't recognize?

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[–] [email protected] 66 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I'm going with the classic:

Pringles can

Gloves

Sponge

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

How to end up on a watchlist:

Pressure cooker, nails, prepaid phone

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (2 children)

Kid's backpack, kid's lunchbox, and a gun.

The back to school in America special.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 3 months ago

Gun, bleach, get well card.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.

uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb

reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to "speed up cleaning". youll accidentally speed up life

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 months ago (7 children)

Why doesn't this happen when I piss in bleach

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Brother if you're pissing straight ammonia you've got other problems. Your body specifically coverts ammonia to urea because it's toxic to you and it's usually bacteria that converts it back.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago

Mop, wire coat hanger, pregnancy test.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago

Ah the old JD Vance

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago

I'm good at this

Alligator clamps
Belt
Laxatives

Shipping boxes
Meat cleaver
Adult diapers

Birth control
Bucket
Bleach

Night vision goggles
Fingerless gloves
Bubble bath

Massager
Leather boots
Farady cage EMP bag

Zip ties
Meat grinder
Swim goggles

Funnel
Butt lifting suit
Rope

Prescription strength deodorant
Dog crate
Sorry for your loss card

Wooden cross
Ammo
Jock strap

Okay, actually it's just a script I wrote.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (2 children)

The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:

  1. Plan B pill

  2. Giant "9" balloon

  3. Vodka.

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Gun, ammunition, balaclava

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (7 children)

I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.

Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Car battery

Jumper cables

Duct tape

If you get a bonus then bleach, lye, or tarp rounds it out. Have fun talking to the local police!

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Whiskey, hammer, baby rattle.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Sodium Hydroxide, hacksaw, large trash can

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

In the era of ai and facial recognition, this is the only one so far that seems like it could plausibly get you a knock on the door from law enforcement. Good job.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Chlorine, ammonia and a large plastic tub

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 months ago

Rope, duck tape, and a tarp.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Shovel, biodegradable garbage bags and zip ties.

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

Toaster, bathtub plug, pop tarts

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I’m very disappointed. I couldn’t find any cardboard tubes at my local Walmart.

Anyway:

  1. Cardboard tube, at least 3” in diameter
  2. Gerbil food
  3. Candlesticks
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[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 months ago

Small plastic bags, rubber bands and viagra. (does Walmart sell viagra?)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 months ago

"The 100 piece puzzles were too hard..."

[–] NuWuX 10 points 3 months ago (4 children)

A gallon of blood, tampons, and a Popsicle kit.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Apples, razor blades, carmel

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 months ago

Screws, hammer, sledgehammer

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