As a former cashier (grocery store not walmart admittedly, but I doubt things are that different), I dont think weird uses for the items are the way to go, the cashier is barely even going to notice or care what you're buying. what I bring to freak out the cashier, are some item that needs ID to buy, some big heavy item with the barcode removed so that it will take a bunch of lifting and turning in a hopeless effort to find it before someone eventually has to go find another one and bring it over, and a propane refill if walmart does those (at my grocery store the process to go find a full one was a pain, especially in the winter since they were outside). Further, I try to buy these items with the help of a ton of expired and unexpired coupons mixed together, several gift cards, and a stubborn half-deaf old person who wont take no for an answer.
Greentext
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
You are a fucking monster. The point of this was to have some laughs not cause a poor walmart employee to beat their spouse or off them selves. Damn you're cruel.
Hey, it could always get worse. I could also specify that these items are purchased on a Sunday that a locally favored football team happens to be playing a game, during the rush of people buying snacks and soda.
ಠ_ಠ
ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)
┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻)
Would it be more or less frustrating if instead of an old person, it's a middle aged person who clearly doesn't understand the language but keeps smiling and nodding as if you're on the same page and any time you try to prompt for information, they encouragingly push their items towards you or try to pay you in a currency you don't recognize?
I'm going with the classic:
Pringles can
Gloves
Sponge
Kid's backpack, kid's lunchbox, and a gun.
The back to school in America special.
Gun, bleach, get well card.
bleach, ammonia based cleaner, mixing container.
uh oh, accidental chloramine gas bomb
reminder people, do NOT mix bleach with ammonia based cleaners to "speed up cleaning". youll accidentally speed up life
Why doesn't this happen when I piss in bleach
Brother if you're pissing straight ammonia you've got other problems. Your body specifically coverts ammonia to urea because it's toxic to you and it's usually bacteria that converts it back.
Mop, wire coat hanger, pregnancy test.
I'm good at this
Alligator clamps
Belt
Laxatives
Shipping boxes
Meat cleaver
Adult diapers
Birth control
Bucket
Bleach
Night vision goggles
Fingerless gloves
Bubble bath
Massager
Leather boots
Farady cage EMP bag
Zip ties
Meat grinder
Swim goggles
Funnel
Butt lifting suit
Rope
Prescription strength deodorant
Dog crate
Sorry for your loss card
Wooden cross
Ammo
Jock strap
Okay, actually it's just a script I wrote.
The easy-way-to-end-up-with-a-police-visit classic:
-
Plan B pill
-
Giant "9" balloon
-
Vodka.
I once bought 50 cans of butane. That caused a stir. Managers got involved, I was asked a whole bunch of questions about what I was doing, it was annoying.
Oh yeah, also had a similar experience with spray paint.
Car battery
Jumper cables
Duct tape
If you get a bonus then bleach, lye, or tarp rounds it out. Have fun talking to the local police!
Sodium Hydroxide, hacksaw, large trash can
In the era of ai and facial recognition, this is the only one so far that seems like it could plausibly get you a knock on the door from law enforcement. Good job.
Chlorine, ammonia and a large plastic tub
Rope, duck tape, and a tarp.
Toaster, bathtub plug, pop tarts
I’m very disappointed. I couldn’t find any cardboard tubes at my local Walmart.
Anyway:
- Cardboard tube, at least 3” in diameter
- Gerbil food
- Candlesticks
Small plastic bags, rubber bands and viagra. (does Walmart sell viagra?)
"The 100 piece puzzles were too hard..."
Apples, razor blades, carmel
Screws, hammer, sledgehammer