this post was submitted on 04 Aug 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] [email protected] 177 points 3 months ago (8 children)

I'm confused, isn't this a better spot for the drain hole? When you sit facing the wall? So you have a shelf for your comic books and chocolate milk?

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[–] [email protected] 140 points 3 months ago (8 children)

Apparently this design was popular in Germany a hundred years or so ago. Its key advantage was allowing the user to examine their stools for signs of digestive health problems.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 3 months ago (1 children)

its so annoying having to use tongs :/

[–] [email protected] 50 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Not “a” knife. “The” knife.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 months ago (5 children)

I know the joke and all, but recently the local theme park has replaced their toilet brushes with toilet rubber shovels. They work surprisingly well. They can both hack'n'slash a log, but also the back side is also ripped so you can use it to brush out the regular shit from the sides, while avoiding the dreaded paper clutter and other issues with a toilet brush being used by thousands of people daily.

It's like toilet brushes evolving into poop knives. Looks like this: https://pin.it/OKHBRlxjI

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago (1 children)

We Germans like to take pride in our workmanship.

[–] [email protected] 43 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago

I dont need to examine my stools to know my digestive heath is horrific.

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[–] [email protected] 116 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (6 children)

Story time: I once briefly lived in a place that had an old toilet bowl like this. You can still find them in older houses. One day I took a massive shit and then found out that the flush wasn't strong enough to get it down from there. And there wasn't a brush. Yikes. Just wanted to share that with you guys.

[–] [email protected] 88 points 3 months ago (4 children)

The trick is to put 3 pieces of toilet paper in beforehand, that way the whole shitboat can float away.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I like to imagine the shitboat floating away in flames like an epic Viking burial.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Did you use the poop knife?

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[–] [email protected] 92 points 3 months ago (18 children)

So your shit just piles up on the upper part till it kisses your asshole?

[–] [email protected] 105 points 3 months ago (5 children)

I have some experience with these. The only problem is that as the vertically standing excrement begins to collapse forwards, there is a chace for it to keep contact and drag its top portion across, from your anus towards the front. You can avoid this with a maneuver, pulling yourself up and slightly forward, right after the singular vertical log begins losing contact with the excretion area.

This is not a joke

[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 months ago (3 children)

Give this person an honorary degree in Turd Dynamics. Have you considered publishing your findings in the journal Nature?

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I haven't had a nice log come out in decades. Enjoy them while you can.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (8 children)

Males need 37g of fiber daily for optimum health. That's the equivalent of 568g of raspberries or 657g of green peas or 1,154g of broccoli. Might wanna start taking some psyllium husk so you don't get ass cancer.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 months ago (2 children)

We referred to it as the poop shelf on our last visit.

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[–] [email protected] 68 points 3 months ago (6 children)

Yeah but where's your poop knife?

[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 months ago (5 children)

That’s what the three shells are for.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Pfffffffff he doesn't know how the three shells work!

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I had these in a few houses in Germany. I call them trophy shelf toilets.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 months ago (11 children)

Did you have the light switch outside the bathroom too? That way your friends can make you poop in the dark

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (5 children)

Still better than a light sensor in a communal bathroom... outside of the stalls. That's how it is at my workplace. If I spend a bit too long pooping, and nobody else comes in to poop at the same time, I end up in the dark. Then when I have to wipe, I have to either risk opening the stall door and wave into the room, with my dirty ass hanging out, hoping nobody happens to enter the bathroom at that time, or wait patiently for someone to come in and reactivate the light. Makes me wonder how blind people check their wiping: do they go on flavor or smell?

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[–] [email protected] 57 points 3 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago

Goddamn I love me some Butters

[–] MeDuViNoX 52 points 3 months ago (2 children)
[–] MeDuViNoX 16 points 3 months ago

8 into a backflip midair wipe for me.

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[–] baggachipz 45 points 3 months ago (2 children)

You should see the Dutch Oven….

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[–] [email protected] 42 points 3 months ago (5 children)

They had these in Germany, too. If you took a particularly massive shit sometimes the water pressure wasn't enough to shove it into the hole.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago (7 children)

I already commented about a poop knife so I won't repeat it here.

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

American toilets gave me culture shock

They’re so shallow that you can’t even sit down without your balls touching the bowl or the water

[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I think you might want to get your balls looked at.

[–] zalgotext 32 points 3 months ago

Which will be easy to do, considering they're dangling out of his pant legs

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[–] [email protected] 45 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (5 children)

I hated them, they made me anxious. But much worse were the low stall walls. Why america, why? When I take a shit I want a wall that actually serves the purpose of not having people see me taking a shit.

On another note, the Dutch style toilets were very common in Germany up until the 90s. Rare nowadays. I think they are actually superior. You see it, if you have a problem with your shit and even the largest shit doesn't splash water all over your intimate parts. On the other hand, you have to protect your balls from the large shit, when it goes "timber".

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago

I’ve always known that our stall walls in the US were shit, but then I visited Sweden and saw how truly horrible we were.

Over there, there are no men’s rooms or women’s rooms. There are just several doors each to a private bathroom and so it doesn’t matter who uses which one.

I’m sure our “single room with flimsy stall dividers” design is the cheapest, plus it’s not as convenient for all the drug addicts and homeless people our society creates, so it will never change.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 months ago (8 children)

Those are actually French toilets. They were designed like this so you can check for blood and other abnormalities. British toilets were designed so the poop would fall in the water, reducing the stench. The British design proved more popular, yet the French design is better with less splashing and for checking. It's important to check, to find out if there's something wrong with your intestines like cancer (black blood) or a tapeworm. The British didn't find this important, just like washing hands after pooping.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 3 months ago (1 children)

You guys just like looking at poop

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The poop shelf makes it easier to use the poop knife.

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[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (1 children)

Pedophiles in the olympics, our strange toilets with the "poop shelf"; I just can't win today.

Edit: it's so you can inspect it. How is everyone else inspecting their poo?

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (3 children)

Comments on toilets of France, England, and Germany by Slavoj Zizek: https://youtube.com/watch?v=8mtZmBvat4k

Another good bit (not in the video) is that Zizek thinks that's why Germans can endure great pain and sacrifices for an ideal…if you are strong enough to observe your shit for health reasons, there's nothing you can't do!

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (4 children)

What if I don't want to observe my turd on an elevated toilet bowl pedestal every time I take a shit?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago

You have to do the ‘ol’ push ‘n flush and hope you got the timing down.

Turns out your shit sitting exposed on a dry shelf smells exponentially worse than when it drops into water. Anyone still using these toilets in the 21st century is a psychopath.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 24 points 3 months ago (4 children)

It’s so you can examine your stool, you might have some blood or a consistency you don’t like, that way you see it

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 months ago (4 children)

I’m a bit shocked with reactions I read. You’ve probably never heard of figure shitting. I tried to figure shit some letters of the alphabet. I’m great at the letter P and R.

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[–] [email protected] 18 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) (9 children)

I know the meme is that people use it to look at their poop, but honestly the main advantage is the 0% chance of water splashing up. I will take this design over the "standard" ones any day.

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