This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
People have more or less completely forgotten that vampires are meant to represent the monstrosity of an unchecked aristocracy/wealthy upper class. They sold their souls for power and now live exclusively by feeding off those beneath them. You don't just 'become' a vampire like you don't just 'become' rich. You can certainly become enthralled to a vampire though
I never actually realised this. Now I'm going to be thinking about every depiction of vampires I've been exposed to, for the rest of the day.
That was never the case. Traditional folk tales about vampires were a way to understand corpse decomposition. The narrative changed in 1819.
"That was never the case." "That then became the case."
Minus: can't eat garlic.
Well fuck
also: can't spill rice.
You can, it's just awful time consuming
Probably a pretty relaxing way to spend an afternoon if you do it on purpose 🤷
"What did you do over the weekend, Bob?"
"Oh, not much. Sired a few goths, threw some meditation rice. You know, the usual"
Man if I can't have Caesar salad you might as well just drive a stake into my heart now.
Substitute with the much superior shalot. Reign supreme into eternity.
I mean, you probably can, once.
Jokes on you Anon! If everyone is a vampire then who's blood do you suck?
You farm the remaining humans like livestock? We mastered factory farming 100 years ago, no reason things need to change just because the animals can talk back.
(banned from /c/veganism)
Okay but among those people who choose to remain human, how many of us would be okay with donating blood every two weeks in exchange for food and rent?
Think about it. If the vampires have all the power, why would they kill their food source when the longer they let their food source live the more food they get out of it?
Let us tra-la-la and have happy-go-lucky existences, which will probably make our blood taste better to them, and they can spend their eternities competing for resources or whatever makes a vampire happy after the first 500 years.
I see a novel forming.
I've been saying this since I was a kid. Every time I see a blood donation place. That's a vampire organization and you can't convince me otherwise :D
There's one already, where the vampire is a head of state and religius leader. (Luminous Valentine)
Fun fact, human blood can be vegan, as long as the human is consenting
the definition of veganism has nothing to do with consent, only exploitation.
And if I'm consenting, then it isn't exploitation when a hot vampire gives me the biggest fucking hickey
This was part of the plots in the movies Blade & Blade 2.
The problem becomes apparent in this film: https://m.imdb.com/title/tt0433362/
We mastered factory farming 100 years ago
Speak for yourself! I haven't even begun practicing yet!
Anon has not considered the consequences of an entire nation of hungry vampires devoid of humans.
Well we have cows, might as well have human farms. Maybe genetically modified human with pockets of blood on their belly
what? so you have to bend over? naw. put that blood pocket on their neck like nature intended.
I think Anon needs to retake middle school biology. You see there's this thing called the predator/prey relationship and if the predators outnumber the prey, things are gonna get real dire REAL fast. Like this:
Yeah this is always the best thing when reading things like that; at the end of eternity we’ll be left with an immense amount of shrivelled, dusty and extremely hangry immortals.
I was in a band called Extremely Hangry Immortals.
We mostly played industrial horrorcore and metal covers of food commercial jingles.
Wasnt there a movie about this where almost everyone was basically a vampire, and started running out of humans and human blood to eat?
I think it was Daybreakers
If I'm not mistaken, it's also the source of that meme of William Dafoe looking up
Vampire here.
I don't drink blood (because that's disgusting, and also crual and unfair), I drink vaginal juices.
AMA
Hoe many liters do you need on an average day?
Do you avoid or embrace periods?
That's all
Congratulations, you're ageless, will never retire and you have to do a lot of manual labor, as it's cheaper than a machine, if you convert a country. If only a few are converted, others will want to hunt you down and put you on a shelve as trophy.
Anon might be Dio
Can vampires sustain themselves on alien blood? Just imagining a brood of vampires conquering Earth and then setting their eyes to the galaxy. Like they have vampire scientists who find ways to let them enter sunlight and enjoy Italian food once more.
Another con is that vampires are even more immortal than they appear. Even if the vampire's body is completely destroyed, their soul will wander through the universe, unable to affect anything, but still conscious. They can't even communicate with other vampires in that state. They'll get to see universe die starting 10 to the power of 16 years from now (end of star formation) until it's finally dead at 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 120, when universe reaches its final energy state. But at least a new universe will start at 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 10 to the power of 56. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_the_far_future)
Where does that lore come from? I thought they literally gave up their soul to the devil, or whatever evil thing rules hell, to have physical immortality?
People suggesting you’d have to kill for blood haven’t seen true blood. IIRC the vampires in that book/show found a way to coexist with humans because human nations created artificial blood (that you could buy like soda at a convenience store etc)
Edit a whole bunch of other stuff happened, but that’s one aspect from that setting
For more about how an empire of vampires would turn out, read “Empire of the Vampire”