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"Hey, wanna go on a comic book store date with me at [store name] on [day of the week]?
The ask, the expectation of a date (and admission of romantic interest), and a specific time and place. Don't leave the question open-ended or vague. Then she can respond in a few ways: 1. Yes. 2. I'm not free that day; is there another day that we could go? 3. No thank you.
This makes everything as clear as it can be, with little room for misunderstanding. And it's not a dumb idea at all to have a comic book store date. If you have a hard time talking to girls, don't talk to girls. Talk to humans who happen to be girls. They're people, and you're a person too, so you don't need to overthink it.
You got this! Good luck!
Being clear and specific is great advice.
This is the way. Maybe add in "I was thinking of going there to shop for [comic store merch], and maybe getting one of the famous [food items] they make a few doors down at [food establishment], and it would be fun if you join me."
Maybe she says no. Great! You can then mentally break up with whatever image of the two of you that you had in your mind, and go ask the next person. And if only one in ten says yes, that's great.
She's probably going to say yes and be super excited.
It's a good idea. You may want to plan a second activity like lunch or a walk in the park as well.
And just be direct. Something like "Hey, do you want to go on a date with me? We can grab something to eat and go to the comic store."
If she says no, don't push it. Just say okay and wish them well.
I too was terrible at talking to girls. I still am but my girlfriend doesn't seem to mind lol
Whatever you do, just don't try any pickup artist or smooth talking tactics. It's gross and cringey, doubly so if you don't have the confidence to pull it off.
I would also disagree with a lot of the other comments, if you want to date this person, make it clear you want a date. Don't try to do the be friends then turn it romantic thing. It can work but not when you already know you want to date them.
I think the asking for a date right away strategy doesn't really work with everyone. You can be already sure you want to date her, but she can feel she doesn't know you well enough yet and asking directly like that could feel like you're too fast for her. And it could close the door for you. It's ok to get to know one another a bit before you go out officially.
Getting to know someone is what dates are for. If that closes the door they were never gonna work out. Don't force love on people by disguising it. Life is too short for games.
I think it's a cultural thing, if I meet someone in certain contexts it's better to start with coffee or drinks after work and feel each other out 1 on 1, and in others like an app or singles event, just ask them out. I also guess some people would call the first thing a date.
It is not like you start a romantic relationship if you ask for a date. The date is the opportunity to learn more about you two. Dont ask to meet at your or their place. Make it a public place so it is no problem to end the date and just walk away.
From what OP wrote, they aren't total strangers given he knows she likes comics. He sounds fairly young so I'm guessing she's in his social circle or someone from school. If they were total strangers or just met for the first time, then yeah I'd say it would be a good idea to strike up a casual conversation or two before asking them out. You just really don't want to develop strong feelings for them before you ask them out. It's a recipe for pain if she says no, and can make things pretty awkward if they're going to have to keep seeing each other regularly.
I'm a girl who likes comics. Do it. If you can find a nerdy shop with snacks, even better. Ask her about her favorite characters and have her pick out one for you to read, if you don't know it. That would be an awesome green flag for me. Be careful not to get too serious/gate-keepy, though. An open mind is the best way to approach this.
Sounds like a good first date idea of she's into comics. Meet in public, you have plenty to talk about - which comics you like, dislike, certain artists you might like the style of, etc.
I once plucked up my courage to ask a girl if she would like to go see a particular show with me the following night. She said “I would, but I am already doing something tomorrow.”
I was totally unprepared for this answer and just heard “no.” She was probably a little surprised to be asked out suddenly, and didn’t take the initiative to suggest another day.
We didn’t go out. That was that. Huge mistake by me. So my advice is: be open to complications in her answer. And listen closely. If she says “I have plans.” that’s a polite decline. If she literally says “I would like to go, but I have plans,” that’s quite different.
It’s hard to hear the differences and react smoothly if you’re nervous about asking, like I was. Best of luck!
Go to more than just the store. Like go hang out at the store and have fun, then go someplace for a light lunch or even a walk in a park.
Do it! My wife was reading over my shoulder and she though the whole idea was super cute.
Good luck :)
Yeah I think it's a good idea, meeting in a public space would make her feel more comfortable, and maybe if things go well you can head to a coffee shop later.
If you only talked to her once or something and didn't know her that well, maybe just ask her to hang out at the comic book store and mention you enjoyed talking with her, or something you genuinely liked when you last talked to her (other than her looks).
This sets up a low expectation meeting where you can figure out if it's a crush or you actually like her and if it's not mutual you can just hang out as friends if both of you are comfortable with that. The goal should be to feel out of you like her and not to try and convince her to go on a real date, just be yourself and see if there is compatibility in a one on one setting.
Just be honest with how you feel at the the and respect her feelings as well.
While I respect your opinion, I couldn't disagree more here.
It doesn't sound like he's looking for a friend, he's interested in her romantically. Playing it "safe" might send mixed signals and just end up with him frustrated in the friend zone. More importantly, it's deceptive about his intentions and starting their relationship, whatever it ends up being, on a foundation of dishonesty. That's a recipe for disaster.
He should approach it as if it's a date, because that makes his intentions clear, and allows the whole accepting/rejecting play out much more quickly. If he really wants to be friends with her after the rejection, they can work on it.
I'm not saying he should come on strong, but this wishy-washy approach that "is it or isn't it a date" thing just likely isn't good for anyone involved.
Not dumb
Ok, so for your confidence:
Had I asked my ex wife on a date when we met, I probably would have lost my virginity that night. Just to give you an idea of how good of an idea it is.
Now, your results may vary, so don't expect that. But if she likes comics the answer is hes
The only issue I’d see is that there ambiguity as to whether it’s a date or just shopping with a friend. But that happens with a lot of dates unless you’re doing something classic like asking them to dinner, which isn’t always the most exciting date
I've never understood this dilemma. You're gonna find out if there's chemistry and interest by the end, either way. And if it's just friendship, it's just friendship. You gained a new comic shopping buddy.
It’s true, at worst you get a friend, but I do think your perception going into something can shape an experience. I’m not gonna sit here and say stuff like that”you’ll get stuck in the friend zone” and other incel bs, but I do think expectations matter.
That's a fair point, it does require a certain openness or flexibility in expectations.
Much like all of life. Expectations cause suffering.
On this train of thought…
OP, if you don’t make it clear that you want to date her, then make sure you accept the ambiguity of the situation and that she might have no idea that you want to date her (romantically). It can feel like your interest is obvious if you ask her to hang out one-on-one. But she may not immediately see that and could accept, assuming that you are strictly going as friends.
It’s totally ok to ask her to hang out, just don’t build up the situation to be more than it is. If she says yes, you’ll have to play it by ear. Maybe she’ll consider it a date. Maybe she’ll consider it a strictly-platonic hangout. Or maybe somewhere in between.
Edit: and if it goes well —even if it just ends up being a platonic hang out—I’d lean toward specifying “date” when you ask her to go out again.
Agreed. I'd maybe ask something like "do you want to go to a comic book store then grab a coffee afterwards?" Just to clear up any ambiguity, but this is 10x better than just asking someone to dinner.
Thing is, for some people it would be dumb. But why would you want to date or even be friends with them? Sounds like the chick you want would want to go on a comic book store date so go for that chick till you find her.
Here's to hoping you already have
The hardest part of meeting girls is talking to them. It takes guts to put yourself out there and resilience to handle the rejection if it doesn't go the way you want.
Ask her out. A public option is good. Something she likes. Comics are a good start if that's her thing.
If she says 'yes'. On your date:
- Be very hygienic (shower, clean clothes, brushed teeth, gum)
- Ask courteous questions and listen. I have yet to meet someone that doesn't enjoy talking about themselves (yes, I know they exist). This also makes your end of the conversation easier. Favorite music, food, places to visit, hobbies, etc.
- Have a next place in mind if things are going well, but the comic shop has gotten stale (coffee, dinner, a walk somewhere well lit, etc.). Be open to her suggestions.
If she says 'No,' be respectful, and try not to take it to hard. It wasn't meant to be. Take pride knowing you had the guts to try.
Good luck. Be brave. Be respectful.
I like how you guessed that a guy who is really into comics and doesn't know how to talk to girls might have a hygiene problem.
Not saying you're wrong, but it was pretty bold.
Nah. I've heard plenty of horror stories from women. None of which were about comic guys. I've had coworkers that were painful to be around. So that wasn't really the assumption.
... That said I'm pretty sure I've read about conventions and ccg tournaments where they had to start making rules because hygiene was so bad.
Either way, best to cover your bases.
If she's into comics, then it's probably a brilliant first date.
it's public, you can arrive separately and leave separately (a safety thing; for both of you, but especially her.) it's probably quiet enough to have a convesation without being too quiet. and if things are going well, you can maybe go on to coffee or whatever. (unless they have a cafe in the shop. then that's even better.) then, it's reasonably assured it's interesting to her, so you're both engaged.
so you're both engaged
Engagement speedrun. What's next, they get married that night and have two kids the next day?
/s
One of the best first dates of my life was going to the Comic Museum in San Francisco. You could do worse than a comic book store. @skulkingaround has the best advice. Good luck!
holy shit, big bang theory
As I said in a reply to someone else, I highly recommend you are clear in your intentions. If she thinks it's just a hangout, lots of things can get wrong. She might get mad when you bring up date stuff. She might invite other friends.
Don't take your cues from romcoms.
Also, how old are you, approximately? Is this urban, suburban?
Have some ideas for what to do next if she accepts your date, because you don't want to be bored in the shop after an hour and fizzle. Know some public places nearby for food or drinks.
I think it sounds like a great idea! Some people treat dates like they're supposed to be impressing the other person. The best dates are the ones that are just about getting to know someone.
Of course the usual date rules apply. Listen more than you talk. Be considerate. Don't criticize her interests. Have fun!